How to hold a normal conversation without it being awkward?

Jessica Wood96 said:Look, I don't usually post much here,
but I’m not really talking about comments. I'm talking about real life stuff—things that actually matter. Like, I'll be mid-conversation about work, and then suddenly I just shut down. It happens because I start overthinking everything. I convince myself I'm talking nonsense or being totally incoherent. I get stuck watching people's faces, trying to read their reactions, wondering what they're thinking about what I'm saying, or how they're processing it,

It’s complicated. Honestly? I struggle with it a lot. Most days, I’d rather just stay quiet and not talk to anyone at all...

There is one person I can actually talk to normally, but even then, if the topic turns into something I don't want to deal with, I just BLOCK. I can't handle certain things, like talking through problems where I'm the one at fault, and so on.....

Just try to imagine a scenario where a close friend repeats back to you something you told them only moments ago. It serves as a realization that what you were saying was actually perfectly normal, and that your friend will likely bring up similar topics again in the future.🙂

And look, don't fall for those "just be yourself" platitudes; honestly, that kind of advice is meant for children.

If your goal is to be welcomed in any social circle, to be perceived as interesting, and to ensure people actually enjoy your company (in other words, to be popular), remember this one rule: tell them what they want to hear.

neonbear6 said:Just try to imagine a scenario where a close friend repeats back to you something you told them only moments ago. It serves as a realization that what you were saying was actually perfectly normal, and that your friend will likely bring up similar topics again in the future.🙂

And look, don't fall for those "just be yourself" platitudes; honestly, that kind of advice is meant for children.

If your goal is to be welcomed in any social circle, to be perceived as interesting, and to ensure people actually enjoy your company (in other words, to be popular), remember this one rule: tell them what they want to hear.

Why play dumb when you aren't? If someone doesn't care about what you have to say or who you are as a person, why would you waste your breath trying to cater to their interests while ignoring your own true self?
And being "popular"? Who cares. That kind of popularity is strictly for middle schoolers and immature cliques.
You're essentially suggesting he act like a "yes man."

Jessica Wood96 said:Alright, I've decided to throw another question out there,

So, look—whether it’s under some kind of "pressure" or just talking to strangers or even people I've known forever, I just freeze up. I can't talk normally...

It feels like I'm forcing everything, like if I actually spoke like my true self, someone would judge me or give me a weird look. I know I'm not stupid and I know how to communicate, but this struggle is real...

It happens when I'm hanging out with friends too, especially if I'm with someone I don't vibe with or just a total stranger. It's incredibly frustrating; I really don't need this. I end up talking way too quiet, way too fast, and half the time I just forget what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "Stop overthinking it, just talk." But then comes this wall where I can't even discuss problems or solve anything. I just shut down and act like the bad guy when things get serious, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I end up putting myself down. I stay silent. I don't even snap back at shitty comments made toward me after a failed conversation. Then I spend the next hour or two just beating myself up, thinking, "Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I say that?" I love being alone, just peaceful and without the stress. This is eating at me. If anyone gets what I'm going through, please, try to explain why this happens. Like I said, I'm not crazy and I'm not some kid who *doesn't want* to talk—it's just that once I feel this way in a situation, I'm stuck. There's no way out.

Maybe you should try to find some social circles and spend more time with them. If you find someone with whom you share common interests—something that binds you together, like college, going out, or work—then perhaps these issues will just fade away on their own over time. It's possible you're just spending your time with people who aren't really your crowd. 🙂

It’s like reading the original post and seeing a play-by-play of my own internal monologue. I have the exact same issue, word for word.

Brandon Davis5 said:Try following these three simple steps you can use in any situation to get the ball rolling—they actually work:
1) Relax (loosen up your whole body, breathe deep from your stomach instead of your chest, drop your shoulders, relax your hands and jaw, keep your head up, take up more space, and speak up a little louder...).
2) Just keep talking (say the first thing that pops into your head, and the next time you see those friends, try to talk as much as possible for the first ten minutes; you'll realize you've regained control over yourself, the conversation, and the whole vibe, and then you can steer it however you want).
3) Don't let yourself get swallowed by their reality; pull them into yours (just talk about stuff you actually care about and stop giving a damn about what they think).

-Quick tip: always try to talk to whoever you can. Make it your goal to find two random people wherever you go and have a quick 30-second chat before saying, "Sorry, gotta run, bye!" You'll see that after a while, you'll be totally practiced and your communication skills will be top-tier. From there, it's smooth sailing.

Good luck! 🙂

Solid advice. I'm going to give this a shot. 👍

Carl Nguyen2 said:It’s kind of a similar situation for me—though the difference is that I don't really worry about what to say next. It's more that my mind just goes blank, or my thoughts drift off to some completely unrelated topic, and before I know it, I’ve stopped listening to the person entirely. It isn't that I lack things to say or can't express my actual opinions—that's not the issue—it's just that I have zero interest in the mundane, everyday trivialities of someone else's life or their mindless little anecdotes. For instance, today some guy starts talking to me like, "Jesus, I barely slept last night, I've had five coffees and I'm still dead..." Okay, and? What am I supposed to say to that? I'm just not built for casual small talk. So, most of the time, I just stay quiet and let people ramble on around me.

It's the same thing when I actually *want* to start a conversation; I have no idea how to kick it off or what topic to pick, and even if I do find the nerve to try, the conversation dies almost immediately—and then we're right back where we started.

🤣
Those are the absolute worst. One friend of mine actually started telling me all about his hemorrhoids and bathroom troubles. 🙄

Carl Nguyen2 said:It’s kind of a similar situation for me—though the difference is that I don't really worry about what to say next. It's more that my mind just goes blank, or my thoughts drift off to some completely unrelated topic, and before I know it, I’ve stopped listening to the person entirely. It isn't that I lack things to say or can't express my actual opinions—that's not the issue—it's just that I have zero interest in the mundane, everyday trivialities of someone else's life or their mindless little anecdotes. For instance, today some guy starts talking to me like, "Jesus, I barely slept last night, I've had five coffees and I'm still dead..." Okay, and? What am I supposed to say to that? I'm just not built for casual small talk. So, most of the time, I just stay quiet and let people ramble on around me.

It's the same thing when I actually *want* to start a conversation; I have no idea how to kick it off or what topic to pick, and even if I do find the nerve to try, the conversation dies almost immediately—and then we're right back where we started.

That happens to me too. 😢
Except with those few people I can chatter away with for hours. But those are usually one-on-one conversations; once a third person joins, I just freeze up.😢

Kyle Newman5 said:Why play dumb when you aren't? If someone doesn't care about what you have to say or who you are as a person, why would you waste your breath trying to cater to their interests while ignoring your own true self?
And being "popular"? Who cares. That kind of popularity is strictly for middle schoolers and immature cliques.
You're essentially suggesting he act like a "yes man."

Neglecting oneself? I don't think anyone feels they are losing themselves if they manage to make a social circle laugh or if they feel genuinely welcomed within it. On the contrary, feeling like a likable, communicative person is actually quite vital for one's self-esteem.
Of course, my point assumes you are dealing with a standard social group that moves through various topics, rather than a crowd that fixates on the exact same thing over and over again.

The idea that I'm suggesting being a sycophant isn't accurate. We aren't talking about performing favors to get ahead; we are talking about social integration. Perhaps I miscommunicated when I mentioned tailoring your conversation to what others want to hear. I wasn't suggesting you walk up to someone and shower them with empty flattery like "you look amazing" or "this suits you perfectly." Rather, I meant sharing truths that happen to align with the interests of those around you.

neonbear6 said:Neglecting oneself? I don't think anyone feels they are losing themselves if they manage to make a social circle laugh or if they feel genuinely welcomed within it. On the contrary, feeling like a likable, communicative person is actually quite vital for one's self-esteem.
Of course, my point assumes you are dealing with a standard social group that moves through various topics, rather than a crowd that fixates on the exact same thing over and over again.

The idea that I'm suggesting being a sycophant isn't accurate. We aren't talking about performing favors to get ahead; we are talking about social integration. Perhaps I miscommunicated when I mentioned tailoring your conversation to what others want to hear. I wasn't suggesting you walk up to someone and shower them with empty flattery like "you look amazing" or "this suits you perfectly." Rather, I meant sharing truths that happen to align with the interests of those around you.

But even so, it still seems to me—at least in my view—that this is just a form of pandering, or more accurately, acting. If you have to perform for others and present yourself in a different light, then you aren't being yourself anymore. When you consider how many people you have to accommodate, it's a lot of masks to wear. Do I really need to spend my life telling people exactly what they want to hear? And I wonder... do they ever stop to ask what I want to hear? ☕

Rebecca Morales85 said:But even so, it still seems to me—at least in my view—that this is just a form of pandering, or more accurately, acting. If you have to perform for others and present yourself in a different light, then you aren't being yourself anymore. When you consider how many people you have to accommodate, it's a lot of masks to wear. Do I really need to spend my life telling people exactly what they want to hear? And I wonder... do they ever stop to ask what I want to hear? ☕

I was under the impression that I had articulated something of substance here, but perhaps I haven't. To be clear, I wasn't referring to any sort of social posturing or trying to blend into some crude crowd of neighborhood thugs just because they happen to be popular. That isn't what I meant. Rather, I was speaking about those moments when you find yourself in a conversation and attempt to shape your words so they resonate more effectively. To me, that is the art of rhetoric—a skill that requires significant finesse.

You managed to slip away somehow 😁