steeltiger2 said:Well, I don't really have much connection to the world of men, nothing close anyway. It feels strange being this close to someone now; maybe I just want him all to myself, perhaps because I find protection and security in him. Maybe it's even a little bit like what I missed from a father, but that’s getting into deep psychology, and honestly, all I can say is that I miss my dad.
My boyfriend tells me that he can't not communicate with just about any woman because of how jealous I am. He says I need to act more maturely and that it hurts him that I don't trust him—that I think he's a jerk sometimes.
He said there will always be someone else I'll obviously be crazy about, but that he only loves me... I don't know, I really don't know why I can't believe him. He’s a good guy normally, and I don't think he's a bad person. But I can't stop worrying; it's like I'm not even normal. I start remembering everything, connecting dots that he doesn't even remember mentioning. I build these theories, analyzing everything from every possible angle. You wonder how I even manage to live like this? It just happens. It all hits me at once, incredibly fast.
Brittany, whatever you are,
the doctor talks smart, but it’s all way too complicated to fit on paper. She calls herself some kind of fairytale manipulator... as if we didn't already know that...
It’s pathetic that you turned to self-harm. It's just as pathetic to see people who could be on the opposite side of a jealous person going and doing the same thing to themselves. That isn't love. Goodbye.
Have you thought about just stepping back for a second? Get some perspective and decide what you actually want. I'm not saying you'll find some cosmic answer, but it gives him a chance to actually look at his own actions. You pull back a little, he pulls back a little—if you realize you miss each other, great. If not, you move on. Either way, stay together or go separate ways, but it's vital to tell him—in plain English—that certain things bother you. Nagging achieves nothing; he clearly isn't ready to talk, but he might be once a piece of the puzzle goes missing. It's your right to walk away if it becomes unbearable. He might see your exit as an act of malice, assuming you won't hurt either, but damn it—sometimes we say one thing politically while thinking something else entirely. Actions hit differently because they reach the brain, and sometimes pain is the only way to realize what we want and what it "costs." I'm intentionally leaving out the word "we."
People who claim they aren't jealous are lying to me. They're just better at hiding it, and then we all end up playing the same games again.
Another fact: we're all different. Some people are more volatile—which doesn't necessarily mean more emotional—and some less, but we're all simmering under the surface.
I don't know what else would be smart to write. There are millions of misunderstandings... you can't label every single interaction as flirting.
What if your boyfriend or husband comes over to my place with his dog and his kid? Say I have a dog too, and they're running wild in the apartment, and the kid's cracking up because the puppy is having a blast. The dad asks me to help clean the kid up, and then I mention it on a forum just for a laugh, not knowing you're reading it. You'd blow a fuse thinking it's cheating. To you, it's a total betrayal, but honey, it isn't. No matter how much I might have wanted it in a moment of desperation, your man isn't that.
Or when I run into some guy strolling through Times Square wearing nothing but his wife’s oversized underwear—sure, I might act all sweet to his face, but I won't actually lift a finger. Just because someone accidentally hurt us doesn't give us a free pass to go out and inflict our own brand of misery on everyone else.
Can you walk me through what actually goes on in your head after you cheat just to get even? I get where the impulse comes from... but does it actually make you feel better, or is it just a desperate way to numb the pain while hoping you pick up a lesson along the way?
And then there's this "expert" psychiatrist of ours... acting like she's auditioning for Miss USA or something. She basically told me, "It doesn't matter what I look like, you uneducated idiot, listen to what I'm saying." 😁
