Dealing with jealousy

Kate Collins5 said:👍
You definitely have a sense of humor.🙏
Anyway, looking back through your posts, I see you're pretty critical of what you call "spiritual crap" or whatever.

Did you try food that you didn't like, or do you just hate the way it looks?!
Brainwashing?🤣
Oh, come on, people... please...
Britney has an issue, she's asking for advice, and there's a whole forum for exactly this purpose. Meanwhile, you guys are just bickering and it feels like you're arguing about things based on nothing but assumptions. So, "spiritual" stuff is just bad now?
When you catch a cold, do you go to the doctor? Someone who’s never been to one might say hospitals make them sick just because they heard a rumor about it. That's just an assumption! But what happens when that doctor actually helps them?
Personally, I haven't stepped foot in a doctor's office in forever because I've learned firsthand that there are plenty of unprofessional and unethical hacks out there—and that's not just my opinion, it's a fact I've experienced personally, damn it!
I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm being aggressive, but seriously, we all just create our own little truths and act like they're absolute without even considering that we could be wrong, right?🤷

And what do you think those quotation marks are actually there for? ☕

lonegardener said:The human capacity for self-deception is limitless... (c) by Michelle Obama 🙂

On the contrary, I am convinced you arrived at those delusions through your own personal experience. How else could it be? 🤷 😬

You elegantly bypassed the question of why it's "A" rather than "B," or why it isn't everything from "A to Z," haha. Since I don't want to push for indiscretion (even Sam wouldn't answer intrusive questions), you interpret my restraint as me "retreating." Heh. Ah well. 🙂

☕
Here we go again... 🙂
You’re claiming I’m just deluding myself, yet you haven't offered a single shred of evidence to challenge my logic. 😁

On the contrary. I’m convinced you only hold these misconceptions because of your own personal experiences. How else could that be? 🤷 😬

Here it is again—just another way for you to tell me I’m delusional.

Why pick A over B? Or why not just give me the whole alphabet from A to Z all at once? You dodged that question quite elegantly, haha. Since I don't want to push for indiscretions—and honestly, even Sam wouldn't touch an intrusive question like that—you took my restraint for "backing down." Heh. Ah well. 🙂

Not at all! I clearly stated that love takes many different forms—and that physical intimacy is just one part of it. It’s optional. It doesn't have to be done. If you show up in relation to A, B, and C... if you're appearing in relation to the entire alphabet? That’s what we call being "all over the place."

Alright then... looks like I've got you stumped. Don't sweat it! I actually find it quite charming when a smart guy loses his words while talking to me. It’s adorable.😍

Sean Cruz said:I wouldn't exactly call myself a genius...😬
And what about the sheer humanity found in that one beautiful post over on Philosophy?

I used to spend my weekends trekking through the Rockies, just looking for that perfect moment of solitude on a ridge. There’s nothing quite like it. kaže:
A person isn't just a collection of isolated traits; they are the sum of everything they are. If we were to hypothetically strip away every flaw and every dark impulse, what would be left wouldn't even be human anymore.

She’s beautiful in her own way, sure, but she’s definitely lacking maturity...

If being "mature" just means becoming numb to everything, then I have absolutely no interest in growing up.

Honey, why not just take the compliment and send me a smiley instead of questioning your own intelligence? 🙂

If being an adult means numbing your emotions, then count me out. I never want to grow up.

It doesn't mean that.

Sandra Morgan2 said:Honey, why not just take the compliment and send me a smiley instead of questioning your own intelligence? 🙂

If being an adult means numbing your emotions, then count me out. I never want to grow up.

It doesn't mean that.

To me, smart and wise aren't exactly synonyms. I'd say I'm smart, but I wouldn't call myself wise. Either way, thanks for the compliment, assuming that's what you meant. 🙂

doesn't imply

Based on how you described "mature love," I think it does. As much as I try to avoid fairy tales and stay grounded in reality, I can't be purely rational when it comes to feelings—and that version of "mature love" seems to require rationality. But let's not get too far off track...

Sandra Morgan2 said:☕
Here we go again... 🙂
You’re claiming I’m just deluding myself, yet you haven't offered a single shred of evidence to challenge my logic. 😁

On the contrary. I’m convinced you only hold these misconceptions because of your own personal experiences. How else could that be? 🤷 😬

Here it is again—just another way for you to tell me I’m delusional.

Why pick A over B? Or why not just give me the whole alphabet from A to Z all at once? You dodged that question quite elegantly, haha. Since I don't want to push for indiscretions—and honestly, even Sam wouldn't touch an intrusive question like that—you took my restraint for "backing down." Heh. Ah well. 🙂

Not at all! I clearly stated that love takes many different forms—and that physical intimacy is just one part of it. It’s optional. It doesn't have to be done. If you show up in relation to A, B, and C... if you're appearing in relation to the entire alphabet? That’s what we call being "all over the place."

Alright then... looks like I've got you stumped. Don't sweat it! I actually find it quite charming when a smart guy loses his words while talking to me. It’s adorable.😍

👍 I see you have no trouble spotting sarcasm... 😍

Sandra Morgan2 said:☕
Here we go again... 🙂
You’re claiming I’m just deluding myself, yet you haven't offered a single shred of evidence to challenge my logic. 😁

On the contrary. I’m convinced you only hold these misconceptions because of your own personal experiences. How else could that be? 🤷 😬

Here it is again—just another way for you to tell me I’m delusional.

Why pick A over B? Or why not just give me the whole alphabet from A to Z all at once? You dodged that question quite elegantly, haha. Since I don't want to push for indiscretions—and honestly, even Sam wouldn't touch an intrusive question like that—you took my restraint for "backing down." Heh. Ah well. 🙂

Not at all! I clearly stated that love takes many different forms—and that physical intimacy is just one part of it. It’s optional. It doesn't have to be done. If you show up in relation to A, B, and C... if you're appearing in relation to the entire alphabet? That’s what we call being "all over the place."

Alright then... looks like I've got you stumped. Don't sweat it! I actually find it quite charming when a smart guy loses his words while talking to me. It’s adorable.😍

Right, exactly: horniness. I asked specifically about your famous "love," not about being horny. I don't think we need to waste lines discussing horniness; I'm pretty sure everyone knows what that is. 😬

So, tell me—why does this overflowing love pour out for person A, but not for person B, or seventeen other people all at once? If that question isn't too intrusive. 😍

Joseph Miller36 said:You’d probably beat those three men senseless and kick the woman out on the street. Now you're just playing at being a liberal.☕

Good grief,
are we actually talking about jealousy here, or did I completely miss the point?
In my actual version of events, it's much more likely I'd deal with those three guys and leave the woman alone.
(Let's be honest, any one of them would have a hard time drawing another breath after that.)
😁
What I'm getting at is that I don't intend to waste my life on "what ifs," and I certainly don't plan on turning my partner's life into some kind of prison just because she happens to be attractive and easy to talk to.
It's the same logic as me sitting in my car outside a train station for six hours straight, just staring at the tracks and wondering if I might eventually catch a train.

Sean Cruz said:To me, smart and wise aren't exactly synonyms. I'd say I'm smart, but I wouldn't call myself wise. Either way, thanks for the compliment, assuming that's what you meant. 🙂

doesn't imply

Based on how you described "mature love," I think it does. As much as I try to avoid fairy tales and stay grounded in reality, I can't be purely rational when it comes to feelings—and that version of "mature love" seems to require rationality. But let's not get too far off track...

My argument is this: we are basically programmed to believe in romantic love and the supposed soul-fulfillment it brings, even though the concept itself has nothing to do with actual love. It might seem sweet and irresistible at first, but it quickly spirals into dark drama. It offers so little true fulfillment that it isn't a gift at all. Honestly? It's more like an infectious disease. The symptoms are similar to paralysis, cognitive impairment, or total brain fog. It drags people into deep melancholy, self-rejection, insecurity, or constant fighting. It creates internal chaos, turns us into pushovers or liars, and brings out our absolute worst. We end up catering to the whims and expectations of someone else who doesn't even know what they want. Sometimes, it gets so unbearable it leads to self-harm. Jealousy is just another side effect of romantic love, so we aren't actually off-topic here....

All of that is an understatement.

Because it's so dramatic, it masquerades as "living life to the fullest." But we need to be blunt: romantic love is bullshit. Not just because it doesn't truly exist, but because stripping away the mystery of that bullshit is the only way to finally breathe and open ourselves up to what real love actually is.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that an initial crush can't evolve into a healthy, solid relationship where two people support each other with flexibility and openness. That happens—it happens here and there. But that requires two mature individuals who love themselves and, paradoxically, don't actually *need* each other. Only two whole, integrated, and self-sufficient people can build a harmonious connection.

Britney, you mentioned you don't have a father. Did you ever actually know him?

steeltiger2 said:It’s always "shoot first, ask questions later" with some people, isn't it? Honestly, I don't know how they do it. I spend half my life overthinking every single word, carefully weighing my phrasing just so I don't accidentally bruise someone's ego or cause unnecessary drama. I'm constantly walking on eggshells, trying to be tactful. But them? They just blurt out the raw truth and move on like nothing happened. It’s wild. You can tell someone the hard truth, sure, but you do it with enough grace that they aren't left reeling or spiraling afterward. There's an art to it, really.
Do you think they actually have no idea what they're after? Because if that's the case... well, that's just not a good look. Honestly.

Yeah, that’s totally plausible. Honestly, I know I catch some eyes at my office—and trust me, there are definitely some good-looking guys around—but I’d feel like such a phony if I actually went around telling people I was desirable. It’s just not something I care about in life. That's all there is to it. Why would you even go out of your way to whisper something in someone's ear just to mess with their head? The only reason to do that is to stir up jealousy, which is just such an immature way to act. And really, why bother?

Honestly, he’s pushed me so far past my limit with all this nonsense that I’ve actually started thinking about how to go out and arm myself. I mean, seriously—I’m sitting here wondering how to get enough gear so I can actually fight back. If I’m going to protect myself and stand my ground, I need more than just words. What else is there to do? I need some way to defend myself before I lose it completely.
Picture this: your heart is absolutely hammering against your ribs, your head feels like it’s seconds away from an outright explosion, and your blood pressure is spiking so hard you can practically feel the pulse in your temples. Just imagine that kind of raw, white-knuckle tension sustained for as long as it takes to finally burn itself out. Now... just think about what you'd actually *do* with all that frantic, unspent energy.🤷

If he claims to care about you, why is it so difficult for him to choose his words more carefully? The "truth" matters, but the delivery matters just as much.

hollowtrucker77 said:He isn’t actually going out of his way to hurt you, let’s be real about that.
The guy is just doing what he does because that is simply who he is and it's what he feels like doing.
In the same vein, you really ought to be focusing on your own business and doing whatever you feel like doing, rather than constantly subordinating your entire workflow to whether or not it aligns with him or if it’s going to annoy him somehow.
🙂
If you actually sit back and look at what you wrote, it's pretty clear: you're doing something that irritates you, and then you get mad at him, not because he’s reacting to what you’re doing, but because you can't handle the fact that he isn't getting annoyed by it too.
😁
yee-haw

And the reason he acts that way is precisely because he doesn't care how she feels afterward.

hollowtrucker77 said:Look, I’m sorry, but you’re the one with the actual issue here—it sounds a lot like jealousy to me.
If we’re following any kind of logical progression, the solution should involve something shifting within your own perspective to resolve the friction you're feeling.
🙂
I honestly don't think it's right to demand that someone else change just because you're struggling with something internally.
In my humble opinion, jealousy is basically just a symptom of low self-esteem, so you'd probably be better off working on that instead.
Now, I’m certainly no therapist, so I won't pretend to dive into the deep psychological weeds where an amateur like me could easily get everything wrong.
Just try to flip the script for a second: imagine if he were the jealous one, constantly hovering over you, trying to control when you go out, or telling you that you can't dress up or wear makeup...
We’d all pretty much agree that his behavior is the problem, and that the fix isn't for you to start wearing a housecoat and a veil, wouldn't we?

Dear Sash, that is incredibly poor advice. Britney clearly has jealousy issues, but her jealousy isn't the only problem in this relationship. The bigger issue is her boyfriend's complete lack of consideration.

lonegardener said:👍 I see you have no trouble spotting sarcasm... 😍

Right, exactly: horniness. I asked specifically about your famous "love," not about being horny. I don't think we need to waste lines discussing horniness; I'm pretty sure everyone knows what that is. 😬

So, tell me—why does this overflowing love pour out for person A, but not for person B, or seventeen other people all at once? If that question isn't too intrusive. 😍

Love spreads across the entire alphabet, though it takes different shapes, as I said. Deep love—which stems from within (rooted, fundamentally, in self-love)—doesn't care about the object. It doesn't matter who they are or what they're like. It doesn't even care about the relationship itself; it is self-sufficient. And when it encounters someone else, it touches everyone in the same yet uniquely distinct way. Sometimes it manifests simply as tenderness, as total acceptance, or a drive to help. Other times, it shows up as devotion where intimacy grows deeper and deeper, where we constantly rediscover a person in a new way without ever feeling satiated. Sometimes that love includes sexuality, sometimes it doesn't... For someone who has truly exploded into love, it is constant—like a quiet melody saturating their entire consciousness. Or better yet: consciousness and love are one and the same.

stormyheron20 said:Britney, you mentioned you don't have a father. Did you ever actually know him?

If he claims to care about you, why is it so difficult for him to choose his words more carefully? The "truth" matters, but the delivery matters just as much.

And the reason he acts that way is precisely because he doesn't care how she feels afterward.

Dear Sash, that is incredibly poor advice. Britney clearly has jealousy issues, but her jealousy isn't the only problem in this relationship. The bigger issue is her boyfriend's complete lack of consideration.

And let's say, hypothetically, that Brittany was just feeling all proud because she managed to snag such a great guy—someone every other woman in town would kill to be with but can't have--
the entire situation would play out exactly the same way, except instead of being miserable, the author would just be walking around feeling totally satisfied.
😉

So, just a quick update—he mentioned this girl once before, someone he thought was incredibly hot, but that was it. She’s a completely different person from the others I've brought up. And look, she's attractive, sure, but I don't care about that. They both have their own lives. But then, just a couple of days ago, he starts texting her constantly under the guise of "work stuff." Apparently, she works for another firm that partners with his, so there's that excuse, but honestly? It feels totally calculated. Like he's intentionally using work as an excuse to bridge the gap into her private life when he didn't even need to be messaging her in the first place.
I’m not going to say anything this time. I’m just exhausted, and frankly, the whole thing is starting to feel a bit nauseating. Maybe it’s because I’ve started acting more like him lately, though I couldn't tell you for sure. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't dare react at all, but inside, I am absolutely seething. Everything is just building up and churning within me.
What should I do, please?
Do I just sit here and wait to see if they start hanging out outside of the office? I honestly have no clue how to handle this right now.

Actually, looking at everything you guys have said, maybe the best move is to just accept that he needs to carry his own weight. I think I’m going to leave him completely alone this time. I want to see what happens when I’m not being the jealous one, when I stop interfering entirely. I've got nothing left to lose. 🤷
I think it’s finally time to focus on myself and my own mental health. If he actually loves me, maybe he'll snap out of it once he realizes what he's doing.
Or, he'll just realize he doesn't love me that way and that he's really just looking for something new with someone else. I'm done with the drama... Perhaps I'll finally find some peace and uncover the truth of the situation only once I step back and let things play out on their own.

steeltiger2 said:So, just a quick update—he mentioned this girl once before, someone he thought was incredibly hot, but that was it. She’s a completely different person from the others I've brought up. And look, she's attractive, sure, but I don't care about that. They both have their own lives. But then, just a couple of days ago, he starts texting her constantly under the guise of "work stuff." Apparently, she works for another firm that partners with his, so there's that excuse, but honestly? It feels totally calculated. Like he's intentionally using work as an excuse to bridge the gap into her private life when he didn't even need to be messaging her in the first place.
I’m not going to say anything this time. I’m just exhausted, and frankly, the whole thing is starting to feel a bit nauseating. Maybe it’s because I’ve started acting more like him lately, though I couldn't tell you for sure. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't dare react at all, but inside, I am absolutely seething. Everything is just building up and churning within me.
What should I do, please?
Do I just sit here and wait to see if they start hanging out outside of the office? I honestly have no clue how to handle this right now.

Actually, looking at everything you guys have said, maybe the best move is to just accept that he needs to carry his own weight. I think I’m going to leave him completely alone this time. I want to see what happens when I’m not being the jealous one, when I stop interfering entirely. I've got nothing left to lose. 🤷
I think it’s finally time to focus on myself and my own mental health. If he actually loves me, maybe he'll snap out of it once he realizes what he's doing.
Or, he'll just realize he doesn't love me that way and that he's really just looking for something new with someone else. I'm done with the drama... Perhaps I'll finally find some peace and uncover the truth of the situation only once I step back and let things play out on their own.

Brittney, you ARE jealous. You can pretend you aren't, but it’ll come out eventually. 😢 Just look at what you wrote in that last sentence.

Maybe you're overthinking the texting thing a bit—it's probably not such a big deal.
To me, the bigger issue is that this seems like a pattern. It’s just how he is. You mentioned before that he loves being the center of attention, not just from you, but from other girls too. I guess feeding his ego like that matters more to him than hurting your feelings 🤷
.

Nancy Gomez4 said:Brittney, you ARE jealous. You can pretend you aren't, but it’ll come out eventually. 😢 Just look at what you wrote in that last sentence.

Maybe you're overthinking the texting thing a bit—it's probably not such a big deal.
To me, the bigger issue is that this seems like a pattern. It’s just how he is. You mentioned before that he loves being the center of attention, not just from you, but from other girls too. I guess feeding his ego like that matters more to him than hurting your feelings 🤷
.

He has no idea I saw it. His brother left his laptop open, and I ended up poking around for maybe ten minutes just because, while he thought I was busy doing my own thing.
And obviously, I can't say anything about that.
He was talking to her like he actually cared, and they weren't even friends to begin with.
It was like someone showing interest in a coworker; when she mentioned she was going on a trip soon, he even told her to make sure nature looks after her and brings her back in one piece (she's a professional climber, by the way).
The thing is, he used to tell me he couldn't care less about stuff like that, that he wouldn't even notice if a woman wasn't his type—and I know for a fact he said the exact same thing to girls he wanted to be with before me. So, now I don't know... am I being realistic, or am I just losing my mind? How do I calm down?

Should I just leave him? I can't. Maybe I'm wrong again and in the end, I'll realize he didn't mean anything by it. But it's hard to wait—I don't even know what I'm waiting for.🤷

If she weren't some sexy, stunning athlete, I wouldn't think twice about it; I'd just assume she's a dear colleague to him. (His brother once commented on how gorgeous she is and what a great body she has, though I haven't seen her myself—I just know we aren't alike at all. I'm blonde and slender, while she's dark-skinned and athletic.) He responded to his brother saying she was incredibly sexy and attractive, even though he usually claims she's nothing special. I'm not the sporty type at all—I'm thin and blonde—but she's got that toned, muscular build that everyone falls for, even if they don't feel a deeper connection.
My head is spinning with possibilities—maybe he's fantasizing about her, maybe she's his ideal woman, maybe he just wants to be friends, or maybe she has something I lack—she's older and more experienced.
Maybe he finally needs a woman like her—someone self-assured, confident, an athlete who's actually good at what she does... someone who won't break down emotionally like I do...
I try to tell myself that I am worthy and beautiful, that anyone else would be overjoyed to be with me and think I'm more attractive than anyone else, but it doesn't help. I just keep thinking that she's definitely more beautiful and more attractive to him...

steeltiger2 said:He has no idea I saw it. His brother left his laptop open, and I ended up poking around for maybe ten minutes just because, while he thought I was busy doing my own thing.
And obviously, I can't say anything about that.
He was talking to her like he actually cared, and they weren't even friends to begin with.
It was like someone showing interest in a coworker; when she mentioned she was going on a trip soon, he even told her to make sure nature looks after her and brings her back in one piece (she's a professional climber, by the way).
The thing is, he used to tell me he couldn't care less about stuff like that, that he wouldn't even notice if a woman wasn't his type—and I know for a fact he said the exact same thing to girls he wanted to be with before me. So, now I don't know... am I being realistic, or am I just losing my mind? How do I calm down?

Should I just leave him? I can't. Maybe I'm wrong again and in the end, I'll realize he didn't mean anything by it. But it's hard to wait—I don't even know what I'm waiting for.🤷

If she weren't some sexy, stunning athlete, I wouldn't think twice about it; I'd just assume she's a dear colleague to him. (His brother once commented on how gorgeous she is and what a great body she has, though I haven't seen her myself—I just know we aren't alike at all. I'm blonde and slender, while she's dark-skinned and athletic.) He responded to his brother saying she was incredibly sexy and attractive, even though he usually claims she's nothing special. I'm not the sporty type at all—I'm thin and blonde—but she's got that toned, muscular build that everyone falls for, even if they don't feel a deeper connection.
My head is spinning with possibilities—maybe he's fantasizing about her, maybe she's his ideal woman, maybe he just wants to be friends, or maybe she has something I lack—she's older and more experienced.
Maybe he finally needs a woman like her—someone self-assured, confident, an athlete who's actually good at what she does... someone who won't break down emotionally like I do...
I try to tell myself that I am worthy and beautiful, that anyone else would be overjoyed to be with me and think I'm more attractive than anyone else, but it doesn't help. I just keep thinking that she's definitely more beautiful and more attractive to him...

Look, let's try this instead.
Just post a photo here and we can all give you our honest take. Sound good?😉

steeltiger2 said:He has no idea I saw it. His brother left his laptop open, and I ended up poking around for maybe ten minutes just because, while he thought I was busy doing my own thing.
And obviously, I can't say anything about that.
He was talking to her like he actually cared, and they weren't even friends to begin with.
It was like someone showing interest in a coworker; when she mentioned she was going on a trip soon, he even told her to make sure nature looks after her and brings her back in one piece (she's a professional climber, by the way).
The thing is, he used to tell me he couldn't care less about stuff like that, that he wouldn't even notice if a woman wasn't his type—and I know for a fact he said the exact same thing to girls he wanted to be with before me. So, now I don't know... am I being realistic, or am I just losing my mind? How do I calm down?

Should I just leave him? I can't. Maybe I'm wrong again and in the end, I'll realize he didn't mean anything by it. But it's hard to wait—I don't even know what I'm waiting for.🤷

If she weren't some sexy, stunning athlete, I wouldn't think twice about it; I'd just assume she's a dear colleague to him. (His brother once commented on how gorgeous she is and what a great body she has, though I haven't seen her myself—I just know we aren't alike at all. I'm blonde and slender, while she's dark-skinned and athletic.) He responded to his brother saying she was incredibly sexy and attractive, even though he usually claims she's nothing special. I'm not the sporty type at all—I'm thin and blonde—but she's got that toned, muscular build that everyone falls for, even if they don't feel a deeper connection.
My head is spinning with possibilities—maybe he's fantasizing about her, maybe she's his ideal woman, maybe he just wants to be friends, or maybe she has something I lack—she's older and more experienced.
Maybe he finally needs a woman like her—someone self-assured, confident, an athlete who's actually good at what she does... someone who won't break down emotionally like I do...
I try to tell myself that I am worthy and beautiful, that anyone else would be overjoyed to be with me and think I'm more attractive than anyone else, but it doesn't help. I just keep thinking that she's definitely more beautiful and more attractive to him...

Dear Britney, I can sense your struggle here, and I know all too well that jealousy is an incredibly heavy burden to carry. However, you must realize that how beautiful, intelligent, or charming you are doesn't actually dictate the mechanics of love. Love isn't a rational calculation; you cannot simply decide to love someone more because they possess better looks, nor can you choose to love someone less just because they lack them. Consider this: could you truly fall for someone who was unattractive and lacked any intellectual spark?
It seems to me that your entire definition of affection is revolving heavily around the concept of "attractiveness."
My advice to you is to stop obsessing over the perceptions of others and try to find some inner peace. 🙂

Kate Collins5 said:Look, let's try this instead.
Just post a photo here and we can all give you our honest take. Sound good?😉

Alright, fine. Here’s me in various stages of life:

The casual home look— 🙂

The "cooking in my underwear" vibe (it's hard to tell from this shot, but trust me, people say I'm at my best when I'm actually angry— 🙂

All dolled up from head to toe— 🥳

Out on the town with my guy (honestly, nobody else stands a chance)— 🙂

And, obviously, the professional version— 🎉

hiddenhound3 said:Dear Britney, I can sense your struggle here, and I know all too well that jealousy is an incredibly heavy burden to carry. However, you must realize that how beautiful, intelligent, or charming you are doesn't actually dictate the mechanics of love. Love isn't a rational calculation; you cannot simply decide to love someone more because they possess better looks, nor can you choose to love someone less just because they lack them. Consider this: could you truly fall for someone who was unattractive and lacked any intellectual spark?
It seems to me that your entire definition of affection is revolving heavily around the concept of "attractiveness."
My advice to you is to stop obsessing over the perceptions of others and try to find some inner peace. 🙂

Look, I know she’s his type physically, and her confidence definitely hits the mark—at least based on everything he's told me. And let's be real, the sexual chemistry part is huge; without that, there's just nothing there. I know how men think... and frankly, I wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to either. They might not be conventionally handsome, but they absolutely have to be attractive to *me* because of the kind of man they are.

steeltiger2 said:Look, I know she’s his type physically, and her confidence definitely hits the mark—at least based on everything he's told me. And let's be real, the sexual chemistry part is huge; without that, there's just nothing there. I know how men think... and frankly, I wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to either. They might not be conventionally handsome, but they absolutely have to be attractive to *me* because of the kind of man they are.

I am entirely certain about one thing—if he truly wanted to be with her, he would be with her instead of you.
It is perfectly obvious that he loves you if he is willing to put up with your jealousy like this. 😬 😛

Do not waste your energy overthinking these matters; it is clear that dwelling on them will lead to nothing but heartache.🙂

hiddenhound3 said:I am entirely certain about one thing—if he truly wanted to be with her, he would be with her instead of you.
It is perfectly obvious that he loves you if he is willing to put up with your jealousy like this. 😬 😛

Do not waste your energy overthinking these matters; it is clear that dwelling on them will lead to nothing but heartache.🙂

He might just be trying to have his cake and eat it too by keeping both her and his coworker in the picture.
Florine, please tell me that whole jealousy thing was just a joke. 😍

Britta, what on earth made you snap like that? How did your guy react?
Stop the guessing games and just lay it all out on the table. It is high time you two had a blunt, honest conversation about this relationship and that colleague who won't leave you alone.

stormyheron20 said:He might just be trying to have his cake and eat it too by keeping both her and his coworker in the picture.
Florine, please tell me that whole jealousy thing was just a joke. 😍

Britta, what on earth made you snap like that? How did your guy react?
Stop the guessing games and just lay it all out on the table. It is high time you two had a blunt, honest conversation about this relationship and that colleague who won't leave you alone.

He’s worried🤷

It isn't the right time, because this is the 10,001st "colleague." Every single time, I end up blowing things out of proportion—at least, that’s how it’s always been until now.