Friends, why does nobody ever invite me out?

Douglas Palmer47 said:I don't see why there has to be such an immediate rush to reduce women to nothing more than their physical descriptions.🙄

Whatever issue might be brewing here, the author really ought to handle it herself. Instead of letting things fester online, she should just grab those girls for a coffee or meet up with them somewhere out in the real world to hash it out.
If they keep turning us down, we should just move on, find a new crew, and call it a day. Simple as that.
Look, they aren't the only girls in town. Honestly, it’s much better to just be on your own for a while and focus on finding some actual, high-quality friends rather than trying to force a connection with someone just for the sake of it.

But honestly, how else are you supposed to describe people who claim they absolutely have to make it to a birthday party, only to vanish toward a nightclub, or tell you they’re just heading to the restroom and then end up driving home? 😬
I think I’d reach the exact same conclusion—that someone is being a total snob—if they had the nerve to look me in the eye and say they can't be seen with me because, get this, I actually earn my own living while they're basically being subsidized by their wealthy elders. 😁

What does your guy actually have to say about all this? And when did this "crew" even enter the picture?
How long have you two been hanging out (assuming you could even call this kind of dynamic 😁socializing
)?
Did those girls explicitly tell you that you aren't on their level, or was that just something you gathered yourself or heard through the grapevine?

loneowl39 said:It’s likely just that you aren't quite the pretentious social climber they want you to be. They probably view themselves as being out of your league, and since you don't play along with their little act, you're essentially ruining their carefully curated image.
In other words, you just don't have that same "cool" factor they do.🙄

signature, just minus the Rolls-Royce👍
Maybe you aren't cool. Do you get anxious every time you step out the front door? That isn't cool.

Alexander Martinez12 said:I reach out to them a week in advance, but nobody will—or can—make the effort. I didn't mean to imply I’m some chatterbox while everyone else just sits there in silence. It’s just how I am. When I meet someone new, I prefer to be approachable, communicative, and open.
When I’m out—though I don't go out much—I’ll kick off a conversation once the group goes quiet, usually picking a topic I know will get people talking. Last Saturday night, we were at a coffee shop when one friend went to the restroom and just never came back; she went straight home instead. Her excuse? She was terrified of what people would think if they saw her with me. Look, I'm not ugly or repulsive. In fact, I’d say I’m quite attractive.
Then there's the other one who shut me down simply because I earn my own money while they're still being bankrolled by their parents.
It’s starting to mess with my head. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of social friction?😢

No. I tell them I’m trying, but I just keep getting rejected.
To be honest, I have people in my life, but they aren't "real" friends. They aren't the ones you can call at any hour, the ones who will actually show up, or the ones who won't flake on a quick coffee. It turns out they're just acquaintances, nothing more.

Your "friends" likely feel the exact same way about you. You aren't their person, and you aren't on the same wavelength. Stop wasting energy trying to force a bond that isn't there.
Friendship can't be manufactured. It’s either spontaneous or rooted in childhood.
If you're struggling to find people, learn to be fine on your own. Find ways to enjoy life where others aren't required. Eventually, you might stumble upon someone who actually sees you for who you are.

Hey there, I just wanted to drop in and say how much I love the responses you’ve been getting on your thread!
👍

The replies are honestly so thoughtful, and the advice being shared is incredibly practical.

Just keep this in mind: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? It's a cliché for a reason.

I've definitely gone through similar phases myself—to the point where I still find myself questioning if those "true" friendships are actually genuine, but I suppose that's a whole different conversation for another day. For me, family is really the only bond you can truly count on. Best of luck.🙂

Douglas Palmer47 said:I don't see why there has to be such an immediate rush to reduce women to nothing more than their physical descriptions.🙄

Whatever issue might be brewing here, the author really ought to handle it herself. Instead of letting things fester online, she should just grab those girls for a coffee or meet up with them somewhere out in the real world to hash it out.
If they keep turning us down, we should just move on, find a new crew, and call it a day. Simple as that.
Look, they aren't the only girls in town. Honestly, it’s much better to just be on your own for a while and focus on finding some actual, high-quality friends rather than trying to force a connection with someone just for the sake of it.

God, you guys are being so tedious with all this "let's grab coffee" and "try talking to them" nonsense. Get real.

The woman already tried multiple times, and these people are still systematically making a fool out of her and spitting in her face...

Honey, people like that feed on your desperation. Don't let them do this to you! Don't give them an opening; people can see you're practically crawling after them, and they're using it for their own amusement. Just turn around and walk away... you're better off alone than dealing with people like that. Nobody needs that, they'll just destroy you.

Don't give them another chance. Screw 'em, let 'em rot... stop chasing people. Let other people chase you for once.

I never understood people like you. This is straight-up masochism.

Ashley Robinson58 said:Your "friends" likely feel the exact same way about you. You aren't their person, and you aren't on the same wavelength. Stop wasting energy trying to force a bond that isn't there.
Friendship can't be manufactured. It’s either spontaneous or rooted in childhood.
If you're struggling to find people, learn to be fine on your own. Find ways to enjoy life where others aren't required. Eventually, you might stumble upon someone who actually sees you for who you are.

I really don't think what people think of you matters that much.
Take today, for instance—I was out in a big group recently, and it was a mixed bag: I agreed with some people on certain things, disagreed with others, and then, out of nowhere, this person shows up who is from a completely different world. Even though I was on a similar wavelength with someone else, we ended up having this little disagreement, which I actually found kind of charming because I could already see exactly where the conversation was heading.
Don't stress too much about people and their opinions—don't go trying to write the Constitution, after all, nobody asked you to draft it, so there's no need to volunteer for the job. 😉
Just live your life as best you can: take those little pieces of experience that fit you, like adding useful tiles to a jigsaw puzzle.
Learn how to be perfectly fine on your own.
People aren't the only thing that matters: stay connected to nature, too. Get away from the
TV screen and the computer screen as often as you can: travel whenever you get the chance. Don't blow your money on junk, but do spend it on things that actually make you a better person...
And so: build your own little philosophy. Life isn't a straight line going up forever, nor is it a constant slide downward; it's more like a winding road, and if all of this enriches you—especially within yourself—then there won't even be a need for these sort of superficial internet debates or opening up these kinds of topics.
😛

It’s an interesting topic—honestly, I’m dealing with this exact thing right now. People I genuinely thought were my friends, people I’ve known my entire life, are suddenly acting like I don't even exist.

I was waiting for a friend to fly back from the Netherlands—he couldn't make the trip earlier because of all the pandemic restrictions—and now that he’s finally here, of course, they all gathered up without me. They didn't even bother to send an invite; frankly, I couldn't care less. As far as I'm concerned, my conscience is clear. I don't owe anyone an apology for things I didn't do—especially since there was always some kind of petty tension with this group regarding money—but now I see that everything is actually possible. Social media is quite the revelation... This whole rift started about five years ago, and in the meantime, we've barely seen each other five times.

Yeah, you assume certain people are your friends, and then they turn out to be exactly who they are. It’s better to just stay solo for a while until things settle down than to deal with the drama of a group that doesn't give a damn about you. Onward and upward—currently sitting at zero friends, and honestly, I'm fine with it. Everyone has just become an acquaintance at this point, haha.

I’ll start heading out on my own more often, so maybe I'll actually find someone new.

I mean, Sam should really just be his own best friend, I guess.

Charles Young56 said:I mean, Sam should really just be his own best friend, I guess.

Well, that is precisely what I am attempting to do. Although—for instance—I enjoy attending soccer matches and traveling, and if I could merge those two interests, it would be ideal. To illustrate: I had a friend—we were close until about 2014—who used to give me various excuses back in the day, claiming he was broke whenever I suggested we go play billiards, for example. Now, I see he has traveled almost the entire world—doing exactly what I want to do, but without anyone to go with—so there is no point in dwelling on it.

We had our fair share of arguments; I offered apologies more often than he did—though, frankly, he owed me several for his own nonsense—and eventually, the friendship just fractured. Up until quite recently, I still felt the urge to reach out, perhaps just to grab a beer, but he claims he is too busy. Another friend visited from Italy recently, and I suggested he get the old group together; naturally, he makes no effort to meet up, claiming he couldn't coordinate everyone. I find that hard to believe; I suspect they managed to meet without me.

And then, of course, I see him on Instagram constantly traveling the globe—he ignores my calls entirely, and my messages are simply "read" with zero response.

It is incredibly frustrating. What is one supposed to do to revive an old bond? It was always me—the one making the calls, picking up the tab, and putting in the effort—and what is the reward? Being left on "read."

Part of me wants to just scrub him from my followers list, but I won't—mostly because I consider myself above such petty gestures.

This is why I find it difficult to open up to new people; I am cautious. I have no desire to repeat this cycle now that I am in my 30s. Real friendship is defined by who stands by you during hardship or illness—people who help you emerge stronger. This? This isn't friendship anymore; it has devolved into a mere acquaintance. And it is not as if we have known each other for a lifetime or anything. 🙂

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Well, that is precisely what I am attempting to do. Although—for instance—I enjoy attending soccer matches and traveling, and if I could merge those two interests, it would be ideal. To illustrate: I had a friend—we were close until about 2014—who used to give me various excuses back in the day, claiming he was broke whenever I suggested we go play billiards, for example. Now, I see he has traveled almost the entire world—doing exactly what I want to do, but without anyone to go with—so there is no point in dwelling on it.

We had our fair share of arguments; I offered apologies more often than he did—though, frankly, he owed me several for his own nonsense—and eventually, the friendship just fractured. Up until quite recently, I still felt the urge to reach out, perhaps just to grab a beer, but he claims he is too busy. Another friend visited from Italy recently, and I suggested he get the old group together; naturally, he makes no effort to meet up, claiming he couldn't coordinate everyone. I find that hard to believe; I suspect they managed to meet without me.

And then, of course, I see him on Instagram constantly traveling the globe—he ignores my calls entirely, and my messages are simply "read" with zero response.

It is incredibly frustrating. What is one supposed to do to revive an old bond? It was always me—the one making the calls, picking up the tab, and putting in the effort—and what is the reward? Being left on "read."

Part of me wants to just scrub him from my followers list, but I won't—mostly because I consider myself above such petty gestures.

This is why I find it difficult to open up to new people; I am cautious. I have no desire to repeat this cycle now that I am in my 30s. Real friendship is defined by who stands by you during hardship or illness—people who help you emerge stronger. This? This isn't friendship anymore; it has devolved into a mere acquaintance. And it is not as if we have known each other for a lifetime or anything. 🙂

So, who did that friend end up traveling with? Some people are perfectly fine just wandering around solo for a few days. When you really think about it, you just do what you want; there's no "I don't want to go there" or "I'd rather stay here," no "this is boring"—you just see things you've never seen before, experience a different culture, and it fills you up in the moment. Though, obviously, constant solitude can be a total disaster.

darksurfer4 said:So, who did that friend end up traveling with? Some people are perfectly fine just wandering around solo for a few days. When you really think about it, you just do what you want; there's no "I don't want to go there" or "I'd rather stay here," no "this is boring"—you just see things you've never seen before, experience a different culture, and it fills you up in the moment. Though, obviously, constant solitude can be a total disaster.

The issue isn't even those easygoing people who just roll with the punches on trips; my problem is that whenever I'm involved, there's always some friction or petty bullshit.

I'm wondering if there's any point in being blunt and direct—like actually asking, "Why are you acting like an idiot and avoiding me?" Because, let's face it, I'll probably just get left on "read" anyway.

Elizabeth Wilson3 - there's this great little saying in English that really hits home:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

Donna Brown5 said:Elizabeth Wilson3 - there's this great little saying in English that really hits home:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

Look, I didn't view them that way originally, but it turns out they actually are. My conscience is clear—I know exactly what those petty little grievances were about, though I won't air the dirty laundry here. I offered an olive branch regarding my own initiative, but none was returned from their side. And that’s essentially all you have left after years of supposed "friendship."

For instance—the US National Team is playing over in Cyprus right now; I see five of them in a photo there. Did he reach out? Did he ask me to join them as friends? Of course not. His pride is far too great—he would never be the one to call...

So, as of today, I have zero friends and zero acquaintances. Believe me, I had plenty—I was firmly within that inner circle—but well, I've hit 32, and it's not that I'm not looking for new connections, but I just hope the future looks a bit brighter than this current isolation... It isn't that I dislike being alone, per se, but there is a certain discomfort in being out in public by oneself—that's not quite what I mean...

The next time the opportunity arises, I’m going to ask him straight to his face what the deal is. If he tells me I'm no longer welcome, then everything will be crystal clear...

Friendship is a complicated business. Either you are there for a friend through thick and thin, or you aren't.

These people clearly fall into the category mentioned in that proverb...

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Look, I didn't view them that way originally, but it turns out they actually are. My conscience is clear—I know exactly what those petty little grievances were about, though I won't air the dirty laundry here. I offered an olive branch regarding my own initiative, but none was returned from their side. And that’s essentially all you have left after years of supposed "friendship."

For instance—the US National Team is playing over in Cyprus right now; I see five of them in a photo there. Did he reach out? Did he ask me to join them as friends? Of course not. His pride is far too great—he would never be the one to call...

So, as of today, I have zero friends and zero acquaintances. Believe me, I had plenty—I was firmly within that inner circle—but well, I've hit 32, and it's not that I'm not looking for new connections, but I just hope the future looks a bit brighter than this current isolation... It isn't that I dislike being alone, per se, but there is a certain discomfort in being out in public by oneself—that's not quite what I mean...

The next time the opportunity arises, I’m going to ask him straight to his face what the deal is. If he tells me I'm no longer welcome, then everything will be crystal clear...

Friendship is a complicated business. Either you are there for a friend through thick and thin, or you aren't.

These people clearly fall into the category mentioned in that proverb...

I know exactly how you feel because I'm in a very similar boat. I’m a bit younger than you and still have some friends, but we aren't that close anymore since everyone has their own lives, careers, marriages, kids, and all that. It doesn't really make sense for me to go around begging for their time or trying to force hangouts at this stage of life.

At first, I actually thought the issue was me—that maybe I just wasn't "good company" or something like that. But then things started happening where people would completely ghost me the moment I mentioned something simple, like finishing my degree when they hadn't yet. That's when it clicked that the situation was much more complicated than I realized (and honestly, there's plenty of other stuff that's happened in my private and professional life that I'd rather not get into here).

You eventually reach this realization that most of these "friends" were never actually your friends to begin with. Most of them act like subtle emotional parasites, using you and your energy just to fuel their own egos or maintain a sense of control over you. It’s a pattern I've seen quite a bit in my dating life too, though I'm sure it goes both ways regardless of gender.

The truth hurts, I know. A lot of people choose to cling to those toxic relationships simply because they're terrified of being alone. But in my opinion, a true friend will never turn their back on you, no matter how difficult things might get...

Anyway, I might have rambled a bit there, but I couldn't get to the heart of the matter without expanding on it. Just don't shoulder the blame for this. As the saying goes, keep moving forward, whatever happens, and stay strong...

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Look, I didn't view them that way originally, but it turns out they actually are. My conscience is clear—I know exactly what those petty little grievances were about, though I won't air the dirty laundry here. I offered an olive branch regarding my own initiative, but none was returned from their side. And that’s essentially all you have left after years of supposed "friendship."

For instance—the US National Team is playing over in Cyprus right now; I see five of them in a photo there. Did he reach out? Did he ask me to join them as friends? Of course not. His pride is far too great—he would never be the one to call...

So, as of today, I have zero friends and zero acquaintances. Believe me, I had plenty—I was firmly within that inner circle—but well, I've hit 32, and it's not that I'm not looking for new connections, but I just hope the future looks a bit brighter than this current isolation... It isn't that I dislike being alone, per se, but there is a certain discomfort in being out in public by oneself—that's not quite what I mean...

The next time the opportunity arises, I’m going to ask him straight to his face what the deal is. If he tells me I'm no longer welcome, then everything will be crystal clear...

Friendship is a complicated business. Either you are there for a friend through thick and thin, or you aren't.

These people clearly fall into the category mentioned in that proverb...

I haven't quite wrapped my head around it yet—did you ever actually go on these trips with them? And is it just this one guy who's a friend, while the rest of them aren't really part of your circle?

darksurfer4 said:I haven't quite wrapped my head around it yet—did you ever actually go on these trips with them? And is it just this one guy who's a friend, while the rest of them aren't really part of your circle?

Look, when you strip everything else away—the actual travel, the distance covered—it’s all pretty much irrelevant. We’ve known each other our entire lives; it’s just that simple, everyday routine of going from one's front door to the next. But even within that small radius, she was already running on empty. $6.75 Regarding the billiards—look, he offered to cover the table, and I said fine. At the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is that we get some games in. As for the whole beer situation—it’s nonsense. He didn't just casually reach into his pocket and say, "Hey man, this one's on me," because he’s been footing the bill every single time we hang out. It's ridiculous to act like there isn't a "snake in his pocket" when he's consistently the one picking up the tab.

When it comes to traveling, I know this entire group—I see them from the outside even when we aren't hanging out together, so they aren't exactly strangers to me. I've joined them on trips a few times, and that’s about it. Sure, there have been frictions—there always are in any friendship—but it’s clear his ego is such that he simply can't move past things. He'd rather just shut me out entirely by leaving my messages on "read." It’s a petty way to handle it. I thought to myself, once he gets back from his trip, I'll just be direct—if you can travel all the way from Chicago, you can certainly swing by my neighborhood for a beer, so let's see if he leaves me on "read" then. Honestly, I suspect it’s a matter of social standing—he likely views me as being beneath him because of work, money, or family. He has it all, whereas I don't—and I won't sit here and debate whether I have cash or not, because that's beside the point right now. But we’ve known each other our whole lives, and when a friendship ends like this, you just stop hearing from people and seeing them. It is what it is, unfortunately.

Donna Brown5 said:I know exactly how you feel because I'm in a very similar boat. I’m a bit younger than you and still have some friends, but we aren't that close anymore since everyone has their own lives, careers, marriages, kids, and all that. It doesn't really make sense for me to go around begging for their time or trying to force hangouts at this stage of life.

At first, I actually thought the issue was me—that maybe I just wasn't "good company" or something like that. But then things started happening where people would completely ghost me the moment I mentioned something simple, like finishing my degree when they hadn't yet. That's when it clicked that the situation was much more complicated than I realized (and honestly, there's plenty of other stuff that's happened in my private and professional life that I'd rather not get into here).

You eventually reach this realization that most of these "friends" were never actually your friends to begin with. Most of them act like subtle emotional parasites, using you and your energy just to fuel their own egos or maintain a sense of control over you. It’s a pattern I've seen quite a bit in my dating life too, though I'm sure it goes both ways regardless of gender.

The truth hurts, I know. A lot of people choose to cling to those toxic relationships simply because they're terrified of being alone. But in my opinion, a true friend will never turn their back on you, no matter how difficult things might get...

Anyway, I might have rambled a bit there, but I couldn't get to the heart of the matter without expanding on it. Just don't shoulder the blame for this. As the saying goes, keep moving forward, whatever happens, and stay strong...

I’m dealing with something remarkably similar—this person has settled down, started a family, and all that—but as far as I’m concerned, they can never find five minutes for a simple beer. Yet, somehow, they always have plenty of time for everyone else. It makes me wonder: what is the point of keeping someone like that in your life? You think they're a friend—someone you’ve been through everything with since childhood—but honestly, I’m leaning toward categorizing them as either a "fake friend" or just another passing acquaintance. Or perhaps, nothing at all...

I definitely need to find a new circle, though I’ll admit—it’s hard to open up again because of these past betrayals and such. We'll just have to see how this whole chapter plays out... But regardless, thanks for the support...👍

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Look, when you strip everything else away—the actual travel, the distance covered—it’s all pretty much irrelevant. We’ve known each other our entire lives; it’s just that simple, everyday routine of going from one's front door to the next. But even within that small radius, she was already running on empty. $6.75 Regarding the billiards—look, he offered to cover the table, and I said fine. At the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is that we get some games in. As for the whole beer situation—it’s nonsense. He didn't just casually reach into his pocket and say, "Hey man, this one's on me," because he’s been footing the bill every single time we hang out. It's ridiculous to act like there isn't a "snake in his pocket" when he's consistently the one picking up the tab.

When it comes to traveling, I know this entire group—I see them from the outside even when we aren't hanging out together, so they aren't exactly strangers to me. I've joined them on trips a few times, and that’s about it. Sure, there have been frictions—there always are in any friendship—but it’s clear his ego is such that he simply can't move past things. He'd rather just shut me out entirely by leaving my messages on "read." It’s a petty way to handle it. I thought to myself, once he gets back from his trip, I'll just be direct—if you can travel all the way from Chicago, you can certainly swing by my neighborhood for a beer, so let's see if he leaves me on "read" then. Honestly, I suspect it’s a matter of social standing—he likely views me as being beneath him because of work, money, or family. He has it all, whereas I don't—and I won't sit here and debate whether I have cash or not, because that's beside the point right now. But we’ve known each other our whole lives, and when a friendship ends like this, you just stop hearing from people and seeing them. It is what it is, unfortunately.

I’m dealing with something remarkably similar—this person has settled down, started a family, and all that—but as far as I’m concerned, they can never find five minutes for a simple beer. Yet, somehow, they always have plenty of time for everyone else. It makes me wonder: what is the point of keeping someone like that in your life? You think they're a friend—someone you’ve been through everything with since childhood—but honestly, I’m leaning toward categorizing them as either a "fake friend" or just another passing acquaintance. Or perhaps, nothing at all...

I definitely need to find a new circle, though I’ll admit—it’s hard to open up again because of these past betrayals and such. We'll just have to see how this whole chapter plays out... But regardless, thanks for the support...👍

Look, there are these two or three guys at a local bar I frequent. They talk constantly about traveling; I noticed they often travel to follow sports teams, but there are other trips too. They talk about dinners, whether they're on the road or at home. Of course, all of this costs a fortune, and where the money comes in is where the drama starts. They’ll tell someone they don't want them in the group anymore just because last month that person "only" spent "$50" on drinks. Sure, the guy might be paying for his own flights, hotels, and game tickets, but apparently, that isn't enough; when you're in a group like that, you have to "shell out" big time. You've got people making maybe $50,000 a year—which is a decent salary, mind you—but you're expected to drop at least that much just on travel, games, dinners, and whatnot. In this specific scenario, money is everything; if you can't or won't spend massive amounts, then what are we even talking about? 🙂

Donna Brown5 said:I know exactly how you feel because I'm in a very similar boat. I’m a bit younger than you and still have some friends, but we aren't that close anymore since everyone has their own lives, careers, marriages, kids, and all that. It doesn't really make sense for me to go around begging for their time or trying to force hangouts at this stage of life.

At first, I actually thought the issue was me—that maybe I just wasn't "good company" or something like that. But then things started happening where people would completely ghost me the moment I mentioned something simple, like finishing my degree when they hadn't yet. That's when it clicked that the situation was much more complicated than I realized (and honestly, there's plenty of other stuff that's happened in my private and professional life that I'd rather not get into here).

You eventually reach this realization that most of these "friends" were never actually your friends to begin with. Most of them act like subtle emotional parasites, using you and your energy just to fuel their own egos or maintain a sense of control over you. It’s a pattern I've seen quite a bit in my dating life too, though I'm sure it goes both ways regardless of gender.

The truth hurts, I know. A lot of people choose to cling to those toxic relationships simply because they're terrified of being alone. But in my opinion, a true friend will never turn their back on you, no matter how difficult things might get...

Anyway, I might have rambled a bit there, but I couldn't get to the heart of the matter without expanding on it. Just don't shoulder the blame for this. As the saying goes, keep moving forward, whatever happens, and stay strong...

It is notoriously difficult to sustain connections that date back to childhood or our younger years. Life just pulls people in different directions; someone lands a high-flying corporate job, someone else struggles to find work, someone gets married, and someone stays single. Paths diverge constantly. Take a friend of mine, for example: he got married, and while we haven't lost touch entirely, we certainly don't see each other as often. I attended his wedding, and when I caught up with him later, I asked why he hadn't reached out to a mutual acquaintance of ours lately. He told me they weren't on speaking terms anymore because he would send messages, but this guy simply refused to respond. My friend—the one who graduated, secured a great salary, has free weekends, and married a beautiful woman—wasn't the problem. It was the other guy, who works seasonal jobs, doesn't have a partner, and seemingly couldn't stomach seeing anyone else succeed. Even my sister dealt with this; she had a close friend who just stopped responding the moment my sister got married. It really tells you everything you need to know.🙄

darksurfer4 said:Look, there are these two or three guys at a local bar I frequent. They talk constantly about traveling; I noticed they often travel to follow sports teams, but there are other trips too. They talk about dinners, whether they're on the road or at home. Of course, all of this costs a fortune, and where the money comes in is where the drama starts. They’ll tell someone they don't want them in the group anymore just because last month that person "only" spent "$50" on drinks. Sure, the guy might be paying for his own flights, hotels, and game tickets, but apparently, that isn't enough; when you're in a group like that, you have to "shell out" big time. You've got people making maybe $50,000 a year—which is a decent salary, mind you—but you're expected to drop at least that much just on travel, games, dinners, and whatnot. In this specific scenario, money is everything; if you can't or won't spend massive amounts, then what are we even talking about? 🙂

With all due respect, if you're dealing with that kind of "transactional" dynamic—where I constantly have to "prove" my worth (in this case, my financial standing) to people who don't actually give a damn about our "friendship" to begin with—then:
1. screw those kinds of "people,"
2. screw those kinds of "friendships," because
3. I'd much rather be on my own than deal with a "fake" crew like that...

darksurfer4 said:It is notoriously difficult to sustain connections that date back to childhood or our younger years. Life just pulls people in different directions; someone lands a high-flying corporate job, someone else struggles to find work, someone gets married, and someone stays single. Paths diverge constantly. Take a friend of mine, for example: he got married, and while we haven't lost touch entirely, we certainly don't see each other as often. I attended his wedding, and when I caught up with him later, I asked why he hadn't reached out to a mutual acquaintance of ours lately. He told me they weren't on speaking terms anymore because he would send messages, but this guy simply refused to respond. My friend—the one who graduated, secured a great salary, has free weekends, and married a beautiful woman—wasn't the problem. It was the other guy, who works seasonal jobs, doesn't have a partner, and seemingly couldn't stomach seeing anyone else succeed. Even my sister dealt with this; she had a close friend who just stopped responding the moment my sister got married. It really tells you everything you need to know.🙄

What you're saying is absolutely true (paths often diverge, unfortunately), but it is possible to keep those friendships from your younger days alive... I know a group right in my neighborhood—three guys who went to high school together (I'm close with two of them, though I only know the third one casually) who also met their partners back then. They still hang out, go out together, and all that. Basically, if people actually want to make an effort, they can; it's always just easiest to come up with excuses instead...

Fair point, you've hit the nail on the head regarding all of this.👍