Friends, why does nobody ever invite me out?

darksurfer4 said:Fair point, you've hit the nail on the head regarding all of this.👍

I'm glad we're on the same page.

You make a valid point there... What I'm trying to say is that true friendship shouldn't have these kinds of life hurdles—and if they do happen, you should come out stronger on the other side rather than just holding someone's past mistakes against them. This whole financial issue is a perfect example. The guy has been through countless world competitions, everything from Brazil to Russia, and yet he never reached out. Instead, he calls some third party living miles away in Wales, and suddenly they're meeting up in Russia without any issues at all... Meanwhile, grabbing a beer with me in Chicago is apparently off the table. It's clear we've drifted—even though our interests still align—because he’s moved on to bigger things while I haven't. I don't know... When the moment arises, I'll be blunt. If he starts making excuses, then I'll have my answer...

So, how does one even find a new crew? I don't know... I'm not seventeen anymore, capable of hitting the town every single weekend. I chose to be alone, which suits my lifestyle, but I still miss having that one friend to joke around with—nothing else, really...

Donna Brown5 said:Elizabeth Wilson3 - there's this great little saying in English that really hits home:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

I finally realized this once I started comparing my old college classmates to the people living in my dorm.

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:You make a valid point there... What I'm trying to say is that true friendship shouldn't have these kinds of life hurdles—and if they do happen, you should come out stronger on the other side rather than just holding someone's past mistakes against them. This whole financial issue is a perfect example. The guy has been through countless world competitions, everything from Brazil to Russia, and yet he never reached out. Instead, he calls some third party living miles away in Wales, and suddenly they're meeting up in Russia without any issues at all... Meanwhile, grabbing a beer with me in Chicago is apparently off the table. It's clear we've drifted—even though our interests still align—because he’s moved on to bigger things while I haven't. I don't know... When the moment arises, I'll be blunt. If he starts making excuses, then I'll have my answer...

So, how does one even find a new crew? I don't know... I'm not seventeen anymore, capable of hitting the town every single weekend. I chose to be alone, which suits my lifestyle, but I still miss having that one friend to joke around with—nothing else, really...

And why did he call that person from Britain instead of you? It’s most likely because of the money.🤔 Once again, I find myself circling back to the topic of money, but how could it be otherwise when I realize the game is this Friday and these people have been posting photos from Cyprus for days now. All of this costs money—and it costs a lot, especially when you're doing it constantly. That former friend of yours is a total opportunist; he uses everyone. He used you for things like grabbing beers, burgers, billiards, and whatnot, but this current group is definitely in a different league altogether. He's simply calculated that hanging out with you isn't "profitable" for him because you aren't in a position to fund his lifestyle, or perhaps you just refuse to.

cosmiclynx79 said:I finally realized this once I started comparing my old college classmates to the people living in my dorm.

Which group do you think fits that proverb better?

Silence is Golden.

cosmiclynx79 said:Silence is Golden.

It makes sense, if nothing else, given your username...

darksurfer4 said:And why did he call that person from Britain instead of you? It’s most likely because of the money.🤔 Once again, I find myself circling back to the topic of money, but how could it be otherwise when I realize the game is this Friday and these people have been posting photos from Cyprus for days now. All of this costs money—and it costs a lot, especially when you're doing it constantly. That former friend of yours is a total opportunist; he uses everyone. He used you for things like grabbing beers, burgers, billiards, and whatnot, but this current group is definitely in a different league altogether. He's simply calculated that hanging out with you isn't "profitable" for him because you aren't in a position to fund his lifestyle, or perhaps you just refuse to.

Perhaps—money isn't my issue; I could easily afford a trip. But the reality is that it's harder to get a hold of him here in New York for a quick drink than it is with anyone else—yet with others, he’s easy to find anywhere in the world.

Here is a recent example: Three weeks ago, I ask him to grab a coffee. He gives me the classic line—he's too busy moving gear into a new apartment. Of course, I offer to help if needed, and naturally... not a single word about grabbing a beer or anything else follows.

For me, people like that are a closed chapter. I tend to prune them from my Instagram and WhatsApp feeds. If you can never find the time for a simple drink and you're constantly dodging me, then we have nothing left to discuss. That friendship is dead to me.

That's the gist of it...

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Perhaps—money isn't my issue; I could easily afford a trip. But the reality is that it's harder to get a hold of him here in New York for a quick drink than it is with anyone else—yet with others, he’s easy to find anywhere in the world.

Here is a recent example: Three weeks ago, I ask him to grab a coffee. He gives me the classic line—he's too busy moving gear into a new apartment. Of course, I offer to help if needed, and naturally... not a single word about grabbing a beer or anything else follows.

For me, people like that are a closed chapter. I tend to prune them from my Instagram and WhatsApp feeds. If you can never find the time for a simple drink and you're constantly dodging me, then we have nothing left to discuss. That friendship is dead to me.

That's the gist of it...

Wait, when you say you could find the cash for a trip, are you implying you'd pay for a travel companion too? If that's the case, can I apply to be your friend?🍿

I’ve got my own version of this—this so-called "friendship" that’s been draining the life out of me for years. We were best friends back in high school, but she’s been blowing me off for ages. It happened once before where we drifted, then pulled back together, and now the last few years have just been one massive, exhausting roller coaster. It’s brutal when you’ve known someone forever, but honestly, sometimes you have to get pissed off just to realize you've finally had enough.
I actually had to go to therapy (I was seeing someone for other stuff, but we ended up touching on this too) to finally wrap my head around the fact that I actually have the right to cut someone off. Especially someone like her, who provides zero support and just constantly chips away at my self-esteem—which, let’s be real, wasn't exactly peaking to begin with.
Elizabeth Wilson3, you don't need a friend like that, and I definitely don't need one like mine. They don't actually want to hang out with us, they just won't say it to our faces. It’s basically like a breakup; you just gotta do your own thing, move on, and find a new crew that actually wants to grab a beer with you.

I am truly sorry you had to go through all of that. I'm hoping to find someone new—though, in all honesty, you’re probably right about my luck... Anyway, my inbox is open if you want to chat.

So, this guy finally gets back from his trip. I reach out—thinking we can finally grab a beer, hash things out, and figure out why we’ve been dodging each other—and get this: he tells me he doesn't have the time, followed by some random excuse. Then I ask if he's heading to Vienna for the game, and it's the same old story: "I don't know..."

I decided to just leave him on "read." He claims he'll reach out eventually—though I highly doubt that—but he needs to see how that feels. Honestly, it's just plain rude. I am certainly not calling him again to chase down a drink; it's clearly not on my end, and he's intentionally avoiding me over something from the past. I've already apologized, so my conscience is clear. If he can't move past it and expects me to beg twice, there is zero chance...

So, that's the end of that chapter...

Facebook Group - Female Friends USA

There are quite a few women from the Chicago area who would likely be interested in getting together as well.

I recently attended a coffee meetup, and I have to say, the experience was actually quite pleasant. 😁

I hit a breaking point this weekend—to say I was livid would be an understatement—but yeah, that friendship is officially dead and buried...

So, yesterday I see his Instagram story, right? And he’s hanging out in my neighborhood—my actual neighborhood—yet somehow he didn't have the decency to reach out for that beer I suggested last week. Apparently, he was "way too busy" moving house, but suddenly he has plenty of free time to wander through my part of town on a Saturday. Well, enough is enough. I officially unfollowed him today; honestly, if that isn't a valid reason to cut someone loose, I don't know what is. It’s a slow process, but I am steadily purging the leeches from my past...

Zachary Nguyen said:Facebook Group - Female Friends USA

There are quite a few women from the Chicago area who would likely be interested in getting together as well.

I recently attended a coffee meetup, and I have to say, the experience was actually quite pleasant. 😁

I’d honestly love to grab a coffee too, but they won't let me join the group. 😢 👎

wiredviper52 said:I’d honestly love to grab a coffee too, but they won't let me join the group. 😢 👎

change gender...

John Cruz96 said:change gender...

I doubt women would be quite so tense around me then! 😢

wiredviper52 said:I doubt women would be quite so tense around me then! 😢

Who really knows anymore, I guess anything goes these days since we're living in such progressive times.

wiredviper52 said:I doubt women would be quite so tense around me then! 😢

Why not? If an athlete decides to switch teams, why would women still be on edge? Maybe they'd be even more worked up than before, back when they weren't tied to one specific player... 🤷

Yes, that exact question comes up quite frequently.

My social life was most active in my early twenties. Back when I was a full-time college student, there was always someone available for coffee or a night out. I lacked confidence back then, but I was social, and guys would approach me.

When I moved back home, things went downhill. I had no social circle here. Even if I did find people to hang out with, sometimes I think I only sought them out because I didn't want to be alone—which I admit is selfish. However, I never once avoided inviting a friend or acquaintance along because I was embarrassed by them. It's just how people are; if they see you grabbing coffee with a male friend, they immediately assume you're dating. It becomes exhausting having to constantly justify yourself to everyone.
I once had a friend where we’d go out for a bite to eat and hang out, but he was absolutely not my type. People kept making assumptions, though. Eventually, I lost my temper. In a moment of pure frustration, I snapped at him and said I would never be with someone like him. I felt guilty about it later, of course.

But eventually, it all becomes too much work. You distance yourself from everything to clear your head. Then your thirties arrive, and honestly, you don't socialize much anymore. You don't sit down for coffee with anyone.

Except for very rare occasions.

I am currently planning to enroll in a Spanish course to try and get active again and meet new people.

In psychology, they say we usually bond over shared interests. Once those interests are fulfilled or exhausted, people stop hanging out, unless there is a genuine connection that allows the friendship to evolve further.

As a single woman in her thirties, I can't expect someone who is married with children to dedicate their time to me. People have obligations, and I have obligations to myself as well.

Of course, it is nice to have companionship, but we aren't all in the same stage of life.

I always found a way to fit in anywhere, except when I was broke. If I didn't have money, I wouldn't go out. If the hangout involved doing something productive, I could manage.

I have never been wealthy. I grew up with very little, and I still live modestly. I worked seasonal jobs and drove old beaters, but people still liked me, including the wealthier crowd.
Naturally, during those seasonal work periods, I didn't have much time for a social life, but that was just how it was.

Things are different now. That lifestyle is gone. Even if I do decide to socialize, whether with younger or older people, I often find that our personalities just don't click. And I am perfectly fine with that.

Back home, for instance, no one really wanted to associate with me. Growing up in my hometown, I never felt like I was "good enough" for anyone. That was just the reality.
I accept it and move on.