I feel completely off and can't enjoy life: anxiety, dysthymia, and procrastination

cosmicwolf27 said:Join The Club.🙂

cosmicwolf27 said:Same boat as you.🙂 Only thing is, I’ve got a few more years on you, and honestly? I was exactly where you are back then. Doesn't look like things are changing anytime soon. I pretty much tanked my own life because I couldn't stop being so damn inhibited—too much hesitation, too much overthinking, just constant analysis paralysis... Funny enough, I ended up at the wrong college too.😵
I realized who I really was a long time ago, it’s just that there isn't much I can do about it now...

urbancrane3 said:😲Man, I honestly can’t believe it...😲 It feels like I’m reading my own thoughts. I’m right there with you in age—maybe a year younger, but give or take—and I feel just as lost as you described. I couldn't find the words to express this myself, so I’m actually really glad you posted this. You hit the nail on the head; it’s exactly how things feel for me too.

Brandon Brooks11 said:Yeah, I feel you. 🙂 Photography is the one thing keeping me sane right now. I’m definitely not a pro or anything, but it helps me deal with stuff. Otherwise, it’s just constant guilt, needing everyone to validate my every move, and those dark thoughts... At least my hypochondria finally backed off. 😁

wiredlynx33 said:You’re all essentially living in a bubble because you’re only nineteen; you haven't actually been tested by life yet, and frankly, the real hardships are just waiting in the wings to hit you. I truly don't understand why there is such an overwhelming sense of "depression" everywhere. You aren't starving, you aren't lacking the essentials, and on top of that, you still have people looking out for you. Just take it slow; as the years crawl by, you'll eventually grasp the reality of things and realize how much you didn't know. In short, this phase is purely temporary.

Brandon Brooks11 said:Yeah, I feel you. 🙂 Photography is the one thing keeping me sane right now. I’m definitely not a pro or anything, but it helps me deal with stuff. Otherwise, it’s just constant guilt, needing everyone to validate my every move, and those dark thoughts... At least my hypochondria finally backed off. 😁

wiredlynx33 said:You’re all essentially living in a bubble because you’re only nineteen; you haven't actually been tested by life yet, and frankly, the real hardships are just waiting in the wings to hit you. I truly don't understand why there is such an overwhelming sense of "depression" everywhere. You aren't starving, you aren't lacking the essentials, and on top of that, you still have people looking out for you. Just take it slow; as the years crawl by, you'll eventually grasp the reality of things and realize how much you didn't know. In short, this phase is purely temporary.

wiredlynx33 said:Perhaps if you would just take a moment to survey your surroundings, you might actually realize how incredibly fortunate you truly are. Find yourself a partner—someone to share the weight of this life with—and I guarantee you’ll find that sense of well-being starts to creep back in. Try contributing something meaningful to your community instead of just existing on the sidelines; it does wonders for the soul. For heaven's sake, stop staring at your shoes and pull your head up, you miserable wretch! 😉

silverowl8 said:Hey everyone. Honestly, I don't even know where to start. My head is just a total mess right now and I can't even put a finger on how I’m actually feeling... The biggest thing, maybe, is this crushing sense that life is just passing me by while I sit here on the sidelines... like time is sprinting ahead and I can't catch the damn rhythm... if that makes any sense. I feel like I'm constantly wasting time and I just can't get myself moving. Most days I'm just bored out of my mind, which isn't who I am—deep down, I'm an adventurer, an active guy, and I absolutely hate sitting around doing nothing productive. But there it is. It's like I have this internal brake pulled tight... like I'm actively sabotaging myself... Truth is, I don't even know what I like anymore... I can barely find joy in anything.

It feels like I've been dealing with anxiety and dysthymia for about four years now, and it's gotten way worse over the last year. Lately, indecision is killing me. I struggle to make even the smallest choices, and when I finally do, they're usually the wrong ones, which just eats at me. A little context: it's hard for me to talk about this because there are things I'm even afraid to admit to myself... like how ever since I started high school, most of my days have just been spent spinning my wheels. I regret that so much. I wish I could turn back the clock, but I know I can't, so I just sit here suffering for no reason. I used to play sports before high school, and back then, I was actually pretty happy and fulfilled. Even though I had some anxiety back then, too.

I'm constantly on edge. I always have this knot of nerves in my stomach and my brain won't stop racing... it's exhausting, it just drains everything out of me. The worst part is that all this overthinking leads nowhere. It's like the more I obsess over something, the less I actually understand it. For example, I agonized for ages over which college to go to... I thought about it all day long, yet nothing felt clear. In the end, I made a massive mistake and enrolled in a local community college right here in my small hometown, and God knows how much I regret it. I really wanted to go to a big university in a major city like Chicago or NYC, somewhere I could have some privacy and independence, but I realized that too late. For the past few months—especially these last few days—I've been stuck in a loop thinking about how much of a fatal error that was. I know people have much bigger problems than me, but trust me, right now, this feels catastrophic. Don't think I'm being some spoiled brat; it's not like my life has been pure misery, but it definitely hasn't been sunshine and rainbows either.

Also, lately, almost everyone gets on my nerves. And obviously, it's not them—it's me. I know I'm the one at fault and I want to change, but I have no clue how. Like my friends... almost everything they say bugs me. Every single sentence seems to grate on me. Sometimes I feel this heavy tension when we hang out, but I feel like I have to go, I can't just sit at home, and finding actual good friends is hard enough as it is.

Believe me, opening up like this is incredibly difficult for me. I don't open up easily, and it's even harder to be honest with myself. Feel free to ask anything if you're curious. Lately, I've just been so confused. Nothing makes sense. I don't know what I should do or shouldn't do, and making decisions is a nightmare.

Tomorrow, if my head clears up even a little bit 🙂 , I might try to write a shorter post with just the essentials... I just can't do it right now. Do I need a psychiatrist? I honestly think so, because it feels like I can't help myself. I want to change, but I can't. It's like I'm intentionally holding myself back and choking my own progress 😕

Sorry for the wall of text, but there's just so much swirling around in my head and it's all a mess... absolute chaos. I hope someone finds it worth reading and tries to understand where I'm coming from... it won't be easy because even I don't quite know how I feel.
Anyway, it's not like I'm in a deep, dark depression or anything—it's not like everything is pitch black—but it's certainly not white either. Everything just feels gray right now. I can never seem to enjoy anything, and I rarely have those days where I can say, "Man, today was awesome, I want to do that again." It would be nice if that happened even once a month, but nope...
Look, I mean, I *could* survive like this, but why would I? I don't want to just scrape by—I want to actually live life to the fullest, you know? Taste everything, feel everything... but honestly, I’m stuck. I have no clue how to even start. I need some real advice, some actual support, maybe a kick in the pants to get motivated... Anyway, I'm 19.

wiredlynx33 said:Perhaps if you would just take a moment to survey your surroundings, you might actually realize how incredibly fortunate you truly are. Find yourself a partner—someone to share the weight of this life with—and I guarantee you’ll find that sense of well-being starts to creep back in. Try contributing something meaningful to your community instead of just existing on the sidelines; it does wonders for the soul. For heaven's sake, stop staring at your shoes and pull your head up, you miserable wretch! 😉

hiddenhawk3 said:well at least you have a hobby
nothing really interests me, I guess🙄

anxiety doesn't just stop after 19, I guess🤷
😢

great advice, just find a girlfriend😁
clearly you haven't been paying attention to how people in the US are struggling because of that😛
makes it sound like finding a girl is the only solution😛

@ pokretacu, if it's just a phase, you can always change things up, you're only 19😉

silverbison62 said:While I was reading through your post, one thought just kept looping in my head—I really have to ask, how old are you actually?
Thanks for the heads-up on that... because honestly, it matters!
First off, I’m thinking this might just be one of those passing crises you get at a certain age... I mean, psychologists could probably give you a much more clinical breakdown of what's happening... I've read plenty about it... tons of young people hit that stage where they start questioning everything—where their life is headed, if they're even happy, all that deep stuff...

But I also firmly believe it is never too late to hit the reset button and start from scratch...
Look, I'm 30 myself, and if we look back over the last, say, eleven years, I've had to rebuild my life from zero several times... ON MY OWN...
And yeah, here I am at 30, doing it all over again... and sure, I'm terrified because you never truly know what the future has in store, but there's also this excitement because I know it'll eventually lead to something beautiful!

So, you mentioned wanting to move to a big city for college... what's the hold-up? If you have the means, just go. Do it now. A move like that is definitely going to bring a lot of joy, but let's be real, it brings a massive load of responsibility and obligations too, since you'll be looking out for yourself. But hey, those are the "good" kind of problems to have, and besides, you're basically building your self-confidence at the same time!

I totally get why your friends are getting on your nerves, too... honestly, it's completely normal. In a way, they aren't really "friends" anymore... they're just people you grew up with, and childhood nostalgia is the only thing holding you together. You don't share the same ideas, the same outlook on life, or probably even the same basic habits anymore... so, you've gotta realize that real friends will naturally find you once you're in a bigger environment... you'll eventually cross paths with someone you actually click with, whether it's in your social circle or when it comes to dating...
Bigger pond, more fish!

Anyway, I've rambled enough... but you seriously need to figure out what "happiness" looks like for you as a starting point, and then lay down the first stone on that path to go find it... GOOD LUCK!!!

Terry Mendoza80 said:Man, I totally get where you're coming from because I am stuck in that exact same headspace right now. A few months back, I finally bit the bullet and went to see a psychiatrist—ended up getting some medication, and honestly? It’s been a game changer for the anxiety and social phobia stuff, which used to absolutely wreck me. But the depression... that's a different story. That still hits hard. Some days are manageable, other days are just a straight-up slog, and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with myself. I have plenty of interests—really, I do—but actually getting off the couch and taking that first step? That's the hardest part, hands down. Things have been looking up a tiny bit lately, though—even if I feel like if I pushed myself harder, I could be doing even better... I don't really know what else to tell you, but just know you aren't alone in this. I'm about a year older than you, if that helps at all.

driftingfox33 said:Haha, I’m right there with you—it started hitting me around that same age, maybe 18 or 19... Fast forward ten years later and honestly, not much has shifted, but I'm hanging in there and making it work. 🙂

silverowl8;21782151 said:

Yeah, that’s just one part of the whole mess—and honestly, it might be the biggest issue right now. It's a massive call to make, especially since I've already knocked out my freshman year at university, and I really don't want to be a burden to my family... man, I don't even know anymore...

[/QUO

👍 Look, you finished your first year! Seriously, congrats. How about instead of all this, you try being actually proud of yourself for once and give yourself some damn credit?

silverowl8 said:Look, I appreciate the support, I really do, but it’s just not that simple. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately...

Yeah, that’s just one part of it, but honestly? It might be the most important thing on my mind right now. It’s a hell of a decision to make. I’ve already knocked out my freshman year at college, and I really don't want to be a burden to my family... but man, I don't even know anymore.

Yeah, you're spot on about the friends thing. I hadn't really sat down to think about it, but unfortunately, that's just how it is. Seriously, thanks so much for the support! 🙂 And props to you for making those fresh starts. I know firsthand that isn't easy at all!

Hang in there 🙂 , I'm glad people who feel the same way are reaching out

Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? I don't want to live like this for years on end, wasting my youth like this... I really hope things start looking up for you and you can move past it
🙂

@ everyone
thanks to everyone who chimed in, it really means a lot 🙂