Dealing with resentment toward my parents

Dana Morales64 said:I’ve been dealing with this issue for years now—I hate my parents. And honestly? That resentment just keeps growing day by day. It isn't that they're "evil" people, per se, but I can't get past the fact that they don't own a car. It sounds shallow, I know, but I can’t shake it. I feel an intense sense of shame whenever I'm out in public with them. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to lie to people when they ask why I didn't drive myself, or what kind of old clunker my folks are rolling around in. It’s embarrassing because, in my mind, they’re making me look bad in the city where we live. Even though I'm living on the other side of the country now, the discomfort still hits whenever someone asks why I'm hauling my stuff via Greyhound or Amtrak instead of having my parents help me move in their own vehicle. It’s infuriating because it feels like nobody even asks if you have a car anymore—it's just an unspoken rule in America that everyone owns one. But more than that, the car thing is just a symptom—a way to distract from the real issue, which is that my father is a total loser. He’s a man who's afraid of his own shadow and hasn't actually accomplished anything meaningful in his life, not for himself and certainly not for us. I'm deeply dissatisfied with him, both as a person and as a provider. I know I'm not perfect either—I've been incredibly rude and harsh lately—but it all stems from this massive well of frustration and disappointment toward them, especially my old man.
I could go on with endless examples, but I won't. I guess I'm just grieving the fact that I'll never be able to brag about my parents or tell people they're actually decent, successful human beings. When I see other people's families, it honestly makes me want to scream. Look, we aren't tethered to our parents by some unbreakable bond, but the reality remains: they are my parents, and I'm stuck carrying this pillar of shame. I don't think there is anything worse in this world than being disappointed by your own parents—to have them be the exact example of what a person should *not* be. 😢

But the real question is whether you are disappointed in yourself and your own principles. It isn't your parents causing this shame; it's your own values.
Buy a car and gift it to your mother and father. You will feel happy, satisfied, and proud. And they will have a vehicle.

Dana Morales64 said:I honestly feel like just giving up—I can't face life knowing the truth about who my parents actually are. Either I’m going to disappear somewhere far away where nobody knows my name or anything about my past, or maybe I'll just reinvent myself entirely. Because living like this? It’s just not sustainable anymore.

You really wanna talk about shame? Like, you're judging someone because their old man didn't make it big? Maybe take a look at your own life before you start throwing stones at everyone else. Why are you even pressed about it if your family can't even afford a decent car right now?div>

Dana Morales64, you already started a similar thread over on the Psychology board, and you got plenty of straight answers back then. That’s why I didn't ban the people who gave you those blunt responses. Just because your parents don't own a car doesn't mean they're any less worthy.

So, maybe you'll just have to work your tail off and earn yourself a ride. You're 18 now, which means you really only have anyone to blame but yourself. Can't find a decent job? Didn't bother learning a second language, so you can't head overseas for better pay? I won't even ask—I'm guessing you aren't in college, so you basically cut off your own easiest path to making money...

If it bothers you so much that your folks don't have a vehicle, then I guess you should roll up your sleeves and buy one for them. Just do the math on how much they've spent on you from birth until now: it's probably enough to buy a Ford.

And I'm asking the rest of you to keep the direct insults to a minimum. That gets you banned.

😕 damn... just a whole lot of nonsense..

Dana Morales64, what do you say to being adopted? I promise... I'll buy you a tractor so you can spend all day driving around the farm...🙂

Back when I was going through those phases where I couldn't stand my parents, I felt absolutely terrible. It’s just how it works—people, especially during their teen years and even later on, are deeply tied to their folks, and whether they influence you positively or negatively shapes everything. I mean, let's be real, it's hard to have a functional life if you don't actually love or accept your parents—unless, obviously, they were neglectful or abusive. If you're treating your mom poorly, there's a huge chance you'll end up treating your wife the same way too; I've seen it happen way too many times in real life. Even Freud pointed out this pattern. And with your dad, if you spend all your time hating his specific traits, there's a massive risk that you'll end up developing those exact same traits YOURSELF.

It really helps to take a step back and ask yourself some tough questions. Like, which of my parents' traits actually get under my skin? Do I actually possess those same qualities myself? Or am I just being an unambitious, overly modest person—which is basically just code for an idiot—who isn't ready to face a reality they can't change? Why would someone keep living their life by creating hurdles for themselves that don't help anyone and that THEY CANNOT CHANGE... like, seriously, worrying about what the neighbors will think because your parents don't drive a fancy car? That's just low emotional intelligence right there.

Respect your mother and father so you can live a good life and find some peace on this earth... I know it's tough sometimes, but honestly, life is even tougher when you're living in a "survival of the fittest" mindset.

If you're under 18, maybe that immature, cruel, or reckless behavior is somewhat excusable, but if you're an adult? Man, I truly feel for you.

Dana Morales64 said:I’ve been dealing with this issue for years now—I hate my parents. And honestly? That resentment just keeps growing day by day. It isn't that they're "evil" people, per se, but I can't get past the fact that they don't own a car. It sounds shallow, I know, but I can’t shake it. I feel an intense sense of shame whenever I'm out in public with them. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to lie to people when they ask why I didn't drive myself, or what kind of old clunker my folks are rolling around in. It’s embarrassing because, in my mind, they’re making me look bad in the city where we live. Even though I'm living on the other side of the country now, the discomfort still hits whenever someone asks why I'm hauling my stuff via Greyhound or Amtrak instead of having my parents help me move in their own vehicle. It’s infuriating because it feels like nobody even asks if you have a car anymore—it's just an unspoken rule in America that everyone owns one. But more than that, the car thing is just a symptom—a way to distract from the real issue, which is that my father is a total loser. He’s a man who's afraid of his own shadow and hasn't actually accomplished anything meaningful in his life, not for himself and certainly not for us. I'm deeply dissatisfied with him, both as a person and as a provider. I know I'm not perfect either—I've been incredibly rude and harsh lately—but it all stems from this massive well of frustration and disappointment toward them, especially my old man.
I could go on with endless examples, but I won't. I guess I'm just grieving the fact that I'll never be able to brag about my parents or tell people they're actually decent, successful human beings. When I see other people's families, it honestly makes me want to scream. Look, we aren't tethered to our parents by some unbreakable bond, but the reality remains: they are my parents, and I'm stuck carrying this pillar of shame. I don't think there is anything worse in this world than being disappointed by your own parents—to have them be the exact example of what a person should *not* be. 😢

Do you even have money for a car?
Do you even have a job?
If you don't have the cash, fine—go pick up two jobs and grind until you can afford a Ford. Only then will you realize if putting that much effort into a flashy ride is even worth it. Spoiler alert: it probably isn't.
From what I can tell, you wouldn't even be happy if your folks bought a basic sedan; you'd just complain that the neighbor drives a BMW, and then say your parents need to buy a Lamborghini.
You just want to flex on your neighbors and show the world you're "somebody" because you have a nice car. I've been exactly where you are. Today, I drive a high-end car, and while it's a certain kind of thrill, it's also a curse. You end up serving the car more than it serves you. And trust me, getting that tiny hit of satisfaction from a neighbor's jealous glance? It doesn't last. One day it feels great, and the next, you'd give anything just to have a decent car just so you can fit in.
Look, parents are who they are, and they aren't going to change no matter how much you flip out. I have similar parents—they're from that old school generation with totally different values. Just go your own way. When my father passed away, I finally saw that he was actually a decent, honest guy. He had his flaws, sure, but I felt such deep regret. Right after he died, I went out and bought an expensive car, and honestly, it meant absolutely nothing to me once he was gone. Don't rush into making decisions based on spite, or you'll head down the wrong path. In the end, you'll realize they're all you've got. Screw the rest of the world... blood is thicker than water.
Just try to stay on good terms with them and carve out your own life. They are who they are, and that's that.

velvetfalcon44 said:Do you even have money for a car?
Do you even have a job?
If you don't have the cash, fine—go pick up two jobs and grind until you can afford a Ford. Only then will you realize if putting that much effort into a flashy ride is even worth it. Spoiler alert: it probably isn't.
From what I can tell, you wouldn't even be happy if your folks bought a basic sedan; you'd just complain that the neighbor drives a BMW, and then say your parents need to buy a Lamborghini.
You just want to flex on your neighbors and show the world you're "somebody" because you have a nice car. I've been exactly where you are. Today, I drive a high-end car, and while it's a certain kind of thrill, it's also a curse. You end up serving the car more than it serves you. And trust me, getting that tiny hit of satisfaction from a neighbor's jealous glance? It doesn't last. One day it feels great, and the next, you'd give anything just to have a decent car just so you can fit in.
Look, parents are who they are, and they aren't going to change no matter how much you flip out. I have similar parents—they're from that old school generation with totally different values. Just go your own way. When my father passed away, I finally saw that he was actually a decent, honest guy. He had his flaws, sure, but I felt such deep regret. Right after he died, I went out and bought an expensive car, and honestly, it meant absolutely nothing to me once he was gone. Don't rush into making decisions based on spite, or you'll head down the wrong path. In the end, you'll realize they're all you've got. Screw the rest of the world... blood is thicker than water.
Just try to stay on good terms with them and carve out your own life. They are who they are, and that's that.

You're right; I completely agree.

I’m not even going to bother diving into this guy's psychological profile. Honestly? I'll just leave it at this: the whole situation is just incredibly, deeply sad.

Judging your parents solely by their bank account and what they can buy you... honestly, that’s just pathetic, just like the previous commenter pointed out. I would trade ten Porsches just to have a father who actually treats me well and supports me. Who cares if he doesn't have a dime in his pocket or if people dismiss him as a "nobody" who achieved nothing in life?

If you have a good father, you already have everything you need.

Believe me, I’d love to cruise around in some fancy, expensive car too, but my first thought is always, "How am I actually going to afford this?" rather than "How do I manipulate my parents into buying it for me?" Look, you aren't fifteen anymore.
As for moving my stuff around, I never borrow my parents' car. I just pack a suitcase and take a bus or an Amtrak train. Dealing with them during a ninety-minute drive drains my nerves way too much to make it worth it.

Rent a car, grab a van. You’ve got moves to make 😁

Jesus, I honestly can't believe it. Why don't you hate yourself just a little bit for being such a shallow, superficial person? What kind of world did you grow up in to think it’s perfectly normal to despise your parents just because they don't own a car, and then decide to post about that "problem" here on this forum?
It is just so incredibly, monumentally, elephantine-level sad.
I have to admit, I felt a bit called out myself since I was in a relationship for a year and a half 🙈 with a guy (32 years old) who used to "woo" me, and when he talked about his issues with his parents, he wouldn't go into specifics, but there was always this "massive pain" involved...
I remember thinking to myself, man, they must have really screwed him over.
But as I listened to his stories over time and eventually met the people in question, I realized it was just a case of a man who is furious at the entire world because—get this—his parents, after working abroad for 30 years, don't have the standard setup of every other immigrant worker: two Mercedes-Benzes, a vacation home in Florida, and a massive house being built back home for their retirement. Instead, they've been trying to finish building a house in their hometown for 30 years and just can't get it done— for being so incompetent, damn them!
Even in Xxxxberg, they don't even own a house; they're renting, can you imagine?!

It goes without saying that his parents were wonderful people—incredibly attentive and caring. My mom would have lost her mind, practically begging me to make him see reason, when he finally decided, fueled by rage and irritation at their very existence and perceived incompetence, to simply stop answering their calls.

Unless, of course, he needed something.

"Look at your parents; they bought you and your brother an apartment in D.C., so now, princess, you don't have to pay rent. It's easy for you to criticize me!"—that's what he would tell me.
"Meanwhile, I'm stuck working like a dog in a warehouse, handing over my last cent for rent... all because THEY were incompetent."!

There you go. That's the mindset right there.

The guy was chronically incapable. He changed jobs like he changed socks, was unemployed most of the time, and had these grandiose ambitions that he never actually lifted a finger to achieve.
He was basically living off the glory of one successful job where he actually managed to stay past his six-month probation period...

Believe me, being that kind of person is exhausting. At one point, he latched onto a wealthy, self-assured woman (right after me), but she ended up dumping him recently. And now? He's back to hating his parents (and the rest of the world).

Don't be that guy.

Just buy your own car.

Classic case of someone who thinks the whole world is out to get them. God forbid they actually take a tiny shred of responsibility for their own mess... because why bother when you can just point fingers at everyone else? It’s pathetic, really. The worst part? They don't even realize they're doing it. They're dead certain they're right, even though they've screwed up at every single turn.

My best friend grew up with a dad exactly like this. Now he's just a total wreck—self-destructive, paranoid, high-strung, and stuck in this constant loop of depression. He blames himself for everything, including things that have absolutely zero connection to him. It kills me to watch him go through it, and I can't imagine how heavy it feels for him.

Anyway, getting off track here... I’ll just say that if the author doesn't get their head checked (assuming there's actually something in there to check), their kids are going to end up in the exact same spot. Not to mention everyone else around them who doesn't deserve any of this crap.

I honestly feel terrible for your parents. 😢

While my parents don't own a car—and given the current economic climate, they have no intention of buying one—I feel like I’m facing a much more significant crisis than financial instability. I’m dealing with my mother. She has essentially appointed me as the family scapegoat. To give you an idea of what I mean: she’ll walk through the door after work to find the dishes piled up in the sink while the three of us—myself and my two sisters—are just sitting in the living room watching a show. Suddenly, she snaps at me: "How can you be so shameless, leaving the house in this state at your age? You haven't lifted a finger all day. Honestly, I would have been better off raising a pet." The kicker? These insults are directed solely at me, day after day. My sisters are sitting right there next to me; they aren't disabled, they don't have any physical limitations, and they are perfectly capable of doing their part around the house. But somehow, I am the only target. I’ve actually tried to sit her down and have a calm, adult conversation about how her words affect me, but all I get in return is more verbal abuse. I am reaching my breaking point. I’m tired of walking out the door every single morning feeling completely agitated and drained because my mother refuses to acknowledge that she is in the wrong. Does anyone have any actual advice? And please, spare me the cliché suggestion of "just having a talk"—I've already tried that, and it doesn't work.

Instead of binge-watching shows—which might actually save you from your own bitterness—you should probably just stick to your day job. It’s clearly what you're best at.

Justin Morgan3 said:While my parents don't own a car—and given the current economic climate, they have no intention of buying one—I feel like I’m facing a much more significant crisis than financial instability. I’m dealing with my mother. She has essentially appointed me as the family scapegoat. To give you an idea of what I mean: she’ll walk through the door after work to find the dishes piled up in the sink while the three of us—myself and my two sisters—are just sitting in the living room watching a show. Suddenly, she snaps at me: "How can you be so shameless, leaving the house in this state at your age? You haven't lifted a finger all day. Honestly, I would have been better off raising a pet." The kicker? These insults are directed solely at me, day after day. My sisters are sitting right there next to me; they aren't disabled, they don't have any physical limitations, and they are perfectly capable of doing their part around the house. But somehow, I am the only target. I’ve actually tried to sit her down and have a calm, adult conversation about how her words affect me, but all I get in return is more verbal abuse. I am reaching my breaking point. I’m tired of walking out the door every single morning feeling completely agitated and drained because my mother refuses to acknowledge that she is in the wrong. Does anyone have any actual advice? And please, spare me the cliché suggestion of "just having a talk"—I've already tried that, and it doesn't work.

This really belongs in the "Mom and Motherhood Issues" thread. Just copy and paste it over there—unless a moderator wants to move it for you.👍

driftingfox82 said:Instead of binge-watching shows—which might actually save you from your own bitterness—you should probably just stick to your day job. It’s clearly what you're best at.

Man, it isn't even about the dishes. The real issue here is my mom's attitude toward me. Is it actually necessary to get insulted just because of a few dirty plates?

Alright, enough games. I’ve had my fill of entertainment over the last two days scrolling through your comments. If any of you actually took this whole thing seriously, then there’s really no hope for you—you have to realize that people here frequently just make stuff up simply to grab some attention and enjoy watching everyone else react to their "insults." 😂
At least I can say I know exactly how to pull a crowd, so I'll leave you to it. Catch you later, peace. 😁

The only thing you can control is refusing to be like them. I’m not going to come at you the way everyone else did, because honestly, for someone to have any right to act like that, they’d have to be standing exactly where you are right now.
Look, hate is a hell of a motivator. If that’s all you’ve got left, then fine—use it. Keep hating them if it helps you get through the day, but use that spite to actually hit the goals you've set for yourself.

Is this considered trolling? Or should we just let things cool off for a week or so?