What were your biggest pregnancy surprises and pet peeves?

I spent thirty minutes today stuck in line at a T-Mobile store just trying to settle a bill—thirty minutes of my life I won't get back—while everyone else ahead of me seemed to breeze through in ten, mostly just asking quick questions about service plans or upgrades. Eventually, I turned to the clerk and asked if there was any way I could just pay my bill and skip the wait, given how long I’d been standing there. I mentioned that I was practically collapsing from exhaustion, quite literally struggling to stay on my feet. She just gave this little shrug—that universal gesture of "not my problem"—and told me, "I'm sorry, you'll have to go to another location."

Michelle Thomas38 said:I mean, what’s the big deal if you have kids before getting married? Honestly, how many people are in that exact same situation and doing just fine? Don't let them start dictating your life like that—if you give in now, they'll just keep pushing.
And as for him needing to drop out of college to find a full-time job—who even says that? I guess he should just focus on finishing his degree, and in the meantime, maybe just pick up some part-time gigs through a temp agency or something...

I mean, seriously—how is a family of three supposed to survive on nothing but part-time gigs from a campus placement service?

feralpanther11 said:Look, dear, you are completely delusional. Both of you are currently unemployed and broke—honestly, being in your position right now is a recipe for disaster. How could you both be so incredibly reckless as to bring a child into this world without a single shred of financial stability or a plan in place? It’s pure negligence. And that is exactly why you find yourself stuck in this corner—you just have to sit there, keep your mouth shut, and deal with the consequences.
It’s honestly a bit tragic—you’re essentially letting the older generation hold all the cards, and they’ll likely keep you under their thumb for a very long time to come. I’d venture to guess you'll be stuck living under that same roof indefinitely.
Best of luck!

Look, sorry, but I think we should actually be giving her some support instead of just judging her for having a kid when things aren't perfect. Honestly, she should just be happy she even got pregnant on the first try—some people struggle so much just to conceive. And as for money... I mean, I'm working right now, but I definitely had less cash in my pocket now than I did back when I was a student.

Look, I’m not trying to pass judgment here—I just want her to realize that being in this position is exactly what happens when you don't plan ahead. She needs to accept the reality of the situation and stop letting it get under her skin, especially while she's pregnant. It's just unnecessary stress.
They went ahead and had a kid without actually having the foundation to support it, so now they have to deal with the fallout. First off, they need to swallow their pride and accept that they are living under their parents' roof because, frankly, they have no other choice. And since they are technically dependents, their parents are going to treat them like people who require guidance and assistance—which, let's be honest, is exactly what they need right now.

Steven Harris16 said:Because I have to—that's the reality. I wouldn't choose to have a wedding right now if it were up to me, but we don't really have a choice. My partner and I aren't making the calls here because our financial situation is such that we're essentially forced to let them take the lead. We'll let them pay, but we fully intend to pay them back, and we're praying that the gifts from half the guests will cover the remaining costs. The hardest part is knowing that I'm hurting both myself and my baby with all this tension; my partner and I end up bickering over every little thing, which leaves us both feeling miserable afterward. 😢 It breaks my heart that I won't actually get to enjoy my own wedding, instead just swaying around heavily 😢 and counting down the minutes until every single guest finally heads home.😢

Hold on a second—if they're getting paid back anyway, what business do they have making the decisions? I’ve always had a distaste for blackmail, but this is crossing a line.😲

feralpanther11 said:I mean, seriously—how is a family of three supposed to survive on nothing but part-time gigs from a campus placement service?

What would be better—him messing around with some useless degree and struggling through life, or just getting it over with so he can land a solid job and actually secure his future?
Summer’s right around the corner—plenty of side hustles popping up to stack some cash and actually put something aside for once. I wouldn't be the first person to grind like that, and I certainly won't be the last. If you can build up a decent nest egg now, you'll be set when the baby finally arrives and all those expenses start hitting at once.

ironrider20 said:Look, sorry, but I think we should actually be giving her some support instead of just judging her for having a kid when things aren't perfect. Honestly, she should just be happy she even got pregnant on the first try—some people struggle so much just to conceive. And as for money... I mean, I'm working right now, but I definitely had less cash in my pocket now than I did back when I was a student.

Exactly...
The more you grind today, the less money you actually end up with. And let’s be real—parents are still going to be breathing down your neck about wedding plans and every other life decision because, at the end of the day, you'll probably be leaning on them. I guess the idea is to build up your own stash so that if things get tight, the folks can step in and help out when needed... maybe.

Everything you’re saying holds water—the job, the summer plans, the money, all of it—but none of that changes the fundamental reality. It doesn't stop someone from getting under their skin, constantly pushing them to act exactly how their parents want, right when they want it, and however they want it. At the end of the day, the power dynamic is skewed because the money is in the parents' hands—it's their capital driving the bus—and they're still living under the same roof... it's an exhausting cycle.

feralpanther11 said:Everything you’re saying holds water—the job, the summer plans, the money, all of it—but none of that changes the fundamental reality. It doesn't stop someone from getting under their skin, constantly pushing them to act exactly how their parents want, right when they want it, and however they want it. At the end of the day, the power dynamic is skewed because the money is in the parents' hands—it's their capital driving the bus—and they're still living under the same roof... it's an exhausting cycle.

Fine. So what? They're stuck where they are.
But personally, I think some parents have zero business acting like that.

It’s honestly gross to me when someone is that pathologically controlling—trying to manipulate their kids for their entire lives without giving a single thought to how much it actually hurts them.

I mean, sure... they're being supported by their parents.
But that doesn't give parents a free pass to treat them like that.

If you want to help, help. But don't offer a hand just so you can use it to play someone like a fool.

I have to say, I’m inclined to agree with Kevin Bailey2 on this one—you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s a grim reality, but most parents behave exactly this way; they feel justified in micromanaging every single aspect of their children's lives and obligations. It stems from the specific pressures of their own circumstances—a constant, suffocating weight that they end up projecting onto everyone else.

Then again, there's a flip side to the coin: they really ought to just accept it and come to terms with the reality of things, considering they are the ones who engineered this situation in the first place.

feralpanther11 said:Look, dear, you are completely delusional. Both of you are currently unemployed and broke—honestly, being in your position right now is a recipe for disaster. How could you both be so incredibly reckless as to bring a child into this world without a single shred of financial stability or a plan in place? It’s pure negligence. And that is exactly why you find yourself stuck in this corner—you just have to sit there, keep your mouth shut, and deal with the consequences.
It’s honestly a bit tragic—you’re essentially letting the older generation hold all the cards, and they’ll likely keep you under their thumb for a very long time to come. I’d venture to guess you'll be stuck living under that same roof indefinitely.
Best of luck!

Listen, we were both just students with zero income when we had our child, and we refuse to let anyone else meddle in what belongs solely to us: our life, our choices, our marriage, and our child. It doesn't belong to them... and that applies to Tia, too.

If the parents want to provide financial support, fine—let them help. But if they don't, they'll have to figure it out themselves. Trying to buy someone's life and strip them of their rights is simply atrocious, and I would never allow it...🤷
What comes next? Is the child just going to be snatched away by the grandparents because they don't like how she's being raised?
That's just not how it works...👎

If we had actually submitted to our parents like you suggest is "normal," our little one wouldn't even be here today.

And if we had given in a second time, my partner would have ended up being a "weekend dad"—busy at some university in Chicago all week, if he even made it home at all...he might have managed two days with us on the weekend, maybe.

If we had submitted a third time, we probably would have been married by now! (Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, mind you, but I am intentionally avoiding it just so people stop hovering over me like I'm some sort of obligation)...

Do you see where all this is heading...?

If I may, Tia, you’re at a crossroads right now where you have to decide how your family is going to treat you, your partner, and the baby moving forward. The precedent you set today dictates the dynamic for the future. It is notoriously difficult to break old patterns once they are established; if you let them run your life like you're still a child, don't be surprised when they continue to treat you that way. Of course, compromise is part of the game. Personally, I’d suggest getting crystal clear on what you actually want, sitting down with your partner to get on the same page, and then offering a reasonable compromise—just to show good faith—before firmly drawing your line in the sand.
Regardless, best of luck.

You have a point, but I’d offer one more perspective: you’ve also played a role in this—by your own choices and current circumstances, you've essentially dictated the terms of your parents' lives. Of course, they aren't legally obligated to step in—it isn't a mandate—but it’s only natural that they'd want to help since they're your family and they know exactly how much you're struggling. It would certainly make their own lives easier—if nothing else, they wouldn't have to worry quite as much—if you were fully self-sufficient and only required the occasional symbolic gesture of support... 🤷

Lisa Rivera said:Listen, we were both just students with zero income when we had our child, and we refuse to let anyone else meddle in what belongs solely to us: our life, our choices, our marriage, and our child. It doesn't belong to them... and that applies to Tia, too.

If the parents want to provide financial support, fine—let them help. But if they don't, they'll have to figure it out themselves. Trying to buy someone's life and strip them of their rights is simply atrocious, and I would never allow it...🤷
What comes next? Is the child just going to be snatched away by the grandparents because they don't like how she's being raised?
That's just not how it works...👎

If we had actually submitted to our parents like you suggest is "normal," our little one wouldn't even be here today.

And if we had given in a second time, my partner would have ended up being a "weekend dad"—busy at some university in Chicago all week, if he even made it home at all...he might have managed two days with us on the weekend, maybe.

If we had submitted a third time, we probably would have been married by now! (Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, mind you, but I am intentionally avoiding it just so people stop hovering over me like I'm some sort of obligation)...

Do you see where all this is heading...?

Exactly, BlackLotus.
I was literally about to write that even though you live with your parents, you still have the right to choose for yourself.

And I doubt anyone is actually going to kick Tia and her boyfriend out onto the street if they show some teeth and fight for themselves.

Trust me, I know manipulators like her parents all too well...
I've got a mother-in-law, hello?☕

And you know what the best part is... 😂
My in-laws still think I'm this poor, innocent victim of their wicked son. They act like he's the one who decided the baby's name is Adam and that I'm not allowed to disagree. Now they want to "save" me... they might even claim he hits me.

Honestly, I've shown them my teeth probably 666 times by now, but they won't quit. They won't stop nagging me about every little thing, God help me.
It's like they think they're the center of the universe.
That's how they act. Like they have the right to make every single decision.

The other day I tell my husband: "Hey, I read online that Target has those baby onesies on sale, drive me there so I can check them out."
And oh boy... my mother-in-law jumped in immediately: "Oh, great... let's go!"
I just looked at her... 😂 "...no... you guys need to rest. I'll go."

Buying stupid onesies and baby gear felt exactly like buying my husband a suit for the wedding. Even if it was his money... whatever... it was on her card and she wouldn't hand it over to him directly.
What a nightmare. The three of us went to buy his suit... and she kept trying to push this tacky, cheap-looking suit on him that even he didn't like. I told her: "Look... just let him pick the suit. It's his wedding."
But you know her... please... "I don't care if it's his wedding. I'm his mother."
Ugh... ridiculous.
So I lost it and said:
"Yeah. You're his mother. But that suit is hideous. A 60-year-old wouldn't wear that, let alone a 24-year-old guy."
But whatever... in the end, we bought the suit I wanted anyway... 😂Honestly, which one looked best on my husband? Black was the winner—sleek, classy, modern.

The last thing I want is to go shopping for baby gear with her. Even if she offers to foot the bill, there's zero chance. I refuse to let a few bucks turn me into someone's puppet.
I'd much rather deal with a bank loan and their interest rates than take a single cent from her just to endure the constant manipulation.

I seriously can't stand people like that. They act like they’re "doing you a favor" when really, they're just looking for leverage to mess with your head.
Look, either help me out or don't. Don't give me that "well, if I'm buying the crib, it's going to be exactly what *I* want" routine.
It didn't occur to me to invite her along when we were picking out linoleum for the kitchen, so why on earth would I ask her to join us for the crib, stroller, and dresser?

And speaking of things that get under my skin...
My phone is ringing right now.
It's my father-in-law. Not answering. 😍

Hey ladies—thanks so much for all the advice. Honestly, we’re both over the moon about the pregnancy, especially since I was previously told it would be an uphill battle for me to even conceive... So, here’s the plan: I’m currently finishing up my degree, but since I'm nearing graduation, I'm hoping to have my career settled by the time the little one is old enough for daycare. Until then, well, life happens—my partner will be picking up some extra shifts alongside his studies, and my parents have been kind enough to step in and help us out. My folks aren't the type to meddle too much—at least they try their best not to 😂—and his older brother is actually pretty great, though his mother is constantly trying to get under my skin. But hey, I'll manage... I always do. We’re actually finding out in about a week what the final decision will be regarding the big day, haha. We'll see if everyone is truly on board with having the wedding within the next year or not... because, truthfully, both my partner and I are really leaning towards that idea of combining the christening with the wedding ceremony 😍

Just be relentless—show everyone right out of the gate that you actually have a vision for your own life and a plan to execute it. You need to demonstrate that you don't require some external hand to steer you through the fog. Assert your individuality immediately; if you wait until later to find your footing, trying to carve out that sense of self becomes an uphill battle.
Good luck.

And honestly, stop letting this get under your skin now.

Steven Harris16 said:Hey ladies—thanks so much for all the advice. Honestly, we’re both over the moon about the pregnancy, especially since I was previously told it would be an uphill battle for me to even conceive... So, here’s the plan: I’m currently finishing up my degree, but since I'm nearing graduation, I'm hoping to have my career settled by the time the little one is old enough for daycare. Until then, well, life happens—my partner will be picking up some extra shifts alongside his studies, and my parents have been kind enough to step in and help us out. My folks aren't the type to meddle too much—at least they try their best not to 😂—and his older brother is actually pretty great, though his mother is constantly trying to get under my skin. But hey, I'll manage... I always do. We’re actually finding out in about a week what the final decision will be regarding the big day, haha. We'll see if everyone is truly on board with having the wedding within the next year or not... because, truthfully, both my partner and I are really leaning towards that idea of combining the christening with the wedding ceremony 😍

Just using my brain for a second today to say you should just be happy you're pregnant, because believe me, there are women who have everything perfect financially but can't even get pregnant. You'll get through all the other stupid stuff easily. Personally, I was lucky enough to get pregnant without any issues at 35, and it happened on the first try, too. Do you realize how much of a blessing that is? Especially since, like I said before, I actually have less money now than when I was in college.

ironrider20 said:Just using my brain for a second today to say you should just be happy you're pregnant, because believe me, there are women who have everything perfect financially but can't even get pregnant. You'll get through all the other stupid stuff easily. Personally, I was lucky enough to get pregnant without any issues at 35, and it happened on the first try, too. Do you realize how much of a blessing that is? Especially since, like I said before, I actually have less money now than when I was in college.

We are beyond happy about the baby, 😍 and everything else will eventually fall into place...
Thank you for those kind words 😍
And I am genuinely thrilled that everything worked out so beautifully with your pregnancies—it really is wonderful 😍(though I realize you're all much more mature than I am, so I won't overstep by acting like some obnoxious kid, haha 😁)

It drives me crazy how my partner just doesn't seem to register that I’m actually pregnant most of the time. He expects me to handle everything—doing the dishes, running to the bakery, heading to campus, working—but the second his friends call him to head out to a local brewery or a game, he won't even ask if I want to come. He just tells them "no" on my behalf because I'm feeling too unwell.
He barely touches my stomach for two seconds, like he’s just checking a box because he "has to." I honestly thought he’d be more interested now that there's a baby on the way and he could actually see the movement.

There’s plenty of other stuff that bugs me (especially as a future daughter-in-law), but I'll save that for another time. 🙂

Steven Gonzalez9 said:It drives me crazy how my partner just doesn't seem to register that I’m actually pregnant most of the time. He expects me to handle everything—doing the dishes, running to the bakery, heading to campus, working—but the second his friends call him to head out to a local brewery or a game, he won't even ask if I want to come. He just tells them "no" on my behalf because I'm feeling too unwell.
He barely touches my stomach for two seconds, like he’s just checking a box because he "has to." I honestly thought he’d be more interested now that there's a baby on the way and he could actually see the movement.

There’s plenty of other stuff that bugs me (especially as a future daughter-in-law), but I'll save that for another time. 🙂

Ugh... I feel the same way sometimes. My husband and I don't experience this pregnancy as closely as I’d really like.

Some guys are just built that way. They struggle to realize there’s another person involved in the equation.

I remember during my first couple of pregnancies, it was cool when the little one would kick hard... eventually, even that became old news to him.

That's just life, I guess.

And as for mothers-in-law... there’s an entire thread dedicated to marriage and partners if you want to jump in there. I'll be lurking there too. We could talk about that topic for hours. 😂

From the very beginning of our relationship, my husband wanted kids, but I always played it off saying we had plenty of time—until motherhood finally hit me.
As for husbands, they aren't all cut from the same cloth!
The day I told him I was pregnant, he was all in. Every single day when he got home from work, he’d kiss my belly, kiss me, and even call me during his breaks just to check in on "us." He'd ask if the baby was kicking or if everything was okay, massage my legs and back, and talk to my stomach... so yeah, it really comes down to the individual.