briskdrifter2 said:I don't have kids yet, so I’ll just be philosophizing into the void for a moment.
One friend of mine takes her baby everywhere. If it drizzles? No big deal. If she needs to hit Target and the stroller is too much? She just uses the baby carrier and they go...
On the flip side, another friend won't step foot outside unless the weather, psychological state, and physical conditions are absolutely perfect by her specific standards. For the first three months, she barely left the house because she figured babies don't really "do" anything outside until they get a bit stronger. Then, it couldn't be too cold, too hot, too windy, too early, or too late. And for the first several times, she wouldn't even dare venture out without her husband... though I have no idea why...
It’s not like I got the impression her child is somehow more demanding than her first one, or that the main reason for these restrictions is the baby crying or anything like that.
I'm seeing two extremes in my circle here.
So, while it's true that babies vary in how demanding they are, mothers vary just as much in their attitudes, expectations, and levels of intensity.
One person can't handle laundry sitting there until there's enough for a full load—whatever their specific trigger is—while another will nag her husband to get home immediately...
Some dads would rather watch the kid so Mom can tidy up the house, while other dads would rather do the tidying themselves.
And through this whole ordeal, I have no clue who actually qualifies as a "mother." In fact, I suspect women just convince themselves they aren't good enough at it... Just like they feel they aren't thin enough, successful enough, or don't have the right hair, nose shape, or whatever else society demands of women.
Personally, I know I'm going to screw something up with my child. It's my first, I didn't grow up with a younger sister or any kids around to pick up the basics from, and realistically, I am not perfect and don't know every single detail of child-rearing.
Once you accept that and stop chasing some impossible standard of perfection—and stop caring what people think or say—everything becomes much easier.
At least for me...😁
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately reading through everyone's thoughts here—really immersing myself in the various perspectives being shared—and I have to say, I find myself in complete agreement with Susan Martin4. Her take on the matter really resonates with me. 😉
This is my first child—my very first—so I’m standing right on that edge where pure, unadulterated excitement meets this absolute, paralyzing terror. It’s such a strange, dizzying mix, isn't it? I am so incredibly eager to meet them, yet I’m simultaneously terrified because the unknown is just... overwhelming. I have no idea what kind of baby I'm going to have, and even more dauntingly, I have no clue what kind of mother I’m actually going to be. To be perfectly honest—and I say this with total sincerity—I’m not exactly the "natural homemaker" type. I mean, if you asked me to whip up a decent dinner in thirty minutes, I’d probably just stare at the stove in confusion—unless we’re talking about something simple like scrambled eggs or maybe some basic mac and cheese, then I’m fine! But anything else? I need way more time to get organized and actually make things happen. So, yes, the uncertainty of whether I can handle all these new responsibilities is definitely weighing on me. 😬Some days I feel like I’ve conquered the world and checked off every single item on my to-do list—absolute victory! Other days? Well, let’s just say I haven't even managed to get out of my slippers before the day slips through my fingers. Honestly, only God knows what my life is going to look like once the baby is actually here and staring me in the face. I’m trying my best not to overthink things or spiral into a mountain of anxiety about it all, mostly because I have a nagging feeling that if I stress too much, none of those elaborate plans will matter anyway. I've decided to just take it as it comes—you know, "go with the flow." I'll try to organize when I can, but more importantly, I want to learn how to just let go and stop worrying about the little things. If everything goes sideways? Well, I'll just deal with it. And if I'm having a particularly rough moment... well, I might just have to yell at my husband for a bit! 😬 I honestly don't know—maybe I’m just not smart enough to figure this one out! I have a feeling I won't be any more prepared when I'm pregnant with my second child while my little girl—who is actually still tucked away in my belly right now—is already zooming around the house at a hundred miles an hour...
I’ve certainly overheard my fair share of commentary lately—though, honestly, I think it’s best to just do a quick Google search to see what the actual consensus is on those claims. One thing I’ve realized through all this, though—and I mean this sincerely—is that I definitely won't be jumping into those threads to leave comments for other expectant mothers. It just doesn't feel particularly interesting or helpful to me, and I’d rather stay out of the fray.
They say women can be their own worst enemies—and honestly, I think we all know that’s true. We have this relentless habit of picking ourselves apart, constantly searching for those tiny flaws or imperfections to obsess over. It feels like we're never quite "enough," always finding some new reason to feel inadequate—though, granted, there are those rare, beautiful exceptions where we actually manage to be kind to ourselves.
Now that I’ve officially become a first-time mom, I feel like everyone is suddenly an expert on my life—they’re already hovering, asking what to expect with my first baby, and I just know that once I’m pregnant with number two, a whole new wave of moms with two or more kids will swoop in to "share" their unsolicited advice and experiences... it's honestly a bit much!
