Does anyone else see people in black and white?

Here’s my dilemma...

That’s exactly why my circle of friends is so small—I can't just bottle things up. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this, but for me, it creates this sense of inhibition and an actual aversion to most people, which just keeps shrinking my social world. 😕

In my eyes, there is no such thing as an "average" person; you're either genuinely good or you're completely warped, deeply corrupt... (and let’s be honest, the "corrupt" ones tend to outnumber the good ones). If you catch my drift?? 🤷

For instance, I was at a friend's birthday party recently, and there were some people there I just couldn't stand—even though I was meeting them for the very first time 🤣—but whatever. I ended up just getting up and leaving early, making some excuse about having a headache.

I realize I come across as spoiled, but sometimes I simply cannot tolerate certain individuals.

Does anyone else feel this way? How did you deal with it??

It’s a tough pill to swallow... but things eventually settle down. You start questioning yourself—asking if you’re actually some kind of saint or if you're just running on double standards when comparing how you treat people versus how you treat yourself.

Once you realize you've been a hypocrite, you eventually come to terms with the fact that nobody is purely good or purely evil. That includes you.

I mean, at the end of the day, you've just got good people and bad people out there in the world, and honestly, I don't really see the point of this whole thread.😕

Gary Perez9 said:Look, there are just good people and bad people. I don't really get why this thread even exists.

The whole point here—the actual purpose of this discussion—is learning how to expand your social circle without viewing everyone through such a narrow, black-and-white lens. 😉

Donna Wood52 said:The whole point here—the actual purpose of this discussion—is learning how to expand your social circle without viewing everyone through such a narrow, black-and-white lens. 😉

Honestly, I don't know, just try to be chill. You really have to make an effort to actually engage with people, otherwise you're never going to grow your circle at all.🤷

I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression—which basically means I tend to see everything in stark black and white—but I’m just asking, how do you actually fix this?

Try looking at this "problem" as a filter—one that only lets through people who actually matter. For every negative, there’s a positive. Most people in life are just acquaintances anyway; if you're lucky, you might end up with one, two, maybe even three real friends. This black-and-white worldview? It suggests these types of people are more individualistic—which is a massive advantage. At the end of the day, science has proven nothing more important than frequencies and nothing else.

what even is that question you're asking?
as if we could actually help you with that...

Joshua Garcia11 said:Having this black-and-white view of everything—it’s just a sign of someone being a true individualist, which honestly sounds great on paper. At the end of the day, the coolest thing science has actually managed to prove is frequencies, and nothing else matters more than those frequencies.

I agree—they are individualists, sure—but man, it's a hard way to live. It's tough because our past traumas are always there, lurking, reminding us that
maybe things will stay this way in the future...

I mean, it’s honestly great to start by admitting you tend to see people in black and white. It means when you find yourself totally smitten with someone new, you can actually stop and say, "Whoa, hold on a second." You have to ask yourself: what exactly is it about them? Why am I actually feeling this way? What specific traits am I projecting onto them, and what evidence do I even have to back that up?

And I guess you should probably apply that exact same logic whenever you decide someone is a complete jerk.

Donna Wood52 said:Here’s my dilemma...

That’s exactly why my circle of friends is so small—I can't just bottle things up. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this, but for me, it creates this sense of inhibition and an actual aversion to most people, which just keeps shrinking my social world. 😕

In my eyes, there is no such thing as an "average" person; you're either genuinely good or you're completely warped, deeply corrupt... (and let’s be honest, the "corrupt" ones tend to outnumber the good ones). If you catch my drift?? 🤷

For instance, I was at a friend's birthday party recently, and there were some people there I just couldn't stand—even though I was meeting them for the very first time 🤣—but whatever. I ended up just getting up and leaving early, making some excuse about having a headache.

I realize I come across as spoiled, but sometimes I simply cannot tolerate certain individuals.

Does anyone else feel this way? How did you deal with it??

I totally get you. I have the exact same outlook, though I never really viewed it as a "problem." Sure, it drives me insane—and it still does—but it's just a part of who I am that I have to accept. It's probably not going anywhere. In my opinion, everyone in my high school was a complete idiot, constantly smoking and drinking, which is a massive turn-off for me and puts them on my blacklist immediately. Sometimes I just need time to process people. (They're still idiots, though, acting like they're 11 years old 😛). Basically, what I'm saying is: give people a chance. Get to know them. Your opinion of them will probably shift back and forth—they'll seem okay, then terrible, then okay again... it's confusing for a bit. But once you actually know someone, you see the full picture and then you can decide if they're your type or not. Also, if you vibe with someone zero percent right off the bat, don't force it. Don't try to be nice if you aren't feeling it, because you won't be able to fake being someone you're not for the rest of your life. All that effort will be wasted. It's true there aren't many good people out there, but that doesn't mean they don't exist 😉. You know the saying: better to have one real friend than a thousand acquaintances. Find someone who actually fits your vibe and stick with them. That's what I did 😁.

placidlynx24 said:Basically, what I’m trying to get at is—just give people time. Get to know them first. It's a fact that your opinion of them is going to shift every now and then (one day they'll seem great, the next they're a nightmare, then back to being alright... it's a cycle)

That’s actually where the issue lies.

placidlynx24 said:True, there aren't many good people out there, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. You know that old saying—it's better to have one real friend than a thousand acquaintances. Find someone who actually clicks with you and stick by them; that's what I did. 😁

I get the feeling you're somewhat different from everyone else on this forum. You seem decent, empathetic—you write well. 😁

I don't know, maybe I'm misreading things, but that's just the impression I've gathered. There's a certain calmness to your words.

Donna Wood52 said:The whole point here—the actual purpose of this discussion—is learning how to expand your social circle without viewing everyone through such a narrow, black-and-white lens. 😉

But honestly, what's the actual goal of expanding your social circle anyway?

Charles Clark6 said:But what’s actually the point of expanding your social circle?

So you don't end up totally isolated—loneliness is a fast track to mental health issues.

p.s.: I dig your username. It reminds me of being a kid watching those old cartoons. 🙂

Donna Wood52 said:That’s actually where the issue lies.

I get the feeling you're somewhat different from everyone else on this forum. You seem decent, empathetic—you write well. 😁

I don't know, maybe I'm misreading things, but that's just the impression I've gathered. There's a certain calmness to your words.

To be honest, half the time I have no clue what to even think about them. Sometimes they get under my skin so much I just want to flatten them. 😁 And then tomorrow they'll all be acting like saints again. Might as well take advantage of the window while I've got it. 😁

Donna Wood52 said:That’s actually where the issue lies.

I get the feeling you're somewhat different from everyone else on this forum. You seem decent, empathetic—you write well. 😁

I don't know, maybe I'm misreading things, but that's just the impression I've gathered. There's a certain calmness to your words.

Hey. 😁😁😁First time someone actually gave me a compliment, even if they did call me a total blonde LOL.
My whole vibe is about helping people. Nothing hits harder than seeing the people around me actually happy with themselves. Honestly, I’m at my best when I’m just being myself—not some fake version of me trying to play nice just to please someone else. If you can take me as I am, cool. If not? You're an idiot. 😁

Donna Wood52 said:So you don't end up totally isolated—loneliness is a fast track to mental health issues.

p.s.: I dig your username. It reminds me of being a kid watching those old cartoons. 🙂

Look, you're never actually on your own. There’s always someone there, whether it's friends or family. And if that fails, just get a dog or a cat—trust me, you won't feel lonely with a pet by your side.😉 I know from experience.
And this idea that being alone makes you sick? Not necessarily. Solitude gives you a chance to recharge and reset. It's all about your mindset. Stay optimistic and keep things light; people can't resist that kind of energy. Personally, I'll play the fool if it means making others smile, because honestly, that's what makes me happiest.😉

Donna Wood52 said:So you don't end up totally isolated—loneliness is a fast track to mental health issues.

p.s.: I dig your username. It reminds me of being a kid watching those old cartoons. 🙂

I honestly think having a massive social circle might just be a distraction. It can mask loneliness, but you don't actually need a huge crowd to feel connected. A few real people are usually enough to keep that feeling at bay.

p.s. yours reminds me of those carefree days, too. 🙂

placidlynx24 said:Look, if you’re feeling that way, you can always just get a dog or a cat—trust me on this, they make sure you never feel truly alone. I know from experience.

I get that—I actually have a great little dog myself. 🙂

Charles Clark6 said:I think having a massive social circle might—if anything—just mask the feeling of loneliness. Honestly, most people probably only need a tiny handful of real connections to avoid feeling isolated.

My point was that solitude isn't necessarily an extreme thing, though I do agree that everyone needs their own space sometimes.

Donna Wood52 said:I agree—they are individualists, sure—but man, it's a hard way to live. It's tough because our past traumas are always there, lurking, reminding us that
maybe things will stay this way in the future...

Oh, come on. Don't go there. That fairy gave you solid advice.
As for being alone? People just pretend it's some kind of tragedy. Because we’re social animals by nature, anyone who prefers their own company gets branded as a deviant freak. It’s an endless cycle of self-suggestion—we feed into that negative energy until it becomes our reality. The truth is, a natural loner actually *needs* solitude. For me, it provides freedom from everyone else's pressure and leaves me more time to be productive. When I finally feel like socializing again, I just seek out people I actually vibe with. And honestly? A little comfort food and some peace and quiet is all you really need.👍

Donna Wood52 said:So you don't end up totally isolated—loneliness is a fast track to mental health issues.

p.s.: I dig your username. It reminds me of being a kid watching those old cartoons. 🙂

I hear you, but there is a huge difference between enjoying some solitude and what you're doing, which is just spreading yourself too thin. For instance, if you have two solid friends who actually get you, but then you decide to ditch them for twenty new acquaintances who are just boring, superficial, or plain uninteresting, that's a different story entirely. I get the feeling you might be missing the point here.☕I kind of agree with this sentiment.☕It makes sense to me.🤣😂