Do our own desires actually make us unhappy?

Does anyone else here ever catch themselves spiraling because of some unfulfilled dream from way back? I’m talking about the stuff that haunts you—maybe it was a degree you never finished, a career path you walked away from, a relationship that just didn't work out, or just some random life plan that fell apart. It’s so strange because, honestly, my life right now isn't bad at all. There isn't even any guarantee that if those things had actually happened, my life would be better today. Do you ever feel like these lingering desires are just pure frustration? Like, part of you wishes you could just turn them off so you wouldn't feel like you're missing out on something you never even had? If you don't deal with this kind of mental loop, you are truly lucky. 😁.

desire -> unfulfilled desire -> frustration -> dissatisfaction -> disappointment -> suffering

therefore

no desire = no suffering

per Buddhism

🤣

😬

🙏

It all comes down to what you're looking for.

bluemason3 said:desire -> unfulfilled desire -> frustration -> dissatisfaction -> disappointment -> suffering

therefore

no desire = no suffering

per Buddhism

🤣

😬

🙏

Well, there you have it. If these Buddhist principles don't work for me, nothing will. 😁 I seriously need to find a way to kill off all my desires and just exist in a state of total stillness. Honestly, just coasting through life sounds a lot better than dealing with this constant frustration.😁

As a child, I was possessed by a multitude of grand, sweeping ambitions—among them, the naive dream of marrying a prince and spending my days within the gilded walls of a castle. It was a charmingly foolish fantasy, until the cold, unforgiving weight of reality finally set in and shattered those illusions.
It serves as a sobering reminder to approach life with a bit more pragmatism: strive for goals that actually align with your true capabilities and the practical means at your disposal.

You know what they say... be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it.
😁

In my estimation, there is a profound and unsettling cruelty in actually seeing one's deepest desires or most cherished dreams come to fruition; it is far more devastating than the pursuit itself.

If you aren't putting in the work, it’s just daydreaming.

To answer the question in the title—yes. My desires are centered around simple, everyday things that most people take for granted, yet I’ve been denied them for reasons I can't quite explain. I could never quite shake those longings, and honestly, I think they shaped who I am today—negatively, of course.
Look, you aren't alone in this. 😁

Nicole Davis7 said:Does anyone else here ever catch themselves spiraling because of some unfulfilled dream from way back? I’m talking about the stuff that haunts you—maybe it was a degree you never finished, a career path you walked away from, a relationship that just didn't work out, or just some random life plan that fell apart. It’s so strange because, honestly, my life right now isn't bad at all. There isn't even any guarantee that if those things had actually happened, my life would be better today. Do you ever feel like these lingering desires are just pure frustration? Like, part of you wishes you could just turn them off so you wouldn't feel like you're missing out on something you never even had? If you don't deal with this kind of mental loop, you are truly lucky. 😁.

Can you be specific about what's bothering you?

For example, I realized lately that I'm still hung up on a few exes. It’s ridiculous, really. I have a guy, and those chapters are closed. But I realized I'm still mourning the fact that those relationships didn't play out the way I wanted. It's clearly draining my energy right now.

And don't even get me started on unfulfilled plans. Sure, my life is fine. But the reality is there were important goals I missed—or more importantly, I just didn't put in the work. I'm pretty sure working toward them would have felt much more fulfilling.

It's the same for you, too: if I could surgically remove these desires, I'd probably be a lot happier. But, well, I can't. 🙂

It sounds like you're dealing with that "unhappy socialite" dilemma. She has everything, and everyone envies her. But she doesn't actually want the money; she wants to ride off into the sunset on a horse. I suppose the only way to be truly happy—or close to it—is to live according to your own desires, rather than trying to comfort yourself by pretending you're satisfied just because you meet society's standards of success. It's a tough one: figuring out what you actually want and then actually doing something about it.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Can you be specific about what's bothering you?

For example, I realized lately that I'm still hung up on a few exes. It’s ridiculous, really. I have a guy, and those chapters are closed. But I realized I'm still mourning the fact that those relationships didn't play out the way I wanted. It's clearly draining my energy right now.

And don't even get me started on unfulfilled plans. Sure, my life is fine. But the reality is there were important goals I missed—or more importantly, I just didn't put in the work. I'm pretty sure working toward them would have felt much more fulfilling.

It's the same for you, too: if I could surgically remove these desires, I'd probably be a lot happier. But, well, I can't. 🙂

It sounds like you're dealing with that "unhappy socialite" dilemma. She has everything, and everyone envies her. But she doesn't actually want the money; she wants to ride off into the sunset on a horse. I suppose the only way to be truly happy—or close to it—is to live according to your own desires, rather than trying to comfort yourself by pretending you're satisfied just because you meet society's standards of success. It's a tough one: figuring out what you actually want and then actually doing something about it.

You hit the nail on the head describing my situation. That constant loop of thinking about old, unfulfilled dreams is exhausting. It's more than just draining; it pulls me toward depression, even though I don't have any actual reasons to feel depressed in my current life. It feels like a curse. I had these big ambitions, I was actually on the right track to achieve them, and then life just shifted gears. My life didn't go downhill, it just went in a different direction. But the "what ifs"... they haunt me. Something will trigger a memory, or a random dream will leak out from the warehouse of my subconscious, and suddenly I'm in tears. It stirs up these awful feelings—bitterness, jealousy toward people who achieved the things I once wanted, even if they aren't necessarily happier for it. It’s so immature, acting like I have some monopoly on specific dreams, especially now that I'm 32...

Nicole Davis7 said:Well, there you have it. If these Buddhist principles don't work for me, nothing will. 😁 I seriously need to find a way to kill off all my desires and just exist in a state of total stillness. Honestly, just coasting through life sounds a lot better than dealing with this constant frustration.😁

I've been turning over the idea of those caramel macarons in my head... honestly, I think they might be the perfect solution for me. I'm actually starting to give it some serious thought...

bluemason3 said:desire -> unfulfilled desire -> frustration -> dissatisfaction -> disappointment -> suffering

therefore

no desire = no suffering

per Buddhism

🤣

😬

🙏

So what, a kid shouldn't even have desires?

To want something, yet have the power to step back from that desire... to love without conditions. It’s just like loving. There’s nothing quite as beautiful as being unconditional.😁

Aaron Morris56 said:So what, a kid shouldn't even have desires?

You want a kid, you don't get one. You get the kind of kid you didn't expect, or a partner who isn't what you hoped for. Then your priorities shift once they actually arrive, or your finances take a hit and suddenly you can't make ends meet. Who knows... things change. Basically—don't get ahead of yourself. 🤣Though if you aren't into USA, you won't have any issues. 😁😁😁

Nicole Davis7 said:Does anyone else here ever catch themselves spiraling because of some unfulfilled dream from way back? I’m talking about the stuff that haunts you—maybe it was a degree you never finished, a career path you walked away from, a relationship that just didn't work out, or just some random life plan that fell apart. It’s so strange because, honestly, my life right now isn't bad at all. There isn't even any guarantee that if those things had actually happened, my life would be better today. Do you ever feel like these lingering desires are just pure frustration? Like, part of you wishes you could just turn them off so you wouldn't feel like you're missing out on something you never even had? If you don't deal with this kind of mental loop, you are truly lucky. 😁.

Yes.☕

bluemason3 said:You want a kid, you don't get one. You get the kind of kid you didn't expect, or a partner who isn't what you hoped for. Then your priorities shift once they actually arrive, or your finances take a hit and suddenly you can't make ends meet. Who knows... things change. Basically—don't get ahead of yourself. 🤣Though if you aren't into USA, you won't have any issues. 😁😁😁

That's exactly it 🤣. Just one small correction, though: if you follow the USA, you'll be fine.😁 Luckily, I had that specific desire surgically removed a long time ago.😁

Joe Biden, just like everyone else has been saying... there's no way to get there without the USA.... no cravings, no clinging, just pure peace. You stop hunting for happiness in external stuff. That’s what true freedom looks like.

Otherwise, I'm always stuck in this "waiting" mode—thinking, "once I finally get this one thing, then I'll be totally happy." So you get it, but then you're still not happy because now something else is missing. It's just a never-ending loop. You never actually reach that peak happiness, and you never truly start living.

And don't even get me started on the past. All that "if only I had done this" or "if only they were more like that..." stuff. It's an endless cycle. And the worst part? You can't change any of it.

But honestly, everything I ever needed to be genuinely happy was already right there. It was inside me all along—my actual core nature—not some outside thing. Now, I'm just letting the future take care of itself and leaving the past in the rearview mirror. 👍 And I feel amazing! 😁

bluemason3 said:You want a kid, you don't get one. You get the kind of kid you didn't expect, or a partner who isn't what you hoped for. Then your priorities shift once they actually arrive, or your finances take a hit and suddenly you can't make ends meet. Who knows... things change. Basically—don't get ahead of yourself. 🤣Though if you aren't into USA, you won't have any issues. 😁😁😁

I'm not into USA yet. And you're really overthinking this.

Aaron Morris56 said:I'm not into USA yet. And you're really overthinking this.

On the contrary, it couldn't be simpler. If you drink beer, you get drunk and end up in trouble. If you don't want to be drunk and in trouble, don't drink beer. It's the most straightforward logic there is. When you chase things and tie your happiness to getting what you want from the outside world, you're bound to be disappointed. The world isn't going to bend itself to satisfy your whims. Once you stop doing that, the disappointment disappears. 😁 Just basic common sense. 😁

That said, most of us would probably choose giving up peace of mind over giving up our ambitions any day.😁