Child sexual abuse: How to spot the signs?

Drew Morgan said:Wrong. If kids are just playing together like that without any coercion, it's perfectly natural, harmless, and normal.
Hasn't "playing doctor" been a common occurrence for ages now?

Back in my day—which wasn't even that long ago—I was always playing Monopoly, Hide and Seek, Battleship, or Sorry!.....

But I really think it’s messed up if someone touches you or tries to play doctor when you're clearly uncomfortable...

Someone in the thread put it a bit more bluntly, but they're right...

There are plenty of other ways for kids to figure things out...

If he’s going through puberty, I’d definitely view that as abuse. Even Oscar committed sexual assault against his 14-year-old cousin.

I mean, apparently in this country it’s considered totally normal for kids to play like that... where they don't even distinguish between playing around and actual assault... it just all blends together, I guess...

Aaron Morris56 said:If he’s going through puberty, I’d definitely view that as abuse. Even Oscar committed sexual assault against his 14-year-old cousin.

Right. And she was only nine at the time...

Regarding the question in the original post:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playing_doctor
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genital_play

Drew Morgan said:Wrong. If kids are just playing together like that without any coercion, it's perfectly natural, harmless, and normal.
Hasn't "playing doctor" been a common occurrence for ages now?

There was definitely pressure involved, or at the very least, some manipulation. She didn't go looking for this; she was pressured into it by the older kids. Everything needed to understand that is laid out clearly in the original post.
And let's be real—there is a massive difference between playing doctor and mimicking actual sexual intercourse. That isn't what they were doing.☕

Plus, if a woman ends up traumatized by the experience, I think that speaks volumes on its own.

Rachel Reyes4 said:I’m really sorry if this topic already exists somewhere else; please feel free to move it if that’s necessary.

I honestly don't even know how to start this thread, so I’ll just say it plainly: I am a survivor of sexual abuse involving minors. Back when I was in preschool, my nephew and niece, who were a few years older than me at the time, used to abuse me through what they called "games." Because I was so young and naive, I just went along with it, having absolutely no idea what was actually happening. It wasn't sexual intercourse in the adult sense, but we would strip naked, and they would touch my private areas and each other. My nephew would even press himself against me. This happened every single time we went over to their house for a visit. At first, I hated it, but eventually, it started feeling totally normal—just another part of the game—and later on, I even found it fun. I can't even remember when it finally stopped, mostly because I pushed the whole thing so deep down inside myself. To this day, I have a wonderful relationship with my nephew; in fact, we’re closer than most relatives. But none of this ever happened again, and we’ve never once spoken about it.
However, the consequences stayed with me. When I’m having sex now, I struggle to truly relax, and when it comes to reaching an orgasm, I can only achieve it through masturbation.

What actually prompted me to open this discussion are some recent events that have stirred up these memories, and even after all these years, they still sting and won't leave me alone.

You see, that same nephew of mine has a little girl who is preschool-aged, and my niece has a ten-year-old son. He recently caught them in a room touching each other... and of course, he completely lost it. Somehow, things were smoothed over with the excuse of, "Oh, just let it go, it's just kids being kids"?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

On top of that, a friend of mine mentioned during a casual conversation the other night how some older girls in her neighborhood used to touch her, which is how she learned to masturbate. She added that while it was definitely sexual abuse, since it happened when they were kids, she doesn't have any blocks in her sex life—in fact, she’s actually quite promiscuous.

After hearing all of this, I realized that I’m definitely not the only one who went through something like this.
So, I wanted to ask you all:...
1. Has anything like this happened to any of you?
2. Do you consider these incidents to be just "childish behavior"?
3. Why is this still such a taboo subject when it's so obvious that many children experience sexual encounters long before they even hit puberty?
4. How on earth do you protect your own child from something like this?!?!?!?!?!
5. Am I crazy for feeling so much shame about this and keeping it to myself, while my friend talks about it without a hint of embarrassment, as if it were the most natural thing in the world?
6. And finally, should I have an open conversation with my nephew about this, or should I just leave it where it has always been... buried deep within my soul?

Rachel Reyes4 said:I’m really sorry if this topic already exists somewhere else; please feel free to move it if that’s necessary.

I honestly don't even know how to start this thread, so I’ll just say it plainly: I am a survivor of sexual abuse involving minors. Back when I was in preschool, my nephew and niece, who were a few years older than me at the time, used to abuse me through what they called "games." Because I was so young and naive, I just went along with it, having absolutely no idea what was actually happening. It wasn't sexual intercourse in the adult sense, but we would strip naked, and they would touch my private areas and each other. My nephew would even press himself against me. This happened every single time we went over to their house for a visit. At first, I hated it, but eventually, it started feeling totally normal—just another part of the game—and later on, I even found it fun. I can't even remember when it finally stopped, mostly because I pushed the whole thing so deep down inside myself. To this day, I have a wonderful relationship with my nephew; in fact, we’re closer than most relatives. But none of this ever happened again, and we’ve never once spoken about it.
However, the consequences stayed with me. When I’m having sex now, I struggle to truly relax, and when it comes to reaching an orgasm, I can only achieve it through masturbation.

What actually prompted me to open this discussion are some recent events that have stirred up these memories, and even after all these years, they still sting and won't leave me alone.

You see, that same nephew of mine has a little girl who is preschool-aged, and my niece has a ten-year-old son. He recently caught them in a room touching each other... and of course, he completely lost it. Somehow, things were smoothed over with the excuse of, "Oh, just let it go, it's just kids being kids"?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

On top of that, a friend of mine mentioned during a casual conversation the other night how some older girls in her neighborhood used to touch her, which is how she learned to masturbate. She added that while it was definitely sexual abuse, since it happened when they were kids, she doesn't have any blocks in her sex life—in fact, she’s actually quite promiscuous.

After hearing all of this, I realized that I’m definitely not the only one who went through something like this.
So, I wanted to ask you all:...
1. Has anything like this happened to any of you?
2. Do you consider these incidents to be just "childish behavior"?
3. Why is this still such a taboo subject when it's so obvious that many children experience sexual encounters long before they even hit puberty?
4. How on earth do you protect your own child from something like this?!?!?!?!?!
5. Am I crazy for feeling so much shame about this and keeping it to myself, while my friend talks about it without a hint of embarrassment, as if it were the most natural thing in the world?
6. And finally, should I have an open conversation with my nephew about this, or should I just leave it where it has always been... buried deep within my soul?

This isn't playing doctor or some harmless childhood game; this is abuse.

Kyle Lee7 said:This isn't playing doctor or some harmless childhood game; this is abuse.

In this instance? Absolutely. Just read my previous point in post #8.

I also wanted to point out that there is a massive distinction between healthy psychosexual development—which naturally involves kids exploring their own bodies—and what we call sexualized behavior. That’s when children start mimicking adult roles, which is often a red flag seen in dysfunctional households. It usually stems from a repetition of experienced sexual abuse or, for instance, being exposed to age-inappropriate content on TV.

Očajna didn't mention how old the children were when this was happening. However, there is a clear understanding of when people are ready and should be engaging in sexual activity—once they are emotionally and physically mature. And I can tell you for certain, no parenting manual out there lists sexual intercourse between children, or even the imitation of it, as a standard developmental milestone.

Look, you have to realize that actual sexual intercourse didn't even take place here.
In my view, sex isn't even the point. It's about the coercion and the raw dominance those older kids exerted over someone who was completely desperate.

The real question is how old they were at the time and what the actual age gap was...

Olivia Rivera77 said:I had this guy, someone just a few years older than me, lock me in a room and force his hands where they didn't belong. I can still vividly remember screaming my head off and begging him to just let me go. If you’re sitting there thinking that doesn't count as abuse, then you're dead wrong. I’m still dealing with the fallout from that even today. I was just a little kid in preschool when he did this to me... and look, I don't care if he tried to frame it as "just kids playing" or whatever excuse people use—I DID NOT consent to it, and for God's sake, I was just a child. I suppressed the whole thing for years, and it didn't even resurface until I was ten. Maybe to him it felt like some harmless childhood game, but it definitely wasn't for me, because it left scars that haven't healed. Honestly, if someone did that to my own kid now, I wouldn't hesitate to do whatever it takes to protect them.

I couldn't agree more!

Leonardo da Vinci, Simone
We really don't know anything about kids

honestly, I think every parent needs to pick this book up
"...The story follows ten-year-old Martini and her tight-knit group of friends growing up amidst the vast wheat fields and rolling meadows of the Granarolo estates in the heart of the Midwest. One summer, far from any watchful adult eyes, they begin to discover the first flickers of their own sexuality—only to be confronted by the twisted reality of the adult world through the lens of certain magazines. Slowly, they find themselves drawn into increasingly obscene and dangerous games that spiral into true depravity and cruelty, leading to a single act that binds them together forever through a horrific secret—one that will leave an indelible mark on their lives... "

fadedbear92 said:Leonardo da Vinci, Simone
We really don't know anything about kids

honestly, I think every parent needs to pick this book up
"...The story follows ten-year-old Martini and her tight-knit group of friends growing up amidst the vast wheat fields and rolling meadows of the Granarolo estates in the heart of the Midwest. One summer, far from any watchful adult eyes, they begin to discover the first flickers of their own sexuality—only to be confronted by the twisted reality of the adult world through the lens of certain magazines. Slowly, they find themselves drawn into increasingly obscene and dangerous games that spiral into true depravity and cruelty, leading to a single act that binds them together forever through a horrific secret—one that will leave an indelible mark on their lives... "

We know nothing? Does that mean we were never actually children? 🙄

Aaron Morris56 said:How old were you, and how old was he? He might have thought he was just playing doctor.

I was 6, and he was maybe 11 or 12, I can't be sure.

I remember every single bit of it—the screaming, the crying—while his sister, who’s actually my age, just sat there forced to listen to the whole thing. She couldn't even think about calling for help because she was terrified of what he might do to her if he found out, or God forbid, what kind of things he might have been doing to her behind closed doors...

Olivia Rivera77 said:I remember every single bit of it—the screaming, the crying—while his sister, who’s actually my age, just sat there forced to listen to the whole thing. She couldn't even think about calling for help because she was terrified of what he might do to her if he found out, or God forbid, what kind of things he might have been doing to her behind closed doors...

At that stage, we're looking at actual sexual abuse, given that the individual was already entering puberty.

The only real path forward would be psychiatric help to work through the trauma. As for legal action—lawsuits and such—given how much time has passed, I suspect it would just be a massive waste of energy.

To be honest, I haven't even reached school age in my memory; I can't pinpoint the exact timeline, but I know for certain I hadn't started yet. My nephew is three years older than me, and his daughter—my niece—is six years ahead of me. So, if I was roughly five or six at the time, he would have been nine and she would have been twelve. In hindsight, they were certainly more aware and far more mature than I was back then. For most of this time, I’ve actually carried the weight of self-blame, praying to God that they believe I simply don't remember, just because I was such a small child compared to them.

Megan White4 said:At that stage, we're looking at actual sexual abuse, given that the individual was already entering puberty.

The only real path forward would be psychiatric help to work through the trauma. As for legal action—lawsuits and such—given how much time has passed, I suspect it would just be a massive waste of energy.

I’ve actually been seeing a therapist, and honestly, it’s helped me a ton. As for suing him? No way. I don't have the strength or the guts to look that guy in the eye today—especially since I run into him all the time—and demand an explanation for what he did to me 20 years ago. It's like how minors get different treatment than adults in the justice system; I really don't think a lawsuit would go anywhere. Personally, I’ve moved toward forgiveness. It might have been harder if it were someone twenty years older than me who fully understood the weight of their actions, but back then? He was basically just a kid who had watched way too many adult movies...😢

Megan White4 said:We know nothing? Does that mean we were never actually children? 🙄

It just means there are things we aren't aware of. Don't take everything so literally.

So, I wanted to throw some questions out to you guys:....
1. Has anyone else here gone through something similar?

Look, two people experience the same thing totally differently.

2. Do you think it's "childish"?

No. Honestly, it hit me hard. Even now, I feel this sense of shame just thinking back on it. Maybe it doesn't feel that way to you now that you're an adult, but for the kid who actually lived through it, it's everything.

3. Why is this still such a taboo subject when it's obvious so many kids have sexual experiences long before they even hit puberty?

Because it’s incredibly heavy to open up about, and even when you do, people often just don't get it. Very few people in this world can give you the kind of support you need to actually let go of that tension. Personally, I've never met anyone like that. You basically have to carry it all on your own.

4. How on earth do you protect your child from something like this!?!?!?!?!

I honestly don't know. All I know is that I'm going to keep talking to them, constantly building that bond so they trust me implicitly—from the moment they're born until my last breath. I want them to feel like they can tell me anything. And if any adult ever lays a hand on my child? I swear, I'll take them down with my bare hands.

5. Am I crazy for feeling ashamed and keeping this quiet, while my friend talks about it like it's the most natural thing in the world without a hint of embarrassment?

You aren't crazy. You probably view it as an invasion of your privacy—like your sense of intimacy was violated. It sounds like she didn't experience it as something traumatic, or at least not in the same way. The person who did this to me used to brag about it to everyone, which just crushed me and made me retreat even further into myself.

6. And finally, should I talk to my nephew about this openly, or just leave it buried deep in my soul where it's been all this time?

Read the room. Gauge him first. If he's mature enough to handle it, then maybe it would be good. But if he's just going to laugh in your face, that could really hurt you. Talk to a therapist first. That's what I plan to do. Just once.