Abuse or just being intense...?

Hey everyone, what's up! 🙂

Honestly, I only signed up for this forum for one specific reason...
It’s a bit of a long story—I'll try to keep it brief though, don't want to bore you guys.

So, here’s the deal... this all started about three years ago when I first started high school.
There’s this girl—her dad is a big Bud Light drinker—who has always been this super bubbly, happy, sunshine-person type. It was like that for three whole years until we hit senior year. But then, on the very first day of our final year, I noticed something was just... off. Her whole vibe changed, and it was so drastic that I actually started getting really worried. The shift in her behavior was massive; you can tell she's struggling with depression and just seems miserable, even though she’s trying her hardest to mask it. She’s even started skipping school and barely shows up anymore.

My head has been spinning with all sorts of theories, but I haven't really opened up to anyone about it yet...

What do you guys make of all this? Do you think there’s a connection to what the thread title says?
Believe me, it’s not even easy for me to write this out, because maybe I'm totally overthinking it. Maybe she's just going through a phase. I'm honestly terrified of being "that guy"—you know, the one people label as a liar or someone who just makes stuff up for no reason.

P.S.
If I missed anything important, please let me know.

hm....what if you just asked her to hang out outside once? or maybe grab coffee a few times?

There are plenty of reasons why she might be going through this; I guess you can't just jump to conclusions. My biggest issue here is that she isn't showing up to class. Does she have a close friend in her grade? Maybe you could talk to her about it. Not to gossip, obviously, but perhaps you two could go see her together and try to get her back to school.

Jerry Martinez5 said:hm....what if you just asked her to hang out outside once? or maybe grab coffee a few times?

There are plenty of reasons why she might be going through this; I guess you can't just jump to conclusions. My biggest issue here is that she isn't showing up to class. Does she have a close friend in her grade? Maybe you could talk to her about it. Not to gossip, obviously, but perhaps you two could go see her together and try to get her back to school.

I can't, man. She's just... way too far out of my league.

She does have a friend, but honestly, I have zero clue how to even bring it up with her🤷..Any advice?

Could you guys give me some ideas on why someone would end up in this kind of headspace?

Thanks.

Perhaps you ought to check in with your friend and see if she has also noticed how much that particular individual has changed lately.

Is she literally "too far away" (like, living in a different city) or are you just not close enough to her yet?

You could always ask her friend why she isn't showing up to school. It’s a perfectly normal thing to be curious about, and it doesn't have to be some big gossip session. Honestly, her answer might even reveal something where you could actually step in and help.

Who knows why she's acting this way.
Maybe she’s just dealing with a massive crush.
Maybe her parent got sick, and she's busy taking care of the family.
Maybe puberty hit her late—hard—and she's just struggling to cope.
Or maybe it's actual depression, even if there's no obvious trauma involved.

Rebecca Bennett41 said:Perhaps you ought to check in with your friend and see if she has also noticed how much that particular individual has changed lately.

Oh, she definitely noticed—she's just not the same person she used to be.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Is she literally "too far away" (like, living in a different city) or are you just not close enough to her yet?

You could always ask her friend why she isn't showing up to school. It’s a perfectly normal thing to be curious about, and it doesn't have to be some big gossip session. Honestly, her answer might even reveal something where you could actually step in and help.

Who knows why she's acting this way.
Maybe she’s just dealing with a massive crush.
Maybe her parent got sick, and she's busy taking care of the family.
Maybe puberty hit her late—hard—and she's just struggling to cope.
Or maybe it's actual depression, even if there's no obvious trauma involved.

Honestly, it's kind of both.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Is she literally "too far away" (like, living in a different city) or are you just not close enough to her yet?

You could always ask her friend why she isn't showing up to school. It’s a perfectly normal thing to be curious about, and it doesn't have to be some big gossip session. Honestly, her answer might even reveal something where you could actually step in and help.

Who knows why she's acting this way.
Maybe she’s just dealing with a massive crush.
Maybe her parent got sick, and she's busy taking care of the family.
Maybe puberty hit her late—hard—and she's just struggling to cope.
Or maybe it's actual depression, even if there's no obvious trauma involved.

I'll try asking her friend...

It's not a heartbreak situation.
Her mom isn't around (left her husband).
I doubt it's puberty stuff, but hey, I can't say for sure.

As for real depression... I honestly have no clue.

Has she ever actually opened up about her own struggles, or anything of that nature?

Rebecca Bennett41 said:Has she ever actually opened up about her own struggles, or anything of that nature?

Nope, never.

So, you're saying she just started retreating into herself?

Rebecca Bennett41 said:So, you're saying she just started retreating into herself?

Exactly!

It could stem from just about anything...
We might be looking at genuine abuse, or perhaps we’re simply witnessing the typical turbulence of an adolescent identity crisis.

So, what's the move here? What do you guys think I should actually do about this?

Well, you might want to attempt striking up a conversation with her, though I would suggest starting with something entirely mundane—perhaps asking if she needs an extra hand with a project or some other trivial matter to break the ice.*

Look, don't go poking your nose where it isn't wanted—people generally get pretty annoyed when someone jumps in to fix problems they didn't even ask for, especially when you aren't even sure those problems actually exist.

Honestly, it’s totally understandable why a girl would want to skip school. School is a massive obligation, and let's be real—it can be incredibly boring. You don't get a say in the social circle or the people sitting in the desks next to you, so if she basically grew up faster than her peers, it's easy to see why she'd find the whole adolescent scene exhausting. If she's got even a modicum of common sense, she probably realizes that the standard grind of high school, getting a degree, and following that specific path might not actually be the most useful thing for her future—so it wouldn't be weird at all if she just couldn't find any motivation to waste her energy on something that feels pointless.

From what I've seen, kids who distance themselves from the status quo and just retreat into their own worlds usually turn out just fine. They don't end up with major issues. The real trouble comes from the mediocre crowd—the ones who constantly pretend everything is perfect when it clearly isn't.

My own experience leads me to conclude precisely the opposite.

Honestly, whenever I find myself in total agreement with everyone else—I immediately start doubting my own judgment 🙂

So, school and a degree aren't useful? I guess they wouldn't be if you were stranded on some deserted island. But in today's society, they definitely are. They basically guarantee a better paycheck and decent working conditions. Plus, they give you a much better shot at picking a lifestyle and a career path that isn't filled with "mediocrity," or at least one that actually fits your own taste 👍

Jerry Martinez5 said:So, school and a degree aren't useful? I guess they wouldn't be if you were stranded on some deserted island. But in today's society, they definitely are. They basically guarantee a better paycheck and decent working conditions. Plus, they give you a much better shot at picking a lifestyle and a career path that isn't filled with "mediocrity," or at least one that actually fits your own taste 👍

Non scholae sed vitae discimus.
We learn not for school, but for life.
☕

Edward Flores4 said:Look, don't go poking your nose where it isn't wanted—people generally get pretty annoyed when someone jumps in to fix problems they didn't even ask for, especially when you aren't even sure those problems actually exist.

Honestly, it’s totally understandable why a girl would want to skip school. School is a massive obligation, and let's be real—it can be incredibly boring. You don't get a say in the social circle or the people sitting in the desks next to you, so if she basically grew up faster than her peers, it's easy to see why she'd find the whole adolescent scene exhausting. If she's got even a modicum of common sense, she probably realizes that the standard grind of high school, getting a degree, and following that specific path might not actually be the most useful thing for her future—so it wouldn't be weird at all if she just couldn't find any motivation to waste her energy on something that feels pointless.

From what I've seen, kids who distance themselves from the status quo and just retreat into their own worlds usually turn out just fine. They don't end up with major issues. The real trouble comes from the mediocre crowd—the ones who constantly pretend everything is perfect when it clearly isn't.

You're dumping way too much of your own personal rage into this, and honestly, it’s got nothing to do with the situation at hand. You're hijacking the whole conversation just to vent about your own issues.

As for the underlying issue, I’d argue her behavior is essentially a subconscious cry for help.
Do you have access to a psychologist, a counselor, or maybe just a professor you actually trust—some kind of reliable adult you can vent to about your suspicions? Someone who can take those concerns and handle the follow-up? You could even stay completely anonymous.
It doesn't automatically mean we're talking about abuse, though it certainly could be. It's more like those depressive episodes you see in teenagers—which aren't exactly rare, as Rebecca Bennett41 already pointed out.
If we don't step in, this could either fizzle out on its own after a lot of unnecessary suffering, or—in some cases—it can spiral into suicide, eating disorders, self-harm, drug abuse, or dropping out of school entirely.

Anthony Johnson4 said:So, what's the move here? What do you guys think I should actually do about this?

You might consider reaching out to the school counselor, an educator, or even her homeroom teacher. You could just give them a quick call—there’s no need to even introduce yourself if you aren't comfortable. I'm fairly certain someone there would step up to help her out.