Essay Contest: "Philosophical Questions" – What is friendship?

First off, I gotta say thanks to everyone for jumping in on this.

The winner was this post from... A I can't even begin to wrap my head around this—it’s just one of those deep, existential philosophical questions that keeps you up at 3 AM staring at the ceiling. Honestly? It feels like we're all just spinning our wheels in some cosmic hamster wheel, waiting for a sign that never comes. I mean, look at the state of things lately. Everything is just... chaotic. You try to make sense of it, you really do, but then you realize how much of it is just noise. Total nonsense. Just pure, unadulterated noise. Anyway, what was I saying? Right. It’s all a bit much, isn't it?I can't even begin to explain how much this whole thing just reeks of desperation—it’s honestly kind of pathetic if you think about it for more than two seconds. Like, seriously, does anyone actually believe this nonsense? It’s all just noise at this point, nothing but empty promises and smoke screens designed to keep people distracted while the real players move the pieces behind the scenes. I’ve been around long enough to see these patterns repeat over and over again, and frankly, it’s getting exhausting. People want to believe there's some grand design or a secret logic to it all, but most of the time, it's just pure, unadulterated chaos masquerading as a plan. You see these guys acting like they have it all figured out—acting all high and mighty—but deep down, they're just grasping at straws. It’s the same old story, different day, and quite frankly, I'm bored of watching it play out. AIt looks like you only sent one word—"merican"—so I'm not sure what you want me to rewrite! If you have a specific post or some text you need me to overhaul into that rambling, cynical, "world-weary" American voice we talked about, just drop it here. I’ll take whatever mess you give me and turn it into something that sounds like a real person talking over a cheap beer at a dive bar in Chicago or something. Send it over whenever you're ready. Hey, what’s up? Ready when you are. Just give me the word and we'll get this moving.eroded... (and then you hear people whining about how real American Heroes don't even know how to speak American.) 😕)

Dana Reyes said:Friendship is a learned skill. It is shaped by how we perceive the world and how we coexist with everything around us. Whether we have true friends or not says everything about who we are, because the value of a bond depends on our capacity to be vulnerable and stay true to ourselves. Simply listening isn't enough. You have to actually feel what they are going through—to carry a piece of their life within your own heart, standing by them through the highs and the lows. It means keeping a permanent space for them inside you, remaining loyal, staying steady, and accepting those flaws that don't mirror our own. A real friend is free from prejudice, expectations, and attachments; they simply want the best for you without reservation. Everything we need to learn in this life—concepts like sincerity, gratitude, tenderness, respect, and morality—is taught to us through the path of honest friendship. By building these bonds, we become better people, and our spiritual growth gains its full purpose, because by opening ourselves to a friend, we finally open ourselves to who we truly are.

I’d love it if Arah could shoot me a DM once they've cooked up that next question—just so we can hash out the details privately.

I gotta say, I really wanted to highlight this one thought from lone rider—it honestly hit me so hard it practically moved me to tears.

wiredmaker18 said:When I think about friendship, I can't help but feel like its true essence got buried somewhere in the past... leaving us with nothing but old stories to go on.

I'm not really talking about how everyone’s turned into a total materialist, or how everything nowadays gets filtered through some lens of self-interest and profit. It’s more about the lack of time... and more importantly, the complete absence of any real criteria that would even allow us to hope for change in the first place...

The death of critical thinking, the vanishing demand for knowledge-based careers, the decay of culture and art, and work itself... honestly, where do you even start...
The problem is a total lack of passion. People don't bother working on anything that actually matters unless there’s an immediate payoff. Everyone's just chasing that modern holy trinity: clout—whether that's being the talk of the local pub or trending on social media—status symbols, and hanging out with a curated crowd based entirely on those first two...

Friendship... it used to require this level of selflessness that people today act like is some kind of legendary heroic feat. It's not even a real thing anymore. You don't even see it in the stories we tell kids. Nowadays, the plot always ends with the girl riding off with the richest prince in the kingdom. Honestly, who gives a damn about genuine love if he isn't showing up with the keys to a Ferrari and enough gold around his neck to sink a boat...

The fact that someone would actually step up for a friend—even if it’s just a platonic thing—and go out of their way to carry the heavy lifting without being asked... people just write that off. They call it being a pushover or just plain uncool and passive. It’s like you can’t even show up for people anymore because you're too worried about looking desperate or being judged by the crowd...

Let them think if they even have the brainpower left... They can ponder whatever they want, but I still stand by what I said. Real friendship isn't just some business transaction or a way to climb the social ladder. It’s something else entirely, something that doesn't fit into any of those shallow categories...

In my old, romanticized, hippie-cowboy brain, friendship carries the same weight as keeping your word, being brave, staying honest, and playing fair. It’s about selflessness and, above all, love. But I’m not talking about that kind of love where two people try to pull magic tricks just to get laid... I mean the kind of love found in those silly picture books, where you share something with a brother, cut it into uneven pieces, and give him the bigger half...
Nowadays, most people would just laugh at that. At best, they’ll give you some lip and say, "Hey, why don't you just split that evenly among us, brother?"...
The more time passes, the more I expect that "dear brother" to just plow right through us and snatch whatever little we have left...
So what now? Honestly, the easiest move is just to shrug your shoulders and admit there's nothing left to be done...
Maybe we can't. Probably can't do much about it, honestly... but that doesn't mean we just drift with the current and let life shape us however it feels like.
There’s this beautiful analogy in physics that perfectly captures the state of society today and just how easily the masses can be led...
An object at rest stays at rest until some outside force kicks it into gear... basic physics.
Look, I’m just not interested in letting outside forces mess with my head, especially not the kind of nonsense that's running rampant these days. I'd rather just do my own thing...
Even if it’s for nothing else, I’m doing it because I can't shake the feeling that I haven't betrayed my own principles... even when everything happening around me makes it look like the whole world is upside down...
So what if they are. Doesn't mean they're actually any good. Can't people just change? Whatever. By refusing to play along with that kind of compromise, at least I get the satisfaction of knowing I didn't trample over my own principles...

Let them laugh and call me a weirdo if I drop cash on some random gift for my best friend. I don't give a damn if they think I’m being frivolous. Like their desperate climb for social status comes for free or something... Give me a break. If they can't wrap their heads around the fact that I can spend an entire night hanging out in a room with a female friend without things turning physical—and that those nights are actually more meaningful and worth way more than chasing a pack of shallow, airheaded models—then fine. Let them believe what they want. Who cares. They’ll never get it anyway. Their priorities are basically the exact opposite of mine...
Giving something to a friend, or someone you love unconditionally, and actually finding joy in their happiness—knowing it was your actions that put that smile on their face? To most people today, that’s some incomprehensible mystery. They see it as something worthy of scorn, if not outright insanity. And that's not even touching on anything bigger than that...

Fine, let them think what they want. I'd much rather be called crazy if it means keeping the sound of laughter and the honest, happy eyes of my best friends in my head...

An answer straight from the cave—which, if you ask me, is just as simple as it is damn profound.

Olivia Evans8 said:To whole "friendship" thing? It's basically just what I call my bond with my inner circle. I don't have a massive squad or anything, but honestly, sometimes I look at my buddies and wonder why they even bother with me... but I know they're real because they aren't like everyone else out there. They're different. I'm seriously stoked to have them in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything... I know, I know, sounds like some middle school essay bullshit, but honestly, I don't think you can get any deeper than that 😬

But honestly, I have to bring up moon girl’s take here, because she’s really hitting on one of those deep, messy, beautiful human things—our capacity to actually forgive someone.

Jessica Cook11 said:You meet someone and you just click—you see this one trait in them that hits right, and they feel the same about you. You hang out for years, building that bond. Then, out of nowhere, they pull some absolute garbage move—trash your car, hook up with your girlfriend, stiff you on a loan, whatever. And instead of owning up, they just ghost you because they can't handle looking at themselves in the mirror...
Real friendship? That’s being able to welcome that person back with open arms, acting like nothing ever happened, because you still see that first thing you loved about them. It's about facing the stuff they're too afraid to face themselves.🙂

Before we dive into the whole debate, I just wanted to give everyone a quick heads-up: the poll our moderator, Caveman, is putting up allows for multiple votes. So, if you vibe with more than one perspective, go ahead and vote for all of them.

Later, y'all

In my very own, highly subjective opinion, the best posts about friendship came from Liquidity, N'dugu, and Žacko1. Each of them tackled the subject in their own way—avoiding those flat, one-dimensional definitions—and spoke about friendship in a way that felt simple and, if I can call it that, empathetically intuitive.

Liquidity did it through an image. Just look at that sense of belonging in the eyes of those cats and donkeys; it’s like they’re saying, "We’re in this together, nobody can touch us, and if we have to, we’ll take on the whole world for one another."

N'dugu tried to cover all the bases without getting biased, sharing or quoting thoughts that—regardless of where they originated—we immediately recognize as the essence of friendship. I'm being even more subjective here because he wrapped up his take with a beautiful poem by Enes Kišević. And man, I love poetry.

Then there's Žacko1. He didn't drop some complex, mind-blowing revelation; instead, he shared a bit of folk wisdom that we could debate for days, then tacked on that line about shared interests. Interesting stuff.

Everyone else tried their best,🙂🙂🙂 offering some genuinely good thoughts, but for me, they lacked that raw spontaneity. They missed that "click" you get when you know you've nailed something—that gut feeling that you're right, and the fact that what you write in the heat of the moment, without overthinking it, usually turns out to be the best.

dustyskipper3 said:I suppose friendship is really just the desire and the sheer willpower to give someone more than you ever expect to get back from them. If you're just playing nice because you want a return on your investment, or if you're just using someone's influence and talents to get ahead... well, then I don't think that's friendship at all. It’s just a selfish calculation. And honestly, just returning good for good and bad for bad... that doesn't really feel like a virtue to me.

There was this Zen master who once said:

To those who have nothing, I will take,
And to those who have plenty, I will add even more.

At its core, I think friendship relies on honesty.
Maybe love can exist without being completely honest, but I don't think friendship can. A "friend" who just flatters you or lies to your face just to stay in your good graces isn't really a friend. A true friend is someone who tells you the truth, even when it hurts.

Love tends to be possessive, whereas friendship isn't. You can share a friend with others.

It makes me wonder... is love actually greater than friendship?
Jesus said: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

Friendship... it might never truly end, maybe not even after death, while love often does. Sai Baba once remarked: "If a friendship doesn't last until the very end, then it perhaps never truly existed in the first place."
It is quite sad, I guess, if you have to go through life discovering who your real friends are and who wasn't, but I suppose everything comes to light eventually.

Perhaps I should ask someone who understands people better than I do. Someone like:

Enes Kišević

Everything is—well—like....

The day is, like, sunny
You are, like, cheerful
Moving along, like, unnoticed

Everyone is, like, doing great
Everyone is, like, alright
Everyone is, like, wild..

And you are, like, happy!

Life feels, like, being at sea
The birds are, like, free
The future is, like, in your hands

Conscience is, like, clean
And the sun is, like, bright
Oh heart, like, sing

Everyone, like, cares for everyone
Everyone is, like, a friend
Everyone, like, cares about you
And about the world..

And the day, like, passes
And you, like, keep smiling
And nothing, like, hurts you....

I'm gonna need a little more context on this one.
Look, to me, it feels way more logical that trust—specifically trusting someone's intentions—is the actual foundation. Being brutally honest and causing unnecessary pain isn't always the move; sometimes, by just keeping a painful truth to yourself, you're actually doing the kinder thing.
Like, say you find out you've got MS. Are you really obligated to drop that bomb on your best friend immediately, knowing exactly how much it's going to wreck them?

Kenneth Peterson5 said:I'm gonna need a little more context on this one.
Look, to me, it feels way more logical that trust—specifically trusting someone's intentions—is the actual foundation. Being brutally honest and causing unnecessary pain isn't always the move; sometimes, by just keeping a painful truth to yourself, you're actually doing the kinder thing.
Like, say you find out you've got MS. Are you really obligated to drop that bomb on your best friend immediately, knowing exactly how much it's going to wreck them?

But that’s precisely where the lack of trust shows up—when we start deciding what's best for someone else. Thinking "I don't want to hurt you" or "I want to protect you" (all under the guise of "good intentions") implies we view that person as less capable than ourselves... and frankly, can one truly trust someone they deem less capable?
So, I am in total agreement with N'dugu; there is no room for "intentions" in a real friendship—because wherever there is an intention, there is a goal, and wherever there is a goal, there is calculation.
(intention = calculation)
I could understand a friend staying silent because they simply weren't ready to talk about it, but withholding information specifically to protect me... well, that's where things start to feel wrong.

briskraven28 said:But that’s precisely where the lack of trust shows up—when we start deciding what's best for someone else. Thinking "I don't want to hurt you" or "I want to protect you" (all under the guise of "good intentions") implies we view that person as less capable than ourselves... and frankly, can one truly trust someone they deem less capable?
So, I am in total agreement with N'dugu; there is no room for "intentions" in a real friendship—because wherever there is an intention, there is a goal, and wherever there is a goal, there is calculation.
(intention = calculation)
I could understand a friend staying silent because they simply weren't ready to talk about it, but withholding information specifically to protect me... well, that's where things start to feel wrong.

Something crossed my mind. It might be a tangent, but it fits here: that sense of satisfaction and fulfillment you get from being the one to offer comfort, support, or a shoulder to lean on when a friend hits rock bottom.
That little hit of dopamine you get from helping someone close to you almost makes you wonder—do we secretly hope things go south just so we can step in and feel useful and fulfilled?
Obviously, I don't want anything bad to happen to the people I care about, but I won't lie about how good it feels to provide that support when it matters most. Especially since, and take this with a grain of salt, I have zero patience for weakness. When I can help a friend fight back against their circumstances—whether that means letting them vent through rage, break down and cry, or pivot into some manic, hyper-productive mode just to cope—I'll do it.
Anyway, just throwing these thoughts out there... might be drifting off-topic, but seemed worth mentioning.

briskraven28 said:But that’s precisely where the lack of trust shows up—when we start deciding what's best for someone else. Thinking "I don't want to hurt you" or "I want to protect you" (all under the guise of "good intentions") implies we view that person as less capable than ourselves... and frankly, can one truly trust someone they deem less capable?
So, I am in total agreement with N'dugu; there is no room for "intentions" in a real friendship—because wherever there is an intention, there is a goal, and wherever there is a goal, there is calculation.
(intention = calculation)
I could understand a friend staying silent because they simply weren't ready to talk about it, but withholding information specifically to protect me... well, that's where things start to feel wrong.

Maybe, but look—what you're saying kind of implies that friends have to be equals, like, perfectly level, otherwise they aren't actually friends at all.
So, what, if your IQ is off the charts like some genius and mine is just a solid 135, we can never be buddies?
Or
If you're a total knockout and I'm just your average Joe, does that mean we can't be friends?
Or
If you've got two Ivy League degrees under your belt and I only managed two years of community college, are we not "on the same level" enough to hang out?
Basically,
Is it impossible to have a friend unless they're on your exact "level," or is it actually possible for someone like me—despite all your brilliance, beauty, and education—to be your friend even though I'm just a regular person compared to you?

hollowtinker18 said:If you want to lose a so-called "friend," just lend them some cash.😂
That’s basically your situation—sticking by someone through thick and thin without expecting a dime in return.
...Or maybe it's just when shared interests are the only thing holding people together?
Bottom line: one loyal friend beats a hundred fake ones any day of the week.
Cheers.

Personally, I don't care about winning; sometimes I just want a clean, simple game. Not that I could ever beat our unbeatable Batić🤣 anyway. Send him my best.👍

Any particular Song would be welcome on this thread?

I tried that once. Seriously. It works every single time.

Well, since I can't exactly beat the legendary, unstoppable Batić anyway, I might as well send him my best.🤣 Cheers to him!👍

Is it okay if I drop some poems in this thread?

It’s nice to remember the greats. But honestly? It's even better to figure out why they had to leave us in the first place.

Kenneth Peterson5 said:Maybe, but look—what you're saying kind of implies that friends have to be equals, like, perfectly level, otherwise they aren't actually friends at all.
So, what, if your IQ is off the charts like some genius and mine is just a solid 135, we can never be buddies?
Or
If you're a total knockout and I'm just your average Joe, does that mean we can't be friends?
Or
If you've got two Ivy League degrees under your belt and I only managed two years of community college, are we not "on the same level" enough to hang out?
Basically,
Is it impossible to have a friend unless they're on your exact "level," or is it actually possible for someone like me—despite all your brilliance, beauty, and education—to be your friend even though I'm just a regular person compared to you?

You are conflating abilities with rights—specifically equality.
That might be why you would lie to someone to protect them; or perhaps compromise their rights as a friend because you're making assumptions about their capabilities.

Everyone has certain skills and lacks others. Someone might be a fantastic parent but a disaster at making business decisions—and obviously, that doesn't make them unequal, they just have different aptitudes.

I have never chosen my friends based on a checklist. I don't know if there is any real connection between shared interests, abilities, and friendship—maybe there is, maybe not.
A friend is someone who becomes and stays a friend based on a feeling—a certain vibe you get when you're with them. For building trust, the most vital ingredient is honesty; the certainty that one can say anything (or do anything) without hesitation, knowing they won't face judgment from me—though I will certainly tell them exactly what I think, whether I support their actions or not.
In that sense, I have only one male friend and one female friend like that; everyone else I get along with well can really only be called close acquaintances. And yes, those two people are capable of understanding a great deal—which, I suppose, does relate to their abilities, specifically their capacity for empathy.

You can go through life with people—experiencing highs and lows, being both successful and humbled—without ever truly knowing what is going on in their head, just as they don't know what's in yours. This happens constantly in families, and even in those "friendships" where people end up "disappointed." In those cases, there was never true friendship to begin with, because someone simply failed to meet expectations. But expectations are just my image of who that person is—meaning, how they "should" be. If they don't fit the preconceived notion I held, what am I actually doing? Am I judging them for that?
Of course, I am judging them by my own standards.
That is why, occasionally, I want to protect them... because I am measuring their abilities against my own criteria.

Life represents a profound opportunity to discover one's true self and achieve the happiness found in fulfillment...
Life is but a fleeting moment, and we have been called upon to act as active participants in this grand design...
Friends serve as vital shortcuts within the complexities of this journey...

Look, honestly? Nobody actually knows what friendship even means anymore. And I’m not even surprised. In this day and age, people act more like wolves than friends. We're all just getting chewed up by globalization, the endless rat race for cash, selfish interests, and this weird trend where absolutely nothing is considered certain anymore—except for relativity, I guess. When everything is that hollowed out, there’s just no room left for actual values, let alone real friendship.
If you want a perfect example of the total opposite of friendship, just look at this contest and the people entering it. Especially those big-name influencers who are all over it.

P.S. Please, just leave me off the list.

@Vertigo M,
I honestly think we’re getting tripped up in this discussion because we aren't distinguishing between "genuine friendship" and the concept of "honesty."
See, when people talk about "genuine friendship," they really just mean a "real, true friendship"—basically emphasizing that a real friend isn't some fake persona playing a role.
But "honesty," as its own thing, means "saying or doing what we actually think," which also includes being honest with yourself.

When someone says "honesty is the foundation of friendship," I take that the same way I take "unconditional love." To me, both are just empty platitudes.

I feel like it’s actually a massive deal to allow yourself to trust someone so deeply that you don't even stress about whether they're telling you the absolute truth or not—because at the end of the day, isn't the most important thing just knowing your friend has your back?
Let me give you a super basic example. Say I’m a vet and you’re a huge animal lover. We agree to meet up at 5:00, but I’m running over thirty minutes late. I call your cell and say, "Hey, emergency popped up, I'll be there a bit later." When I finally show up, you ask, "So, what happened?" Why should I dump the whole depressing story on you about having to put a dog down because the poor thing was suffering and even steroids weren't working anymore? Why wouldn't I just tell you it was a false alarm and recount some old case with a happy ending instead? Why would I force you to listen to something miserable that you can't do anything about anyway since it's already over? You know what I mean?

If friends "should" be there for one another through the dark stuff, why wouldn't protecting each other from that darkness fall under the same umbrella?
Don't forget that a real friend is someone who doesn't use others to feed their own ego—and let's be real, being "excessively honest" is often just egoism in disguise.

Kenneth Peterson5 said:@Vertigo M,
I honestly think we’re getting tripped up in this discussion because we aren't distinguishing between "genuine friendship" and the concept of "honesty."
See, when people talk about "genuine friendship," they really just mean a "real, true friendship"—basically emphasizing that a real friend isn't some fake persona playing a role.
But "honesty," as its own thing, means "saying or doing what we actually think," which also includes being honest with yourself.

When someone says "honesty is the foundation of friendship," I take that the same way I take "unconditional love." To me, both are just empty platitudes.

I feel like it’s actually a massive deal to allow yourself to trust someone so deeply that you don't even stress about whether they're telling you the absolute truth or not—because at the end of the day, isn't the most important thing just knowing your friend has your back?
Let me give you a super basic example. Say I’m a vet and you’re a huge animal lover. We agree to meet up at 5:00, but I’m running over thirty minutes late. I call your cell and say, "Hey, emergency popped up, I'll be there a bit later." When I finally show up, you ask, "So, what happened?" Why should I dump the whole depressing story on you about having to put a dog down because the poor thing was suffering and even steroids weren't working anymore? Why wouldn't I just tell you it was a false alarm and recount some old case with a happy ending instead? Why would I force you to listen to something miserable that you can't do anything about anyway since it's already over? You know what I mean?

If friends "should" be there for one another through the dark stuff, why wouldn't protecting each other from that darkness fall under the same umbrella?
Don't forget that a real friend is someone who doesn't use others to feed their own ego—and let's be real, being "excessively honest" is often just egoism in disguise.

No, that term isn't just a synonym for "real friendship" (which, granted, can also sound like a cliché)—it’s exactly what I described, encompassing honesty toward both oneself and the other person. I've experienced this firsthand, and it certainly wasn't a cliché; it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
If you haven't experienced it, I can see why you'd dismiss it as a "phrase" or remain skeptical that something like this even exists. But it does—all it takes is two people allowing each other to simply be who they are. That might sound like a cliché to you too, but that doesn't mean it isn't real; it just speaks to your own perspective.

I feel like it's a massive thing to allow yourself to trust someone to the point where you don't even worry about whether they're telling you the truth or not—because isn't the most important thing just knowing your friend wants the best for you?

Simply by not dictating how they should think or assuming they won't have my best interests at heart (and having that trust)...

Let me give you a mundane example. Suppose I'm a veterinarian and you're a huge animal lover. We agree to meet at 5:00, but I'm over half an hour late. I call you and say, "I've got an emergency, I'll be there a little later." When I finally show up, you ask, "What happened?" Why would I tell you I had to euthanize a dog because it was suffering after a long illness and even steroids weren't working anymore? Why wouldn't I just tell you it was a false alarm and recount some old case with a happy ending instead? Why burden you with an event that I know will be hard to hear, especially when it's already over and there's nothing you can do to help? You see my point?

Wait—are we discussing healthy, grown adults here, or children, or the mentally impaired?
In other words, if you "spare" me that information, am I supposed to remain oblivious to the fact that dogs are being put down?😕
And regarding that first example—if a friend wanted to "spare" me details about their own illness—wouldn't I perhaps want to spend even more quality time with them while they're still mobile, precisely because of that information?
So, I'll ask again: are we talking about healthy, adult individuals?

If friends are supposedly there for one another during the "dark times," then why wouldn't sparing one another from those same dark moments fall under that same umbrella?

Because you aren't giving them the space to actually think for themselves...

Let's not forget what a true friend looks like—someone who doesn't use others as a punching bag for their own ego... in fact, being "brutally honest" is often just selfishness in disguise.

That bolded part is really just about our own expectations of others—we reject their honesty because it shatters our preconceived notions and everything we've been conditioned to believe (even this idea that "excessive honesty is selfish" feels like a learned sentiment rather than an observation... you haven't backed it up with anything, though I assume I know what you meant, so I'll call it a learned cliché—be honest and prove me wrong). Isn't that the real egoism here?

@Vertigo M,
Honestly, we’re all looking at what it actually means to be real with your friends through such different lenses that I don't even see the point in dragging this "type" of debate any further. It's just a total wash.

Later,

Kenneth Peterson5 said:I'm gonna need a little more context on this one.
Look, to me, it feels way more logical that trust—specifically trusting someone's intentions—is the actual foundation. Being brutally honest and causing unnecessary pain isn't always the move; sometimes, by just keeping a painful truth to yourself, you're actually doing the kinder thing.
Like, say you find out you've got MS. Are you really obligated to drop that bomb on your best friend immediately, knowing exactly how much it's going to wreck them?

Well, maybe you don't have to say it right away, but eventually, it’s going to come out.
A lot of things we do are just basic human decency, but being the one to deliver a truth that might hurt someone... I suppose that is a privilege reserved for friends. It exists precisely because there is that underlying trust in each other's good intentions.

People tend to shy away from facing certain truths about themselves or their lives—like realizing they aren't cut out for a certain career, or finding out a spouse is cheating, or even just seeing how they're being used. By avoiding it, they’re really just hurting themselves and delaying a problem that will inevitably need addressing, often making the eventual fallout much more traumatic.

Telling someone something like that usually means bracing for anger or total misunderstanding. I mean, history shows people have been killed just for delivering bad news, especially when it involves something deeply personal that someone is clinging to. It's easier for a "friend" to just smile, stay cheerful, or maybe even gossip behind your back. Then, when the traumatic realization finally hits, they're nowhere to be found—they've moved on to some other friend instead of trying to help you through the crisis. There are plenty of those kinds of people, honestly; they mostly just look for ways to benefit themselves while avoiding any unnecessary hassle, simply because they don't truly care.

wiredmaker18 said:When I think about friendship, I can't help but feel like its true essence got buried somewhere in the past... leaving us with nothing but old stories to go on.

I'm not really talking about how everyone’s turned into a total materialist, or how everything nowadays gets filtered through some lens of self-interest and profit. It’s more about the lack of time... and more importantly, the complete absence of any real criteria that would even allow us to hope for change in the first place...

The death of critical thinking, the vanishing demand for knowledge-based careers, the decay of culture and art, and work itself... honestly, where do you even start...
The problem is a total lack of passion. People don't bother working on anything that actually matters unless there’s an immediate payoff. Everyone's just chasing that modern holy trinity: clout—whether that's being the talk of the local pub or trending on social media—status symbols, and hanging out with a curated crowd based entirely on those first two...

Friendship... it used to require this level of selflessness that people today act like is some kind of legendary heroic feat. It's not even a real thing anymore. You don't even see it in the stories we tell kids. Nowadays, the plot always ends with the girl riding off with the richest prince in the kingdom. Honestly, who gives a damn about genuine love if he isn't showing up with the keys to a Ferrari and enough gold around his neck to sink a boat...

The fact that someone would actually step up for a friend—even if it’s just a platonic thing—and go out of their way to carry the heavy lifting without being asked... people just write that off. They call it being a pushover or just plain uncool and passive. It’s like you can’t even show up for people anymore because you're too worried about looking desperate or being judged by the crowd...

Let them think if they even have the brainpower left... They can ponder whatever they want, but I still stand by what I said. Real friendship isn't just some business transaction or a way to climb the social ladder. It’s something else entirely, something that doesn't fit into any of those shallow categories...

In my old, romanticized, hippie-cowboy brain, friendship carries the same weight as keeping your word, being brave, staying honest, and playing fair. It’s about selflessness and, above all, love. But I’m not talking about that kind of love where two people try to pull magic tricks just to get laid... I mean the kind of love found in those silly picture books, where you share something with a brother, cut it into uneven pieces, and give him the bigger half...
Nowadays, most people would just laugh at that. At best, they’ll give you some lip and say, "Hey, why don't you just split that evenly among us, brother?"...
The more time passes, the more I expect that "dear brother" to just plow right through us and snatch whatever little we have left...
So what now? Honestly, the easiest move is just to shrug your shoulders and admit there's nothing left to be done...
Maybe we can't. Probably can't do much about it, honestly... but that doesn't mean we just drift with the current and let life shape us however it feels like.
There’s this beautiful analogy in physics that perfectly captures the state of society today and just how easily the masses can be led...
An object at rest stays at rest until some outside force kicks it into gear... basic physics.
Look, I’m just not interested in letting outside forces mess with my head, especially not the kind of nonsense that's running rampant these days. I'd rather just do my own thing...
Even if it’s for nothing else, I’m doing it because I can't shake the feeling that I haven't betrayed my own principles... even when everything happening around me makes it look like the whole world is upside down...
So what if they are. Doesn't mean they're actually any good. Can't people just change? Whatever. By refusing to play along with that kind of compromise, at least I get the satisfaction of knowing I didn't trample over my own principles...

Let them laugh and call me a weirdo if I drop cash on some random gift for my best friend. I don't give a damn if they think I’m being frivolous. Like their desperate climb for social status comes for free or something... Give me a break. If they can't wrap their heads around the fact that I can spend an entire night hanging out in a room with a female friend without things turning physical—and that those nights are actually more meaningful and worth way more than chasing a pack of shallow, airheaded models—then fine. Let them believe what they want. Who cares. They’ll never get it anyway. Their priorities are basically the exact opposite of mine...
Giving something to a friend, or someone you love unconditionally, and actually finding joy in their happiness—knowing it was your actions that put that smile on their face? To most people today, that’s some incomprehensible mystery. They see it as something worthy of scorn, if not outright insanity. And that's not even touching on anything bigger than that...

Fine, let them think what they want. I'd much rather be called crazy if it means keeping the sound of laughter and the honest, happy eyes of my best friends in my head...

@lone rider, I wanted to add a few thoughts to that physics analogy.
I agree that the dominant forces today aren't exactly romantic, hippie-ish, or even anything resembling old-school chivalry. But they aren't as distorted as they look on the surface, either. Beneath the facades built up by the mainstream media, there is real human substance—people who understand the truth but won't show it until a critical mass is ready to step forward.
That’s why I think some external influence is actually necessary. It can act as the catalyst to start that process of uncovering the truth.
People are already starting to reveal themselves, but it's usually hidden behind a mask of rebellion or hyper-aggressive posturing. Underneath all that noise, you'll find bitter, romantic souls using aggression to hide their pain.
That aggression isn't true malice; it's a cry for help and a demand for change.
And those changes should head exactly where you pointed them in your post.

I agree things are backwards right now, but I don't think you should retreat from reality like a hermit because of it.
Quite the opposite. You have to stay engaged. You have to laugh, listen, speak up, and participate. That is the only way we can actually impact our surroundings and drive the changes we want and deserve.

fadedgardener15 said:Look, honestly? Nobody actually knows what friendship even means anymore. And I’m not even surprised. In this day and age, people act more like wolves than friends. We're all just getting chewed up by globalization, the endless rat race for cash, selfish interests, and this weird trend where absolutely nothing is considered certain anymore—except for relativity, I guess. When everything is that hollowed out, there’s just no room left for actual values, let alone real friendship.
If you want a perfect example of the total opposite of friendship, just look at this contest and the people entering it. Especially those big-name influencers who are all over it.

P.S. Please, just leave me off the list.

You're overthinking it.
Even if no one defined friendship in the posts above, it's obvious we all know what it means, including you.
Not everyone lives strictly bound by globalization, the pursuit of money, special interests, and total relativism. We live surrounded by those things, but we don't have to live *by* them. We still have our own sense of self. We can carve out our own corner of the universe where we stay aware of what's happening without having to dive headfirst into the chaos.
For instance, I don't read crime news, and I avoid The Wall Street Journal, tabloids, and obituaries.
It's not that I ignore reality, I just don't immerse myself in it.
How can you say there's no room for values or friendship?
The fact that you did exactly what you just did—thought about something and then shared your opinion—is a value in itself. Whether I agree with you or not matters less than the fact that you provoked a response and got my brain moving.
Your request to stay off the list is denied.
You're on the list of people who think.

@enky,
N'Dug explained things much better than I could have—I didn't quite have the right words for it...

Anyone who’s ever actually sat there wondering what friendship even means—you get a gold star from me
in my book.😍

Timothy Kern11 said:@lone rider, I wanted to add a few thoughts to that physics analogy.
I agree that the dominant forces today aren't exactly romantic, hippie-ish, or even anything resembling old-school chivalry. But they aren't as distorted as they look on the surface, either. Beneath the facades built up by the mainstream media, there is real human substance—people who understand the truth but won't show it until a critical mass is ready to step forward.
That’s why I think some external influence is actually necessary. It can act as the catalyst to start that process of uncovering the truth.
People are already starting to reveal themselves, but it's usually hidden behind a mask of rebellion or hyper-aggressive posturing. Underneath all that noise, you'll find bitter, romantic souls using aggression to hide their pain.
That aggression isn't true malice; it's a cry for help and a demand for change.
And those changes should head exactly where you pointed them in your post.

I agree things are backwards right now, but I don't think you should retreat from reality like a hermit because of it.
Quite the opposite. You have to stay engaged. You have to laugh, listen, speak up, and participate. That is the only way we can actually impact our surroundings and drive the changes we want and deserve.

The problem is that when everything is rigged and selfish behavior pays off, society—especially kids—is presented with a conclusion that seems perfectly logical at first glance. It basically tells them: why bother with anything else besides chasing cash through shady means? Do that, and you'll be a big shot in society. Meanwhile, you've got these losers preaching about education and outdated, naive views of the world, trying to convince us—and we know what's up here—about some romantic nonsense.
On one hand, that mindset is understandable because society essentially turns a blind eye to, or even encourages, these toxic principles. This doesn't just lead to crime; it leads to a total decay of critical thinking. Society splits into groups: those who bury their heads in the sand (out of helplessness, exhaustion, or pure disappointment) and those who, as we all know, step over bodies to get whatever they want.
Of course, it's not strictly black and white, but it's pretty close.
In such a fractured society—where the solid middle class is shrinking, leaving people who aren't rich enough to throw money around like confetti but aren't poor enough to struggle for every cent—we see this exact kind of ideological divide. Sure, some kid in a hip-hop group might vent his frustrations on stage. Fine. That's a form of critique, a cry for help, though in many cases, it's just mindless ego. But if nothing is done to change the status quo, it remains just a flashy performance. And whether a local rapper actually makes it depends more on connections than actual talent.

I see retreating from reality as one way for someone to live exactly how they want without hurting anyone else. If someone buries themselves in books and movies, imagining they're a character in a fantasy novel living in a treehouse, that's their right, provided they aren't causing trouble. On the other hand, I think staying aware of what's happening around us is vital. Only then can someone—if they actually have the will to think—develop awareness, criticism, and hopefully, action. Unfortunately, or fortunately, that's a whole different topic. The only thing that gives a person true security (with imagination being a nice bonus) is financial independence, but that's opening up a whole new can of worms...
Look, even in the Wild West, if you actually look at the history instead of the movies, things weren't exactly romantic. You didn't have Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, or Sam Elliott strolling down every dusty street, and let's be real, the women weren't all looking like Claudia Cardinale or Angie Dickinson. It was gritty, exhausting, and frankly, pretty shitty. Sure, there were good moments—there are in every era—but it wasn't a postcard. It’s the same deal with Vikings not looking like Norse gods, or knights being anything other than a bunch of guys fighting for themselves.
Fortunately, fiction takes those real eras and their people and turns them into myths. It’s not really about the violence or the constant struggle caused by lacking modern tech... though that defined their lives. Instead, the stories focus on qualities like courage, integrity, fair play, and freedom of thought.

Thanks for the reply.
We drifted a bit from the main topic, but I don't think anyone's complaining.
The subject is way more layered than it looks at first glance. If we want a complete answer, things are going to get complicated.
A lot of people think—myself included—that most questions can be answered briefly, but I wasn't trying to do that here.
My current schedule just hasn't left me enough breathing room to craft a response like that.
So, I’m just reading the question and giving a quick answer while I can, because who knows what kind of new (and unnecessary) obligations I'll be juggling next week.
Maybe one day when I finally retire.
(I can't wait to retire—but I've still got a long way to go.)

Cute little YouTube video.