How do you stay a good person in a broken world?

James Allen2 said:I’m posting this under 'Spirituality' in the hopes of finding some clarity, though I’m feeling incredibly lost right now. We’re told we shape our own lives through our intentions and that we need to understand our true desires, but how is one supposed to penetrate that dense, complex subconscious where all these hidden impulses live? This is about my love life. I realized recently that I have never actually entered a relationship because I was genuinely in love; it’s always been driven by either loneliness or a few too many drinks at a bar. While some of those connections eventually turned into something meaningful, I find myself alone once again. What I truly crave—something I’ve never actually experienced—is that overwhelming, maddening rush of falling in love, that visceral pull toward someone, and finally building a life together. It seems so simple, yet why is it so difficult? Why can't I just wish for mutual feelings without all this internal warfare? Some people seem to navigate this effortlessly, falling in love and finding themselves perfectly in sync with someone who feels the exact same way without even trying. And here I am, falling hard all over again. It isn't even a matter of bad timing this time, but there is a massive "but" standing in my way. Our circumstances are different, and I feel completely paralyzed, unable to reach out and tell this person how I feel. Why does life insist on presenting me with these impossible scenarios? I try to maintain a positive outlook and I still allow myself to dream, but lately, the confusion is just overwhelming. I honestly don't know what to do.

Why the hope for better answers here than in Psychology, Relationships, or Single Life?
What does spirituality actually mean to you?

PS
Just asking—this isn't exactly your typical topic for the Spirituality board.

Fine, I’ll give her a little spiritual guidance instead. 😁

Look, Zeno, you need to stop letting your hormones run the show and get back to your meditation practice. Problems don't get fixed by chasing every whim and then getting frustrated when life doesn't deliver. They get solved by shifting your perspective and changing how you act. Honestly, just working on staying centered and detached from all the temporary noise of the world is already a step in the right direction.

Better? 🥳

😁

Is it really asking too much to want someone to feel the same way without having to jump through endless hoops??

If you look at things from a spiritual or religious standpoint, our personal desires aren't exactly considered some ultimate truth we should be willing to sacrifice 🤷
everything for. It’s pretty interesting to see this kind of mindset being brought up in an American spirituality forum 🤔
though.

Look, I realize this isn't exactly the standard topic for this sub, but I’m hoping we aren't going to act like some closed-off cult that shuts down anything outside its own narrow lane; I’m actually looking for some genuine help here. I just want to hear what everyone thinks from their various spiritual perspectives. Is there really something wrong with asking that? To me, spirituality isn't about following any specific religion—it’s about self-discovery and finally gaining the power to take control of one's own life.

James Allen2 said:Look, I realize this isn't exactly the standard topic for this sub, but I’m hoping we aren't going to act like some closed-off cult that shuts down anything outside its own narrow lane; I’m actually looking for some genuine help here. I just want to hear what everyone thinks from their various spiritual perspectives. Is there really something wrong with asking that? To me, spirituality isn't about following any specific religion—it’s about self-discovery and finally gaining the power to take control of one's own life.

That's a nice way of putting it. But if you want control over your life, you first have to master your desires, your emotions, and those primal impulses. So, strictly speaking, you won't find the answers to how to be a "good boy" here—though maybe 🤣 covers that too. Real spirituality usually kicks in right where being a "good boy" ends. 😂

casualtiger2 said:Why the hope for better answers here than in Psychology, Relationships, or Single Life?
What does spirituality actually mean to you?

PS
Just asking—this isn't exactly your typical topic for the Spirituality board.

👍

So what's the issue?
I mean, you said it yourself—you want to fall "crazy" in love. Well, if you're already feeling that crazy level of infatuation, where's the catch? Are we talking fears, or just insecurity...? Why is this situation even considered abnormal?

James Allen2 said:I’m posting this under 'Spirituality' in the hopes of finding some clarity, though I’m feeling incredibly lost right now. We’re told we shape our own lives through our intentions and that we need to understand our true desires, but how is one supposed to penetrate that dense, complex subconscious where all these hidden impulses live? This is about my love life. I realized recently that I have never actually entered a relationship because I was genuinely in love; it’s always been driven by either loneliness or a few too many drinks at a bar. While some of those connections eventually turned into something meaningful, I find myself alone once again. What I truly crave—something I’ve never actually experienced—is that overwhelming, maddening rush of falling in love, that visceral pull toward someone, and finally building a life together. It seems so simple, yet why is it so difficult? Why can't I just wish for mutual feelings without all this internal warfare? Some people seem to navigate this effortlessly, falling in love and finding themselves perfectly in sync with someone who feels the exact same way without even trying. And here I am, falling hard all over again. It isn't even a matter of bad timing this time, but there is a massive "but" standing in my way. Our circumstances are different, and I feel completely paralyzed, unable to reach out and tell this person how I feel. Why does life insist on presenting me with these impossible scenarios? I try to maintain a positive outlook and I still allow myself to dream, but lately, the confusion is just overwhelming. I honestly don't know what to do.

This will simply be another experience in a long series—deep, complex, and thrilling. It is an opportunity to better understand yourself, enrich your inner world, and broaden your perspective on the people and the world around you. Given that you posted this in the "Spirituality" section, I assume you are curious about how exactly you expect this to change you on a spiritual level.

Quincy:

I have a bit of a weakness for bad timing—those moments when I choose to keep my feelings guarded just because opening up would turn my entire world upside down, only to watch those people eventually drift right out of my life.

You have to be open with others if you want them to open up to you. You can't remain locked away in your own feelings while simultaneously expecting people to let you into theirs.

Quincy:

Why am I presenting such unusual scenarios?

Perhaps you find more fulfillment living within your imagination than in reality. 🤷

James Allen2 said:Look, I realize this isn't exactly the standard topic for this sub, but I’m hoping we aren't going to act like some closed-off cult that shuts down anything outside its own narrow lane; I’m actually looking for some genuine help here. I just want to hear what everyone thinks from their various spiritual perspectives. Is there really something wrong with asking that? To me, spirituality isn't about following any specific religion—it’s about self-discovery and finally gaining the power to take control of one's own life.

Nothing passes by you to be controlled; rather, you are the one passing through. You should abandon the idea of control, as it is merely an unnecessary problem you have manufactured for yourself. It is just another illusion you chase while being part of a spontaneous process that occurs simply because it can—which you happen to call "life."

You have to take that first step toward the things you actually care about. Just do it. Even if everything falls apart, at least you won't be sitting there blaming yourself.

feralheron17 said:You have to take that first step toward the things you actually care about. Just do it. Even if everything falls apart, at least you won't be sitting there blaming yourself.

I wouldn't go that far. As they say, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."😁

You need balance, which is the hardest part to nail. Like Buddha said, "if the string is too loose, it won't play; if it's too tight, it snaps."

mistybison said:This will simply be another experience in a long series—deep, complex, and thrilling. It is an opportunity to better understand yourself, enrich your inner world, and broaden your perspective on the people and the world around you. Given that you posted this in the "Spirituality" section, I assume you are curious about how exactly you expect this to change you on a spiritual level.

Quincy:

I have a bit of a weakness for bad timing—those moments when I choose to keep my feelings guarded just because opening up would turn my entire world upside down, only to watch those people eventually drift right out of my life.

You have to be open with others if you want them to open up to you. You can't remain locked away in your own feelings while simultaneously expecting people to let you into theirs.

Quincy:

Why am I presenting such unusual scenarios?

Perhaps you find more fulfillment living within your imagination than in reality. 🤷

How can any woman even tell where her imagination ends and reality begins?

And where exactly is that line drawn?

Maybe one girl is fine, but everyone else is a lost cause?

David Ortiz26 said:I wouldn't go that far. As they say, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."😁

You need balance, which is the hardest part to nail. Like Buddha said, "if the string is too loose, it won't play; if it's too tight, it snaps."

mistybison made an excellent point. My response—which you probably could have gathered—wasn't an attempt to push back against her observation at all. It was just advice for the lady, or miss, or whatever, who actually started this thread.
That whole "road to hell" thing might apply to my own life, but when I'm giving someone else advice, it doesn't. 😉
First off, mistybison was doing a great job trying to give this topic some spiritual breathing room. She let a decent moderator like casualtiger2 allow a thread about an alcoholic looking for love to drift into spirituality, even though there isn't any actual connection there.
Second, whether this confession is real or fiction, it would drive anyone crazy if they kept going down this path: if an alcoholic doesn't make the first move: a) there's a chance they've already been written off because people found out—directly or indirectly—that their behavior isn't exactly normal; b) if the alcoholic doesn't approach someone, they'll never know if that person is also an alcoholic, recovering or not. They might stumble onto someone similar and actually build something from that shared experience; c) studies show that long-term, heavy-duty alcoholics—specifically men—create a parallel world where they are often way more timid than women, whether those women are sober or not; d) approaching someone isn't the end of the world. Your "string" won't snap, nor will theirs, provided you're polite, pleasant, and don't stomp on anyone else's freedom; e) maybe you'll run into a spiritual person who can actually show you the way out of this mess. 😉
Why don't people who engage in extreme sports, lead insane cults, or live with chronic vices snap under tension?
One answer is that life moves faster now than it used to, but that's a cliché. Let's just say everyone gets their karma, as the indijac would say.
So, stop playing philosopher and start contributing constructively to the discussion.
Like how mistybison did...
🙂
That's where the line between imagination and reality sits: my insignificance might allow me to start a forum thread about spirituality to get better answers, but if the topic has nothing to do with spirituality, getting a real answer is going to be damn near impossible.
👍

Kimberly Evans, feralheron17, thanks for the cynicism, and I apologize for crashing so aggressively into your space. To mistybison and the rest of you, I appreciate the replies. In principle, I was hoping to find someone who operates like I do—someone driven by the philosophy of manifesting their own reality through the law of attraction, mastering their thoughts and desires to shape their lives, so that I might receive an answer rooted in actual lived experience. But it seems most people on this forum view spirituality through the lens of religious dogma, a concept I discarded long ago, which means I’ll likely have to look for answers elsewhere. One thing is certain: I won't be finding them under 'Lonely Hearts'.👎

Look, there's no need to apologize for a "brutal intrusion"—this isn't "their territory," it’s my 🙂.
But you really should engage with the answers already provided and try to pin down the actual issue. As it stands, this sounds a bit like a plot from a lonely hearts club; any seasoned spiritual seeker would tell you the same thing—which is pretty much what's been said here.
While I believe a lot can be achieved, I also think some things are just impossible. If we're hunting for something where it simply doesn't exist, we aren't going to find it.

An acquaintance of mine used to deal with questions like this by basically saying, "Give it a rest—what kind of luck are you expecting in three lifetimes? 🙄 😍"

On the flip side, I find your question genuinely interesting and worthwhile. To me, spirituality ought to have some practical application. That means those who claim to be spiritual should ideally offer solutions to the struggles most "average" people face—questions about falling in love, acting with integrity, and navigating daily life... stuff that's always relevant.

So, my fellow spiritual seekers—what can spirituality actually offer when it comes to our relationship with desire, the physical, or romantic attraction?
And that's regardless of the specific example Michelle brought up.
That being said, Michelle, what’s your take on what Belkiev said?

James Allen2 said:Kimberly Evans, feralheron17, thanks for the cynicism, and I apologize for crashing so aggressively into your space. To mistybison and the rest of you, I appreciate the replies. In principle, I was hoping to find someone who operates like I do—someone driven by the philosophy of manifesting their own reality through the law of attraction, mastering their thoughts and desires to shape their lives, so that I might receive an answer rooted in actual lived experience. But it seems most people on this forum view spirituality through the lens of religious dogma, a concept I discarded long ago, which means I’ll likely have to look for answers elsewhere. One thing is certain: I won't be finding them under 'Lonely Hearts'.👎

You simply have to be open to love. It really is an art form. 🙂 We attract what we carry within ourselves. If you are closed off, blocked by fears, or limited by rigid ideas of what love should look like, it becomes difficult to actually experience it. When you truly "open your heart," people sense it subconsciously, and others who are also "open to love" will be spontaneously drawn to you, just as you are to them. 🙂 The key is to remain open while letting go of all your preconceptions, expectations, and old beliefs about romance. Relax, let love flow through your being, and find joy in your own internal state of love. 🙂 Always be ready for the surprises of the universe (God), and try not to limit what can happen with your own narrow choices. Love often arrives from directions you never even considered. 😉

True agency over one's life stems from mastering your own desires, emotions, and impulses. So, if you aren't finding answers in spirituality regarding how to handle a "good guy," perhaps it's because true spirituality actually begins at the exact moment men stop being predictable.

If we swapped out the word 'men' for the word 'love' (which is what I’m actually thinking about), would you still hold the same opinion?

Yeah, Maleficent, I'm with you on that, thanks. I suppose I just carry too much nervous tension within me, and I find myself stalling on actually making things happen because I'm far too busy lost in my own head, daydreaming...