Helping a coworker

Hey! I have a question for you all—does anyone have any advice on how
to actually read this one classmate of mine?

So, here’s the deal: she transferred into our grade back in sophomore year, and now we’re seniors, yet she still hasn't really talked to a single soul in class. I just don't get it. Even during Spring Break, she wouldn't even move from her seat—she just sits there, staring at her phone, totally withdrawn and quiet.

To be honest, she reminds me of a houseplant—just sitting there, barely existing. A few of us girls were talking about her the other day while she wasn't around, trying to figure out why she's like this, but we're totally stumped.

Have any of you dealt with someone like this before? How did you go about helping them?

P.S. I'm probably losing sleep over this, and I know I'm probably boring you all with my constant threads. But hey, what can I say? Once I get an idea in my head, I'm a total forum addict!

It's a lost cause. Just how it goes... She really needs to step up her game. You can't just sit around waiting for someone to hand everything to you on a silver platter! That's just life...

Maybe she isn't looking for someone to coddle her—in fact, I suspect it’s quite the opposite—she actually wants everyone to
just leave her alone, if you ask me.

The issue is probably that she didn't make any "first contact" when she moved here two years ago. Now she feels like an outsider... and since then, she hasn't even tried to reach out because she’d feel like an intruder in your circle. Time just kept passing, and now things are only getting worse...
The best move would be if someone from your group, or maybe you, Donna Wood52, initiated a conversation with her. One-on-one, though. That's how she'll actually open up... and we'll see where it goes from there.
I find it hard to believe she actually enjoys being alone; I think she's just dying for some kind of connection...
There it is.

I know she only just started her sophomore year here, but I heard from some of her old classmates that she
really struggled to find her footing back at her first school during freshman year, and even through middle school.

I’ve also heard people say she’s actually a perfectly fine person—it's just that everyone always says the same thing
about her: that she's incredibly withdrawn. Look, I don't mean to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but she's young,
and it honestly pains me to see someone like that.

Besides, isn't three years plenty of time to finally relax? I went through the whole school-switching thing myself,
since my family moved from city to city quite a bit, yet I still managed to chill out and be social.

Donna Wood52 said:I know she only just started her sophomore year here, but I heard from some of her old classmates that she
really struggled to find her footing back at her first school during freshman year, and even through middle school.

I’ve also heard people say she’s actually a perfectly fine person—it's just that everyone always says the same thing
about her: that she's incredibly withdrawn. Look, I don't mean to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but she's young,
and it honestly pains me to see someone like that.

Besides, isn't three years plenty of time to finally relax? I went through the whole school-switching thing myself,
since my family moved from city to city quite a bit, yet I still managed to chill out and be social.

You could give her a hundred years, I guess, but if that’s just who she is, nothing changes in a century—unless she decides to change herself.

Maybe try a one-on-one conversation. Just ask her straight up why she acts this way, though don't lead with that 😁. I'm curious about the answer, even if I already suspect what it'll be...

And honestly, what else were you all doing besides talking about her?

Just try starting a conversation with her (like someone mentioned earlier). Ask her about an assignment, some notes, or something similar—just be persistent and check in a little bit every day. She’s definitely one of those people who won't just open up on her own; she needs a little nudge from the outside to get going.

placidmaker61, you think you actually have the answer to this? tell me—I'm genuinely curious, if you're up for sharing.

honestly, we didn't do anything else besides just talking—lots of back-and-forth, plenty of discussion.

She ought to figure it out on her own. That’s really the whole point. Once you've written yours down, I might just tell you mine, haha.

Do you honestly think he’ll mention
the fact that she just started second grade here?

No. The fact that she even made it into second grade isn't really the point...

Creature, jokes aside. If you think you have any insight into this or if you’ve
dealt with something similar before, just speak up.

Basically—what do you think her take would be?

There's always someone like that. I had a girl like this in my high school class, along with two guys... though those two were just total geeks who sat in the front row and didn't budge for seven hours straight. They’d spend their breaks reviewing coursework or scribbling these weird, morbid poems they wrote themselves. From what I hear, they've finally turned into normal people. As for the girl, she was incredibly withdrawn during freshman and sophomore year, but she eventually came out of her shell. Mostly, you just have to push her to talk, invite her to hang out during lunch, stuff like that... she'll open up eventually.

This isn't some joke. What she might say right now doesn't even matter...
Look... if you actually want to help her at school tomorrow, just go up to her and follow one piece of honest advice...
That's it.

You have to find the right way to approach it...
It’s not about those polite, superficial questions like "How are you doing?"... No, it’s more about just being real, coming over and talking to someone the way you actually would in a casual conversation out on the street

A few of us went up to her to try and strike up a conversation, but she just gave us these clipped, one-word answers
and then—get this—the very next day, it was the exact same thing all over again.

I’ve started noticing a pattern here—she’ll answer whatever you throw at her, sure, but she never actually asks a single question back. She just sits there.

Well, I suppose... hmm...
who knows what kind of struggles she might be dealing with
back home or just life in general...
maybe she’s just keeping to herself because she's nervous about meeting someone new...
or perhaps there’s some sort of insecurity or shame involved...
you really have to take things slow with her...
without being judgmental or anything like that...

She gave short answers because you were all ganging up on her. She was alone against a group, which obviously made things awkward. She just wanted the conversation over with as fast as possible. I’ll say it again: one-on-one is the way to go. Just walk up, give her a compliment—maybe mention she has a cool shirt or something. The point is to make her feel comfortable talking to you. Act genuinely interested in what she has to say; if you do that, she'll actually want to engage.
My replies might sound like I'm putting words in her mouth or acting like I know her perfectly, but honestly, I used to be exactly like that myself... so I guess I know what I'm talking about.
(If anyone wants to chime in or correct me, go ahead.)

I’ve definitely been there myself, and honestly, there isn't a more piercing question than simply asking, "Are you okay?"...
Like, why do you always go silent?
Or why this, or why that?
It’s almost as if you’re pointing a finger directly at an alien and demanding an explanation for its existence...
It’s just so incredibly awkward...

Yeah, exactly. That’s what my grandma asks me every single time: "So, when are you going to find a girlfriend?" It gets on my nerves. Honestly.
I won't go off-topic anymore. I promise.