#141 ·
amberfox4 said:I am inclined to agree with you on most counts. Yes, children need affection, but we must be careful not to indulge them to the point of spoiling them, as doing so does them a massive disservice in the long run. It often results in adults who are fundamentally unhappy because they grew up incapable of handling the basic friction of life. If a parent caves every time a child throws a tantrum on the floor of a Target, or fails to establish any semblance of boundaries, how can we expect that child to cope when they encounter a world that doesn't bend to their whims? Whether it is in a professional environment, a classroom, a relationship, or a marriage, life will eventually say "no." True love involves setting those necessary boundaries and actually preparing a child to face reality.
I really have to quote this post because I agree with you 100%—I’ve been obsessing over this topic for a few days now and finally felt like I had to say something. I was lucky because my mom didn't "love" me by just watching my every move and handing over her credit card; instead, she worked hard to teach both me and my sister how to face the temptations of the outside world in the simplest ways possible. And honestly, we’ve both handled it pretty well, depending on our personalities, I guess. Since I was not even three years old, I learned that pointing at something doesn't mean I get it, even though we could have easily afforded more than the neighbors. But hey, nobody can have everything they want—as income grows, so do wants and needs. It’s better for a child to realize early on that they can't always get everything they desire, so they learn the value of things and actually enjoy what they have. Of course, I’m not saying kids should take a vow of poverty or anything! Not at all! But everything should be earned through effort rather than emotional blackmail. The most common version of that is screaming, which most parents cave to, and then they end up doing a huge disservice to their kid.
I will never forget two specific situations involving my school buddy's sister. It was back in the mid-90s, during a time when people were just struggling to put food on the table. I went over to his place to work on math homework and study for our high school graduation exams. That day, I had made this solemn decision to skip the graduation trip organized by the school, because I figured it was better for my parents to fix the broken windows in our house than for me to blow money we barely had for essentials 🙂
When I walked into my friend's house, it was total chaos. His younger sister was lying on the floor crying—a complete tragedy. Want to guess why? She wanted a pair of Levi's jeans that cost about $40 back then. It wasn't that she didn't have pants—she obviously did—it was just that her current ones weren't Levi's 🙄 And yeah, she got those jeans, along with countless other things before and after, which is the saddest part: she never actually enjoyed any of it because she was always obsessing over the next thing she "needed." I ran into her again more than ten years later. We were traveling on an Amtrak train, and she was calling her parents from the aisle, crying on the phone and begging them to wire her $50 immediately. It was the exact same scenario as the jeans, except this time it involved drugs. Her own mother confirmed it to me. Poor thing, she still doesn't realize she was just helping her daughter destroy herself. I guess the road to hell really is paved with good intentions.
Look, I'm not a fan of physical punishment, but I truly think that girl's life would have been a lot better if, instead of those Levi's, she had been disciplined properly. 😉
