A bit of a weird problem

What should I do when I'm starting to lose my cool? 😲 🤷

getting a whole new identity

Ugh... do you get why? Just a thought, I guess.

Sandra Parker3 said:getting a whole new identity

Yeah, I’ve chewed on that idea before, but eventually, it just started getting under my skin. 😍

Seriously though—when a person undergoes a change (and I mean an intentional shift, not the kind that happens to you against your will through life experience), what exactly is the part of us driving that transformation? And can THAT specific thing—whatever it may be—ever actually change?

To me, it feels like the core stays the same. Even when you're evolving, there's this underlying "self" that wants the change in the first place, and that part seems pretty fixed. Or am I totally missing the mark here?

lonegardener said:What should I do when I'm starting to lose my cool? 😲 🤷

just sleep through the whole damn day

lonegardener said:Yeah, I’ve chewed on that idea before, but eventually, it just started getting under my skin. 😍

Seriously though—when a person undergoes a change (and I mean an intentional shift, not the kind that happens to you against your will through life experience), what exactly is the part of us driving that transformation? And can THAT specific thing—whatever it may be—ever actually change?

To me, it feels like the core stays the same. Even when you're evolving, there's this underlying "self" that wants the change in the first place, and that part seems pretty fixed. Or am I totally missing the mark here?

wtf 🤷

lonegardener said:Yeah, I’ve chewed on that idea before, but eventually, it just started getting under my skin. 😍

Seriously though—when a person undergoes a change (and I mean an intentional shift, not the kind that happens to you against your will through life experience), what exactly is the part of us driving that transformation? And can THAT specific thing—whatever it may be—ever actually change?

To me, it feels like the core stays the same. Even when you're evolving, there's this underlying "self" that wants the change in the first place, and that part seems pretty fixed. Or am I totally missing the mark here?

Honestly, it was a completely serious response. 🙂

You basically have to start everything from scratch... if you can even figure out how to apply that to a situation where you're already stuck.
An accident only counts if you actually screw up so badly that you have to start the whole thing over from scratch.

So you end up with a few different versions of your unfinished self, and honestly, that’s just a mess.

Quincy:

lonegardener Asks: Seriously though—when someone actually undergoes a change (and I mean a deliberate choice, not just some passive thing that happens to you because life throws you a curveball), what is it *inside* us that actually drives that shift? And more importantly, can that core mechanism itself be changed? It feels like everything just stays exactly the same to me... like, even when you're actively trying to change, that core part of you driving the transformation remains untouched. Or am I just overthinking this?

I honestly can't tell if you've genuinely mixed things up here, though there's a fair chance you actually have. 🙄

I think—and I could be wrong here—that THAT shouldn't change, though I won't actually name THAT because I have my own specific way of referring to it. 🤣

Why do you even care? Are you trying to change who you are, or are you just looking to tear everything down? (Watch out, this could get dangerous.)

northernangler17 said:Ugh... do you get why? Just a thought, I guess.

I know why...

I get frustrated with myself because I honestly feel like I'm brilliant, even though every single day I prove to myself that I'm actually as clueless as they come. It's strange how an intelligent person can be so hopelessly dense. 😲

I mean, I can go maybe five days without feeling the need to lecture someone, and then that's it... I can't hold out any longer. Is that some kind of obsessive-compulsive thing? Maybe an addiction? 😱

How should I put this... I realize that I don't know anything, yet somehow everything still feels crystal clear to me. 😬 And I just can't help it... the realization that I am completely unversed in so many fields of human knowledge doesn't actually instill any sense of respect or humility in me regarding the fact that other people know a massive amount about those subjects (different people knowing different things).

To be completely honest (at least on this subject, not generally 😈)—I think I first noticed this trait in other people, and it drove me absolutely crazy; then I realized I was exactly the same way. In fact, I probably get annoyed with those same people precisely because they are just like me. (It’s like those two goats fighting on a narrow ridge in one of those old fables).

I would love for someone to thoroughly prove to me that I have no idea what I'm talking about—but they'd have to do it impartially, neutrally, and with pure logic. Because if they get emotionally involved, I'll just dismiss it as their own ego trip or their own desperate need to act smart, or whatever. Just vanity, really. Vanitas vanitatum, etoga vanitas. Even when someone tries to convince me that it's perfectly fine to be vain, that it's normal and something I should just accept and make peace with... even doing that is usually driven by that same vanity, for themselves rather than for me. They say a dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I'm the dog, and I'm not barking for the village; I'm barking for myself. And even the desire I have to bark for the village for just one day—even that is just another selfish wish. Damn. 😠 😠 😠

Thinking like this leaves me with this feeling of hopeless lack of freedom... sure, I can do whatever I want, but I can only want what I want and nothing else. When it comes to my own desires, I am totally conditioned and determined. I can't "want to want" something different than what I actually want. Well, I technically can—I'm doing it right now 😬—but then I fall into a total paradox and a logical loop that gives me a headache. Better go to sleep...

Sandra Parker3 said:Honestly, it was a completely serious response. 🙂

You basically have to start everything from scratch... if you can even figure out how to apply that to a situation where you're already stuck.
An accident only counts if you actually screw up so badly that you have to start the whole thing over from scratch.

So you end up with a few different versions of your unfinished self, and honestly, that’s just a mess.

Quincy:

lonegardener Asks: Seriously though—when someone actually undergoes a change (and I mean a deliberate choice, not just some passive thing that happens to you because life throws you a curveball), what is it *inside* us that actually drives that shift? And more importantly, can that core mechanism itself be changed? It feels like everything just stays exactly the same to me... like, even when you're actively trying to change, that core part of you driving the transformation remains untouched. Or am I just overthinking this?

I honestly can't tell if you've genuinely mixed things up here, though there's a fair chance you actually have. 🙄

I think—and I could be wrong here—that THAT shouldn't change, though I won't actually name THAT because I have my own specific way of referring to it. 🤣

Why do you even care? Are you trying to change who you are, or are you just looking to tear everything down? (Watch out, this could get dangerous.)

What expression are we talking about, pray tell? 🙂

hmmm

So, I’m jumping in here to respond to that absolute mountain of a post from APEMANTA
.
Look, I'm not trying to argue that vanity or selfishness are actually "good"—I won't go there—but I will say this: true altruism? It just doesn't exist...

...there really are only three flavors of selfishness:
1. When you do something purely for yourself and nobody else, and you're fully aware of that fact (that's what society calls plain old "selfishness").
2. When you do something for others because you genuinely get a kick out of it (this is what people call "selflessness").
3. When you do things for others, but not actually *for* them—you do it because you feel guilty and just want to ease your own conscience. This is honestly the worst kind of selfishness, because it ends up undermining people. You end up doing things for them that they really ought to be doing for themselves to grow, so by "helping," you're actually stopping them from becoming better versions of themselves!

I've spent some time analyzing my own head lately and realized I totally see what you were getting at in your post (sorry, I can't quite tell if you're a guy or a girl from your profile right now... 😁), and I definitely notice all these different types of selfishness cycling through me depending on whatever mood I'm in.

As far as I'm concerned, there isn't any other type of selfishness out there—at least not one I've stumbled upon yet—and "selflessness" (if we're being honest with ourselves for once) is basically an illusion.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have to tell you that this is perfectly normal. It's just how things work; that's just the way the world is, and that's just how people are built.

The only thing you can really do is keep a close eye on that third category—type 3. Just try to stay mindful of it constantly, and when you catch yourself slipping into that mode, do everything in your power to pivot back to one of the other categories. If you don't, you might accidentally stunt the growth of everyone around you.

Just remember, the only way to truly understand the world is to first understand yourself.

I'm still pretty much a novice at all this, but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize that everyone else operates on this same principle—they just lie to themselves about being perfect little saints. 😁.

By engaging in this kind of "self-analysis," you're actually on the right path to stripping away the masks and seeing who you really are, which lets you show your true self to the world too. Everyone who refuses to think about this is honestly just missing out!

Etoga, enjoy the journey!!!

Jesse Harris5 said:hmmm

So, I’m jumping in here to respond to that absolute mountain of a post from APEMANTA
.
Look, I'm not trying to argue that vanity or selfishness are actually "good"—I won't go there—but I will say this: true altruism? It just doesn't exist...

...there really are only three flavors of selfishness:
1. When you do something purely for yourself and nobody else, and you're fully aware of that fact (that's what society calls plain old "selfishness").
2. When you do something for others because you genuinely get a kick out of it (this is what people call "selflessness").
3. When you do things for others, but not actually *for* them—you do it because you feel guilty and just want to ease your own conscience. This is honestly the worst kind of selfishness, because it ends up undermining people. You end up doing things for them that they really ought to be doing for themselves to grow, so by "helping," you're actually stopping them from becoming better versions of themselves!

I've spent some time analyzing my own head lately and realized I totally see what you were getting at in your post (sorry, I can't quite tell if you're a guy or a girl from your profile right now... 😁), and I definitely notice all these different types of selfishness cycling through me depending on whatever mood I'm in.

As far as I'm concerned, there isn't any other type of selfishness out there—at least not one I've stumbled upon yet—and "selflessness" (if we're being honest with ourselves for once) is basically an illusion.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have to tell you that this is perfectly normal. It's just how things work; that's just the way the world is, and that's just how people are built.

The only thing you can really do is keep a close eye on that third category—type 3. Just try to stay mindful of it constantly, and when you catch yourself slipping into that mode, do everything in your power to pivot back to one of the other categories. If you don't, you might accidentally stunt the growth of everyone around you.

Just remember, the only way to truly understand the world is to first understand yourself.

I'm still pretty much a novice at all this, but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize that everyone else operates on this same principle—they just lie to themselves about being perfect little saints. 😁.

By engaging in this kind of "self-analysis," you're actually on the right path to stripping away the masks and seeing who you really are, which lets you show your true self to the world too. Everyone who refuses to think about this is honestly just missing out!

Etoga, enjoy the journey!!!

Interesting post... very interesting, actually. It aligns with my own thinking quite closely, though I have a few observations...

First off, regarding this Type 3 selfishness 😬—what you're describing is essentially Nietzschean philosophy. A classic example of this mindset is the logic used by the Sith in the Star Wars saga. Your thesis is that by insisting on "helping" others, you're actually weakening them, stripping away their need to find their own solutions and grow through struggle. If you want a deep dive into this, try playing Knights of the Old Republic 1 and 2. Those games are phenomenal specifically because they portray the conflict between the Jedi Order and Sith philosophy as something balanced and logical, rather than a simple black-and-white battle of good versus evil.

However, looking at this specific school of thought—the Sith lords, Nietzsche, and even the growing number of people today who are becoming more aware of what you wrote (that relentless selfishness, regardless of its form)—I have one fundamental critique. If it is TRULY the case that everything we do is driven by selfishness, then why should I care whether or not I cause someone harm by supposedly "selflessly" helping them? If I am selfish, and if that is the core principle behind everything, then I shouldn't actually care about the outcome, right? By your own logic, there is no reason to "be careful" about Type 3 selfishness. The worst-case scenario is simply that I weaken someone (or even destroy them, as you put it), but if that doesn't affect me personally, why avoid it? 🤷 Could you try analyzing what prompted you to offer that advice? What selfish need were you fulfilling by giving it? 😬

In short, I think you'll need to do a little more soul-searching regarding selfishness to resolve this paradox... if you manage to crack it, let me know, because I haven't figured it out yet. 😳

Quincy:

lonegardener Asks: Look, if we’re actually following your logic—if it’s TRUE that everything we do is driven by pure selfishness—then why on earth should I even care whether my "selfless" acts end up taking something away from someone else? I mean, think about it. If I’m fundamentally selfish, and if that’s the core principle behind every single thing we do, then honestly, it shouldn't matter one bit to me how it affects others, right? It’s just math at that point. So, based exactly on the way you're laying this out, there’s really no reason for me to go out of my way to avoid "Type 3" selfishness. The absolute worst-case scenario is that I weaken someone or, like you said, totally ruin them—but if that doesn't bother me personally, then why would I even try to avoid it? I guess it just makes sense. 🤷

Ugh, look, I really hate speaking for other people—especially those self-proclaimed geniuses out there—but honestly? I have this selfish urge to just clear the air and say my piece.
I mean, you're probably on the right track, but I think you're totally overlooking that one specific need—or maybe more like a craving—that you were just talking about a second ago. And honestly? If we’re being real here, the whole thing just seems to stem from pure selfishness again. I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.
Look, I’m gonna be real here—it’s purely out of self-interest. It's not even about being a saint or whatever. I just don't want to go around hurting people or tearing them down, mostly because it ends up backfiring on me. If I start acting like that, I just end up feeling guilty, my conscience starts eating me alive, and honestly? It's just too much of a headache. It becomes toxic for me personally, so I just don't do it. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I guess it's just how I have to handle things to stay sane.
So, I mean, honestly? There’s basically zero reason why you wouldn't just steamroll over everyone else if you don't have a problem with it personally. I guess the only thing that might actually trip you up is if you go way too far and end up getting checked—you know, like if you're actually scared of the law, or God, or some kind of cosmic justice, or whatever it is you happen to believe in.

Carol Baker6 said:Quincy:

lonegardener Asks: Look, if we’re actually following your logic—if it’s TRUE that everything we do is driven by pure selfishness—then why on earth should I even care whether my "selfless" acts end up taking something away from someone else? I mean, think about it. If I’m fundamentally selfish, and if that’s the core principle behind every single thing we do, then honestly, it shouldn't matter one bit to me how it affects others, right? It’s just math at that point. So, based exactly on the way you're laying this out, there’s really no reason for me to go out of my way to avoid "Type 3" selfishness. The absolute worst-case scenario is that I weaken someone or, like you said, totally ruin them—but if that doesn't bother me personally, then why would I even try to avoid it? I guess it just makes sense. 🤷

Ugh, look, I really hate speaking for other people—especially those self-proclaimed geniuses out there—but honestly? I have this selfish urge to just clear the air and say my piece.
I mean, you're probably on the right track, but I think you're totally overlooking that one specific need—or maybe more like a craving—that you were just talking about a second ago. And honestly? If we’re being real here, the whole thing just seems to stem from pure selfishness again. I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.
Look, I’m gonna be real here—it’s purely out of self-interest. It's not even about being a saint or whatever. I just don't want to go around hurting people or tearing them down, mostly because it ends up backfiring on me. If I start acting like that, I just end up feeling guilty, my conscience starts eating me alive, and honestly? It's just too much of a headache. It becomes toxic for me personally, so I just don't do it. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I guess it's just how I have to handle things to stay sane.
So, I mean, honestly? There’s basically zero reason why you wouldn't just steamroll over everyone else if you don't have a problem with it personally. I guess the only thing that might actually trip you up is if you go way too far and end up getting checked—you know, like if you're actually scared of the law, or God, or some kind of cosmic justice, or whatever it is you happen to believe in.

Fair enough, I'll grant you that. Honestly, I'm the same way, but that's besides the point. You don't want to hurt or weaken others because you'd feel guilty? Fine. But why then advise others to act the same way? You aren't responsible for how some other selfish person chooses to behave. Why tell them "don't undermine others"? Why would a Sith lord care if some Jedi "weakens" someone they are supposedly helping selflessly? In what way does that actually harm the interests of the Sith?

Even if my own empathy prevents me from hurting or weakening someone, I still have no reason to worry about whether someone else does the same. If I did, wouldn't I be drifting dangerously close to being completely irrationally selfless? 😲

We could also take this from a different angle. Why would you accept the state of affairs you're describing—specifically that sense of conscience you mentioned? That clearly feels like a burden, and it's likely just the result of social conditioning. Since you're already aware of that weight, why do you accept it as necessary? Why not, for instance, train yourself to shed that ballast of socially conditioned "conscience"? Then you'd be free to be as selfish as necessary without anything holding you back. Now, that would be an interesting form of emancipation...

lonegardener said:Fair enough, I'll grant you that. Honestly, I'm the same way, but that's besides the point. You don't want to hurt or weaken others because you'd feel guilty? Fine. But why then advise others to act the same way? You aren't responsible for how some other selfish person chooses to behave. Why tell them "don't undermine others"? Why would a Sith lord care if some Jedi "weakens" someone they are supposedly helping selflessly? In what way does that actually harm the interests of the Sith?

Even if my own empathy prevents me from hurting or weakening someone, I still have no reason to worry about whether someone else does the same. If I did, wouldn't I be drifting dangerously close to being completely irrationally selfless? 😲

We could also take this from a different angle. Why would you accept the state of affairs you're describing—specifically that sense of conscience you mentioned? That clearly feels like a burden, and it's likely just the result of social conditioning. Since you're already aware of that weight, why do you accept it as necessary? Why not, for instance, train yourself to shed that ballast of socially conditioned "conscience"? Then you'd be free to be as selfish as necessary without anything holding you back. Now, that would be an interesting form of emancipation...

bolded in order;
1.she probably started from the assumption that everyone is inherently good, or maybe it's religious or something, I don't know, some kind of mindset
2.
you have a reason to be worried because that person being hurt could be you, or someone close to you, or even a stranger, but it hurts you because you're naturally empathetic:
I don't really get what "irrational altruism" would even mean
3.I don't even want to be selfish, or rather, since humans have so little control over their actual desires and needs anyway, I'm not sure if that can even be changed. I've basically "rationalized" it for myself by believing in those "what goes around comes around" type of schemes
so for me, that would just be a kind of anti-emancipation
plus, it's just easier this way, better than having to constantly think about who I might end up owing a favor to and all that crap

lonegardener said:I know why...

I get frustrated with myself because I honestly feel like I'm brilliant, even though every single day I prove to myself that I'm actually as clueless as they come. It's strange how an intelligent person can be so hopelessly dense. 😲

I mean, I can go maybe five days without feeling the need to lecture someone, and then that's it... I can't hold out any longer. Is that some kind of obsessive-compulsive thing? Maybe an addiction? 😱

How should I put this... I realize that I don't know anything, yet somehow everything still feels crystal clear to me. 😬 And I just can't help it... the realization that I am completely unversed in so many fields of human knowledge doesn't actually instill any sense of respect or humility in me regarding the fact that other people know a massive amount about those subjects (different people knowing different things).

To be completely honest (at least on this subject, not generally 😈)—I think I first noticed this trait in other people, and it drove me absolutely crazy; then I realized I was exactly the same way. In fact, I probably get annoyed with those same people precisely because they are just like me. (It’s like those two goats fighting on a narrow ridge in one of those old fables).

I would love for someone to thoroughly prove to me that I have no idea what I'm talking about—but they'd have to do it impartially, neutrally, and with pure logic. Because if they get emotionally involved, I'll just dismiss it as their own ego trip or their own desperate need to act smart, or whatever. Just vanity, really. Vanitas vanitatum, etoga vanitas. Even when someone tries to convince me that it's perfectly fine to be vain, that it's normal and something I should just accept and make peace with... even doing that is usually driven by that same vanity, for themselves rather than for me. They say a dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I'm the dog, and I'm not barking for the village; I'm barking for myself. And even the desire I have to bark for the village for just one day—even that is just another selfish wish. Damn. 😠 😠 😠

Thinking like this leaves me with this feeling of hopeless lack of freedom... sure, I can do whatever I want, but I can only want what I want and nothing else. When it comes to my own desires, I am totally conditioned and determined. I can't "want to want" something different than what I actually want. Well, I technically can—I'm doing it right now 😬—but then I fall into a total paradox and a logical loop that gives me a headache. Better go to sleep...

I view this as a challenge 🤣

Look, I am stepping up voluntarily to address your little comment about how I "have no clue about anything" 🤣 (Just so we are clear on who is talking here.) You see, Aristotelian rhetoric suggests there are three distinct modes of persuasion
ethos (credibility)
pathos (appealing to emotion and empathy), and
logos (rational argumentation) ...
and a skilled orator must master all three.
Therefore, just because someone is emotionally engaged doesn't mean they aren't correct; to suggest otherwise is a logical fallacy—specifically, an ad hominem attack—which has absolutely nothing to do with whether a conclusion is actually valid or not.

So, have I proven my point? Was I good, was I good? 🤣

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Even when someone tries to convince me that being vain is perfectly fine—that it’s actually normal and something one should embrace and reconcile with... being at peace with oneself, whatever—even that is usually driven by that same vanity. It's done for oneself, not for me. As the saying goes, the dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I am that dog, and I don't bark for the village; I bark for myself. And even my desire to bark for the village, just once, is ultimately a selfish wish. Damn.

You could always look at this as a hobby; some people enjoy being spiteful while others just indulge in mental gymnastics. Perhaps this entire intellectual debate 🤣 is something you're addicted to—either you're chasing an "intellectual orgasm" where "it's normal to be vain" 😂 or you're simply addicted to the performance of intellectuality itself. 😁 😉

Offtopic: I have the exact same problem, because instead of writing my term paper, I'm sitting here acting like a know-it-all. 🤣 bad Lila, ba-a-a-ad 🙂 😁

For: "Carol Baker6"

You actually just summarized what I was trying to get at—you probably just phrased it a bit more diplomatically than I did! 😉

For everyone else:

I tend to operate on a pretty simple principle: "Say your piece and move on." That’s why I shared what I do and gave you that recommendation—honestly, I have no way of knowing what you're looking for. So, I’ve voiced my opinion, and I’ll probably keep turning it over in my head a dozen times, and I'm sure you will too... but for now, mission accomplished. Once I dig a little deeper into this topic, I'll be sure to check back in...

Just to justify my "say it and move on" approach:

If I kept insisting on proving how well-argued my last post was—even though, if I'm being totally honest, I'm still figuring out if I'm even right (I'm still pretty new to this, after all)—it would mean I was just desperate to answer your question. And that would immediately put me under the influence of Selfishness Type No. 3. If my theory holds up, fine—but if it doesn't, I'd just be dragging you down into even bigger trouble with me.

So, since I'm not 100% certain about my own theory yet, I’m just leaving the post here. If someone finds something useful in it—great! It served a purpose. If not—well, that's too bad, or maybe it doesn't matter at all...

And to answer your question—what do I actually get out of giving advice like this?

Well, it's a way of expressing myself. I've left a little trace behind, and if it helps someone someday, that makes me happy, which is why I do it 🙂—so, I suppose that falls under Selfishness Type No. 2.
But, there is a bit of Selfishness Type No. 1 involved too—the childish kind. I have to admit, part of me wants someone to read my post and tell me, "Wow, you're such a smart girl," regardless of whether it actually helped anyone or not 😁😁😁, and while that part of me used to win every single time (back when I was a kid, anyway!), I've worked to scale it down to a level where it isn't my main driving force anymore.

🙂

lonegardener, I wonder if you grew up in an environment like this—with a father who constantly lectured everyone, and still does, and a mother who thought, and still thinks, that her kid is the smartest and most wonderful person on the planet?

I find myself deeply frustrated by these reflexive behaviors of mine—those moments when I find myself entangling myself in matters that hold absolutely no purpose or significance, driven solely by a surge of narcissism or mere habit. In those moments, it feels as though I am trampling over everything I actually value in life. It is as if some temporary persona, shaped entirely by my environment and completely disconnected from my true self, takes control, causing me to speak or think things that don't matter to me in the slightest.
It weighs on me because these episodes are such a waste of time; they tend to cloud my vision, making me lose sight of all the beautiful, interesting, and exhilarating aspects of existence.
Ultimately, these impulses lead toward a dull mire of exhausted ideas that are endlessly recycled—worn out and hollow, yet always delivered with the misplaced conviction that something profound has been said. As Kundera once observed: many people, very few ideas.

To be fair, I am specifically referring to those reflexive reactions where one acts out of compulsion rather than genuine interest. Not all philosophical inquiry needs to be this way; discourse fueled by actual passion is always far more engaging and inspiring.

lonegardener said:I know why...

I get frustrated with myself because I honestly feel like I'm brilliant, even though every single day I prove to myself that I'm actually as clueless as they come. It's strange how an intelligent person can be so hopelessly dense. 😲

I mean, I can go maybe five days without feeling the need to lecture someone, and then that's it... I can't hold out any longer. Is that some kind of obsessive-compulsive thing? Maybe an addiction? 😱

How should I put this... I realize that I don't know anything, yet somehow everything still feels crystal clear to me. 😬 And I just can't help it... the realization that I am completely unversed in so many fields of human knowledge doesn't actually instill any sense of respect or humility in me regarding the fact that other people know a massive amount about those subjects (different people knowing different things).

To be completely honest (at least on this subject, not generally 😈)—I think I first noticed this trait in other people, and it drove me absolutely crazy; then I realized I was exactly the same way. In fact, I probably get annoyed with those same people precisely because they are just like me. (It’s like those two goats fighting on a narrow ridge in one of those old fables).

I would love for someone to thoroughly prove to me that I have no idea what I'm talking about—but they'd have to do it impartially, neutrally, and with pure logic. Because if they get emotionally involved, I'll just dismiss it as their own ego trip or their own desperate need to act smart, or whatever. Just vanity, really. Vanitas vanitatum, etoga vanitas. Even when someone tries to convince me that it's perfectly fine to be vain, that it's normal and something I should just accept and make peace with... even doing that is usually driven by that same vanity, for themselves rather than for me. They say a dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I'm the dog, and I'm not barking for the village; I'm barking for myself. And even the desire I have to bark for the village for just one day—even that is just another selfish wish. Damn. 😠 😠 😠

Thinking like this leaves me with this feeling of hopeless lack of freedom... sure, I can do whatever I want, but I can only want what I want and nothing else. When it comes to my own desires, I am totally conditioned and determined. I can't "want to want" something different than what I actually want. Well, I technically can—I'm doing it right now 😬—but then I fall into a total paradox and a logical loop that gives me a headache. Better go to sleep...

But what is the problem with that?
Lately, what haunts me most is the notion that we might be entirely undeterministic—that we could shift in any direction at any given moment. It isn't that I am suddenly overflowing with self-satisfaction in every aspect of my life, but rather this question: if no part of me is determined, then what am I? Am I merely a collection of characteristics that happened to coincide in time and space, and am I supposed to accept that accidental cluster as my "self"?
Just as much as the idea of absolute determinism terrifies me, so does the idea of ultimate indeterminism. Imagine if everything rested solely upon human will and choice... something so precarious, volatile, and unstable. 😲
Total indeterminism shatters my concept of an individual core. If I am defined by nothing, then I can believe in neither a purpose for my existence nor a necessity for my presence in the natural order. 🤷
Unless, of course, nature is nothing more than a statistician managing random events. 😁

lonegardener said:Yeah, I’ve chewed on that idea before, but eventually, it just started getting under my skin. 😍

Seriously though—when a person undergoes a change (and I mean an intentional shift, not the kind that happens to you against your will through life experience), what exactly is the part of us driving that transformation? And can THAT specific thing—whatever it may be—ever actually change?

To me, it feels like the core stays the same. Even when you're evolving, there's this underlying "self" that wants the change in the first place, and that part seems pretty fixed. Or am I totally missing the mark here?

That thing that stays CONSTANT and cannot be CHANGED
isn't the SOURCE of your frustration.

That is your CENTER.

It's the PERIPHERY that gets to you.

You don't need to fix the periphery—it’s so inherently unstable that it’ll change on its own eventually. Just make sure you don't TRUST it in the meantime.🙂

Amanda Roberts21 said:That thing that stays CONSTANT and cannot be CHANGED
isn't the SOURCE of your frustration.

That is your CENTER.

It's the PERIPHERY that gets to you.

You don't need to fix the periphery—it’s so inherently unstable that it’ll change on its own eventually. Just make sure you don't TRUST it in the meantime.🙂

👍

I find myself hoping that it remains just as volatile. When I reflect on it, I begin to suspect that this might be the very essence of all destructiveness—the desperate urge to tear down a flawed periphery.