I can't keep going like this - I need a change

Hey there, I’ve got a bit too much on my plate right now, so I’ll answer everyone in order. Thanks so much for all the support, but like unknown said, if only it were easier to find a light switch to turn off the darkness in the room 😁

@unknown

I’d also say my friendships and connections feel kind of "forced." Basically, you hang out with one friend, and after a month or two, you end up meeting several more—not because you went out looking for them, but because they’re always running in the same circles as your friends. They're people you eventually get to know through others. If I were to just head downtown by myself at night and try to meet strangers, I haven't done that yet, and honestly, I wouldn't even know how. It’s not that I have an issue going out alone or checking out clubs; it's just that I struggle to flip that switch into "fun mode" and actually strike up a conversation with someone.

@Branimir

I don't think I'm whining online; I'm looking for advice. You probably have a girlfriend or some close friends you can talk to about your problems—someone who actually understands you. I don't have that. It's just me and the internet where I can share my story so people can offer advice to help me figure things out, because trying to solve everything solo is the hardest part.
Even alcohol isn't the answer. I don't see the point in getting drunk. I'd much rather enjoy a glass of decent Cabernet than get wasted on whiskey or cheap shots while listening to terrible music from a culture we all know too well. Thinking "I know best, I don't need anyone," just leads to arrogance, insecurity, and immaturity. I don't need that. I’m already arrogant, blunt, rude, stuck-up, and cold enough as it is.

@Jerry Scott2

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've always needed a little nudge or some sort of motivation to get moving, though sometimes even that doesn't work. But I am trying to change. As much as my schedule allows, I've been reading psychology books and reflecting on my situation. There are things I want to change, and some I don't really care about. I definitely need to work on my social anxiety when I go out, and there's a lot of work ahead of me. First, I need to build up my self-esteem and develop a bit of a "fuck everything" attitude. You know, stop caring what people think about whether I'm attractive, tall, short, or whatever. I already know all that... I know what I need to do. But that first step is the toughest, having to force yourself to do it all. Looking back, my obsession with work is almost a way of getting even with the people who hurt me. It's my way of proving they were wrong about me and that I achieved everything I wanted despite them. I'm not exactly a kid anymore 🙂 I'm 25.

Thanks again for the support. I know I ultimately have to walk this path alone, but I still need a little help along the way. That's why I decided to post here—to get a different, more objective perspective on my life.

Talk soon...

Jonathan Wright6 said:Hey there, I’ve got a bit too much on my plate right now, so I’ll answer everyone in order. Thanks so much for all the support, but like unknown said, if only it were easier to find a light switch to turn off the darkness in the room 😁

@unknown

I’d also say my friendships and connections feel kind of "forced." Basically, you hang out with one friend, and after a month or two, you end up meeting several more—not because you went out looking for them, but because they’re always running in the same circles as your friends. They're people you eventually get to know through others. If I were to just head downtown by myself at night and try to meet strangers, I haven't done that yet, and honestly, I wouldn't even know how. It’s not that I have an issue going out alone or checking out clubs; it's just that I struggle to flip that switch into "fun mode" and actually strike up a conversation with someone.

@Branimir

I don't think I'm whining online; I'm looking for advice. You probably have a girlfriend or some close friends you can talk to about your problems—someone who actually understands you. I don't have that. It's just me and the internet where I can share my story so people can offer advice to help me figure things out, because trying to solve everything solo is the hardest part.
Even alcohol isn't the answer. I don't see the point in getting drunk. I'd much rather enjoy a glass of decent Cabernet than get wasted on whiskey or cheap shots while listening to terrible music from a culture we all know too well. Thinking "I know best, I don't need anyone," just leads to arrogance, insecurity, and immaturity. I don't need that. I’m already arrogant, blunt, rude, stuck-up, and cold enough as it is.

@Jerry Scott2

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've always needed a little nudge or some sort of motivation to get moving, though sometimes even that doesn't work. But I am trying to change. As much as my schedule allows, I've been reading psychology books and reflecting on my situation. There are things I want to change, and some I don't really care about. I definitely need to work on my social anxiety when I go out, and there's a lot of work ahead of me. First, I need to build up my self-esteem and develop a bit of a "fuck everything" attitude. You know, stop caring what people think about whether I'm attractive, tall, short, or whatever. I already know all that... I know what I need to do. But that first step is the toughest, having to force yourself to do it all. Looking back, my obsession with work is almost a way of getting even with the people who hurt me. It's my way of proving they were wrong about me and that I achieved everything I wanted despite them. I'm not exactly a kid anymore 🙂 I'm 25.

Thanks again for the support. I know I ultimately have to walk this path alone, but I still need a little help along the way. That's why I decided to post here—to get a different, more objective perspective on my life.

Talk soon...

Here’s some actual advice before the game: Grab an extroverted friend and head out to a spot where people actually go to mingle—somewhere decent, not some dive bar playing old-school country music. It’s easier to do this as a duo, especially if you have a beer in hand. Just stay relaxed. Go in with the mindset that you don't have to meet anyone today. You can try this ten times if you have to; there's no rush. And stop staring at people. Just have fun. When you're actually enjoying yourself, people naturally gravitate toward you. That's just how magnetism works.

Jonathan Wright6 said:Hey there, I’ve got a bit too much on my plate right now, so I’ll answer everyone in order. Thanks so much for all the support, but like unknown said, if only it were easier to find a light switch to turn off the darkness in the room 😁

@unknown

I’d also say my friendships and connections feel kind of "forced." Basically, you hang out with one friend, and after a month or two, you end up meeting several more—not because you went out looking for them, but because they’re always running in the same circles as your friends. They're people you eventually get to know through others. If I were to just head downtown by myself at night and try to meet strangers, I haven't done that yet, and honestly, I wouldn't even know how. It’s not that I have an issue going out alone or checking out clubs; it's just that I struggle to flip that switch into "fun mode" and actually strike up a conversation with someone.

@Branimir

I don't think I'm whining online; I'm looking for advice. You probably have a girlfriend or some close friends you can talk to about your problems—someone who actually understands you. I don't have that. It's just me and the internet where I can share my story so people can offer advice to help me figure things out, because trying to solve everything solo is the hardest part.
Even alcohol isn't the answer. I don't see the point in getting drunk. I'd much rather enjoy a glass of decent Cabernet than get wasted on whiskey or cheap shots while listening to terrible music from a culture we all know too well. Thinking "I know best, I don't need anyone," just leads to arrogance, insecurity, and immaturity. I don't need that. I’m already arrogant, blunt, rude, stuck-up, and cold enough as it is.

@Jerry Scott2

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've always needed a little nudge or some sort of motivation to get moving, though sometimes even that doesn't work. But I am trying to change. As much as my schedule allows, I've been reading psychology books and reflecting on my situation. There are things I want to change, and some I don't really care about. I definitely need to work on my social anxiety when I go out, and there's a lot of work ahead of me. First, I need to build up my self-esteem and develop a bit of a "fuck everything" attitude. You know, stop caring what people think about whether I'm attractive, tall, short, or whatever. I already know all that... I know what I need to do. But that first step is the toughest, having to force yourself to do it all. Looking back, my obsession with work is almost a way of getting even with the people who hurt me. It's my way of proving they were wrong about me and that I achieved everything I wanted despite them. I'm not exactly a kid anymore 🙂 I'm 25.

Thanks again for the support. I know I ultimately have to walk this path alone, but I still need a little help along the way. That's why I decided to post here—to get a different, more objective perspective on my life.

Talk soon...

I get it. But you’re operating on the assumption that everyone is constantly dissecting your every move. You're wrong. You might spend some time dwelling on others—though I doubt it's as much as you think—but trust me, when you feel like the center of someone else's universe, you're actually the last thing on their mind. By the time you finally prove them wrong, they'll have already forgotten there was even an argument to begin with.

brightridge59 said:I have to disagree. 🙂
That kind of attitude actually comes from people struggling with deep-seated insecurities. In my experience, those who possess genuine self-confidence don't feel this constant, nagging need to prove they are superior to others. They simply know that they are capable and, honestly, that’s more than enough for them.

Wrong again. 🙂
That's just how anyone with power acts; they'll keep riding that high until someone finally knocks them off their pedestal.

And honestly, what I laid out is spot on because I stripped everything down to the core essentials. If you can't see that there are entire libraries of books dedicated to this exact concept, well, hey, not my fault.

Jonathan Wright6 said:Hi everyone, and Happy Easter. I just got back from a night out that wasn't much to write home about, and since I can't sleep, I'm just sitting here at my computer thinking.

I’ve been lurking on this forum for a while, so I finally decided to post something. I could really use some help or advice—anything, really. The truth is, my self-esteem is pretty low. I have a negative view of myself, I bottle up my emotions, and I struggle with feeling like I'm not enough or that I don't deserve love from others, especially from girls I might want to date. I hide my true personality from people. Even when I go out, I can't just relax; I'm constantly stuck in my own head, worrying about who's looking at me or what they'll think if I do something awkward.

I find it hard to trust anyone because I've convinced myself that everyone is out to get me. I feel like if I ever showed my real self—my actual feelings and thoughts—people would just use them to tear me down. I have people I hang out with and acquaintances, but I don't have any true friends I can actually talk to about this stuff, someone to help me lighten the load so I can finally move forward.

I've built such a massive wall between my inner world and reality. It feels like a fortress with mile-high walls, surrounded by an alligator-filled moat, complete with barricades, barbed wire, and guard dogs. But I am trying to change. I've been reading some psychology books and stuff. How do I find the strength to start? How do I learn to forgive people who hurt me and start trusting them—and myself—again? How do I build up my confidence and a better sense of self? And how do I work on being more communicative and improving my social skills?

I've become emotionally numb, and honestly, I just don't feel much of anything anymore. How do I break out of this state? It's not hopeless, though; I truly want to change because I can't keep living like this. Regarding social skills, I deal with a weird paradox: once I actually get to know people and they become my friends, I can talk to them just fine. But when it comes to meeting someone new or starting a conversation from scratch, I completely freeze up like Windows 😁 especially if there's a girl I'm interested in.

I've always lived in my own little bubble. I've always done everything on my own and never let anyone in, and now I'm just lonely. I realize I made a huge mistake, and I regret all the things I missed out on, but I still believe it's not too late to fix these issues. I try to reflect on my past and my problems, but it isn't easy.

Is there anyone out there who can offer some guidance, or am I going to have to figure this all out on my own, just like I've always done?

It's the exact same thing for me...