Obsessive infatuation

Look, I’ve already said this: I want to actually get better, not just play games with it and feed some sick obsession😁

Timothy Ortiz2 said:Look, I’ve already said this: I want to actually get better, not just play games with it and feed some sick obsession😁

One should not mistake this for the cultivation of some unhealthy obsession; rather, it is simply the act of bringing to fruition those aspirations one has harbored in their imagination for quite some time. You will certainly find that true healing does not occur through the mere act of avoidance.

Kenneth Ward4 said:Good grief, she claims she wants to move on, yet she hasn't even attempted a single thing. For heaven's sake, let him at least reject you first—don't be such a coward.😛

All joking aside, his girlfriend is clearly the source of your misery. Look, if he were actually devoted to her, he wouldn't be blowing up your phone. Either he’s one of those guys who can't stay faithful, or he's genuinely smitten with you. There isn't any other logical conclusion.

It’s also entirely possible that he’s simply bored with the monotony of his own life.🤷

Timothy Ortiz2, I’d suggest stepping away from this one.

nimbleharbor13 said:One should not mistake this for the cultivation of some unhealthy obsession; rather, it is simply the act of bringing to fruition those aspirations one has harbored in their imagination for quite some time. You will certainly find that true healing does not occur through the mere act of avoidance.

Alright, fine. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Love the username, by the way.😍

wearybison8 said:It’s also entirely possible that he’s simply bored with the monotony of his own life.🤷

Timothy Ortiz2, I’d suggest stepping away from this one.

wearybison8—that’s the damn plan👍

I mean, sure, maybe he’s just bored, but honestly, anything is possible at this point. I find these mindless comments—telling her to "just stay away from him" and whatnot—to be incredibly shallow. He isn't some crazed maniac, nor has he actually done anything to her; the reality is simply that she hasn't even given it a shot. To me, it seems utterly foolish to refuse to even try... she might end up living with regret later, and by then, it’ll be far too late.
I’ve seen plenty of similar situations play out, and in every single instance, people eventually regret the fact that they didn't at least give it a chance...

Obsessive infatuation usually stems from physical attraction, glorifying someone you don't actually know, and constant daydreaming. That daydreaming part might be the worst, honestly. We tend to build up these perfect, imaginary scenarios in our heads that just drive us crazy. We turn people into these non-existent deities, which leads to seeing them everywhere, dreaming about them, and thinking about them 24/7.
The only way to break that cycle is to realize that the person isn't some kind of god. They aren't everything we imagined them to be. You have to tear down that house of cards we spend all day building.
The easiest way to do that is to actually get to know them. Once you see their flaws and the reality of the situation, that intense fascination tends to fade.
I guess if you just hang out with them, you'll start to see who they really are. It’s like reading a book page by page; eventually, the obsession starts to cool off. Time usually helps you realize how unrealistic you were being—that they're just an average person and it wasn't worth the stress. Most of the time, it ends in disappointment once you realize how much you were just fooling yourself. Or, maybe after that phase passes, actual love develops—but it's a calm, peaceful kind of love that has nothing to do with obsession. In my experience, those are the only ways to deal with it.😉
As for the harder cases where someone claims to be taken or unavailable—if they're showing interest in you and letting you in, then they aren't really unavailable. Maybe they're just too cowardly to leave their current situation or change the routine they've built around their partner.
Real love and the right person will find you regardless of whether you're currently in a relationship or not. I mean, who can truly say who is "right"? There's no guarantee. You could be in a relationship for ten years only to realize that person wasn't the one once you finally meet the right one. It's all pretty relative.🙂
You can't really fight love. And when it's real, you just feel it. You don't go looking for other options when that happens.😉

Damn, 😍 you're sharp. I'm with you on everything you said—you hit the nail right on the head. But honestly? I feel like a total jerk even trying to get close to him because of his girlfriend. Even though I agree with the end of your post, I just feel weird about her. I don't know how to put it, it’s just uncomfortable. I can't stand the idea of getting involved with someone who's already taken. My girlfriends told me the exact same thing you did, though—that there's no other way to snap out of this obsession. It feels like you guys are all right on this one.😢

Trust me... I’ve pretty much been obsessively in love with every single person I've ever crushed on. It’s a terrible, messy feeling—you know everything about them, yet you just can't help yourself.
Eventually, you realize there isn't really a fix other than de-glamorizing them. You have to break the illusion that they have the perfect nose, the best lips, or the most graceful walk. Once that initial rush and passion fade in a relationship, you start noticing things—like how he picks at his toes with a toothpick, or how he doesn't actually walk so much as shuffle along.
At that point, you either grow to love those quirks, or you find them "gross" and get tired of them. Either way, the fantasy eventually breaks.
It’s all just brain chemistry that we end up inflating ourselves with through these unrealistic fantasies... and there's not much we can do about it.🙂
I know it sounds harsh toward the girl, but you aren't the one to blame here. It's really on him if he were to let anything happen between you two. He isn't walking around with her, and you don't have those deep feelings for her, so there's no reason to hold back. He's the one who needs to consider the consequences. It might sound cold, but I guess people today tend to overcomplicate things too much. Life is short, and you have to take risks; if nothing else, you'll learn something. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but there's a lesson behind every failure. Ultimately, you'll move past this obsession and be able to look at someone who actually deserves your attention. Don't waste your time... the pace of life in the US is too fast and high-pressure to let an empty crush run over you.
Besides, you have to enjoy life... especially the emotions. There isn't a better feeling than love, but it has to be healthy love. Obsession just drives a person crazy. It feels sweet at first, but over time, it starts to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
So, just go for it.😉

You hit the nail on the head there. I think most of us have been obsessively in love at least once—so I totally get where you're coming from, especially since you’ve lived through it yourself. That’s exactly why I filed this under psychology in the first place.😁
Yeah, that obsession feels amazing when it's new, but man, it eventually drives you absolutely insane. You're spot on there.🙂
Thanks so much for the advice. Since you clearly know what you're talking about, do you have any tips on how I should handle that big move I need to make?

Just go with the flow... if you guys are already talking, it should be pretty easy 😉

I’m losing my mind here😂
How do I get over this?😕🤷

Oh, and just a quick heads-up—no, I'm not some fifteen-year-old kid.😁

Look, you know that saying, "all's fair in love and war"? You aren't going to get any peace of mind until you find out how he actually feels about you.
As for his girlfriend... honestly, the fact that you're feeling guilty seems a little weird to me.
I mean, they aren't married and they don't have kids together. How can you even be sure he'll be happy with her? People get divorced when a marriage fails, so why shouldn't relationships end when they stop working?
I really don't think you need to beat yourself up over this.
Plus, why wouldn't you think the same could happen to you? Someone could leave you for someone else tomorrow. That's just life!

And one last thing:
It's better to take a shot and regret it later than to never try and spend your whole life wondering "what if."

Good luck. 🙂

quiethound45 said:Just go with the flow... if you guys are already talking, it should be pretty easy 😉

Thanks. I'll give it a shot. I'm starting tomorrow—assuming I run into him downtown tonight.👍

analogmarlin83 said:I’m losing my mind here😂
How do I get over this?😕🤷

Oh, and just a quick heads-up—no, I'm not some fifteen-year-old kid.😁

Look, you know that saying, "all's fair in love and war"? You aren't going to get any peace of mind until you find out how he actually feels about you.
As for his girlfriend... honestly, the fact that you're feeling guilty seems a little weird to me.
I mean, they aren't married and they don't have kids together. How can you even be sure he'll be happy with her? People get divorced when a marriage fails, so why shouldn't relationships end when they stop working?
I really don't think you need to beat yourself up over this.
Plus, why wouldn't you think the same could happen to you? Someone could leave you for someone else tomorrow. That's just life!

And one last thing:
It's better to take a shot and regret it later than to never try and spend your whole life wondering "what if."

Good luck. 🙂

Look, you know that saying, "all's fair in love and war"? You aren't going to get any peace of mind until you find out how he actually feels about you.
As for his girlfriend... honestly, the fact that you're feeling guilty seems a little weird to me.
I mean, they aren't married and they don't have kids together. How can you even be sure he'll be happy with her? People get divorced when a marriage fails, so why shouldn't relationships end when they stop working?
I really don't think you need to beat yourself up over this.
Plus, why wouldn't you think the same could happen to you? Someone could leave you for someone else tomorrow. That's just life!

And one last thing:
It's better to take a shot and regret it later than to never try and spend your whole life wondering "what if."

Good luck. 🙂

Look, you know that saying, "all's fair in love and war"? You aren't going to get any peace of mind until you find out how he actually feels about you.
As for his girlfriend... honestly, the fact that you're feeling guilty seems a little weird to me.
I mean, they aren't married and they don't have kids together. How can you even be sure he'll be happy with her? People get divorced when a marriage fails, so why shouldn't relationships end when they stop working?
I really don't think you need to beat yourself up over this.
Plus, why wouldn't you think the same could happen to you? Someone could leave you for someone else tomorrow. That's just life!

And one last thing:
It's better to take a shot and regret it later than to never try and spend your whole life wondering "what if."

Good luck. 🙂
You know that old saying, "all's fair in love and war"? Well, you aren't going to get any peace of mind until you find out exactly how he actually feels about you.
Honestly, the whole thing about his girlfriend making you feel guilty? It feels a little off to me. Just weird.
Look, they aren't even married and they don't have kids. How can you be so sure he’ll actually be happy with her? People get divorced when a marriage goes south, so why wouldn't they just break up if the relationship isn't working either? It's that simple.
Look, don't go beating yourself up over this. You really shouldn't feel guilty.
Besides, why do you think you're somehow immune to getting dumped for someone else? It could happen to anyone. That’s just how life works!

And to wrap this all up, I’ll leave you with one last quote:
Look, you can either take the shot and deal with the fallout later, or spend your entire life wondering "what if." I’d much rather live with a mistake than live with regret.

Best of luck! 🙂

Thanks, man. Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to get any sleep at night until I finally give this thing a shot myself.

Look, I get it. Relationships always fall apart because of outside interference. Honestly, I can't tell if he's even happy with his girlfriend—actually, I’m pretty sure he isn't—but the whole thing just feels wrong. I've never been stuck in a position like this before. It's not just about her, either; it's the fact that he’s actually in a relationship makes everything ten times more complicated. But whatever. I'm going to give this everything I've got and see where it leads. Things literally can't get any crazier than they already are.😁

Look, you aren't the one leaving her—HE is. At the end of the day, it's HIS call if he decides he likes you better. 😉

Oh, heavens! I truly wish you nothing but the best. Regardless of how this whole situation unfolds, I sincerely hope you manage to finally shake off that obsession once and for all. 😁