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Help a girl out!

Started by George Garcia9 · · 👁 4 views · 31 replies

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Participants George Garcia9Sean Nguyen4Keith Fowler43David Nelson74silentpuma2driftingorca13Hannah MooreGeorge Smith2velvetriderslyowl96Gregory Fox69Kimberly Ruiz84Olivia Chase2Linda BaileyKenneth Harris4Eric Kern42Michael Scott12
George Smith2 George Smith2 Member
12 messages
joined May 2007
#21 ·
Olivia Chase2;12708641 said:
George Smith2 said:What part of this is unrealistic?

It’s not exactly rocket science—you're talking about working as a waitress at a Go-go club...

Everything else I wrote follows that logic: if you just have the willpower to open up and lean into the moment, the nature of the job practically forces you to.
Once you realize that your tips depend entirely on how many teeth you show—I mean a grin from ear to ear—and you accept that you aren't some high-flying CEO, but rather a WAITRESS whose sole mission is to push drinks, rake in the cash, and send a customer home happy regardless of whether they sent you back to the bar fifteen times for some trivial nonsense... well, you just leave that stuff at the door and treat the rest as entertainment. Whatever goes wrong is just part of the gig; whatever goes right is just a bonus.
That’s precisely why it’s a decent gig—it isn't some soul-crushing office job where the highlight of your day is someone messing up two numbers on a spreadsheet while you perform repetitive, robotic tasks all day long.

But even then, you need to have some backbone—don't walk in with these ridiculous expectations only to act shocked every time something minor goes sideways. We create our own circumstances; the environment is just the springboard. 👍


What kind of "professional maneuvering" are you talking about?
You should just be satisfied with what you do, because you’ve convinced yourself that this is something you’ll be doing for years... months, weeks... and being nothing more than relaxed, normal, and approachable in front of a guest isn't "maneuvering"—it's just being a decent server. When a customer sees that you aren't afraid to run over to grab something or provide a service they ask for... they'll give you a tip out of pure gratitude and enjoyment.
It's those tiny, trivial things that actually kept me entertained, because "the more tasks and chaos, the less time I have to overthink." I did things I would have loved if I were the one sitting in the guest chair. Nothing more, nothing less.

In such an environment.... Which one?
If you have a backbone and you know who you are and what you're doing, an environment that doesn't shake you emotionally is nothing more than an opportunity.
So, comparing three naked women on a pole to five guys treating those same women to cocktails without any physical contact—saying that's worse than her constantly fearing a drunk father—how does that even make sense?!

I always had the impression that these places were vulgar and disgusting. I never stepped foot in a place like that in my entire life.
Now, my perspective has shifted. People go there—couples, guys with girls... honestly, I wouldn't even mind if someone asked me out there now. It's not that bad.
A truly terrible environment would be your average disco in a small US town when you step outside, where you're stuck in a crowd of a million drunk hicks grabbing at your backside and shouting things like, "Hey baby, come on, I know you want it!"

That kind of environment... is definitely much better than serving drinks in some local dive bar where nobody is stripping on a pole, leaving you as the sole target or object of desire.

And now...
Regarding the whole ego thing.
Do I really need to lecture a girl who is already dealing with anxiety, teetering on the edge of self-harm, and struggling with an eating disorder because she hates herself for overeating?

First off—no matter how much we keep quiet about it—this is physical labor. You'll build muscle, you can eat all you want, and I guarantee you won't regret it afterward. Not to mention how your attitude toward body image will totally shift when you see a stripper with a bit of extra weight, completely unmade-up, showing up to work, and realizing through her own intuition that everyone is still drooling over her once she gets dolled up or takes her clothes off. Believe me!

All in all, I took the job strictly for the chance to live in a different city and for the night shifts.
I never even dreamed it could turn out this well.

I was also a complete mess during my first week, until one stripper told me: "Don't regret anything you do; you can find something good in everything, and by waitressing in a place like this, you'll learn how to read people!"

And that’s just the plain truth.
Look, I wouldn't say I'm walking on sunshine right now—everyone carries their own set of burdens, let's be real—but compared to how things used to be? I feel like an absolute queen. Why? Because I know I'm damn good at what I do. I know I can make it anywhere, even in those "toxic" environments that are definitely not my scene. I’ve got a better physique than most, I’ve got backbone, I can read people like a book, and I walked out of that whole mess with my head held high. Even the people from that circle respect me because I don't fall for the petty, mindless nonsense that most of those immature punks do.
Life moves you past stuff like that. It forces you to learn who you actually are.

In the end, you emerge as a completely different person.
In my case, I came out better, stronger, and more capable. And honestly? I think she could really use that kind of transformation too.

A change of scenery changes everything.
If you play tennis and you need a shake-up, don't just switch over to badminton—that's just the same crap under a different name. Go hit a boxing gym for a while. That’s a real change. That’s exactly what I did.

You get what I'm saying?
Linda Bailey Linda Bailey Newcomer
2 messages
joined Feb 2008
#22 ·
George Garcia9 said:Hey, I’ve posted on this forum before, but I’ll recap briefly. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. I'm 22, a sophomore in college, and my family situation—specifically with my father—is probably 70% of why I'm such a wreck (the rest I attribute to genetics and a fried brain)...

Between the chaos at home and my mental health, I have absolutely tanked this semester. I've missed so much class that I don't even know if I'll get all my credits signed off by the Registrar's Office. I haven't passed a single one of my six exams. I’m supposed to go try to take at least two next week, but honestly, I don't even know if I have the willpower. I actually love what I'm studying, but I HATE COLLEGE. I hate being there. My sleep is a mess, so I skip lectures because I can't fall asleep until late and end up sleeping through the morning.

Last year, I finally hit a breaking point and took a gap year. I started seeing a psychiatrist, but it didn't do anything. She put me on Sulpiride (useless), Sanval, and Normabal for sleep, but none of it works either. I stopped seeing her because there was zero progress. I really should find a new psychiatrist and start seeing a psychologist... but I've lost faith that anyone can actually help me. I just don't have the energy. I don't want to talk to anyone anymore because nobody understands me, nobody takes me seriously, and nobody gets what I'm talking about (I know, sounds pathetic 😁 ). I just want everyone to leave me alone so I can just exist until I die or get hit by a car or something.

Because of the family issues, we even tried family therapy, but I'm done with that too because I don't believe anything will change. My old man is an idiot. He’s fine and acting normal most of the time, but a few times a year he just snaps, loses it, and makes life miserable for all of us. It isn't physical, but there's always the possibility he might turn violent in a rage; there have been scenes where he was chasing my mom around the house, and in the last "episode," he almost got into a physical fight with my brother.

I used drugs back in high school, then I quit, but lately, I've started again. I've also started drinking. I constantly think about and plan suicide because I'm just done with this life of depression and the constant guilt over food. It's not anorexia, per se, but rather periods where I binge, followed by periods where I only drink juice. Basically, I just hate myself whenever I eat anything.

Anyway... I don't believe anyone can help me anymore. I've reached my limit and I want to drop out of college because I'm clearly incapable of finishing. I have zero motivation and I feel like a total failure.

I just want to move away (I have no idea where) and find a job (I don't know what kind since I only have a high school diploma). I just want to run away from everything when I clearly don't even have the will to help myself, yet I don't have the guts to kill myself (for now).

Does anyone have advice on where to find a job (that isn't waiting tables, lol) and an apartment? I know, I'm asking for the impossible 😛

Thanks a lot 🙂

You aren't incapable of finishing college; you're just stuck in a brutal phase right now.
I was in a nearly identical spot, except I sought out therapy on my own, and I don't have a father to deal with, even though mine is alive. I had massive panic attacks, felt like there was no way out, hated school, and would vomit for a week straight, then eat for a few days, then disappear for ten days... the cycle was endless.
My advice is to get back into therapy. It works long-term, but only if you actually want it to.
Don't quit school. Just freeze the semester. As for work, I spent half a year waitressing; I wouldn't recommend it to anyone if you can't handle it, and I couldn't. But for me, it was the push I needed to find a better job so I could balance school and work the following year. Try looking for something like an office assistant or a receptionist role. I've been exactly where you are, and I won't lie and say everything will magically fix itself overnight—that takes work. I actually paid for my own therapy, so I took any job I could find to start, and eventually, the therapy helped me become capable enough to study, get a better job, and actually feel some self-respect.
Good luck, babe👍
George Garcia9 George Garcia9 MemberOP
49 messages
joined Sep 2007
#23 ·
Kimberly Ruiz84 said:I'm taking some Citallon, though I'm no expert on pharmaceuticals. I can't seem to start studying; I just get this wave of dread and anxiety. It feels like I haven't cleared all the mental clutter, yet I'm expected to sit there and focus on equations. When I try to study, it feels like thirty minutes of pure, superhuman effort just to stay focused while my mind wanders everywhere.
Eating isn't an issue anymore. I dealt with that disorder toward the end of high school and during my early college years—about three or four years total. I was just using food to fill the void and combat boredom. It wasn't bulimia or anorexia; if I recall, you mentioned you don't struggle with those either. I just felt like bingeing was the only way to cope with everything. Once life started piling on responsibilities I didn't particularly enjoy, I still handled them regularly, and gradually, my brain stopped relying on overeating as a crutch. There were days when I’d binge uncontrollably and then not eat for the next two days, but I moved past it slowly. Don't set massive goals right out of the gate. Honestly, quitting hadn't even crossed my mind back then; I was too depressed to care. Eventually, I got buried under obligations—not by choice, but simply because I physically didn't have the downtime to be alone and binge. Before I knew it, the urge had vanished. This might sound frustrating to you, but look, I'm probably not an expert enough to offer real help. I think I just traded the bingeing for something else; the depression and anxiety shifted into physical symptoms, like chest pains and tension headaches that spike whenever I need to concentrate. Maybe you won't see yourself in this, and maybe I haven't helped, but I did it my way.

I'm glad you stopped the bingeing!!! 😉 but I'm sorry to hear about those chest pains and the headaches.. 😢 is talking to a psychiatrist helping at all?

I don't want to lecture you, but I'll tell you what I do regarding concentrating for studying.. whenever I have to study, I get that same feeling of "oh my god, how am I going to get through all this/learn it all, where do I even begin?" You say you get chills and fear because you can't focus since you haven't cleared your head—well, that's exactly why you should go study and STOP WORRYING about how much you'll remember, if you'll pass the exam, etc. Just tell yourself that STUDYING WILL FREE YOU, meaning you won't have the time to dwell on your problems🙂 and eventually things will STICK in your head, you'll remember, you'll get it down and see results (like passing an exam), and that'll boost your self-confidence, blah blah blah.😍

Personally, I LOVE studying, but unfortunately, I couldn't use that "therapy" right now because I had to write these stupid papers which wasted two weeks of my life. Because of that, I didn't have time to study for all six exams in one week, which sent me into a depression because I'm an "all or nothing" type of person—basically, I'd rather fail everything and leave it for summer school than settle for a C. lol.

Good luck 😘
George Garcia9 George Garcia9 MemberOP
49 messages
joined Sep 2007
#24 ·
Linda Bailey said:You aren't incapable of finishing college; you're just stuck in a brutal phase right now.
I was in a nearly identical spot, except I sought out therapy on my own, and I don't have a father to deal with, even though mine is alive. I had massive panic attacks, felt like there was no way out, hated school, and would vomit for a week straight, then eat for a few days, then disappear for ten days... the cycle was endless.
My advice is to get back into therapy. It works long-term, but only if you actually want it to.
Don't quit school. Just freeze the semester. As for work, I spent half a year waitressing; I wouldn't recommend it to anyone if you can't handle it, and I couldn't. But for me, it was the push I needed to find a better job so I could balance school and work the following year. Try looking for something like an office assistant or a receptionist role. I've been exactly where you are, and I won't lie and say everything will magically fix itself overnight—that takes work. I actually paid for my own therapy, so I took any job I could find to start, and eventually, the therapy helped me become capable enough to study, get a better job, and actually feel some self-respect.
Good luck, babe👍

Ugh, thanks.🙂 But what if this "season" lasts forever? Like, my whole life? lol😲 Are you okay now? I mean, did therapy actually help you that much?

I know, sometimes I think, "Come on, girl, it's better to go to college than spend your whole life waiting tables" (no offense to servers, it's not a bad job, just not for me)😉. The problem is, when I'm depressed, I'M IN TOTAL PAIN. Like, who cares if I'll "have enough to eat" in a few years or not, or if I'll even be alive? (sorry for being so dramatic) So that motivator—thinking it's better to study than work—doesn't really do anything for me...

Can you please describe your therapy a little? Did you see a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Was it group therapy? Were you on meds...? I'm asking because I've lost hope that anyone can actually help me, and I honestly just want to stay silent about my problems for the rest of my life since nobody understands me... except, uh, here on this forum where I harass you all with my nonsense🙈 so if you could give me even a little bit of hope that things get better, I'd really appreciate it.😘
Kenneth Harris4 Kenneth Harris4 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Feb 2008
#25 ·
I’m 16 years old, and honestly, adolescence is still kicking my teeth in—I’m dealing with high anxiety, severe suicidal depression, and these constant episodes of derealization and depersonalization. My grades have tanked, I’m exhausted all the time, I have zero motivation, and I just feel restless and jittery constantly. The only thing keeping me moving is the hope that this will eventually pass.
I know I’m going to enroll in a vocational program, and I’m actually excited about working in a field I love. If you're pursuing a trade, don't give up—you'll just end up feeling worthless otherwise. Set specific goals and hit them; that’s how I force myself to actually study.

Regarding your diet, take some time and pick up these books:

Dr. Norman W. Walker - You Can Be Much Younger

- Ivan Zirdum, edited - We Were Written Off (But We Healed with Fruits and Vegetables)

- Dr. Norman W. Walker - Great Health

- Arnold Ehret - Healing Through Fasting

- Arnold Ehret - Healing Foods Without Mucus

Read them. Once you do, you won't be eating with guilt; instead, you'll actually feel good about doing something right for your body. Take this seriously. These aren't massive tomes—you can finish one in two or three hours if you focus. Do it for yourself, because you deserve it. For more support regarding nutrition, you can check out http://www.zemljani.com/forum/viewfo...c41047bf8ac1d9
Eric Kern42 Eric Kern42 Newcomer
1 message
joined Feb 2008
#26 ·
To be honest, I haven't read through every single piece of advice you've received, and people might have already mentioned some of what I'm about to say. My old man is far from perfect. I know exactly what psychological abuse feels like. It drags on and on. There are times when I can just take it, and other times when my mind starts racing with all sorts of thoughts. You aren't the only one dealing with this kind of thing. For now, you might just have to endure it, but one day—once you finish college and land an amazing job—you can show him who you really are. Show him that you're a strong, smart, and mature person who figured her life out despite everything. Dropping out of school definitely isn't the answer. Try to organize your schedule so you can dedicate time to things you actually enjoy (I'm sure there are plenty) alongside your studies. As a starting point, maybe try putting your experiences and feelings down on paper, because I really like your writing style (even when you're talking about problems, you make it interesting and add a bit of humor). And as for alcohol and drugs, you need to cross them off your list for good. Don't bother with rehab programs or trying to taper off gradually. That's nonsense. All you need is willpower. You just have to realize that life is better without them, and that you'll become a better person because of it. I quit smoking after five and a half years, and I didn't do it slowly... I just did it. Cold turkey. Throw away all the alcohol you have and don't sit in a bar thinking, "I'll just have one little drink." You know deep down you won't stop there. It's the same with drugs. I truly believe you are a smart person.
Why do you hate yourself every time you eat? Eating is actually doing something good for your body; you're sustaining one life within another. You’d probably feel happy if you could save someone else's life, right? Well, be that person. When you eat, you are saving your own body from death. It might sound a bit dramatic, but it's the truth. Without food, you wouldn't survive. Also, never approach a mirror with a preconceived notion of what you'll see. Don't go to the mirror intending to see how "fat" you look; go to the mirror with the intention of simply seeing how you look. Don't decide what you think before you even look. I'm fairly certain that what you see isn't nearly as bad as you think it is. One last piece of advice: spend as much time as possible with GOOD company. 👍
Linda Bailey Linda Bailey Newcomer
2 messages
joined Feb 2008
#27 ·
George Garcia9 said:Ugh, thanks.🙂 But what if this "season" lasts forever? Like, my whole life? lol😲 Are you okay now? I mean, did therapy actually help you that much?

I know, sometimes I think, "Come on, girl, it's better to go to college than spend your whole life waiting tables" (no offense to servers, it's not a bad job, just not for me)😉. The problem is, when I'm depressed, I'M IN TOTAL PAIN. Like, who cares if I'll "have enough to eat" in a few years or not, or if I'll even be alive? (sorry for being so dramatic) So that motivator—thinking it's better to study than work—doesn't really do anything for me...

Can you please describe your therapy a little? Did you see a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Was it group therapy? Were you on meds...? I'm asking because I've lost hope that anyone can actually help me, and I honestly just want to stay silent about my problems for the rest of my life since nobody understands me... except, uh, here on this forum where I harass you all with my nonsense🙈 so if you could give me even a little bit of hope that things get better, I'd really appreciate it.😘

Don't act pathetic. I can tell you're feeling awkward because you think people won't get you. Trust me, I've been there. Most people don't get it—especially if they’ve never been through anything or if they're too self-absorbed to look past their own tiny lives. They lack perspective. It happens to the best of us. Wanting help is already a step in the right direction. So many people spend their entire lives faking being happy while they suffer in silence. They let their whole lives pass them by like that.
I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist and therapist regularly—once a week for one-on-one sessions and once a week for group therapy. I started this whole process when I was 20 because, honestly, I didn't see any other way out. Back then, therapy was the only thing that made getting through college even remotely possible. Without it, I would've just skipped my exams, obsessed over food, dealt with eating disorders, or ended up face-down in a bottle just to numb the pain.
I was literally suffocating myself. The attacks were killing me, but I just kept pretending everything was fine. There wasn't a single soul around me who actually got it, so I just kept my mouth shut.
Therapy was basically just me slowly opening up about my past—all that deep-seated stuff I’d spent years burying. Honestly? That was the hardest part. Facing your own mess and laying out all that pain is brutal. It hurts more than words can say, but once you get through that dark patch, you actually start living. You settle the score with your past, accept reality, and stop living a lie. Then you can finally go out and actually hunt down the life you want. While I was working through this, everything just clicked. I started actually liking myself, found my backbone, and eventually landed a job that actually deserves me. My therapist guided the whole way. Most people don't even realize I go. It's not because I'm ashamed; it's just that most people wouldn't get it, and they don't deserve to know something this valuable. To me, therapy is priceless. I've become a better person in every sense of the word. I see the world with my eyes wide open now. Some people who knew what I was doing tried to act like they understood, questioning if I was losing it or why I was blowing my entire paycheck on sessions at this age. But thanks to therapy, I know exactly what I want. I know what matters. I'm happier, and you can't put a price on that. I didn't rely on meds either—I just kept a bottle of Xanax on hand for emergencies, and I probably only took a couple of pills in four years.
I hope you find some peace. I hope you break free from all that pain and stop being hooked on people or things that don't matter. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet and be happy solo. People come and go, and stuff disappears, but if you actually love yourself, you'll be fine. Even when life hits you with problems, you'll be good.
Don't feel bad about having those moments where you just want to check out. At least you're being real about it, unlike some of these fake people. Just remember how much crap you've already dealt with. You're finally fighting for yourself now, and nobody has the right to even look at you sideways, let alone talk trash about what you're going through.🙂
Kimberly Ruiz84 Kimberly Ruiz84 Newcomer
3 messages
joined Feb 2008
#28 ·
George Garcia9, I agree with everything you said in your last post; give that approach a shot. The hardest part is actually following through, but it gets easier with time—and psychotherapy should help. You clearly have the strength for this, considering how much you already do for me. Thanks. I’ll see about getting something "done" on my end as well. Good luck.
George Garcia9 George Garcia9 MemberOP
49 messages
joined Sep 2007
#29 ·
thanks everyone 🙂 but 🙂 I really don't feel like talking about this with people from the USA, so I guess you guys are stuck with me 😛

So.... I already said I don't want to see a psychiatrist or anything.. but my mom already set an appointment for Monday, so now I have to go 😢 whatever.. Fax!!! I haven't passed a single exam.. I don't even know if I'll get all my credits.. I HAVE ZERO MOTIVATION FOR THE SUMMER SESSION! I already know I'm going to fail everything and I just won't care.. Honestly, I'd rather just quit for now and start over next year (in the fall) because I know it's not going to work.. I just have no willpower...

But I don't know how to tell my parents.. because even though they know what I'm going through, somehow.. as long as you're still going to college, there's this impression that "everything is fine," but if I stop going now, it's different... then I'm labeled as the crazy girl who won't go to school..... I don't want to.. disappoint them, how can I say it differently.. my stomach is already knotting up just thinking about having to attend lectures.. I don't have social phobia (I think I'm social, I go out and stuff) but I hate college and I feel like a total loser there because I'm failing and I just don't care about anything..(while everyone else is talking about exams, lectures, etc.) and I have this "all or nothing" mindset—like, right now I don't feel like going to campus, but I want everything to be perfect, to go there with energy, to study, to write papers, to pull an A... instead of just "existing" and showing up just to say I was there....

So I'd much rather just fail the year right now, take some time off to get treated properly, find some random job to do (so I don't feel like a complete idiot) and return to college when I'm actually "ready"...

But I'm terrified of what if I'm NEVER ready? What if it stays like this forever?

I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to tell my parents that I'm incapable of studying right now? I feel so much guilt because I know there are tons of people who either couldn't enroll in what they wanted (and I could) or don't have the money for college even though they want to, or don't even have money for food or whatever, while I have every opportunity... yet I have all these mental issues that I'm dumping on my family 😢 and that makes me feel like an ungrateful brat and a loser. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just need good therapy to get myself back on track and then continue where I left off? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE? Which one is true? Am I LAZY or am I being RATIONAL? 🤷

The problem is that I took a break last year (and went to a psychiatrist who didn't help) and every single night I dreamed about college and felt guilty for not going, even though I damn well couldn't because I was depressed and losing my mind. Basically—if I don't go to college, I feel like a loser, and if I do go, it's the same thing because I'm incapable and unmotivated and I end up feeling like a loser again 😢 😢 😢 advice? 😛
Keith Fowler43 Keith Fowler43 Member
27 messages
joined Feb 2008
#30 ·
George Garcia9 said:thanks everyone 🙂 but 🙂 I really don't feel like talking about this with people from the USA, so I guess you guys are stuck with me 😛

So.... I already said I don't want to see a psychiatrist or anything.. but my mom already set an appointment for Monday, so now I have to go 😢 whatever.. Fax!!! I haven't passed a single exam.. I don't even know if I'll get all my credits.. I HAVE ZERO MOTIVATION FOR THE SUMMER SESSION! I already know I'm going to fail everything and I just won't care.. Honestly, I'd rather just quit for now and start over next year (in the fall) because I know it's not going to work.. I just have no willpower...

But I don't know how to tell my parents.. because even though they know what I'm going through, somehow.. as long as you're still going to college, there's this impression that "everything is fine," but if I stop going now, it's different... then I'm labeled as the crazy girl who won't go to school..... I don't want to.. disappoint them, how can I say it differently.. my stomach is already knotting up just thinking about having to attend lectures.. I don't have social phobia (I think I'm social, I go out and stuff) but I hate college and I feel like a total loser there because I'm failing and I just don't care about anything..(while everyone else is talking about exams, lectures, etc.) and I have this "all or nothing" mindset—like, right now I don't feel like going to campus, but I want everything to be perfect, to go there with energy, to study, to write papers, to pull an A... instead of just "existing" and showing up just to say I was there....

So I'd much rather just fail the year right now, take some time off to get treated properly, find some random job to do (so I don't feel like a complete idiot) and return to college when I'm actually "ready"...

But I'm terrified of what if I'm NEVER ready? What if it stays like this forever?

I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to tell my parents that I'm incapable of studying right now? I feel so much guilt because I know there are tons of people who either couldn't enroll in what they wanted (and I could) or don't have the money for college even though they want to, or don't even have money for food or whatever, while I have every opportunity... yet I have all these mental issues that I'm dumping on my family 😢 and that makes me feel like an ungrateful brat and a loser. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just need good therapy to get myself back on track and then continue where I left off? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE? Which one is true? Am I LAZY or am I being RATIONAL? 🤷

The problem is that I took a break last year (and went to a psychiatrist who didn't help) and every single night I dreamed about college and felt guilty for not going, even though I damn well couldn't because I was depressed and losing my mind. Basically—if I don't go to college, I feel like a loser, and if I do go, it's the same thing because I'm incapable and unmotivated and I end up feeling like a loser again 😢 😢 😢 advice? 😛

Oh, I know exactly what you mean regarding your parents; that’s actually what kept me stuck in college for a while too! It felt so foolish to just quit out of nowhere, especially since they were footing the bill, and I really didn't want to let them down. But honestly, I completely lost my drive after I failed a few classes that I was absolutely certain I would pass. Having a tight budget at the time only gave me more reason to want to walk away. Well, fast forward three years, and look at me now! I've managed to save up a nice little nest egg to start working on my own apartment, I have a job that I truly love, I've paid back some of the money I owed my parents, helped them out, and met some wonderful people at work. And the best part of all? After a few years passed, my appetite for life finally came back, and I've set these amazing new ambitions that I'm striving toward... so, yeah. For me, it turned out to be a great move, so I just wanted to tell you that things aren't always as bleak as they seem; I was in the exact same hole as you, and I truly understand how heavy this feels.😉
Michael Scott12 Michael Scott12 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Feb 2008
#31 ·
First off, I’d really suggest picking up this one book; it might just be what you need...

Norman Vincent Peale - You can if you think you can

You can find an American translation easily online.
George Garcia9 George Garcia9 MemberOP
49 messages
joined Sep 2007
#32 ·
@Gestapo, glad you're finally seeing some progress 😉

@wildbabe, thanks! I actually read one of his books a while back—can't remember the title—and it really hit home. I’ll definitely hunt this one down 🙂

I've decided to just stick with my degree and see where it leads 🤷. I don't have the energy for more drama at home with my "deviations." I'll just keep it all bottled up like I always do since nobody in my family or friend group gets it—or maybe they just don't want to. Whatever. Blah, blah, blah... "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and all that nonsense.

Anyway, I won't clog up your feeds anymore. Thanks for the replies, everyone 🙂

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