Psychology: Is it all just fluff?

Anthony Kim18 said:What's up?

That wasn't particularly insightful. Perhaps try again...

Angela Morris said:Yes, I realize happiness is a choice. But right now, that feels less like actual help and more like an empty platitude...

It really is just a empty phrase if you aren't actually putting in the work. You can't just flip a switch and decide to be happy without doing anything to make it happen.

Even a tiny step counts as a solid start.

Anonymous said:It really is just a empty phrase if you aren't actually putting in the work. You can't just flip a switch and decide to be happy without doing anything to make it happen.

Even a tiny step counts as a solid start.

Yes, I feel like I am starting my thousandth attempt at self-improvement and positive thinking today...😛

Angela Morris said:So, you believe I should continue working on myself even if it only yields a few good months? I am not certain. If that is truly all there is to it, then I suppose I will proceed. However, I was hoping for something more permanent... :-(

That is precisely my point. Perhaps if you stay the course, those good stretches won't just be fleeting moments lasting a month,
but will actually start to stretch out. Persistence really is the long-term solution here.
Once you turn those positive periods into a consistent habit, the bad patches will feel smaller and further apart until, before you know it, they aren't even something you remember.

Angela Morris said:This is not an isolated occurrence. Ever since I began studying psychology as a young girl around age twelve or thirteen, consuming books in an attempt to improve myself... I find myself once again losing the will to live. Besides, life lacks inherent meaning...

That hits on the core issue. 😉 When you hold yourself, others, and life itself to such impossibly high standards—standards that might be fundamentally unreachable—you end up stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction, bitterness, and feeling lost. I suggest trying a different approach to how you perceive your own worth and the world around you. It might make all the difference. 🙂

Angela Morris said:Yes, I feel like I am starting my thousandth attempt at self-improvement and positive thinking today...😛

But honestly, you can't just force yourself to feel a certain way when you're feeling completely different inside 🤷

To me, actions speak louder than words. You've gotta be real with yourself.

Anonymous said:But honestly, you can't just force yourself to feel a certain way when you're feeling completely different inside 🤷

To me, actions speak louder than words. You've gotta be real with yourself.

I have to disagree there. To me, the whole point is that you *should* try to shift your mindset toward something better. Why stay stuck in the mud of depression? You have to fight against it using every tool at your disposal. It’s far too easy to just give in and let the current sweep you away, but that isn't the answer. Of course, I realize that sometimes life hits you hard and you can't just bypass sadness or whatever else comes your way, but we shouldn't allow ourselves to linger in those dark places for too long.

brighteagle39 said:I have to disagree there. To me, the whole point is that you *should* try to shift your mindset toward something better. Why stay stuck in the mud of depression? You have to fight against it using every tool at your disposal. It’s far too easy to just give in and let the current sweep you away, but that isn't the answer. Of course, I realize that sometimes life hits you hard and you can't just bypass sadness or whatever else comes your way, but we shouldn't allow ourselves to linger in those dark places for too long.

I'm with you on that, I just think action is the real game-changer. You can play around with all the "positive thinking" mantras you want, but if you aren't actually doing anything, the smallest setback is still going to knock you right back into the gutter.

Angela Morris said:This is not an isolated occurrence. Ever since I began studying psychology as a young girl around age twelve or thirteen, consuming books in an attempt to improve myself... I find myself once again losing the will to live. Besides, life lacks inherent meaning...

Angela Morris said:So, you believe I should continue working on myself even if it only yields a few good months? I am not certain. If that is truly all there is to it, then I suppose I will proceed. However, I was hoping for something more permanent... :-(

Look, I can't offer you a magic fix—if I could, I'd be using it on myself first. Honestly, what you're describing sounds incredibly familiar to me. 😁

Just out of curiosity—when you talk about a "long-term" solution, what does that actually look like to you? If thirty days doesn't feel long enough, why would twenty years be any different? At the end of the day, they're both just the distant future, aren't they? And we both know what a "final solution" truly implies. 😈

So, I'd say you're dealing with a "future" problem. People often lose their grip on the present because they feel like something is missing—though I'm not quite sure what that "something" is. Once that happens, you start obsessing over what lies ahead. It’s hard for any rational person not to feel anxious about the future; after all, the future is unreachable. It isn't just up to us; it's shaped by a million different variables. And, obviously, the ultimate future is the end of life itself.

Usually, people into spirituality will tell you that the cure is focusing on the present. What do I need to do today? What *should* I do right now? Even if you think about the future, it should only be to help you find work for TODAY. You shouldn't spend your time fantasizing about tomorrow, because tomorrow isn't yours to own; you can't control it. You can only control what you do NOW. The advice is simple: don't let your work TODAY suffer because you're too distracted by thoughts of TOMORROW.

That's how it works in theory, at least. In practice? It's a lot harder. Actually, it's so difficult that I haven't been able to pull it off myself. It likely goes back to that "missing piece" I mentioned earlier, whatever that may be.

Angela Morris said:I have just come to the realization that things may never truly improve. I spent years hoping to find some semblance of peace or happiness, but it remains elusive. I have read countless psychology books, attempted to adopt positive thinking, and worked extensively on myself... there are brief windows of progress, only for me to slide back into those same dark thoughts—the desire to simply not exist, the urge to end it all. (Though, perhaps I lack the courage for such an act, as the physical pain terrifies me; still, in those moments, I wouldn't mind if a car struck me in a crossing. My recklessness in traffic tends to increase during these periods...)
After so many attempts to force myself into being happy, satisfied, or free from fear... everything reverts to its original state. I am losing my faith that any change is possible. I have even watched documentaries on the subject. I saw a segment about someone with symptoms similar to mine undergoing electroconvulsive therapy—you know, the kind where they use 😛 electrical impulses. In movies, people with traumatic childhoods almost always end up as serial killers, seemingly beyond any help.
Is this actually how life works? Do the wounds we receive once never truly heal? Or is modern psychology merely suggesting that everything can be fixed...

I guess Nick can't really help me here; maybe it's just my own feeling that things won't get better. I think the best way to look at it is by asking yourself what you'd actually lose if your mental struggles suddenly vanished. Most of the time, people realize they'd end up with a huge amount of free energy that they wouldn't even know how to use.

If you can picture what life would look like without depression—if you can even dream about who you might be without that shadow hanging over your soul—then you can slowly start using that mental energy to chase those dreams. Even just something tiny, like a first step.

That way, your mental energy isn't being turned against you. One cool thing about the mind is that it can't stay focused, productive, or creative while simultaneously spiraling into a dark mood.

driftingwolf45 said:I guess Nick can't really help me here; maybe it's just my own feeling that things won't get better. I think the best way to look at it is by asking yourself what you'd actually lose if your mental struggles suddenly vanished. Most of the time, people realize they'd end up with a huge amount of free energy that they wouldn't even know how to use.

If you can picture what life would look like without depression—if you can even dream about who you might be without that shadow hanging over your soul—then you can slowly start using that mental energy to chase those dreams. Even just something tiny, like a first step.

That way, your mental energy isn't being turned against you. One cool thing about the mind is that it can't stay focused, productive, or creative while simultaneously spiraling into a dark mood.

👍 Exactly. For instance, I have no idea how to effectively channel my time or energy. The real issue starts with the word "effectively"—to even define what that means, you need a solid value system.

Wherever you look, you run into this fundamental crisis of values. If you ask me, that's where most of the real battles are fought.

lonegardener said:👍 Exactly. For instance, I have no idea how to effectively channel my time or energy. The real issue starts with the word "effectively"—to even define what that means, you need a solid value system.

Wherever you look, you run into this fundamental crisis of values. If you ask me, that's where most of the real battles are fought.

A value system isn't actually necessary, because if you have one, you'll just try to fit into it, which means living a lie.

Quality isn't necessary either—that’s just another form of valuation. When you decide one thing is higher quality than another, you're basically lying to yourself that it's better.

Just try to remember what you love, what you dream about, what matters to you, or what truly fires you up.

If that happens to be goldfish—then build an aquarium, buy a few fish, get some books, study them, write an article for a website about goldfish, breed them, and start selling them to local pet stores across the US....

In other words—you're the one who gives your dreams meaning and quality, and you're the one who decides what the value system is. A lot of people just can't handle that much freedom.

driftingwolf45 said:A value system isn't actually necessary, because if you have one, you'll just try to fit into it, which means living a lie.

Quality isn't necessary either—that’s just another form of valuation. When you decide one thing is higher quality than another, you're basically lying to yourself that it's better.

Just try to remember what you love, what you dream about, what matters to you, or what truly fires you up.

If that happens to be goldfish—then build an aquarium, buy a few fish, get some books, study them, write an article for a website about goldfish, breed them, and start selling them to local pet stores across the US....

In other words—you're the one who gives your dreams meaning and quality, and you're the one who decides what the value system is. A lot of people just can't handle that much freedom.

Wait, why wouldn't I? I suppose it's because that feels like the better way to live, right? Even so, I haven't escaped the act of valuing things. By making those choices, I’ve already defined and accepted a value system, whether I realize it or not. You don't need to be conscious of your values; you just need to live by them.

For instance, I've realized that my de facto value system places factual truth at the very top. It wasn't some grand choice I made; I never sat down and decided that. Instead, through self-analysis, critical thinking, and reflection, I simply arrived at the objective conclusion that this is how things are. Therefore, knowing what is real is more important to me than, say, chasing pure enthusiasm. After all, you can find enthusiasm much easier by just taking some chemicals. 🤷 And before long, we'll probably be able to fully "realize" our dreams within virtual reality anyway.

lonegardener said:👍 Exactly. For instance, I have no idea how to effectively channel my time or energy. The real issue starts with the word "effectively"—to even define what that means, you need a solid value system.

Wherever you look, you run into this fundamental crisis of values. If you ask me, that's where most of the real battles are fought.

You're alive, so what else is there to ask? 🙂 Do plants or animals ever stop to wonder if they are making the most of the time they have before they fade away? 😉 Humans only differ from our plant and animal friends by the sheer variety of experiences we can encounter. We are more colorful, more complex, and more layered, but the core essence remains identical.

Look, if you’ve pretty much hit the jackpot—both with money and just life in general—have you ever thought about passing some of that surplus along? There are always people out there struggling who could seriously use a hand, and honestly, helping them out might make you feel a lot more useful and grounded. I know from experience—it works better for me than any Prozac ever could—whenever I'm spiraling into a deep depression, just doing something meaningful for someone else helps pull me back together.👍

lonegardener said:Wait, why wouldn't I? I suppose it's because that feels like the better way to live, right? Even so, I haven't escaped the act of valuing things. By making those choices, I’ve already defined and accepted a value system, whether I realize it or not. You don't need to be conscious of your values; you just need to live by them.

For instance, I've realized that my de facto value system places factual truth at the very top. It wasn't some grand choice I made; I never sat down and decided that. Instead, through self-analysis, critical thinking, and reflection, I simply arrived at the objective conclusion that this is how things are. Therefore, knowing what is real is more important to me than, say, chasing pure enthusiasm. After all, you can find enthusiasm much easier by just taking some chemicals. 🤷 And before long, we'll probably be able to fully "realize" our dreams within virtual reality anyway.

Man, that is a lot of excuses for not taking action.
So many reasons to stay stuck...
It feels like you're using all this philosophy just to mask the real issue, which is simply that you lack the motivation.

Look, if you don't feel like doing it, then don't. No big deal. Just enjoy being passive.
But please—don't try to build a whole philosophical framework around it.
The passivity isn't what's actually bothering you...
it's the constant need to justify it.

There's nothing wrong with just being a sloth.

Angela Morris said:I am unsure if I have created an idealized version of myself. The only ideal I strive for is simply being who I am. I do not force myself into situations that do not suit me, I do not lie, I remain honest, and I am not easily swayed... For instance, I will always do what I believe is right rather than conforming just to be accepted by the crowd... if you know what I mean. I endeavor to be honest with myself, rather than deceiving myself into believing I am someone I am not.

Be true to yourself; that is your whole existence. (Mark Twain)

I think the first step is defining what you actually want and then moving toward it. There isn't much point in getting lost in endless philosophy or overthinking fate. In my experience, the more you overanalyze, the worse you feel.
It is helpful to understand *why* you feel, say, sad—knowing the root cause matters. But that "why" should only serve as a tool for resolution or acceptance so you can move forward. You shouldn't just identify the reason and then dwell on it for three long years.

To build on the idea that "psychology books are usually nonsense"—you aren't going to find a magic solution in a book; you find it within yourself. A book might help open your eyes or offer a new perspective, but ultimately, you have to digest that information, translate it into your own language, and then apply it to your life.

For example, a book might say, "be satisfied with yourself." But what does that actually look like in practice? It might mean starting by listing things you are proud of (like, I'm a great cook, I passed those two exams recently, I saved enough money to enroll in a language course, I'm good at my tech work, I meet deadlines at the office, or I have people I can call anytime to check in...). When those low moods start creeping in, you can remind yourself of those facts.

From there, you can always tell yourself: "I am a good person, but..." And while there will always be a "but," that shouldn't be the center of your universe.

Maybe even Bernie Sanders and his crew weren't being quite so silly when they brought up that famous psychological trap, the "Yes, but..." game... you know, where you basically just find a thousand different excuses to make sure nothing ever actually changes...

But then again, what if things *did* change? That’s the real question, isn't it?

I mean, the fear of facing real life—of actual freedom and all that responsibility—can be pretty overwhelming. It's such a huge motivator to stay stuck in that cycle of depression and anxiety, even if most people don't even realize they're doing it subconsciously...

And then there's the other thing. If you're struggling with finding meaning, or feeling like everything is pointless, or even just dealing with a lack of love (honestly, I think deep down it almost always comes back to some kind of missing love, one way or another)... well, you really have to confront that head-on first...

It's definitely not easy, but it's the only thing truly worth doing..😉

mistybison said:That hits on the core issue. 😉 When you hold yourself, others, and life itself to such impossibly high standards—standards that might be fundamentally unreachable—you end up stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction, bitterness, and feeling lost. I suggest trying a different approach to how you perceive your own worth and the world around you. It might make all the difference. 🙂

I certainly have high expectations. For myself, definitely. From others? Hmm, I wouldn't say so. It isn't that I'm failing to achieve things, but rather the feeling that I won't reach everything I want before my time runs out... I have massive expectations of myself, and I'm not sure if I can fulfill those dreams, even here in the States. It makes me think that life will just be a wasted opportunity...

driftingwolf45 said:I guess Nick can't really help me here; maybe it's just my own feeling that things won't get better. I think the best way to look at it is by asking yourself what you'd actually lose if your mental struggles suddenly vanished. Most of the time, people realize they'd end up with a huge amount of free energy that they wouldn't even know how to use.

If you can picture what life would look like without depression—if you can even dream about who you might be without that shadow hanging over your soul—then you can slowly start using that mental energy to chase those dreams. Even just something tiny, like a first step.

That way, your mental energy isn't being turned against you. One cool thing about the mind is that it can't stay focused, productive, or creative while simultaneously spiraling into a dark mood.

Plenty of free energy? I certainly know how to use mine; I enjoy staying active and have more hobbies than I can count. It's just that occasionally, I fall into these periods where nothing feels worth doing, and all I want to do is lament my circumstances. In those moments, my will simply vanishes...