I'm about to relapse, please help!

George Ramirez11 said:I get it... I mean, I pretty much agree with most of you. I’ve tried methadone and actually finished the program maybe four or five times now, and honestly, I’m still stuck in this cycle—not because they didn't help me, but because once the treatment ends, I just don't know where to turn. There aren't any jobs out there for someone like me, people look at me like I’m something they stepped in, and I don't have any real friends left. It's tough.
As for those cult-like groups? I haven't personally gone down that road, but I've heard way too much about them. Back in the day, I had a thousand excuses to stay away—like, I’m not religious, or they’ll brainwash me, stuff like that. But lately, I can't really afford to make excuses. Almost everyone I know who went through one of those programs a few years ago—some even stayed longer than the actual program required just to volunteer—they actually made it. No one was giving them ultimatums or kicking them out on the street. And while some ended up getting sucked back in, others stayed clean for years after coming back.
The thing is, not everyone has the luxury of just packing up and moving to a different state to dodge everyone they know. And jobs... man, the last job I managed to land fell through completely because the police sent a subpoena to the director with my indictment attached. Talk about bad timing.
Then there’s Subutex, which I take occasionally now; it feels more like a buffer, and it doesn't seem to trigger that same addiction. What really gets me, though, is how hypocritical the government is. They want to dictate when I should get clean because I'm a "burden" to society, yet they offer zero help when it comes to finding work. In fact, it’s the opposite—state agencies won't even touch me because of my record, claiming "it's against policy." But then they have the nerve to demand I find a job because it's "what's best for me and my child." I live in an area where everyone knows everyone's business, and in this country, it is incredibly hard to find steady work as a single mom—especially if you have a history of addiction. Give me a break! Pfft!😕

I honestly believe a recovery community is exactly what you need right now. Does being religious even matter? Their main goal is to get you clean. After that, it's about reintegrating into society. If you happen to become a believer along the way—well, that's their right to celebrate "finding another sheep to the flock." But they aren't going to toss you aside if you don't. At the end of the day, the person comes first.

What kind of education do you have? Yeah, your path is definitely harder. But a community might give you new perspectives, maybe even help with job placement or getting more schooling... Plus, you might find that working with others in recovery is so rewarding it becomes your new career—helping people. There's no better reward than that! I think the opportunity is there; you just have to open the door.

Just remember one thing: by staying on this current path, you're losing both yourself and your child. So—regardless of how you're framing it to yourself—YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. You can only gain. Everything else is an illusion—just thin ice keeping you afloat, and the question is how long that lasts. YOU HAVE NOTHING, SO YOU CAN GAIN EVERYTHING. 🙂

mellowjackal33 said:I honestly believe a recovery community is exactly what you need right now. Does being religious even matter? Their main goal is to get you clean. After that, it's about reintegrating into society. If you happen to become a believer along the way—well, that's their right to celebrate "finding another sheep to the flock." But they aren't going to toss you aside if you don't. At the end of the day, the person comes first.

What kind of education do you have? Yeah, your path is definitely harder. But a community might give you new perspectives, maybe even help with job placement or getting more schooling... Plus, you might find that working with others in recovery is so rewarding it becomes your new career—helping people. There's no better reward than that! I think the opportunity is there; you just have to open the door.

Just remember one thing: by staying on this current path, you're losing both yourself and your child. So—regardless of how you're framing it to yourself—YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. You can only gain. Everything else is an illusion—just thin ice keeping you afloat, and the question is how long that lasts. YOU HAVE NOTHING, SO YOU CAN GAIN EVERYTHING. 🙂

I couldn't agree more. I know people get uncomfortable being in a faith-based group if they aren't believers, but nobody is forcing you to subscribe to any specific doctrine. Your primary mission is to get clean, and they are definitely equipped to help you with that. That’s really the only thing that matters right now.
Forget about trying to manage with methadone or similar stuff; it’s clearly a dead end.

) Subutex is definitely addictive...
Look, like I’ve mentioned before, I actually have a family member struggling with heroin addiction...
After a massive uphill battle and getting treatment through Sakoman, they finally moved into a recovery community...
It was my cousin, his wife, and their one-year-old kid.
The grandparents had already been granted custody, but once the mom finally agreed to go into rehab (her husband went in first), she knew the baby would be coming to stay with her in a few months—so now the little one is with her.
My dad sees the kid at every visit (he doesn't see her as often, things aren't great there), and once both of them are ready, all three of them can live together in the community...
Also, just so you know, being religious isn't a requirement there. Nobody is forcing you to pray; while others are praying, you can just do your own thing.
I’ve spent time in a couple of those houses, so I’ve seen how it works firsthand.
It’s a good setup; if you actually put in the work to get clean, you avoid a lifetime of misery and get to be with your child.

As for Subutex, anyone claiming it isn't addictive is straight-up lying...
I knew this young woman from the thread above who was on it for a few months, and when she headed to the recovery center, she had to be totally detoxed... (and trust me, you don't want to hear about the hell she went through)

slywolf45 said:I couldn't agree more. I know people get uncomfortable being in a faith-based group if they aren't believers, but nobody is forcing you to subscribe to any specific doctrine. Your primary mission is to get clean, and they are definitely equipped to help you with that. That’s really the only thing that matters right now.
Forget about trying to manage with methadone or similar stuff; it’s clearly a dead end.

Like I mentioned before, while they're busy praying, if you don't want to join in, you can just find something else to do. No big deal...
In the end, you'll come out the other side as a former addict—happier, more fulfilled, and actually knowing how to handle life's curveballs.
Plus, both you and your kid will walk away having mastered at least two languages (and we're talking fluency here). When you look at the career opportunities this opens up, it’s pretty clear this path offers things you just won't find anywhere else.

A young woman from an earlier thread was using him for a few months. When she finally checked into rehab, she had to be clean... (I won't even get into how much of a nightmare that process was)

I don't get this part. She has to be clean before entering rehab?😕 If she could actually quit on her own, she wouldn't need a facility in the first place. And here's another thing—they expect you to have healthy teeth too. Most addicts have trashed teeth, it's obvious. I'm honestly surprised by their entry requirements for these programs.

brightgardener40 said:

A young woman from an earlier thread was using him for a few months. When she finally checked into rehab, she had to be clean... (I won't even get into how much of a nightmare that process was)

I don't get this part. She has to be clean before entering rehab?😕 If she could actually quit on her own, she wouldn't need a facility in the first place. And here's another thing—they expect you to have healthy teeth too. Most addicts have trashed teeth, it's obvious. I'm honestly surprised by their entry requirements for these programs.

So, what you're saying is that someone isn't allowed to use any kind of chemical aids—like heptanone or whatever else—while they're in the commune. Essentially, you can't step foot into the community if you're still relying on those types of substances at all.

It varies by community; some require you to wait until after the withdrawal phase, while others allow entry sooner. That said, staying clean for at least three weeks before joining is generally recommended. In places that accept people during active withdrawal, they often isolate you until the crisis passes, sometimes even administering medication during those first few days... I’m not entirely sure what specific meds, but that’s what I heard... Some faith-based communities have psychologists on staff who coordinate with psychiatrists to determine necessary dosages...
As for prayer, it's a universal part of the program, so you’ll physically need to be present for every session... whether you actually pray or not is up to you. I found it quite striking when I heard that even Muslims participate in Catholic prayers... though from what they told me, they didn't mind at all. Besides, they still have free time to practice their own faith, and the community provides its own copies of the Quran and such...

brightgardener40 said:

A young woman from an earlier thread was using him for a few months. When she finally checked into rehab, she had to be clean... (I won't even get into how much of a nightmare that process was)

I don't get this part. She has to be clean before entering rehab?😕 If she could actually quit on her own, she wouldn't need a facility in the first place. And here's another thing—they expect you to have healthy teeth too. Most addicts have trashed teeth, it's obvious. I'm honestly surprised by their entry requirements for these programs.

Look, it’s not just about surviving the physical withdrawal and saying you're "done" with addiction... you actually have to kill that craving for heroin once and for all...

And apparently, you also have to show up sober with a Hollywood smile...
In places like Lourdes, they’ve got dental chairs and all the gear, but you can only see a dentist if one of the pilgrims happens to be a doctor.

Sam Hall15 said:It varies by community; some require you to wait until after the withdrawal phase, while others allow entry sooner. That said, staying clean for at least three weeks before joining is generally recommended. In places that accept people during active withdrawal, they often isolate you until the crisis passes, sometimes even administering medication during those first few days... I’m not entirely sure what specific meds, but that’s what I heard... Some faith-based communities have psychologists on staff who coordinate with psychiatrists to determine necessary dosages...
As for prayer, it's a universal part of the program, so you’ll physically need to be present for every session... whether you actually pray or not is up to you. I found it quite striking when I heard that even Muslims participate in Catholic prayers... though from what they told me, they didn't mind at all. Besides, they still have free time to practice their own faith, and the community provides its own copies of the Quran and such...

I don't know much about other facilities, just the ones started by Elizabeth... they don't use any meds there. And if you don't want to pray, you'll just end up doing chores or something similar instead. You don't get much sleep either. In the beginning, you're assigned a "guardian angel" for the first three months who stays by your side 24/7. You always have a job to do, and you're never allowed to be alone... like, at all.

Steven Lopez19 said:I don't know much about other facilities, just the ones started by Elizabeth... they don't use any meds there. And if you don't want to pray, you'll just end up doing chores or something similar instead. You don't get much sleep either. In the beginning, you're assigned a "guardian angel" for the first three months who stays by your side 24/7. You always have a job to do, and you're never allowed to be alone... like, at all.

That whole thing about the three-month "guardian angel" is spot on. People going through rehab are incredibly fragile—honestly, they're pretty vulnerable—and what kind of government agency is ever going to provide that level of care? Not a chance. Without that support, it’s way too easy to slide right back into old habits. Even if having that "angel" hovering over you feels a bit much sometimes, it’s a brilliant and necessary move. 👍

mellowjackal33 said:That whole thing about the three-month "guardian angel" is spot on. People going through rehab are incredibly fragile—honestly, they're pretty vulnerable—and what kind of government agency is ever going to provide that level of care? Not a chance. Without that support, it’s way too easy to slide right back into old habits. Even if having that "angel" hovering over you feels a bit much sometimes, it’s a brilliant and necessary move. 👍

If someone struggling with addiction says this helped them most, it's because that guardian angel is there to tap you on the shoulder when you start slipping. For those three months, if you try to dodge the responsibilities they've set for you, that presence steps in to fill the gap. Put simply, for ninety days, they're basically your shadow...

mellowjackal33 said:That whole thing about the three-month "guardian angel" is spot on. People going through rehab are incredibly fragile—honestly, they're pretty vulnerable—and what kind of government agency is ever going to provide that level of care? Not a chance. Without that support, it’s way too easy to slide right back into old habits. Even if having that "angel" hovering over you feels a bit much sometimes, it’s a brilliant and necessary move. 👍

It's honestly pathetic that the government or the healthcare system didn't set up this kind of recovery program themselves, leaving everything to church-run communes. A community doesn't have to be religious to actually work.

I was under the impression that a guardian angel stays for six months...
In my view, everyone participates in prayer, without exception...
From what I understand, the communes that have proven most successful are those with a religious foundation... and based on the experiences of those recovering, they often say that prayer was precisely what helped them the most.

then there's no hope for atheists 🙄

brightgardener40 said:then there's no hope for atheists 🙄

Let's try stripping prayer of all its religious baggage. What's left?

If you look at it purely through a psychological lens, prayer is really just about humility—it’s that way to balance out the ego and bring it back in line with reality. It's an admission of weakness that opens the door to receiving help. Honestly, there’s nothing more natural than asking for a hand when you’re struggling. So, prayer is actually a core part of being a social human being, rather than some lone wolf acting solo. If an ego stays too rigid and brittle, it's going to face a choice when life throws a curveball: it either has to give way or break entirely. Basically:
- "give way" and open up (which means being willing to ask for help if you need it)
- or destroy itself (total burnout or worse)

Anyone thinking clearly won't have much trouble deciding which path to take. 🙂

Throw faith into the mix, though, and prayer becomes an even bigger anchor.

The girl made herself perfectly clear in her opening post.
So please stop badgering her about hooking up when she isn't interested, even if I’d probably give her the same advice.

In my opinion, your best bet is to have your grandma pick up the slack for you.😛
A junkie could definitely pull that off.
I just hope she isn't out on leave too.😬

Correction regarding "months" 😁

I used to know this girl who was in a spot almost identical to yours. She was such a sweetheart and an amazing mom, too. But honestly—she’s gone now! Just think about what happened to her despite everything... It'll give you something to chew on.

Noah Sanchez7 said:The girl made herself perfectly clear in her opening post.
So please stop badgering her about hooking up when she isn't interested, even if I’d probably give her the same advice.

In my opinion, your best bet is to have your grandma pick up the slack for you.😛
A junkie could definitely pull that off.
I just hope she isn't out on leave too.😬

Look, Noah Sanchez7, I really ought to report you for being a total weirdo—and look, one of your posts on this thread has already been deleted (I managed to read it, and I truly hope this girl hasn't...), but I won't be a jerk because I believe everyone should have the right to say what they think, and deleting wouldn't be very democratic. So, let's get down to business: I run into you occasionally over in the Psychology sub, and since I'm not here nearly as much as you are, I haven't read a mountain of your posts, but:
It seems to me that you have some underlying issues, and even though you've likely been through plenty and aren't necessarily an authority here—and I won't pry into what specific disorder you may or may not have because that's indiscreet and, frankly, none of my business—you still come across as a bit "burnt out" to me (sorry, don't take it personally!). It is quite evident from the very way you express yourself. You aren't doing it right now, but you tend to abstract and generalize your advice and comments far too often; consequently, someone who is seeking help while feeling utterly lost and confused might misinterpret you because you are trying to rationalize things to find something solid to hold onto—yet your rhetoric, despite all its energy, is filled with just as much ambiguity. Even if you are frequently correct, you (perhaps unconsciously?) know how to make your posts extremely non-constructive. You seem like a relatively bright person, but you formulate your thoughts so awkwardly that, if viewed as actual advice, I would consider them somewhat psychologically dangerous.
And honestly, we would probably all call you out if we weren't all just messing around, but I don't think there is any room here for jokes about grandma with a pipe or your little emoticons. That child does not deserve to grow up one day watching her mother self-harm or die from an overdose because she couldn't afford drugs, and the mother doesn't deserve to be tempted by short-term fixes that will only drag her down further. No one can force her to do something she doesn't want to do (let's hope she finds her happiness), but there are plenty of people who have come out of rehab as functioning members of society and successfully rebuilt their lives. There is suffering involved, there are setbacks, and it takes time; withdrawal is incredibly difficult and ugly—two steps forward, three steps back, as the saying goes—but what is being asked for here is something constructive, not defeatism.

I'm just here to listen and contribute where I can. Hope everyone is having a good one. Noah Sanchez7 says:
Look, Noah Sanchez7, I’m honestly thinking about reporting you for being completely out of line—especially since one of your posts here was already wiped. I managed to catch a glimpse of it before it vanished, and I really hope that girl isn't actually following your lead. But, I don't want to be a jerk; I believe everyone should have the right to speak their mind, and censoring people feels pretty undemocratic. Anyway, getting straight to the point: I see you popping up on the psychology forums from time to time. I’m not around here nearly as much as you are, so I haven't read a million of your posts, but...
It seems like you might be dealing with some personal issues, and while I won't pry into your mental health—that's none of my business—you come across as a bit burnt out. Please don't take this personally, but it’s evident in the way you communicate. You tend to over-abstract and generalize your advice, which can really mislead someone who is already feeling lost and desperate for clarity. You try to rationalize everything, but your high-energy rhetoric is often too ambiguous. Even when you're right, your posts end up being unintentionally unconstructive. You seem like a bright person, but the way you frame your thoughts makes your advice difficult to actually use. Psychologically dangerous..
We probably wouldn't all be calling each other out if we didn't mess around during serious discussions, but I don't think there's any room for jokes or emojis when it comes to this. That child shouldn't have to grow up watching their mother struggle through an overdose or die because they can't afford their next fix. And she doesn't deserve to be misled by quick fixes that only drag her deeper into the hole. No one can force someone to change if they aren't ready—let's hope she finds her way—but plenty of people have made it out of rehab and rebuilt their lives. It takes grit, it takes setbacks, and it takes time. Recovery is brutal and messy; it’s two steps forward and three steps back, which I'm sure you understand. We need constructive support here, not defeatism.

I respect your candid take, and I agree that sometimes I "lose it" too. But I only do that when I feel like it’s the only way to make things work if all else fails.
I have to admit, I’m stepping off the high horse here because I completely get where she’s coming from. Maybe not entirely—I'm younger and don't have kids yet—but I'm definitely watching this whole "adulting" thing from the sidelines, noticing all the cracks in the system.
It honestly bothers me how many people have weighed in on this thread, mostly because I see the whole issue through a different lens. It feels like we’ve reached an era where society is finally moving past discrimination against groups like Black Americans or the LGBTQ+ community. But what about addicts?
Nobody even asks, and nobody cares. They just toss them onto the floor like old rags, leaving them with absolutely no room to live a decent life.
I find that completely unacceptable, especially since more than half the people here can't even function without xanax and other anti-anxiety meds.
What? What’s the difference?
And don't even get me started on alcoholism.

Just my honest opinion—and maybe this sounds a bit trivial—but I think she should let her grandmother handle the paperwork for a while. It might give her some breathing room, especially while her husband is still serving his sentence. She’s already dealing with so much right now, and honestly, there isn't any realistic way for her to get everything sorted out at this moment.
Or even better, since she needs some kind of "program" to follow, she should just enroll in a treatment plan using Suboxone or something similar. I really hope that doesn't result in CPS stepping in to take the kids.
Because if he keeps this up, he’s going to start falling apart in the most literal sense, and he won't have any moves left to make.
I'm aware of that.