I'm about to relapse, please help!

Alexander Lewis said:Let’s get one thing straight: I have nothing but contempt for drugs.
To me, this whole social services situation feels like pure state-sponsored fascism—just total government overreach at the individual level. If a woman is functioning perfectly fine and taking care of her child, where on earth does the state get the authority to harass her with intrusive inspections and constant threats? Honestly, this is just another reason why people are opting out of parenthood: you can't raise a family when you're constantly dodging state terror.

quiethound45 said:What kind of mother are you going to be once you're gone?
It’s an obvious reality—nobody survives heroin long-term. The only way to survive is to get clean.
What is your little boy going to think about his mother when he finds out? He will find out one day. It’s inevitable.
And what is all this junk actually for? To feel "normal"? I feel that way every single day—and honestly, it's not worth it. Between the cost, the constant pressure, the debts, hunting for a fix, the needles, and all the other bullshit that comes with trying to maintain that version of "normal"... it's just not worth it.
Get rid of it, no matter how hard it gets. Give the kid back to his family and go into rehab.
In two or three years, that child is going to need someone he can actually rely on.
Things can't work like this. You have to realize that until you make a change, absolutely nobody is going to be able to help you.
Oh, and one more thing—if you don't get clean, they’ll take him away from you anyway. But it doesn't matter, because you're already losing him every single day. If you do change, maybe he'll actually find someone who stays around to see his high school prom, his first girlfriend, or his wedding...

Just think about it—everything depends on you. No one else, just you.
The choice is yours. Only yours.
If you choose indifference, you're choosing ruin for your son.
If you choose to fight this, you're choosing life—firstly for yourself, and then for him too.
Your child deserves more than a mother struggling with addiction and a father involved in crime... and when he eventually realizes that, it might be too late.
Take action.
Good luck.🙂

George Ramirez11 said:🙂 I'm a single mom to a wonderful two-year-old. That’s just the reality of things—my husband has been in prison for a year and a half now, and he'll be there for at least another year, maybe two more at most.
My struggle with heroin goes back about ten years. My little boy has everything he needs and then some; I honestly just adore him. I’ve never neglected him, though—to be fair, drugs don't even hit me the way they used to, so I don't really know where I stand with myself anymore. When I'm home, I'm just... normal. Even when I'm crashing, I haven't let it stop me from playing with my kid and giving him my full attention. If it comes down to it, the last cent I have is always spent on him if he needs something, never on getting high. I don't really have a social life, no shady characters hanging around the house, and I hardly ever go out. Maybe once a month, after I've finally gotten him to sleep, I'll sneak a hit somewhere, but even then, I'm glued to my phone just in case my mom calls because the little guy woke up. Long story short, I have one happy, hyperactive, giggly, playful kid who is just as head-over-heels for me as I am for him. When I actually have to leave the house for something, my mom (who lives with us) and I put on this whole little performance to distract him so he doesn't freak out. Otherwise, his crying just breaks me.
So, here's the thing. Two months ago, the police kicked our door down. They got a tip that I was dealing. They searched the place and found absolutely nothing, but—of course—they still managed to bring a caseworker from Child Protective Services right to my doorstep. Now I'm under supervision. These days, I'm basically signing away my rights (whether I want to or not) to comply with the oversight, and the whole process is starting...
Basically, the caseworker is going to contact me once a week to check if the kid is fed, clean, and all that. I can handle that part, but the other part is the problem. They’re going to drug test me whenever they feel like it. If I test positive, I lose custody. I won't say I'll lose my child, since custody would just go to my mother—whom I see and visit all the time anyway—but... still. I want to be a mother to my son. I don't know if people who haven't dealt with addiction can even wrap their heads around this. Even when the stakes are this high, I just can't seem to help myself. I guess I just don't have the willpower or the strength or whatever else it takes to stay clean for those few days needed to pass a test. I know I'm a good mom—honestly, better than a lot of them—but I don't know how to handle this. Losing custody isn't an option. Neither my son nor I would survive it.
How do I stay clean? Just to start—just to get through those first few days to pass the tests—and then we'll figure out the rest. I know I have to get rid of the drugs regardless of all this drama.
I'm not sure if any advice will actually help, but I know some support from people who actually understand the truth of this situation would go a long way...
Thanks.

Noah Sanchez7 said:

I'm just here to listen and contribute where I can. Hope everyone is having a good one. Noah Sanchez7 says:
Look, Noah Sanchez7, I’m honestly thinking about reporting you for being completely out of line—especially since one of your posts here was already wiped. I managed to catch a glimpse of it before it vanished, and I really hope that girl isn't actually following your lead. But, I don't want to be a jerk; I believe everyone should have the right to speak their mind, and censoring people feels pretty undemocratic. Anyway, getting straight to the point: I see you popping up on the psychology forums from time to time. I’m not around here nearly as much as you are, so I haven't read a million of your posts, but...
It seems like you might be dealing with some personal issues, and while I won't pry into your mental health—that's none of my business—you come across as a bit burnt out. Please don't take this personally, but it’s evident in the way you communicate. You tend to over-abstract and generalize your advice, which can really mislead someone who is already feeling lost and desperate for clarity. You try to rationalize everything, but your high-energy rhetoric is often too ambiguous. Even when you're right, your posts end up being unintentionally unconstructive. You seem like a bright person, but the way you frame your thoughts makes your advice difficult to actually use. Psychologically dangerous..
We probably wouldn't all be calling each other out if we didn't mess around during serious discussions, but I don't think there's any room for jokes or emojis when it comes to this. That child shouldn't have to grow up watching their mother struggle through an overdose or die because they can't afford their next fix. And she doesn't deserve to be misled by quick fixes that only drag her deeper into the hole. No one can force someone to change if they aren't ready—let's hope she finds her way—but plenty of people have made it out of rehab and rebuilt their lives. It takes grit, it takes setbacks, and it takes time. Recovery is brutal and messy; it’s two steps forward and three steps back, which I'm sure you understand. We need constructive support here, not defeatism.

I respect your candid take, and I agree that sometimes I "lose it" too. But I only do that when I feel like it’s the only way to make things work if all else fails.
I have to admit, I’m stepping off the high horse here because I completely get where she’s coming from. Maybe not entirely—I'm younger and don't have kids yet—but I'm definitely watching this whole "adulting" thing from the sidelines, noticing all the cracks in the system.
It honestly bothers me how many people have weighed in on this thread, mostly because I see the whole issue through a different lens. It feels like we’ve reached an era where society is finally moving past discrimination against groups like Black Americans or the LGBTQ+ community. But what about addicts?
Nobody even asks, and nobody cares. They just toss them onto the floor like old rags, leaving them with absolutely no room to live a decent life.
I find that completely unacceptable, especially since more than half the people here can't even function without xanax and other anti-anxiety meds.
What? What’s the difference?
And don't even get me started on alcoholism.

Just my honest opinion—and maybe this sounds a bit trivial—but I think she should let her grandmother handle the paperwork for a while. It might give her some breathing room, especially while her husband is still serving his sentence. She’s already dealing with so much right now, and honestly, there isn't any realistic way for her to get everything sorted out at this moment.
Or even better, since she needs some kind of "program" to follow, she should just enroll in a treatment plan using Suboxone or something similar. I really hope that doesn't result in CPS stepping in to take the kids.
Because if he keeps this up, he’s going to start falling apart in the most literal sense, and he won't have any moves left to make.
I'm aware of that.

Sam Hall15 said:I was under the impression that a guardian angel stays for six months...
In my view, everyone participates in prayer, without exception...
From what I understand, the communes that have proven most successful are those with a religious foundation... and based on the experiences of those recovering, they often say that prayer was precisely what helped them the most.

Noah Sanchez7 said:@quiethound45,

Even in paradise, you’re bound to run into some rot...
Are we even human...?
Are we really people...?

That is exactly my point. What should be "taken away" from people who act like that? If I may ask, are their children being taken from them? Do they even have a right to a family or a "normal" life?
And if they do, what's the problem?
Who among us is actually blind here?

That mother struggling with addiction uses drugs because she actually feels things—things that hurt her—unlike those people in the video who feel nothing and understand nothing.
She might not live long, but I am certain she won't teach her kids any of the nonsense shown in that video!

Steven Lopez19 said:And what about the addicts???
Nobody asks about them and nobody advocates for them either; they just toss them onto the street like trash, leaving them zero chance at a decent life.

Look who’s talking about how nobody stands up for them...
If someone actually ran up to you offering help... if you were honest and actually wanted it, you’d see it isn’t quite like what you’re claiming...
I don't hate addicts, but I hate what they've chosen to become and the way they consciously wreck their own lives while refusing to help themselves...
Every day I’d see addicts who couldn't even hold a conversation because they were so high on heroin; they couldn't even keep their spit in their mouths, just constant drooling...
And the end result was him and his mother—who was in the exact same boat—lying there with a newborn... who pays the bills? There was one potato in the fridge...
So tell me now, who am I supposed to feel sorry for? I felt for that baby... I couldn't wrap my head around them. Their grandparents ended up taking the child away...
They took them to Sakoman a hundred times... they tried every therapy under the sun, even those blockbusters... and you know what happened? It didn't work. The craving was just too strong...
Then came the moment when the debts piled up (they sold half their stuff, thousands in unpaid bills... the parents finally split them up. First, the cousin agreed to go into rehab because he had no other choice...
As for the young lady, she kept using secretly for another 6 months while pretending to go to detox (the old folks believed her and kept giving her money), so when everything finally blew up, things got ugly for her too, and now she’s stuck in rehab herself...
The kid is wonderful, though. After 4 months, he went to join his mom in rehab, and that's where they are now...
Come on people, addiction is a disease, sure, but it's a disease that can be treated. So put in some actual effort instead of just whining about how society won't accept you...

quiethound45 said:Come on, you're making excuses for them now...
Drug use (especially hard drugs) has never been good, positive, normal, or acceptable.
For one simple reason: those people are killing themselves. Slowly, maybe, but they are.
If they want to throw their lives away, that's on them.
It's just another group of ruined, broken lives resulting from their own stupidity and weakness...
But the child isn't at fault in any of this. 😠

Anthony Bailey3 said:Up, there are parallels between teenah’s situation and yours—but let’s not mistake them for being identical.
Sure, she has the right to choose, but that choice comes with a massive weight of responsibility—she already made the call to carry this child despite her addiction, and thank God the baby is healthy. Now, if that kid has to watch their mother slowly fade away... in ten years, they might grow up thinking their mother didn't love them enough because she chose death over living for them. That is devastating—nobody deserves that...
The decision belongs to teenah; we can only influence things so much, if at all. If I could say anything, I’d try to nudge her toward choosing a life free from Horse instead of facing a slow, agonizing decline toward death—which is just an inevitable fact here—especially since it seems like she actually wants to live for her child.
And your situation is your own choice too... picking the lesser of two evils, as you put it.
Personally, the idea of being a slave to addiction is terrifying—I actively fight that urge to chase a "sensation seeking" high just to numb my brain for a few hours and get some rest... But when the comedown hits, everything is still right where I left it... waiting for me...

Noah Sanchez7 said:How many mothers walk away from their kids without being addicts? For instance, my brother's mother (on his dad's side) just flat-out abandoned him when he was three.
And how many families deal with deaths that leave a child without one or both parents?
Take my father, for example. He passed away from natural causes when I was 14. He was a casual drinker, too. Maybe that wasn't the cause, maybe it was. Even if it was, I’d be a total idiot to hate him or blame him for it.
Was alcohol more important to him than me?
What a stupid, selfish question that is!!
I love him exactly as he was, and I'll always remember him as a good man.
Actually, I'm starting to think that good people just tend to leave us sooner; it kind of makes sense.

Secondly, what's the point of all these anxiolytics and antidepressants? You say you're scared of addiction and the "high," but I have to ask: if those medications aren't that, then what are they?
I don't know if you take them, but plenty of people do.
People will argue, "Oh, that's different!" >> No, it isn't. It's the same thing, if anything, it's worse.
Ustanes, and like Dubravka would say, you "pop an antidepressant" and head out into the world >> feeling happy because you think that pill is going to fix the obvious misery inside you >> and you tell yourself, "Yeah, now I'm finally normal!"

Fuck that.
There is life and there is death. The world celebrates life and tells you to "put a smile on your face," even when nothing is funny. And then, the poor individual realizes it was much easier to
fake it through the cracks, ending up in an even deeper darkness just because they were trying to be positive.