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Are people actually good?

Started by Robert Murphy8 · · 👁 5 views · 36 replies

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Participants Robert Murphy8urbangardener35George Jackson5James Allen6restlesshound27quietranger14Chris Morris9Douglas Williams9hiddentrucker16Steven Rivera7Jonathan Hernandez4Steven Lopez19William Garcia64Gerald Rivera60darknomad44
Robert Murphy8 Robert Murphy8 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Mar 2009
#1 ·
Look, here’s my take: I approach everyone with the assumption that they’re fundamentally good. I just don't get it lately. Why does it feel like everyone is working overtime to prove they’re actually the exact opposite? It feels universal. I try to help people, point them toward what I think is their best path—I don't mind sharing a breakthrough I've worked hard on if it might make their lives easier or help them succeed. I go out of my way to smile at people. But honestly, I can't tell if society has truly devolved into this mass of selfish, malicious actors, or if everyone has just become incredibly paranoid. Every time I offer a smile, people recoil like I’m about to vomit on them. It’s a pattern: the more I need a bit of warmth, the colder and more guarded people become. Is it just me, or is this happening to everyone else too? And once you actually start talking to someone, they don't even hesitate to throw a nasty insult right in your face. I keep adjusting my attitude toward them, hoping things will shift, but it never does. Maybe I trust people too easily? Maybe I'm just being a nuisance? Regardless, I feel a total lack of respect from those around me, even at 28. Do you all feel this same disconnect from people, or am I just shouting into a void? Have people really changed this much, or is there something else broken? I struggle to find any sincerity, kindness, or genuine innocence anymore. In anyone.
urbangardener35 urbangardener35 Member
17 messages
joined Jan 2008
#2 ·
Look, it’s nothing we haven't seen before... you know those old sayings—life’s just a constant cycle of highs and lows, where good luck and bad luck are basically joined at the hip. It's like trying to steer a ship through a storm while everything's going sideways.
That feels especially true now that we're living in this cutthroat capitalist machine. Nowadays, being a decent person or actually being sincere? Most people don't see those as virtues anymore—they just see them as weaknesses to be exploited.
George Jackson5 George Jackson5 Member
18 messages
joined Apr 2007
#3 ·
Tighten up your security and stand by your convictions.
People are just like sharks sensing blood in 1.2 miles the water.
The second you show weakness, you become the perfect target.
Stop trying so hard to please everyone—you can still be a good, honest, and decent person even if you look a little more intimidating. Trust me on this one... 😉
James Allen6 James Allen6 Active Member
85 messages
joined Apr 2007
#4 ·
I suppose this is how I see things.
A person feels content with others only when they are truly at peace with themselves.
When we find ourselves going through a rough patch, we tend to focus much more on how others behave. It’s because their actions can hurt us, or perhaps just reinforce those nagging doubts that we aren't quite good enough...

I used to approach everyone with a smile and total confidence. That worked out fine, I guess, but maybe it was unnecessary. It seems enough to be that way with the people who actually matter—your family, your close friends, or your partner.

As for everyone else, they either don't care, or they are far too preoccupied with their own struggles. Trying to help them might just end up weighing them down further, so it probably isn't worth spending your energy there.
And one more thing—I think you should only offer advice if someone is in actual danger or if they specifically ask for it.

People are fundamentally good.
George Jackson5 George Jackson5 Member
18 messages
joined Apr 2007
#5 ·
James Allen6 said:I suppose this is how I see things.
A person feels content with others only when they are truly at peace with themselves.
When we find ourselves going through a rough patch, we tend to focus much more on how others behave. It’s because their actions can hurt us, or perhaps just reinforce those nagging doubts that we aren't quite good enough...

I used to approach everyone with a smile and total confidence. That worked out fine, I guess, but maybe it was unnecessary. It seems enough to be that way with the people who actually matter—your family, your close friends, or your partner.

As for everyone else, they either don't care, or they are far too preoccupied with their own struggles. Trying to help them might just end up weighing them down further, so it probably isn't worth spending your energy there.
And one more thing—I think you should only offer advice if someone is in actual danger or if they specifically ask for it.

People are fundamentally good.

Preach! 🙂
restlesshound27 restlesshound27 Member
36 messages
joined Dec 2006
#6 ·
I’m pretty much like that with everyone, honestly, but you’ve gotta learn how to read people. If I see someone just trying to use me to boost their own ego, I’m out. You have to respect yourself first, and then you can respect others. It’s a package deal, and people can totally sense when it’s genuine.
So, the other day I was chilling on a bench in the park, and this older gentleman comes over to sit down. Even though there was plenty of space elsewhere, he chose to sit right next to me. It didn't bother me at all. We started chatting—a little awkward at first, you know?—but then it got really relaxed. He ended up telling me all sorts of things: he’s over 90 now, and he was sharing stories about what old San Francisco used to look like back in the day. I was being friendly, he was being sweet, it was just nice.

A little later, three other older folks showed up and sat on the bench near us. Turns out they knew the gentleman quite well. We all started talking, and since one of them used to be a merchant marine, we ended up swapping travel stories. They actually seemed surprised that I wasn't being rude or standoffish, since most people act that way nowadays. But hey, we chatted for a solid 15 or 20 minutes before I had to head off. It was a lovely interaction, nothing bad happened, and I think we all left feeling pretty good about the encounter.

It’s all about reading the room. If someone starts draining your energy, messing with you, or being straight-up disrespectful, just walk away. I can't stand arrogant people; I usually avoid them entirely or keep it to the bare minimum. Honestly, arrogance is usually just a mask for insecurity and frustration. Don't let those types get you down. There are still plenty of good people out there just like you, and those arrogant types? They're actually having a harder time than you are. Their insecurity and unhappiness have just spiraled so far that they don't even know how to handle it properly anymore.

Pure kindness and sincerity might not always get noticed, but when you mix that with actual backbone and intelligence, people really value it. Above everything else, those kinds of people shine like bright neon signs in this gray world. Which would be a lot prettier if everyone just decided to be like that.😉
quietranger14 quietranger14 Member
44 messages
joined May 2007
#7 ·
Robert Murphy8 said:Look, here’s my take: I approach everyone with the assumption that they’re fundamentally good. I just don't get it lately. Why does it feel like everyone is working overtime to prove they’re actually the exact opposite? It feels universal. I try to help people, point them toward what I think is their best path—I don't mind sharing a breakthrough I've worked hard on if it might make their lives easier or help them succeed. I go out of my way to smile at people. But honestly, I can't tell if society has truly devolved into this mass of selfish, malicious actors, or if everyone has just become incredibly paranoid. Every time I offer a smile, people recoil like I’m about to vomit on them. It’s a pattern: the more I need a bit of warmth, the colder and more guarded people become. Is it just me, or is this happening to everyone else too? And once you actually start talking to someone, they don't even hesitate to throw a nasty insult right in your face. I keep adjusting my attitude toward them, hoping things will shift, but it never does. Maybe I trust people too easily? Maybe I'm just being a nuisance? Regardless, I feel a total lack of respect from those around me, even at 28. Do you all feel this same disconnect from people, or am I just shouting into a void? Have people really changed this much, or is there something else broken? I struggle to find any sincerity, kindness, or genuine innocence anymore. In anyone.

I learned my lesson the hard way thanks to an old friend from college. We were tight for a whole year—grabbing coffee, hanging out, the usual stuff. Then summer hit, she went back home, and suddenly she’s ghosting me. I tried reaching out, but once classes started again, she was suddenly all over me because we got our first statistics assignment. So, I cut her off—I really have zero room in my life for a parasite.
She was my best friend when I was tutoring her through the coursework—she'd call me twenty times a day—but the second she didn't need my help, she couldn't even bother to ask how I was doing.

Later, she actually laid out her entire life philosophy for me. I kept the text on my phone just so I'd never forget what kind of person she is: "Maybe you should give people a chance, no matter who they are... BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NEED THEM ONE DAY." In other words: play nice so you can use them later.

Look, I don't think everyone is like that—if they were, life would be pretty bleak—but some people definitely are, and you've got to watch your back.

Just a little bleach in the toilet bowl and the problem is solved. 😬
Chris Morris9 Chris Morris9 Newcomer
9 messages
joined Dec 2006
#8 ·
Robert Murphy8 said:Look, here’s my take: I approach everyone with the assumption that they’re fundamentally good. I just don't get it lately. Why does it feel like everyone is working overtime to prove they’re actually the exact opposite? It feels universal. I try to help people, point them toward what I think is their best path—I don't mind sharing a breakthrough I've worked hard on if it might make their lives easier or help them succeed. I go out of my way to smile at people. But honestly, I can't tell if society has truly devolved into this mass of selfish, malicious actors, or if everyone has just become incredibly paranoid. Every time I offer a smile, people recoil like I’m about to vomit on them. It’s a pattern: the more I need a bit of warmth, the colder and more guarded people become. Is it just me, or is this happening to everyone else too? And once you actually start talking to someone, they don't even hesitate to throw a nasty insult right in your face. I keep adjusting my attitude toward them, hoping things will shift, but it never does. Maybe I trust people too easily? Maybe I'm just being a nuisance? Regardless, I feel a total lack of respect from those around me, even at 28. Do you all feel this same disconnect from people, or am I just shouting into a void? Have people really changed this much, or is there something else broken? I struggle to find any sincerity, kindness, or genuine innocence anymore. In anyone.

I'm right there with you. I actually had a bit of a meltdown just a moment ago because I've been noticing—and it's finally hit me hard—just how incredibly selfish and cruel people can be.
Everyone is constantly tearing each other down. Sure, I can take a joke, but some people just cross the line. It feels like if you want to avoid being the daily target of someone's tasteless commentary, you have to look "acceptable," talk a certain way, listen to specific music, laugh at the "right" things, watch the trendy movies, buy the right brands, and parrot everyone else's opinions. God forbid you say something slightly stupid, trip over your words mid-sentence, or miss a double entendre... then you're fair game.
Most of the people acting like this clearly have deep-seated issues with themselves, so it's easier to just find a scapegoat to vent on.

Honestly, evolutionarily speaking, we haven't moved an inch since the days when crowds would stone people to death. A mob is still just a bunch of people with smiles on their faces and "warmth" in their hearts while they point fingers at the accused.
restlesshound27 restlesshound27 Member
36 messages
joined Dec 2006
#9 ·
Chris Morris9 said:I'm right there with you. I actually had a bit of a meltdown just a moment ago because I've been noticing—and it's finally hit me hard—just how incredibly selfish and cruel people can be.
Everyone is constantly tearing each other down. Sure, I can take a joke, but some people just cross the line. It feels like if you want to avoid being the daily target of someone's tasteless commentary, you have to look "acceptable," talk a certain way, listen to specific music, laugh at the "right" things, watch the trendy movies, buy the right brands, and parrot everyone else's opinions. God forbid you say something slightly stupid, trip over your words mid-sentence, or miss a double entendre... then you're fair game.
Most of the people acting like this clearly have deep-seated issues with themselves, so it's easier to just find a scapegoat to vent on.

Honestly, evolutionarily speaking, we haven't moved an inch since the days when crowds would stone people to death. A mob is still just a bunch of people with smiles on their faces and "warmth" in their hearts while they point fingers at the accused.

You hit the nail on the head there. But that's why having your own identity and integrity is everything. I've dealt with similar stuff, even with my own inner circle who are full-grown adults. They've got deep-seated issues with themselves and their health, too. But the thing is, by acting like this, they end up pushing away the people closest to them. Take me, for example—I barely feel the urge to call them at all. I stayed with them for a few nights in New York City recently and was super grateful for the stay, but I don't feel any need to reach out, and it's been three months now. Who knows when I'll check in again.

I've been living away for the last couple of years, and before I left, things were pretty chill and we got along great. But lately, I've noticed such a massive shift. Just this huge wave of negative energy hitting within a few years.
Douglas Williams9 Douglas Williams9 Newcomer
3 messages
joined Apr 2007
#10 ·
Treating everyone like they’re a decent human being? Honestly, in this day and age, it feels like a lost cause. It’s become totally pointless. You meet people and try to be friendly, but they just shut you out with a look or some cold attitude before you can even get a word in. I used to spend way too much time spiraling, wondering what was wrong with me or why people were acting so weirdly toward me, but I finally just called it quits. Everyone seems to be living in their own little bubble, terrified of actually connecting or—God forbid—having to answer a simple question from someone else.
Now, I just stick to my old friends, the ones who have been around forever. I’ve lost plenty of acquaintances and buddies over the years through various ups and downs, but if I’m being real with myself, I’ve started acting pretty cold toward people, too. I just don't have the energy to put in the effort anymore.
restlesshound27 restlesshound27 Member
36 messages
joined Dec 2006
#11 ·
I’m usually pretty friendly, but I definitely keep my distance when guys who aren't really my type start hitting on me. It’s not like they’re being super arrogant or outright rude—they’re just chatting me up—but I can tell they're making a move. So, I just sort of keep them at arm's length, you know? Trying to be chill without being unnecessarily harsh about it.
hiddentrucker16 hiddentrucker16 Active Member
123 messages
joined Oct 2006
#12 ·
People aren't good—they're just hypocritical bastards...🙂 🤮

Full of double standards and nothing but lies... honestly, I’ve grown quite weary of the human race.🙂 🙂
quietranger14 quietranger14 Member
44 messages
joined May 2007
#13 ·
hiddentrucker16 said:People aren't good—they're just hypocritical bastards...🙂 🤮

Full of double standards and nothing but lies... honestly, I’ve grown quite weary of the human race.🙂 🙂

Don't be like that—you can't hold everyone to that standard. The ones you despise or can't stand? Someone else actually likes and respects them..
Besides, when you say "everyone," does that include you too?? 😕
hiddentrucker16 hiddentrucker16 Active Member
123 messages
joined Oct 2006
#14 ·
quietranger14 said:Don't be like that—you can't hold everyone to that standard. The ones you despise or can't stand? Someone else actually likes and respects them..
Besides, when you say "everyone," does that include you too?? 😕

Exactly.
hiddentrucker16 hiddentrucker16 Active Member
123 messages
joined Oct 2006
#15 ·
James Allen6 said:I suppose this is how I see things.
A person feels content with others only when they are truly at peace with themselves.
When we find ourselves going through a rough patch, we tend to focus much more on how others behave. It’s because their actions can hurt us, or perhaps just reinforce those nagging doubts that we aren't quite good enough...

I used to approach everyone with a smile and total confidence. That worked out fine, I guess, but maybe it was unnecessary. It seems enough to be that way with the people who actually matter—your family, your close friends, or your partner.

As for everyone else, they either don't care, or they are far too preoccupied with their own struggles. Trying to help them might just end up weighing them down further, so it probably isn't worth spending your energy there.
And one more thing—I think you should only offer advice if someone is in actual danger or if they specifically ask for it.

People are fundamentally good.

You always seem to find the silver lining in everything—it’s a lovely way to look at the world. You truly believe people are good; thank you for the frequent reminders of that perspective...
Robert Murphy8 Robert Murphy8 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Mar 2009
#16 ·
So, we’re basically agreeing that people aren't inherently good... and honestly, they probably aren't. Most people you encounter in passing will never show you an ounce of genuine kindness. Maybe there's goodness in those we're actually close to, but life has a way of leaving you isolated sometimes. That's when you realize just how much malice exists in everyone else. But then again, none of that really matters if you have someone you love—someone who actually gives a damn about you. If you've got that, the rest is just noise.
But once you're feeling empty, or you actually need something from someone, that’s when you see the truth: they won't lift a finger to help. I see it all the time on TV, too. You'll see someone acting vulnerable or being respectful, and instead of meeting them with empathy, people just laugh at them. It’s like everyone assumes everyone else is just as cold as they are. They see someone being kind or polite and immediately view them as an easy target for mockery or an attack. That kind of behavior belongs in a middle school hallway, not among adults. It’s pathetic.
You feel this most acutely when you're down or in trouble. That’s when you realize how few people are actually standing by your side willing to help. People tell you to just "smile more" or "stay positive," as if that's easy. Sure, anyone can fake a smile, but when you're deep in a rut, that isn't always an option.
Steven Rivera7 Steven Rivera7 Newcomer
4 messages
joined May 2007
#17 ·
Growing up, my folks always drilled this one rule into my head: "If someone throws a stone at you, toss them a loaf of bread instead."
Honestly, treating people that way is a total game-changer!
Robert Murphy8 Robert Murphy8 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Mar 2009
#18 ·
Steven Rivera7 said:Growing up, my folks always drilled this one rule into my head: "If someone throws a stone at you, toss them a loaf of bread instead."
Honestly, treating people that way is a total game-changer!

Sure, that sounds great on paper, but honestly? I wish I had met someone like you back in the day. In my experience, people usually start with the stones, and if they're feeling generous, they finish by throwing stale bread at your head... 😲
Jonathan Hernandez4 Jonathan Hernandez4 Member
27 messages
joined Feb 2007
#19 ·
Maybe the issue is that you’re treating your "kindness" like a transaction, expecting some kind of return or validation for being a good person in the first place.

If I’m a good person, I’m doing it for myself, isn't that right? It’s just part of my DNA, a core piece of who I am, and honestly, it's how I feel best about myself. Besides, how can I truly claim to be a good person if I can't even accept people for who they actually are?
If they feel fine being themselves, then who am I to demand they change their entire lives just to make me feel more comfortable?
Otherwise, maybe I'm just not satisfied with this version of kindness—maybe it isn't my true self at all.
Steven Lopez19 Steven Lopez19 Member
43 messages
joined Jun 2007
#20 ·
cherryblossomgirl;8515833 said:I think this is how things actually work.
"Only give someone advice if they're literally in life-threatening danger or if they actually ask you for it."

And honestly? That’s the truth. Nobody likes it when you start meddling in business that isn't yours...
I used to be that person who went out of my way to be nice to everyone, always walking around with a smile and trying to help. But eventually, I realized that no matter how hard you try to play nice with everybody, it’s just an impossible mission. Some people just don't vibe with you, or they find something about your personality grating. It doesn't matter if you're both "golden" people—sometimes two personalities just clash, and you can't make it work.
So, I started doing what I call "graceful exits." I quietly distanced myself from the people I couldn't get along with in a healthy way (might sound harsh, but hear me out) and focused my energy on the people who actually matter to me. Now, my life is peaceful. I don't see many "bad" people around me, and even if I do run into some, they don't have any influence over my world, so I don't lose sleep over them...
As for my inner circle, those relationships are built on years of friendship and actual honesty...
Sure, I know plenty of people, but there's a massive canyon between an acquaintance and a true friend...
At the end of the day, everyone should just live their lives however they see fit.

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