Why am I always the target of toxic people?

I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

And why the sudden "bitch" label at the end? Doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of what you wrote.

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

It probably comes down to the fact that they know exactly when it's time to stand their ground.

I suppose you have to show some teeth sometimes, just because there are certain types of people out there who won't respect you otherwise.

I gave you my honest take over in that other thread, didn't I? To sum it all up; the issue lies entirely with you. Either learn to adapt or just keep whining...👍

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

You’ve got to shake off that victim mentality! Focus on building up your own self-worth and stop being an open book for people who don't deserve to read it. If you don't have a reliable Peter around to back you up, you've just got to hold your own.
It's much better to stay a bit mysterious and keep them at arm's length than to leave the door wide open for people like that.

I wonder how things are handled over in the States, you know, when dealing with those pesky little nuisance lawsuits. 😬 🙏

I believe someone higher up in this thread already provided a solid answer. Stop playing the victim.

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

It's because you're just feeding into a cycle of self-pity....

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

It's because people just love to tear apart anyone who shows a bit of vulnerability. You can look around this forum and see the exact same pattern happening over and over. And honestly, why even care? Let them talk. If they ever actually cross the line and threaten you, then you deal with them accordingly.
As for the whole sympathy thing: I'm not so sure it's always genuine.
I met a woman on this forum once who kept complaining about her situation. Turns out, there was a catch: she just wanted too much, and then she'd cry when she didn't get her way.

You got some solid advice there, take it. Nemrut, Bob, and Beebop all dropped some truth bombs you should probably sit with.
You can't change the people around you, so wasting energy whining about why they are the way they are is pointless. Better to just focus on working on YOURSELF so their nonsense doesn't hit you as hard.

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

Because you're letting them do it.

Noah Harris50 said:You got some solid advice there, take it. Nemrut, Bob, and Beebop all dropped some truth bombs you should probably sit with.
You can't change the people around you, so wasting energy whining about why they are the way they are is pointless. Better to just focus on working on YOURSELF so their nonsense doesn't hit you as hard.

👍

Learn how to coexist with others

Noah Harris50 said:And why the sudden "bitch" label at the end? Doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of what you wrote.

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

See that?🙂

Robert Murphy8 said:I can honestly say I try to be a decent human being. I make an effort to stay respectful, polite, and kind in my interactions, genuinely trying to work well with others. But no matter where I go—and especially in the corporate world—it’s the same old story. Constant undermining, people trashing my hard work, and backstabbing. I always end up carrying the weight of their nonsense on my own shoulders. As a person of faith, I could never dream of pulling a stunt like that on anyone. I know I’m capable. I’m smart, I give everything I have to my job and to the people around me, yet it feels like absolutely nobody respects that. It’s even worse when they mock me for being transparent or for actually caring about projects that have some actual heart in them. Then I look at these "successful" types and I just don't get it. What makes them so much better or sharper than me? They get the accolades while I’m just left waiting for them to label me as the villain, because apparently, that’s the only role they think I’m fit for.

This is exactly why😉

Larry Torres4 said:This is exactly why😉

Look. I appreciate the advice, really, but being unapologetically rude, arrogant, or just plain obnoxious isn't in my DNA. It's not that easy. I was raised to be decent to people—to actually have some manners—and I don't know how to switch that off. I realize I should probably keep my guard up and stop oversharing with everyone I meet, but I can't help it. When I'm around people for too long, if there’s nothing going on, the tension builds up. Eventually, I start talking, and before I know it, I’ve spilled my entire life story. Then, a few days later? A knife in the back. That’s been the pattern at almost every job I've had. I just keep trying to find the good in people, even when it backfires.

Robert Murphy8 said:Look. I appreciate the advice, really, but being unapologetically rude, arrogant, or just plain obnoxious isn't in my DNA. It's not that easy. I was raised to be decent to people—to actually have some manners—and I don't know how to switch that off. I realize I should probably keep my guard up and stop oversharing with everyone I meet, but I can't help it. When I'm around people for too long, if there’s nothing going on, the tension builds up. Eventually, I start talking, and before I know it, I’ve spilled my entire life story. Then, a few days later? A knife in the back. That’s been the pattern at almost every job I've had. I just keep trying to find the good in people, even when it backfires.

You don't have to be rude or uncultured at all; you just need to set boundaries.
Keeping people at arm's length just lets them know they can't walk all over you. Even if they try, they won't have any "ammo" to use against you because they don't know anything!
The problem is you're looking for closenessand you aren't finding it because you're looking in the wrong places. Communication doesn't have to be constant. You talk when you need to, especially at work.
My best advice? Save your private life for yourself and your actual friends. In a culture where everyone is constantly nosing into everyone else's business, having some distance is your best defense against unwanted interference.

People are just selfish. They’re chasing status and comfort, stepping on anyone below them just to feel a little higher up the ladder. Some people see your failure as their personal win, while others just hurt you without even realizing it. You're probably just going through a rough patch right now, making everything feel a bit more raw. Honestly? Just toughen up and cut out the dead weight. Not everyone is a good person—if they were, we wouldn't be living in this mess.
Workplace bullying... basically just the side effect of all this "individualism" we've embraced in the States. Glad someone finally spoke up about what's happening to folks in NYC...

wearyowl29 said:You don't have to be rude or uncultured at all; you just need to set boundaries.
Keeping people at arm's length just lets them know they can't walk all over you. Even if they try, they won't have any "ammo" to use against you because they don't know anything!
The problem is you're looking for closenessand you aren't finding it because you're looking in the wrong places. Communication doesn't have to be constant. You talk when you need to, especially at work.
My best advice? Save your private life for yourself and your actual friends. In a culture where everyone is constantly nosing into everyone else's business, having some distance is your best defense against unwanted interference.

I know. Thanks. But I've always been this way. Maybe it's a lack of self-confidence, so I try to find it through others, attempting to build friendly bonds... hoping they won't turn on me. It's like I feel vulnerable, so I try to show them I have my own struggles too, trying to prove I'm not a threat so we can be friends. But the opposite happens. They just take everything I say out of context, and that's how it starts. That's how the downward spiral begins. I don't know why I can't just stay detached. I suppose I'm looking for some kind of strength in them. Maybe once I move on from these part-time student jobs to something more serious, I won't feel such a desperate need to socialize with coworkers. Then maybe I'll be able to keep my distance. But the truth is, I haven't quite mastered being "professional" yet.