How to reconnect with your emotions after a period of intense burnout?

Ronald Barrett4 said:Typical story—you wanted him so bad when he was out of reach, but now that he's yours, you're bored. Grow up.

Ooh, look at you being all wise. Honestly, I don't even know how to respond...🙄
It’s really not that simple...
I want to feel that spark again. I want to love him. It isn't just about him, though—it's like my feelings for everyone have just gone numb. I've completely shut down...
I was right by his side nearly every single day for almost a year through some incredibly rough times. I barely got anything out of it, but things were so hard for him and I just wanted him to be even a little bit happier with me there... I didn't get much from the experience myself. I think I lost maybe five years of my life just dealing with the stress... Since I'm such an empath, I felt everything he was feeling. We were basically walking through hell together...

This has absolutely nothing to do with ego or being selfish. I'm way too smart for that...

It was just too much. Too much stress, too much fear, too much waiting... I'm just empty. I kept giving and giving and giving, but I never got anything back.

Jason Sanchez3 said:It was perhaps a bit reckless of me to use the word "identical" without providing more context....
To clarify, I was referring to a time when the man of my dreams was going through an incredibly grueling period professionally. He was uncertain about whether he could love me or even if he wanted to be with me due to his emotional withdrawal, yet I stayed by his side. I poured everything I had into him, giving far more than I actually had the strength to provide. We were constantly living in limbo, unsure if he would stay in the States or move elsewhere, and we were stuck on this perpetual emotional seesaw. Then, suddenly, he decided he was ready to commit and try for us. But after a full year of intense stress, constant striving, and neglecting my own needs to accommodate his sudden shifts, I find myself completely shut down. I honestly don't know if I can feel anything anymore, or if I even want to.

The bitter truth is this: you end up doing everything in your power to ensure the person you love succeeds and feels fulfilled, all while you are quietly crumbling inside. You realize it's happening, but you can't bring yourself to show it to them—or even to yourself. Now that he is finally satisfied, you're the one paying the price. Honestly, I think your biggest mistake was staying in that role for too long; your feelings simply got lost somewhere along the way. I am not sure if they are gone forever, but if he is worth it, you should attempt to tell him exactly where you stand. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. Just please, do not remain in this state for much longer; you won't truly recover until you resolve things with him. I wish you luck. I went through a nearly identical situation where I did everything to make sure he was okay in every possible way, but when I finally needed a little attention for myself, I folded....

Michelle Long10 said:The truth hurts. It’s the worst feeling when you pour everything you have into making sure someone you love succeeds and feels good about themselves, all while you’re secretly falling apart. You know it's happening, but you can't bring yourself to tell them—not even yourself. Now that they've reached their goal, you're the one struggling. Honestly, I think you might have made a mistake by staying silent, and now those feelings are just lost somewhere. I don't know if they're gone for good, but if he's worth it, try being honest about where you're at. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. Just please don't stay stuck in this place for too long; you won't be able to move forward until you face things with him. Good luck... I went through something almost identical, and I did everything to make sure he was okay, but when I finally needed a little attention, I just let him down...

Yeah, it's tough 😢
I know we're actually perfect for each other. We're so alike—same outlook on life, relationships, careers, people. The chemistry is huge, the sex is great, we even listen to the same music and love the same food and hobbies. We really are soulmates, but we both need to work on ourselves to make this stick...
I just don't know if I have any strength left for that after everything...
So much stress, so much pain, so many tears... I just want to be alone 😢

I agree that making an effort is necessary and that self-improvement is key. We actually went to marriage counseling together once, and for about two months, everything seemed perfect. But then, the old patterns just crawled back in. I felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting, while he wouldn't show even the slightest bit of initiative to help—even though he insists he is trying. It seems he’s chosen a very ineffective way to go about it... As for what you said regarding moving on after all that stress, grief, and heartache: I finally packed up my things and walked away. Honestly? I'm more content now than I have ever been in my life.

Michelle Long10 said:I totally agree that you have to try and work on yourself. We actually tried marriage counseling together once, and things felt great for maybe two months before I just felt old again. He wouldn't show any sign that he was actually helping me (even though he insists he was)... looks like he just picked the wrong way to do it. And honestly? After all that stress, heartache, and tears, I just grabbed my little stash of jewelry and walked away. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been...

thanks for everything 😘

Jason Sanchez3 said:It was probably a bit reckless of me to use the word "identical" without laying out the specifics first....
Basically, I was dealing with a guy who was my absolute dream partner, but he went through this incredibly brutal stretch professionally. He was so shut down that he couldn't even tell if he was capable of loving me or if he even wanted to be with me, yet I stayed right by his side. I poured everything I had into us, giving far more than I actually had the strength to give at the time. We were stuck in this constant limbo, never knowing if he was going to stay here in the States or move away, just riding this endless emotional seesaw. Then, out of nowhere, after all that uncertainty, he decided he finally wanted to commit and try for real. But after a whole year of intense stress, pushing myself to the limit, and losing sight of who I was in the process of managing his sudden shifts, I've just gone numb. I find myself completely closed off, and honestly, I can't tell if I'm even capable of feeling anything for him anymore, or if I even want to.

I suppose it bothers me slightly that this is being treated as a psychology topic.
My posts aren't intended to offer any sort of professional psychological insight or support whatsoever.🙂

I’m struggling to grasp the depth of your history together—were you two already established before this "rough patch" hit?
What was the nature of your connection and your feelings back then?

And how did those feelings compare to your previous relationships, or what were those other dynamics like?

If your entire relationship has boiled down to just this recent ordeal, I think it might be worth stepping back to look at the big picture before deciding whether it's even worth trying to force those old feelings to resurface.

Jonathan Hernandez4 said:I’m a bit bothered that this is under psychology...
my posts don't really have any connection to that (at least not professionally)🙂

I don't quite get how long you guys have been together. Were you already a couple before that "rough patch"
what was the relationship and vibe like back then?

How did you feel in other relationships, and what were those other relationships like?

If your relationship was "just" what you're describing, I'd think twice about everything first, and then decide if it's worth trying to "bring the feelings back," if possible.

I don't see why this wouldn't be under psychology—emotions are a huge part of what they study...

"How did you feel in other relationships, and what were those other relationships like?"
I don't get that part??

Of course our relationship can't be summed up in a few sentences. I wasn't looking for relationship advice, just advice on dealing with lost emotions caused by a traumatic period and extreme stress.

Grab a copy of The Merck Manual by Simon G. Brown and just dive right into the exercises laid out in there.

You should also try helping out your heart chakra—you know, the one responsible for all that love we feel? Since yours seems a bit sluggish and stuck right now, maybe try spending half an hour a day visualizing your heart overflowing with love, radiating this gorgeous golden light that just fills your whole chest with that incredible feeling.

And hey, if you find it hard to actually visualize that feeling of love at first, don't sweat it; anyone can struggle with that initially...

Just remember, we're talking about a slow healing process here, not just knocking back a glass of water... you should really start seeing some actual results after about two or three months of putting in that daily work on yourself.

Jason Sanchez3 said:I don't see why this shouldn't be in the psychology section; emotions are a core part of what psychology studies...

"What were your feelings like in other relationships, and what were those other relationships like?"
I'm not following??

Of course our relationship can't be boiled down to a few lines, and I wasn't looking for relationship advice, but rather advice regarding emotional numbness caused by a traumatic period and extreme stress

IT bothers me because I'm not a psychologist

I never thought your entire relationship could be summarized in a couple of sentences, but I also don't believe anyone can actually give you "advice" based on just a few sentences. I was wondering if you were already in a relationship during that stressful period, and if your feelings back then were the same as they are now during this stressful time—or if you had similar feelings in previous relationships, or dealt with similar levels of stress back then.
Just thinking maybe you might find some answers for yourself that way.

Psychology itself is full of theories about how emotions even form; they don't even have a unified definition for emotions to this day, so, much like most other "problems," there isn't exactly a magic recipe

Gerald Garcia7 said:Grab a copy of "The Merck Manual" by Simon G. Brown and start working through those exercises.

Also, try spending about half an hour a day helping out your heart chakra. Yours seems a little sluggish right now—like the rotation has slowed down just a bit. Just visualize your heart being filled with love, radiating this golden light that fills your whole chest with that amazing feeling.

If you struggle to find that feeling at first, don't sweat it. It happens to the best of us...

Just remember, this kind of healing takes time. It’s not like drinking a glass of water... you should start seeing some real progress after maybe 2 or 3 months of daily practice.

Thanks so much! 🙂 😘

Jonathan Hernandez4 said:IT bothers me because I'm not a psychologist

I didn't think a whole relationship could be boiled down to just a few sentences, but I really don't believe anyone can give you actual "advice" based on such little info. I was just wondering if things were like this before that stressful period, or if you felt this way in past relationships too. Just curious if there was always stress involved.
Just hoping maybe you'll find some answers for yourself.

Psychology itself has a mountain of theories about how emotions work—they don't even have one solid definition for them today—so, just like most other "problems," there isn't some magic "recipe."

My life used to be super stressful, and I'd occasionally "lose my emotions" back then too, but it was always short-lived... I know exactly why this happened to me. It was just too much, and it went on far too long... It's just that every morning when I wake up, I feel totally empty. It drives me crazy because I can't feel my heart, just this void, and it's so frustrating since I'm normally such a warm person, always open and ready to give love.

All I can really do is wish you find that level of peace that actually makes you happy

you have to figure out if you truly want to feel that way about this person.
Stress and defensive reactions are totally normal... but maybe this emptiness you're feeling right now is just a sign that you shouldn't be investing any more emotion into them. Sometimes it pays to listen to your gut or those subconscious defense mechanisms kicking in. After all, if this person has already caused you this much stress, who's to say they won't find a million other ways to do it down the road? Or are you absolutely certain they've learned their lesson and won't suddenly flip their priorities on you again later?
If you think they have, then just give yourself some breathing room to recover and rebuild enough trust to actually let yourself feel something again.
I know it’s frustrating, but you can't force an emotion to happen. Just try to look at this period as a way to recharge your batteries; once you're back to full strength, you'll be ready, whether that's for him or for someone else entirely.

I'm still not quite sure if this applies strictly to how you feel about him, or if it's affecting how you view everyone else in your life too.

Jonathan Hernandez4 said:I can only hope you reach that level of happiness and peace again.

And you really have to figure out if those feelings for him are still there.
It’s okay to feel stressed or defensive... honestly, maybe this empty feeling is just a sign that you shouldn't be holding onto these feelings anymore. Sometimes it helps to listen to your gut or even those defense mechanisms. Who knows? That person who caused all this stress might just find a million more ways to do it down the road. Or are you absolutely certain he's learned his lesson and won't flip his priorities on you again later?
If you think he has, just give yourself some time to "recover." You need to rebuild that trust and safety before you can let yourself feel things again.
I know it's frustrating, but you can't force it. Just think of it as recharging your batteries. Once you're full, you'll be ready—either for him or for someone else.

I'm still not sure if you mean just your feelings for him, or if this applies to everyone else in your life too.

This goes for everything, not just him... he went through hell, which is why I stuck by him. But now, at the worst possible time, after all that effort and the affection he's trying to show me, I just feel pure anger... It's like—who does he think he is, thinking he can just switch my feelings back on and expect me to instantly reciprocate? I stayed because I wanted him to be happy. I kind of checked out of our relationship mentally; I wasn't thinking about myself, I was just giving him everything because I wanted him to know someone cared, even when he pushed me away over and over... and now that the hard work has finally paid off, I just... I can't.
He deserves it, he really does. But these feelings I can't control are just so frustrating. I want things to be good, but I'm just not ready. There's too much fear, too much worry, just... everything.

Take some time to actually focus on yourself for once. Do the stuff that actually makes you happy. I’ve found that starting a journal really helps—it gives you a chance to look back and see exactly where things went sideways or where you ended up burning yourself out... then next time, you’ll recognize the pattern before it even happens. That way, you actually have a choice, and you'll know exactly what you can handle and what's just not worth the headache.
In this life, you have to fight for everything, and sometimes that means standing up against your own impulses. You've got to learn how to set those boundaries for yourself...

P.S. Don't forget to end every single page in that journal with a little bit of hope and some big dreams. Try to stay on the sunny side of things for a bit.
Good luck.

Just wanted to jump in here for a second... I completely get where you're coming from. I’m actually navigating my own sense of emotional emptiness right now—for entirely different reasons, mind you—but at the end of the day, the sensation is pretty much identical. Just hang in there, okay? If there's one thing I can tell you, it's that you aren't alone in this. There are plenty more of us 😘

...if you want to be alone... then just be alone. You said it yourself—you gave too much of yourself away, and it left you completely drained. It’s perfectly understandable; you need this time to recalibrate, find your footing, and figure out what you actually want from life. Take that space. As for him, I've always found it helpful to start with the idea that most people don't hurt us out of malice—they simply lack the tools to do better. Try looking at him as just an immature kid who, through sheer clumsiness, sucked the life out of you. It might help restore that sense of trust you once had, and usually, when the trust returns, the feelings follow suit. Focus on filling your own cup first—love yourself properly before trying to extend that to anyone else—and everything that is truly meant for you will fall into place. And please, let go of the past. Every day is essentially Day One of your future—a clean slate for a fresh start. Wishing you nothing but the best

Jason Sanchez3 said:No, it’s not just confusion—it’s more like I’ve lost the ability to feel anything at all. It’s obviously a defense mechanism, but I don't even know how to fix it, or if it’s even possible to change back...
It used to happen every now and then—whenever things got rough, I'd just shut down. It would last an hour, maybe two, sometimes half a day. But lately, it's morphed into something way bigger that I can't seem to reel in. Now, I go days without feeling a single thing, and honestly? I’m actually terrified of feeling anything again because...

You've changed... that's just what happened. People need to wrap their heads around that. It’s actually a good thing you've changed—it means you've learned something. And look, those who remember don't have to relive it, but those who forget? They end up living through it all over again.👍

Hey, can anyone tell me how to actually feel things again? I went through this one rough patch, and ever since then, everything just feels numb. I can’t feel love for anyone or anything anymore... I know logically that I should be feeling something for the people in my life, but there’s just nothing there—absolutely nothing. For instance, I used to love my dog with my whole heart; I would have done anything for him. Now, I know deep down that I still love him, but I don't *feel* it. I look at him and think about how much he means to me, but the actual emotion is missing. It's the same with people, too; I look at certain people and I know I care, but the feeling just isn't surfacing. Can someone please help me out, or at least give me some advice?

I’m honestly at a loss for words—I just don't experience things quite that way. You made a compelling case regarding your dog, and I suppose anyone would naturally gravitate toward their own pet, but I find myself in a similar boat there. Unfortunately, my baseline seems to be this persistent, gnawing sense of anxiety and dread, whereas those typical, positive emotions feel entirely out of reach. It’s enough to drive a person mad.