Why do I keep attracting the wrong people?

tince said:How can you say the world isn't on my side? Walk me through that. Why would people start forming an opinion about me that I don't even agree with? I just don't get it. Honestly, I think if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, people pick up on that vibe... if you're acting insecure, scared, or closed off, that's exactly how the world is going to see you...

Smile, and the world smiles with you; cry, and you'll be crying all by yourself.

Bryan Booth73 said:Just keep smiling and they'll laugh along with you. If you cry, you're just crying by yourself.

The truth is, if you're crying on the inside, the rest of the world couldn't care less if you're wearing a smile or not.

tince said:I’m wondering if there’s any actual reason why some girls or women—myself included—seem to have this knack for attracting people who aren't exactly top-tier. Does it mean there's something wrong with me? I constantly find myself being approached by all sorts of guys who just aren't great... men with massive complexes, frustrated types, awkward personalities, or just generally questionable characters. Is there something fundamentally broken in me?

I hear you. Honestly, look at me. I’m a frustrated guy with enough complexes to fill a stadium, my personality is pretty questionable, I’ve got bad breath to boot, and let's just say my looks are nothing to write home about. And yet, I somehow exclusively attract stunning women with Ivy League degrees... I honestly can't figure out where I'm going wrong here...

Larry Torres4 said:..it’s possible you’re projecting something that draws those kinds of people toward you.. it’s nothing scary, but I don't think you'll figure out what's actually going on without some help (maybe a good therapist)...

Okay, let's pump the brakes a little, ladies. You don't need to hire a whole squad of top-tier psychologists and psychiatrists just because you've had a rough patch in your dating life or relationships lately... even if it's been a long stretch. Not everything needs to be dissected under a microscope. Sometimes it's just bad luck, or a fluke, or just one of those crappy days... And as for those total smokeshows who never approach anyone? That's usually just a guy making a call ("Man, I don't stand a chance with her anyway" or "Why bother, she seems way too stuck on herself").😉

Donna Campbell6 said:And when it comes to those absolute smokeshows who don't get any attention, it’s usually just a guy making a calculated executive decision. It’s that internal monologue: "Yeah, I don't stand a chance there anyway," or maybe, "Why bother? She clearly thinks she's too good for everyone." 😉

So, I guess that’s the secret behind my irresistible charm...

I was reading somewhere that we’re always drawn to people who reflect how we see ourselves... I mean, I don't know if there's any actual truth to that, maybe? Just one of those things you wonder about sometimes...

Christian Doyle3 said:I read somewhere that we’re always drawn to people who reflect how we see ourselves... I don't know if there's any truth to that, maybe...

Well, if that's the case, then I must be absolutely perfect. 😁

Walter Myers4 said:well, I guess that makes me perfect then😁

welcome to the club!🤣

Christian Doyle3 said:welcome to the club!🤣

keep your fingers crossed😬

Donna Campbell6 said:I think you ladies are overreacting just a bit. You don't need to drag in a whole team of top-tier psychologists or psychiatrists just because you hit a rough patch in your love lives or social circles. Not everything requires a deep psychological autopsy; sometimes it’s just bad luck, a fluke, or simply a bad day. And regarding those absolute bombshells that nobody ever approaches? That’s usually just a guy making a calculated decision: "There's no way I'm getting anywhere with her," or "Why bother? She clearly thinks she's too good for everyone." 😉

Personally, I believe most things happen on a spiritual—or energetic, if you prefer—level rather than a purely physical one, so I can't quite agree with that perspective. As for the mental health aspect, I don't think anyone is suggesting we need full-blown psychiatric sessions here. It's more about people sharing what has actually worked for them in their own lives. At least, that’s how I view this entire conversation.👍

Here’s another example from an episode of Oprah 🙄... I know it sounds a bit cliché, but there was this story about mothers who struggled with eating disorders in their youth. Even though they eventually moved past those issues and didn't display any outward negativity toward food when raising their kids, the children still felt "fat"—some as young as four or five—and some girls even started refusing to eat. The takeaway was that these mothers were unconsciously passing down that negative relationship with food to their children, despite acting perfectly normal on the surface. My point is that people can sense things intuitively—they can tell who is impossible to manipulate, who is playing the victim, or who is genuinely open, even if they don't know the person well. Why is it that two people at work who seem almost identical in personality can have such different outcomes, where one becomes a target for workplace bullying while the other remains untouched?

Larry Torres4 said:So, I was watching this segment on Oprah 🙄 ...and I realize how cheesy it sounds, but hear me out. It was about these mothers who had struggled with eating disorders back in their youth, though they had completely moved past those issues and never actually displayed any negative attitude toward food in front of their kids. Yet, despite the mothers behaving perfectly normally, their children—some as young as four or five—still ended up feeling "fat," or refusing to eat altogether. The takeaway was that these mothers were unconsciously passing down that deep-seated negativity toward food to their children, even if, on a purely physical level, everything seemed fine and the mothers had long since conquered their own struggles. My point, I suppose, is that people can sense things; they can feel who is susceptible to manipulation, who is a victim, or who is genuinely open, even if they don't know someone very well. So, why is it that when you have two people at work who seem practically identical in character, one becomes the target of workplace bullying while the other remains untouched?

If you have two employees who are essentially the same, and there's some toxic troublemaker looking to bully someone, he'll probably just pick whichever person happens to be most convenient at that moment. The choice might just be entirely random, wouldn't you agree?
Have you ever heard the story about Buridan's donkey?

People who find themselves targeted by workplace bullying aren't just random picks at all! In my experience, they are actually either the most sensitive souls or the absolute strongest links in the entire chain.

Olivia Turner5 said:If there are two identical people at work and a bully looking to stir up trouble, they’ll just pick whichever one is closest at hand. The choice could be totally random, right?
Do you know the story about Buridan's ass?

No. I think that’s an oversimplification (and frankly, inaccurate). A predator always knows—or at least senses—who will make the "better" victim. Besides, no two people are truly identical. I used that as a hypothetical example, like two people of the same age with similar job titles, but when it comes to character and life experience, no two individuals are ever the same.
..and those bullies aren't idiots either.😉
..there's actually a great book on the subject called "The Perfect Victim."

tince said:I’m trying to figure out if there’s a reason why certain women—myself included—seem to attract people who aren't exactly top-tier. Is there something wrong with me? I constantly get approached by guys who are just... off. Insecure, frustrated, unpleasant, or just generally questionable characters. Does this mean there's something fundamentally broken in my own personality?

Heh. Maybe those "bad" people could actually bring something good into your life; you just haven't realized it yet. Trust me, I’ve been there. Now, the person I ended up with makes me way happier than any of those guys I used to chase...heh...🙂

tince said:I want to know if there’s some underlying reason why a girl or woman like me keeps attracting low-quality people. Does this mean I'm actually a bad person myself? I constantly get approached by all sorts of losers—guys who aren't great, guys with massive complexes, frustrated types, creepy dudes, or just people with questionable characters... does this mean there's something wrong with me?

People love to spout that old cliché about how you chose your own karma in this life—like you're paying off debts from past lives just to learn some lesson so you can level up in the next incarnation. Whatever. For some reason, you attract these types, but that doesn't mean you have to let them into your life. I deal with this too; I frequently attract people who suffocate me, nag me, and drain my mental energy. Either I cut them off immediately, or if I can't, I just ignore them or hit back at their attitude and behavior to bring them back down to earth. Still, I haven't figured out how to fix myself (maybe it's my nasty ego?) to stop pulling these unwanted people toward me. Blah, blah, blah...

start a new thread