Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Rebecca Rivera3 said:It just keeps going... total stagnation... zero signs of life...

Rebecca Rivera3; I don't know how old you are or if there's actually anyone in your real life you could fall for and be intimate with. Believe me, I know from experience. I once fell for a friend when I was completely depressed and broken; she brought me back to life through her advice and just being there. I love her, even though we aren't sexual, and I would never trade our friendship for sex because she’s my rock and she understands me, just as I help her whenever I can. I truly believe men and women can have genuine friendships. I know this because while I feel a strong physical attraction to her, I channel that energy into sustaining our bond instead. She is what keeps me moving. There are times I've been on the edge of suicide, but hanging out with her pulls me back because I feel responsible for her if I were gone. I live for those moments we spend together every day; she has become my purpose. FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE. GIVE YOURSELF TO THEM. Giving love is the best thing you can do. Between antidepressants and having a real friend, it goes a long way.

Angela Kim, I don't know how old you are, but you need to realize you're just caught up in a massive crush. In your case, this kind of infatuation isn't going away.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Angela Kim, I don't know how old you are, but you need to realize you're just caught up in a massive crush. In your case, this kind of infatuation isn't going away.

I'm over fifty. I have interests beyond mere infatuation; what I feel is love, or perhaps an addiction. I can't function without her. A day without her is unimaginable.

Honestly, today—well, I guess it started being a disaster last night. I finally drifted off right around 6 AM when the bells at the local cathedral started ringing. As soon as I hit the pillow, my brain started spiraling about all the stuff I need—like how I don't even own a digital recorder or any decent gear to capture my dreams or those random thoughts that hit me when I wake up. I’m convinced it was some massive idea. I spent the entire time sleeping just trying to backtrack through my head to remember what I was forgetting. I slept for 13 hours straight, and yet, when I finally rolled out of bed, I felt like absolute garbage. Just restless and totally out of sorts—especially until a little bit ago. So, yeah, I’m taking an Ativan on my own accord just to take the edge off and settle my nerves.

The whole day has been a total wash.

Carol Barrett2 said:Honestly, today—well, I guess it started being a disaster last night. I finally drifted off right around 6 AM when the bells at the local cathedral started ringing. As soon as I hit the pillow, my brain started spiraling about all the stuff I need—like how I don't even own a digital recorder or any decent gear to capture my dreams or those random thoughts that hit me when I wake up. I’m convinced it was some massive idea. I spent the entire time sleeping just trying to backtrack through my head to remember what I was forgetting. I slept for 13 hours straight, and yet, when I finally rolled out of bed, I felt like absolute garbage. Just restless and totally out of sorts—especially until a little bit ago. So, yeah, I’m taking an Ativan on my own accord just to take the edge off and settle my nerves.

The whole day has been a total wash.

It’s probably for the best that you took a sedative. Before I started my current regimen, I used to have constant ideas; about 5% of them actually turned into legitimate innovations or patents, while the rest was pure junk. Now, the ideas have dried up, but overall I’m better off because the psychotic symptoms—which used to hitch a ride on those ideas—are gone. Before, I would wander too far out there, which led to total chaos and eventual hospitalizations. Even if my brain feels slowed down now, it allows me to focus on actual responsibilities. I'm not sure if you're strictly on Ativan or if you're taking other meds as prescribed. The issue is that all antipsychotics cut both the good and the bad neural connections equally. You're left with the dilemma of being a creative lunatic without meds or a vegetable with them. That's my reality. I realized long ago that compromise is the only way, so I stick to my primary prescription without anything else that totally disables me. I deal with the side effects and function despite the limited clarity. I might function like an idiot, but at least I avoid hospitalization, and that is my priority.

Angela Kim said:It’s probably for the best that you took a sedative. Before I started my current regimen, I used to have constant ideas; about 5% of them actually turned into legitimate innovations or patents, while the rest was pure junk. Now, the ideas have dried up, but overall I’m better off because the psychotic symptoms—which used to hitch a ride on those ideas—are gone. Before, I would wander too far out there, which led to total chaos and eventual hospitalizations. Even if my brain feels slowed down now, it allows me to focus on actual responsibilities. I'm not sure if you're strictly on Ativan or if you're taking other meds as prescribed. The issue is that all antipsychotics cut both the good and the bad neural connections equally. You're left with the dilemma of being a creative lunatic without meds or a vegetable with them. That's my reality. I realized long ago that compromise is the only way, so I stick to my primary prescription without anything else that totally disables me. I deal with the side effects and function despite the limited clarity. I might function like an idiot, but at least I avoid hospitalization, and that is my priority.

They prescribed me Xanax for sleep, though I can sleep with it or without it. I know how to sleep with it, and I know how to sleep without it, just like I know how to stay awake regardless.

They put me on Haldol for auditory hallucinations—except I didn't even have them; the hospital just wrote it down because I was giving them a hard time and getting into arguments, and since my old lady didn't really believe me back then due to some trauma she went through, which still affects her today, they just labeled me.

Anyway, I’ve got an extra box or two lying around, so if my anxiety starts making me forget things or mess with my ideas, I'll just take a Xanax on my own initiative.

I actually used to take it alongside the Haldol when my folks would get on my case, even though they aren't supposed to be mixed. It was awful—between the nagging and the fights, mixing the two made everything worse. I’d end up having even bigger nervous breakdowns because of the constant friction and the combination of drugs. I had meltdowns even without mixing the Haldol and Xanax, so I honestly don't know if the combo was triggering the breakdowns or if it was just the fighting and the stress.

My memory isn't great regardless, and I don't have any proper gear to easily jot down my ideas. Working on these concepts is more of a hobby for me; it might even be what keeps me sane. Since I’m unemployed and dealing with both physical and mental health issues, if I didn't have this outlet, who knows where I'd be by now. Maybe in a dark place—I mean, I have suicidal thoughts, but I’m passive about them.

Most of the time, I don't even finish these projects; I just scribble things down. Whatever, it takes up a lot of mental energy, and I need to relax too. Though, lately, I find myself relaxing more and working on them less, ever since I got a computer and a phone.

Back before I had those, when I was writing everything down in notebooks, I worked on them way more.

P.S. I don't have "innovations" or "patents." Just ideas—though maybe they count as innovations, since that's basically the same thing to me—but they aren't official patents. They're just written out with a few rough sketches. I'm not much of an artist, and I agree with everything you said.

Maybe it would be best if they just prescribed me Xanax and nothing else. Just something to keep me calm. But whatever, nobody listens to me or asks how I am anyway, and I don't exactly have anyone here to turn to.

Take care. 🙂

Carol Barrett2 said:They prescribed me Xanax for sleep, though I can sleep with it or without it. I know how to sleep with it, and I know how to sleep without it, just like I know how to stay awake regardless.

They put me on Haldol for auditory hallucinations—except I didn't even have them; the hospital just wrote it down because I was giving them a hard time and getting into arguments, and since my old lady didn't really believe me back then due to some trauma she went through, which still affects her today, they just labeled me.

Anyway, I’ve got an extra box or two lying around, so if my anxiety starts making me forget things or mess with my ideas, I'll just take a Xanax on my own initiative.

I actually used to take it alongside the Haldol when my folks would get on my case, even though they aren't supposed to be mixed. It was awful—between the nagging and the fights, mixing the two made everything worse. I’d end up having even bigger nervous breakdowns because of the constant friction and the combination of drugs. I had meltdowns even without mixing the Haldol and Xanax, so I honestly don't know if the combo was triggering the breakdowns or if it was just the fighting and the stress.

My memory isn't great regardless, and I don't have any proper gear to easily jot down my ideas. Working on these concepts is more of a hobby for me; it might even be what keeps me sane. Since I’m unemployed and dealing with both physical and mental health issues, if I didn't have this outlet, who knows where I'd be by now. Maybe in a dark place—I mean, I have suicidal thoughts, but I’m passive about them.

Most of the time, I don't even finish these projects; I just scribble things down. Whatever, it takes up a lot of mental energy, and I need to relax too. Though, lately, I find myself relaxing more and working on them less, ever since I got a computer and a phone.

Back before I had those, when I was writing everything down in notebooks, I worked on them way more.

P.S. I don't have "innovations" or "patents." Just ideas—though maybe they count as innovations, since that's basically the same thing to me—but they aren't official patents. They're just written out with a few rough sketches. I'm not much of an artist, and I agree with everything you said.

Maybe it would be best if they just prescribed me Xanax and nothing else. Just something to keep me calm. But whatever, nobody listens to me or asks how I am anyway, and I don't exactly have anyone here to turn to.

Take care. 🙂

I'm no expert, but based on what I've seen, I'd suggest taking as little medication as possible. Sometimes the best medicine is none at all, and other times, a cocktail is absolutely necessary. Psychotropic drugs affect everyone's brain chemistry differently, so every patient's response is unique. I won't overstep by telling you to ignore your prescribed therapy since I don't know the full picture, but if you haven't dealt with hallucinations, depersonalization, or delusions, maybe sticking to Xanax is enough. One thing is certain: you should get back to your notebook and your ideas. They provide mental relief and purpose. An idea can be brilliant enough to be worth something on its own, and eventually, someone will come along to make it real. So, pick up the pen again. Above all, prioritize having a functional relationship with the people around you. Avoid unnecessary conflicts; failing to maintain self-control will only land you back in a crisis. Tolerance and self-regulation are vital. P.S. This is just my opinion; take it for what it's worth.

I honestly can't stop thinking about what we discussed earlier. It’s one of those things that seems simple on the surface, but once you really start peeling back the layers, it becomes incredibly complex. I was sitting in my office in Chicago yesterday, just staring at my monitor, trying to make sense of it all, and it hit me. We often overlook the most obvious details because we're too busy chasing the big picture. It's like when I used to try and fix my old Ford; I'd spend hours worrying about the engine when, in reality, the spark plugs were just shot. You have to look closer. You really do. kaže:
My doctor put me on Ambien for sleep, which is honestly kind of funny because I can sleep just fine without it. It’s one of those weird paradoxes, you know? I can lie there wide awake without any meds, or I can toss and turn even when I've taken them. It’s like my brain doesn't care if I have the prescription or not—sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes nothing changes at all. Just one of those things!

They tried to label me with hallucinations. It’s ridiculous. I wasn't hearing things—I was just being myself. But because I spoke my mind and got into heated arguments with the staff at the hospital, they decided it was easier to write down that I was delusional. They wanted to discredit my words and mine. My ex didn't really buy their story either, though. She had gone through such a traumatic experience back then—one of those situations that leaves lasting scars—that she knew exactly what kind of chaos they were trying to stir up.

I’ve got an extra box—maybe two, actually—just sitting around for those moments when my anxiety starts acting up and I start losing my train of thought or forgetting ideas left and right. When that happens, I just go ahead and take some Xanax on my own initiative.

I’ve honestly reached a point where I’d be willing to mix my meds with something like methadone just to cope when my family starts riding my back—they really need to stay out of my business. It’s been brutal. Between the constant harassment and the way those two keep meddling in everything, things just spiraled. It got so bad that I was dealing with full-blown nervous breakdowns because of the fighting and the constant agitation. I was taking methadone and apaurin even when they weren't interfering, so now I'm sitting here wondering: was the breakdown triggered by the medication, or was it just the endless fighting and the harassment? I genuinely can't tell anymore.

My memory is shot—honestly, it’s pretty terrible lately. On top of that, I don't have any gear or anything to actually jot down my ideas when they hit me. For me, working through these concepts feels more like a hobby. It’s almost therapeutic. Since I'm currently out of work and dealing with some serious physical and mental health struggles, this creative outlet is what keeps me steady. If I didn't have this way to process everything, I don't know where I'd be. Things could have gone south very quickly. To be completely honest, I struggle with suicidal thoughts, but I'm passive about them. This work is just my lifeline.

I barely even finish most of these tasks anymore. I mostly just sit back and observe. Honestly, the legal workload is becoming such a massive mental drain that I have to force myself to unwind just to stay sane. But here’s the thing—ever since I got my computer and my phone, I find myself relaxing more and more, and actually getting things done less and less. It's a slippery slope.

Honestly, I was much more productive back before I had all this digital stuff cluttering my life. Back when I used to write everything down in a physical notebook, I actually spent way more time focusing on them. There was just something about the tactile feel of pen on paper that kept me locked in. Now? It’s different. Everything feels a bit scattered.

Just a quick side note—I don't actually have any official innovations or registered patents to my name. I just have ideas. To me, they feel like the same thing, but they aren't legal patents; they’re really just thoughts written out with a few rough sketches tossed in. I've never been much of an artist, so my drawings are pretty crude. That said, I completely agree with everything you laid out.

Maybe the best move is to just stick to Xanax. I should probably just ask my doctor to prescribe that and nothing else—just one thing to handle the anxiety and call it a day. But honestly? It feels like I’m shouting into a void. Nobody actually listens to me, nobody asks the right questions, and I feel like I have absolutely no one here to turn to. It's incredibly isolating.

Hey there. Just wanted to say hello. 🙂

Good grief, what on earth are you talking about? Are you seriously suggesting someone should end it all just because they’re broke? Is that where your head is at right now? Because honestly, it's a bit much. Just because the bank account is looking a little thin doesn't mean life isn't worth living. We've all had those months where we're checking the couch cushions for spare change—I remember back in college, I was practically living on instant noodles and prayer—but that's just part of the grind. It's not a death sentence. Seriously, take a breath.

Jose Ward4 said:

I honestly can't stop thinking about what we discussed earlier. It’s one of those things that seems simple on the surface, but once you really start peeling back the layers, it becomes incredibly complex. I was sitting in my office in Chicago yesterday, just staring at my monitor, trying to make sense of it all, and it hit me. We often overlook the most obvious details because we're too busy chasing the big picture. It's like when I used to try and fix my old Ford; I'd spend hours worrying about the engine when, in reality, the spark plugs were just shot. You have to look closer. You really do. kaže:
My doctor put me on Ambien for sleep, which is honestly kind of funny because I can sleep just fine without it. It’s one of those weird paradoxes, you know? I can lie there wide awake without any meds, or I can toss and turn even when I've taken them. It’s like my brain doesn't care if I have the prescription or not—sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes nothing changes at all. Just one of those things!

They tried to label me with hallucinations. It’s ridiculous. I wasn't hearing things—I was just being myself. But because I spoke my mind and got into heated arguments with the staff at the hospital, they decided it was easier to write down that I was delusional. They wanted to discredit my words and mine. My ex didn't really buy their story either, though. She had gone through such a traumatic experience back then—one of those situations that leaves lasting scars—that she knew exactly what kind of chaos they were trying to stir up.

I’ve got an extra box—maybe two, actually—just sitting around for those moments when my anxiety starts acting up and I start losing my train of thought or forgetting ideas left and right. When that happens, I just go ahead and take some Xanax on my own initiative.

I’ve honestly reached a point where I’d be willing to mix my meds with something like methadone just to cope when my family starts riding my back—they really need to stay out of my business. It’s been brutal. Between the constant harassment and the way those two keep meddling in everything, things just spiraled. It got so bad that I was dealing with full-blown nervous breakdowns because of the fighting and the constant agitation. I was taking methadone and apaurin even when they weren't interfering, so now I'm sitting here wondering: was the breakdown triggered by the medication, or was it just the endless fighting and the harassment? I genuinely can't tell anymore.

My memory is shot—honestly, it’s pretty terrible lately. On top of that, I don't have any gear or anything to actually jot down my ideas when they hit me. For me, working through these concepts feels more like a hobby. It’s almost therapeutic. Since I'm currently out of work and dealing with some serious physical and mental health struggles, this creative outlet is what keeps me steady. If I didn't have this way to process everything, I don't know where I'd be. Things could have gone south very quickly. To be completely honest, I struggle with suicidal thoughts, but I'm passive about them. This work is just my lifeline.

I barely even finish most of these tasks anymore. I mostly just sit back and observe. Honestly, the legal workload is becoming such a massive mental drain that I have to force myself to unwind just to stay sane. But here’s the thing—ever since I got my computer and my phone, I find myself relaxing more and more, and actually getting things done less and less. It's a slippery slope.

Honestly, I was much more productive back before I had all this digital stuff cluttering my life. Back when I used to write everything down in a physical notebook, I actually spent way more time focusing on them. There was just something about the tactile feel of pen on paper that kept me locked in. Now? It’s different. Everything feels a bit scattered.

Just a quick side note—I don't actually have any official innovations or registered patents to my name. I just have ideas. To me, they feel like the same thing, but they aren't legal patents; they’re really just thoughts written out with a few rough sketches tossed in. I've never been much of an artist, so my drawings are pretty crude. That said, I completely agree with everything you laid out.

Maybe the best move is to just stick to Xanax. I should probably just ask my doctor to prescribe that and nothing else—just one thing to handle the anxiety and call it a day. But honestly? It feels like I’m shouting into a void. Nobody actually listens to me, nobody asks the right questions, and I feel like I have absolutely no one here to turn to. It's incredibly isolating.

Hey there. Just wanted to say hello. 🙂

Good grief, what on earth are you talking about? Are you seriously suggesting someone should end it all just because they’re broke? Is that where your head is at right now? Because honestly, it's a bit much. Just because the bank account is looking a little thin doesn't mean life isn't worth living. We've all had those months where we're checking the couch cushions for spare change—I remember back in college, I was practically living on instant noodles and prayer—but that's just part of the grind. It's not a death sentence. Seriously, take a breath.

When the bank account is empty, the companionship vanishes too.

Nicole Barrett76 said:When the bank account is empty, the companionship vanishes too.

That's just the truth.

Just constant, unrelenting financial strain. It’s been weighing me down my entire life, but this last decade—ever since that big recession hit—has been a different kind of beast. Things have just spiraled downward from there, getting progressively worse by the day. And honestly? It bleeds into everything else—my health, my relationship with my family... though, if I'm being real, the friction at home is killing me too. We’re constantly at each other's throats. We had another blowout today. I’m just not doing well, physically or mentally. I spend most of my time sleeping. I'll sleep half the day away, and then there are those nights where sleep is a total stranger—I'll just lie there wide awake until dawn, finally dragging myself out of bed when the sky starts getting grey.

Carol Barrett2 said:Just constant, unrelenting financial strain. It’s been weighing me down my entire life, but this last decade—ever since that big recession hit—has been a different kind of beast. Things have just spiraled downward from there, getting progressively worse by the day. And honestly? It bleeds into everything else—my health, my relationship with my family... though, if I'm being real, the friction at home is killing me too. We’re constantly at each other's throats. We had another blowout today. I’m just not doing well, physically or mentally. I spend most of my time sleeping. I'll sleep half the day away, and then there are those nights where sleep is a total stranger—I'll just lie there wide awake until dawn, finally dragging myself out of bed when the sky starts getting grey.

It sounds like you've completely flipped your world upside down.

Jose Ward4 said:It sounds like you've completely flipped your world upside down.

I know, man. Honestly... it’s a mix of my own screw-ups, stuff out of my control, maybe some health issues—who knows at this point. I've tried to fix the rhythm, but it just won't stick. I’m actually considering just staying up until noon every day and then crashing all afternoon through the night, so at least I'd be functional during those weird early morning hours. Right now? I'm basically a nocturnal creature. I barely see the sun.

Carol Barrett2 said:I know, man. Honestly... it’s a mix of my own screw-ups, stuff out of my control, maybe some health issues—who knows at this point. I've tried to fix the rhythm, but it just won't stick. I’m actually considering just staying up until noon every day and then crashing all afternoon through the night, so at least I'd be functional during those weird early morning hours. Right now? I'm basically a nocturnal creature. I barely see the sun.

Look, here is what you should probably do. Since you aren't popping those heavy-duty pills—you know, the "bombs" some of us over here rely on—your path is actually simpler. You just need to force yourself to stay awake through the entire morning and afternoon. Then, let yourself get absolutely wiped out by evening. If you do that, you’ll sleep like a baby. It might not happen on the first night since shifting your internal clock takes a toll, especially after dealing with this for so long, but give it three or four days. I bet your body will just reset itself. The brain is incredibly flexible—kind of like chewing gum, really—and it adapts to new situations fast. It's plastic. It's constantly adjusting itself to fit the environment.

Angela Kim said:My mood is all over the place. I feel depressed in the morning, then it eases up by evening—though there’s no euphoria, just constant brain fog and struggling to think clearly. I can't tell if this is the illness itself or just the long-term side effects from psychiatric meds. Not a troll, just looking for some insight.

This sounds like severe depression. My doctor once mentioned that thyroid issues, vitamin D deficiency, or low iron can mimic these symptoms, alongside the depression itself. It’s like running on an empty tank. I wouldn't say I'm having dark thoughts, but I am completely drained. Everything feels like an uphill battle.

Robin White2 said:This sounds like severe depression. My doctor once mentioned that thyroid issues, vitamin D deficiency, or low iron can mimic these symptoms, alongside the depression itself. It’s like running on an empty tank. I wouldn't say I'm having dark thoughts, but I am completely drained. Everything feels like an uphill battle.

Thanks, Robin White2. I don't have suicidal ideation because that solves nothing, but the lack of willpower and energy is undeniable. Fatigue is the main issue. I forgot to mention that about ten days ago, I was dealing with heavy night sweats; that lasted nearly a month before finally stopping. My fatigue has dipped slightly since the sweating ceased, and my sleep seems marginally better, though I occasionally take 10 mg of Tylenol PM. That actually leaves me feeling more sluggish and unmotivated the next day, forcing me to crash for another two or three hours in the afternoon. Last Sunday, I managed almost seven hours of sleep without medication, and the week went reasonably well. I've realized I function best when I'm midway through my monthly injection cycle while getting at least seven hours of rest. Without sleep aids, any other combination leaves me completely depleted. Thanks for the input.🙂

Jose Ward4 said:Look, here is what you should probably do. Since you aren't popping those heavy-duty pills—you know, the "bombs" some of us over here rely on—your path is actually simpler. You just need to force yourself to stay awake through the entire morning and afternoon. Then, let yourself get absolutely wiped out by evening. If you do that, you’ll sleep like a baby. It might not happen on the first night since shifting your internal clock takes a toll, especially after dealing with this for so long, but give it three or four days. I bet your body will just reset itself. The brain is incredibly flexible—kind of like chewing gum, really—and it adapts to new situations fast. It's plastic. It's constantly adjusting itself to fit the environment.

I actually tried something similar recently. Someone suggested I hit the sack at 8 PM and sleep until 8 AM, but since I can't flip my schedule that quickly right now, I've been crashing around 8, 9, or 10 in the morning and then sleeping straight through until 6 or 7 in the evening. It’s peaceful. My family isn't bothering me nearly as much. Plus, I'm seeing more daylight during the day and stuff. If I could just find a job—maybe some kind of night shift position—that would be perfect.

If this person hadn't mentioned it, I probably wouldn't have even thought about trying this. Actually, I feel like I'm a bit more active now... or maybe it's just my imagination.

Hormones can really mess with your head. I’ve seen it happen—someone close to me went through it, dealing with thyroid issues or some other kind of glandular imbalance. Honestly, it’s even possible I’m dealing with my own version of that, given I might be intersex, which is something I think I mentioned in an older post somewhere on here.

Has anyone here ever taken Haldol? I'm curious about what kind of reactions you've had. What should I realistically expect...

I’ve tried both the injections and the pills. After the shots, I felt completely wiped out—just sluggish and heavy. Even when I added the tablets to the regimen, the result was the same: total lethargy, zero motivation, and a complete inability to focus. Things finally started clearing up cognitively once I stopped, but then the depression came rushing back. I’m currently just on Xepilon injections; I won't touch antidepressants because those kill you just as effectively. It’s a catch-22. Every medication numbs my brain, but without them, I'm psychotic.