Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Angela Kim, in what way are you experiencing psychosis? Did it help with those symptoms?

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Angela Kim, in what way are you experiencing psychosis? Did it help with those symptoms?

Elevated consciousness. Euphoria, hypersensitivity, zero regard for anyone else's needs. I felt invincible, then crashed into depression. Now I'm just focused, but that's only because I'm on Xepilon. When I was mixing it with Haldol and Prazin, things were significantly worse. Since coming off those, I feel slightly better, though nothing compares to how I felt when I wasn't on anything at all.

Honestly, I agreed to treatment just to keep everyone else happy. They’re all doing great now, while I’m stuck in a coma. Typical.

I finally managed to flip my sleep schedule around. I’ve been pushing everything later and later—eventually hitting a point where I was crashing around 2, 3, 4, or even 5 in the afternoon, only to wake up at 2, 3, 4, or 5 in the morning. I actually pulled it off because someone gave me some advice: instead of trying to force myself to go to bed earlier, I just kept pushing my bedtime later and later until the cycle eventually reset.

Now, I usually just roll out of bed around 8 PM to grab some food, stay awake for a few hours, and then head back to sleep until the morning.

Honestly, I feel a bit more productive now because of it—plus, it means my roommates and I aren't constantly tripping over each other.

The only thing is my health—it’s slipping, and honestly, it’s starting to worry me. Between this mystery illness I can't even name and all these other nagging issues... well, at least my days and nights aren't completely flipped anymore. Now, it's more like my night has become my day.

I have managed to turn a few things around in my life, though. I finally proved those stubborn people in my family wrong about the internet—turns out you actually *can* learn stuff online. Now I just catch up on everything via my phone, scrolling through series and whatnot, even if finding the good stuff online is getting harder lately.

I'm saving about $3-3.1 miles a month, but I've upgraded my data plan several times—went from 8 gigs to 35. Still haven't picked up the gear I need for work, specifically for the innovations I'm working on. You can't find a decent, cheap digital recorder anywhere. Everything is either high-end professional stuff around 62 miles or way too expensive, but I just need a basic one. To be fair, I haven't even really gone looking for where to buy all this equipment yet.

Man, I wish someone would just fix up my computer for me. Just get it running right and install whatever I need for drawing and writing, because Wordpad on Windows is giving me a hard time.

I'm in a slightly better mood now, even if my family and I still bicker a little bit. Most of our arguments still boil down to the same old stuff: money and everyone's health problems.

Maybe things will look up next year, though. My old man is waiting on his pension from Canada, but they're dragging their feet even though he's disabled. They claim they don't offer disability pensions, and they actually rejected him before, saying he was Category II when he's clearly Category I.

I'm going to have a talk with my psychiatrist. I want to see if he'll put me on 5 mg of Apaurin, since I'm currently taking double the dose just to sleep, and maybe try Metoten as two half-tablets instead. I'll see if he can refer me for psychological testing or something, just so I can figure out what's actually going on with me. It’s possible I might have developed schizophrenia; I took an online test that suggested it, and occasionally, when I'm drifting off to sleep, I hear voices—like people swearing or calling my name. It only happens when I'm sleeping, though. When I'm awake, I get these intrusive thoughts that feel almost like I can hear them, like it's my own voice.

I'm trying to see if I can actually secure some rights, like getting social services. But it’s going to be an uphill battle because, let's face it, this is Canada.

Take care, everyone.

I totally forgot to mention one thing. They aren't handing out Xanax like candy anymore—it’s getting way harder to score. I don't know what changed. It’s impossible to get a double dose now, even though back when I was seeing my doctor a couple of months ago, they used to just give it to me. So, I’ve still got an extra box left over, which I’ve been doubling up on myself just to actually get some sleep.

That’s why I’m thinking about asking for the 5 mg pills—I could just split them in half twice a day—or maybe see if they'll let me mix the 5 mg and the 2 mg doses. I could take half of both, or maybe they'll just cut the Melatonin out entirely... because, like I said, I don't deal with hallucinations, nor have I ever.

So, what am I looking at instead of the Melatonin if I'm trying to manage this mania? I'm pretty sure it's Bipolar mania.

Visionary, how would you define bipolar disorder? I’m honestly not sure what the typical diagnosis or treatment looks like...
Taking too much Xanax isn't going to solve anything. It's meant to be taken as needed. Obviously, overdoing it isn't healthy, but it's not the end of the world either.
Look, I once overdosed on it and ended up in the ER. But that was a deliberate attempt with a massive dose.
I don't think about doing that anymore. Now, I just take more or less depending on how I feel. If I take a bit extra, I usually just sleep longer and my blood pressure drops slightly... and that's about it.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Visionary, how would you define bipolar disorder? I’m honestly not sure what the typical diagnosis or treatment looks like...
Taking too much Xanax isn't going to solve anything. It's meant to be taken as needed. Obviously, overdoing it isn't healthy, but it's not the end of the world either.
Look, I once overdosed on it and ended up in the ER. But that was a deliberate attempt with a massive dose.
I don't think about doing that anymore. Now, I just take more or less depending on how I feel. If I take a bit extra, I usually just sleep longer and my blood pressure drops slightly... and that's about it.

Thanks for the reply. I actually tend to have low blood pressure anyway.

___________________________________________

On another note—I really messed up the other day. I've had bad days before, but this was a total disaster.

I got completely lost in the TV, basically slamming my head into it, and when my old man tried to calm me down, he grabbed me—and I thought he was trying to start a fight, so I started choking him. We had a scrap once a long time ago when he was drunk and causing trouble and wanted to hit my mom.

It all started with my folks lecturing me again. I’ve posted here before about how they constantly nag me, talk down to me, and even look down on me sometimes—plus they have their own issues with drinking and gambling.

It kicked off over some comments about going out. I barely go out at all; I haven't really lived that life in about ten years, except for the occasional thing with my own crew. I mentioned that maybe I should go out once in a while since my lifestyle has changed—I'm basically a farmer now, waking up early and sleeping early—and asked if they could give me $501.2 miles to go out occasionally. My mom started whining about how there's no money.

Yeah, I get that things are tight, but they've always got money for booze, gambling, cigarettes, and whatever else, yet I can't even get $501.2 miles to go out on my own once in a while. That really stung, and that's where the argument started and the whole mess began.

So, we started fighting—me against them, them against me. They jumped on me with the yelling, I fought back, and then I just started cursing everything—them, God, pretty much everyone—for days. I went without food for days, eating maybe one or two meals in almost a week, and then I finally snapped, which culminated in me choking my old man. The police could have stepped in if someone had called.

We’ve made up now and things are okay, but physically, I'm a wreck. My stomach has been hurting for days, and my kidneys were acting up too. I wanted to check myself into a psych ward, but my family shut me down; they're embarrassed and think it would hurt me—that they'd tie me down or something and make things worse.

They say they won't do it again, and maybe they won't, but I doubt it—I know how they are. And I just don't feel right physically. I've even written before about my vision being off. Besides the stomach issues from starving myself, something else has been bothering me for about two weeks. It feels like this weird pressure in my chest.

It sucks. Just when I felt like I was getting my act together, this hits me. 😢

I honestly don't know what my next move should be—it feels like I'm stuck in a loop where I can't win. If I actually try to shake things up, I'm terrified I'll just end up making such a massive, embarrassing mess of everything that everyone would turn their backs on us... and then we’d be left with absolutely nothing coming in.

And there’s nothing I can do about it either—since I'm currently dealing with both physical and mental health struggles at the same time.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but this isn't the place to air grievances about family members.
Anyway... how is everyone doing?

I'm currently going through a severe depressive episode, and it feels like I might end up being hospitalized. So, if that happens... I just wanted to reach out and say hello.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I don't mean to offend anyone, but this isn't the place to air grievances about family members.
Anyway... how is everyone doing?

I'm currently going through a severe depressive episode, and it feels like I might end up being hospitalized. So, if that happens... I just wanted to reach out and say hello.

Well, look, I don't see why he can't vent about his family if he needs to. If it helps him, it helps him. As for me, I'm doing alright. I messed around with my meds a little too much recently and things went south fast. Some weird brain fog hit me hard, but I'm hanging in there now.

I’m not really one to complain about family—not my style—but I figured I’d write this out. I had another episode, and yeah, I’m trying to pinpoint what triggered it. It’s basically just the usual domestic friction and arguments at home. I guess if there's a silver lining, it's that I managed to keep it together and didn't do anything truly stupid. Though, honestly, looking back, I came pretty close a few times. Just feeling stuck, I guess.

So, there it is. I know this isn't really the main topic here, but I just needed a place to vent since I don't exactly have anyone else to turn to right now.

Don't hate me. I know I can be a bit much—honestly, a total handful sometimes. But, uh, life happens, right? Just dealing with things as they come.

Everything sounds good, Steve Jobs.... just keep writing whatever helps you stay on track and feel better.
Unfortunately, things have been pretty rough for me lately. I've tried switching up several medications, but mostly without much success. If my condition doesn't improve over the next few days, I'll likely end up being hospitalized. It’s been tough...

So, I’m just lurking here like a total scavenger, really just looking to scoop up some info 🙂.

First off, wishing everyone a super speedy recovery out there.

But anyway...
Does anyone deal with synesthesia? Like, does that actually kick in along with the illness or something similar? Just asking purely hypothetically, obviously.

Thanks, and I won't bug you guys anymore.
Take care and good luck.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Everything sounds good, Steve Jobs.... just keep writing whatever helps you stay on track and feel better.
Unfortunately, things have been pretty rough for me lately. I've tried switching up several medications, but mostly without much success. If my condition doesn't improve over the next few days, I'll likely end up being hospitalized. It’s been tough...

Yeah, switching meds is a nightmare—I know exactly how you feel. The first time I went through it, I actually ended up in the psych ward because they messed with my treatment plan. Back then, they had me on Garamicin via IV and I felt so much better, but then my local clinic just cut it out. Later, when I was admitted to the psych unit because of the pain, they gave me Trazem, which made me dizzy as hell—I was stumbling around, and even doors and walls would seem to shift whenever I looked at them.

Luckily, they put me on some Ativan and Metoten, which seems a lot milder than Trazem.

I really hope you and your doctors can finally nail down a regimen that actually works for you. And hey, maybe I'll take your advice about the vitamins and give that a shot too.

I actually listened to you guys and started taking magnesium, a multivitamin, and Poly-B; once I grab some fish oil and Vitamin D, I think I might feel a bit more balanced.

At least now I can actually fall asleep, and sometimes even without the Ativan—though, full disclosure, I did bump up my own dose since I happen to have an extra box or two lying around. Not all at once, obviously, since I'm sleeping in two shifts now. I sleep for a while, wake up, then go back down for another stretch—that's why I upped the dose. I need to see my psychiatrist next month to ask for a double prescription so I can stay consistent.

Anyway, I'm rooting for you. Hope things turn around soon. 🎉

Look, I don't have an answer for that specific question, C-girl—but I’ve definitely been dealing with some weird stuff. Even before I picked up my laptop or started getting online, my vision started acting up. I actually started seeing my own blood cells—yeah, you read that right—and over time, these floaters showed up too, and they just keep spreading.

I think I'm seeing white blood cells... if memory serves, it’s called an entoptic phenomenon, specifically blue field entoptic phenomenon? Whatever. There's other strange things happening too, though honestly, half of them I don't even bother trying to remember. I catch myself seeing patterns in all sorts of things—glitches, flaws, improvements in hardware and stuff like that. My memory is also slipping, which is funny because I never really had a great memory to begin with—not that I ever try to use it, anyway. I don't make an effort to remember things, and frankly, maybe it's better that way.

But yeah, I don't have what you're asking about. Best,