Schizophrenia - General Discussion

I honestly feel like I’ve been possessed by demons, which is why I struggle with schizophrenia. I actually had this one guy—he does that whole "Aunt healing" thing—tell me straight up that I'm crawling with demons and that we really ought to start by exorcising them out of me first. Then, there was another guy who specializes in religious healing for all sorts of ailments, and he also told me I'm just full of demons. I mean, look, I don't look like a demon, and I don't sound like one either, but I guess they can sense it somehow.

Maybe these pills have turned me into some kind of monster.

Jose Ward4 said:I honestly feel like I’ve been possessed by demons, which is why I struggle with schizophrenia. I actually had this one guy—he does that whole "Aunt healing" thing—tell me straight up that I'm crawling with demons and that we really ought to start by exorcising them out of me first. Then, there was another guy who specializes in religious healing for all sorts of ailments, and he also told me I'm just full of demons. I mean, look, I don't look like a demon, and I don't sound like one either, but I guess they can sense it somehow.

Run from those charlatans as fast as you can. Honestly, run from organized religion too. Just stick to being a pure atheist materialist and put your faith in pills—rely on mainstream medicine, it'll actually help you. Demons aren't real! Those people are just looking to get their hands on your cash!

Jose Ward4 said:Maybe these pills have turned me into some kind of monster.

They didn't!

Robin Lopez2 said:Run from those charlatans as fast as you can. Honestly, run from organized religion too. Just stick to being a pure atheist materialist and put your faith in pills—rely on mainstream medicine, it'll actually help you. Demons aren't real! Those people are just looking to get their hands on your cash!

They didn't!

Look, nobody even asked for money. Everything is totally free.

I wouldn't call myself an atheist. I truly believe there’s a Creator behind all of this. Now, look, the whole thing could have started with evolution—that part makes sense to me. But when you really stop to look at the cosmos or the sheer complexity of nature around us, everything feels so perfectly programmed and designed. It makes me wonder who exactly sat down and coded all of this. Maybe it's God, or whatever name you prefer to give that force. So, yeah, I believe. I’m not exactly a religious person, but I do have faith. I don't celebrate Christmas or any of those traditions, even though, looking back, they were actually pretty great when I was a kid. Especially Easter.

Jose Ward4 said:Look, nobody even asked for money. Everything is totally free.

That’s always the pitch at the start. My advice? run the other way. Even someone like Ivo Pavić doesn't ask for cash upfront for his "spiritual healing" or whatever magic tricks he's pulling, but if you're polite enough to ask what it costs, he'll say nothing—just so you don't look cheap $167—and then he'll coldly pocket the money for his charlatanism anyway! It’s a business built on fake magic designed to prey on people's emotions, not help them.

My psychiatrist once told me that these types of spiritual retreats, which claim to aid the sick, are defined by three Ps: Primitivism, Prejudice, and Pretense. I attended one myself, so I know exactly what I'm talking about. It’s just pure smoke and mirrors for the gullible.

Jose Ward4 said:I wouldn't call myself an atheist. I truly believe there’s a Creator behind all of this. Now, look, the whole thing could have started with evolution—that part makes sense to me. But when you really stop to look at the cosmos or the sheer complexity of nature around us, everything feels so perfectly programmed and designed. It makes me wonder who exactly sat down and coded all of this. Maybe it's God, or whatever name you prefer to give that force. So, yeah, I believe. I’m not exactly a religious person, but I do have faith. I don't celebrate Christmas or any of those traditions, even though, looking back, they were actually pretty great when I was a kid. Especially Easter.

I just want to tell you: stop dwelling on spirituality and religious topics. Don't talk about them with anyone. Just clear them from your mind and things will get easier. All those demons and other nonsense...

I know myself well enough to realize that once I start getting interested in spirituality and religion, it’s a sign that psychosis is starting to creep in. It always happens right when I stop taking my medication. You have to take the pills; they are our only lifeline.

Robin Lopez2 said:I just want to tell you: stop dwelling on spirituality and religious topics. Don't talk about them with anyone. Just clear them from your mind and things will get easier. All those demons and other nonsense...

I know myself well enough to realize that once I start getting interested in spirituality and religion, it’s a sign that psychosis is starting to creep in. It always happens right when I stop taking my medication. You have to take the pills; they are our only lifeline.

Look, I get it. I wasn't actually hitting a psychotic break; I just remembered that moment and wanted to share it with you guys. It happened about two months ago. It was just strange because both guys seemed to see "the same thing inside me," which caught me off guard. I actually know one of those guys pretty well—he does the kind of work a healing aunt would do. But I’m not going there right now. I'm not interested in diving back into that, and believe me, I am not in a psychosis. I've been working since 3:00 AM, going full throttle, so I don't really have the headspace to overthink this. Still, every once in a while, I get this urge to quit the meds for even just a week. But I know I won't succeed. I tried that before and ended up with terrible gastritis. I don't know the exact chemistry of what these pills do, other than they calm me down and mess with my serotonin and dopamine levels, but they definitely hit my gut. Someone mentioned here once that the gut is like a second brain, and they aren't wrong. I went seven days without a single pill once, and by the seventh day, the gastritis hit me hard. I didn't experience any psychosis; if anything, I just had more energy, which is normal when you're off them. I wasn't seeing the world through rose-colored glasses like I do when I'm on the meds. Plus, I couldn't stay home as much. I missed being social, constantly. But by the fourth day, the burping started getting intense, and I felt nauseous all the time.

Robin Lopez2 said:I just want to tell you: stop dwelling on spirituality and religious topics. Don't talk about them with anyone. Just clear them from your mind and things will get easier. All those demons and other nonsense...

I know myself well enough to realize that once I start getting interested in spirituality and religion, it’s a sign that psychosis is starting to creep in. It always happens right when I stop taking my medication. You have to take the pills; they are our only lifeline.

I’ve been in the exact same boat since 2009, and I’ve never really been able to fully step away from my meds.
It seems like every time I feel something "spiritual" stirring inside me, it doesn't take long before I end up back in the hospital.

I actually came across something interesting in a book called *The Human Mind* by Robert Winston, where he mentions that "healthy" believers tend to have slightly higher dopamine levels in their brains compared to "healthy" atheists. Meanwhile, people with schizophrenia experiencing psychosis have drastically elevated dopamine levels. If you follow that logic, it suggests that even healthy believers are just a little bit disconnected from reality. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, though... I honestly haven't a clue. 😛

Harold Anderson3 said:I’ve been in the exact same boat since 2009, and I’ve never really been able to fully step away from my meds.
It seems like every time I feel something "spiritual" stirring inside me, it doesn't take long before I end up back in the hospital.

I actually came across something interesting in a book called *The Human Mind* by Robert Winston, where he mentions that "healthy" believers tend to have slightly higher dopamine levels in their brains compared to "healthy" atheists. Meanwhile, people with schizophrenia experiencing psychosis have drastically elevated dopamine levels. If you follow that logic, it suggests that even healthy believers are just a little bit disconnected from reality. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, though... I honestly haven't a clue. 😛

That explains why you guys have such superhuman strength sometimes!

Personally, I feel like when I'm off my antidepressants, my dopamine spikes and I get this massive rush for my workouts, but I lose all my inner peace. I really hope I'm not heading toward schizophrenia, but my OCD feels like a constant internal dialogue—like I'm talking to myself, but it's like two different people in one head...
But I don't HEAR a voice... it's more like I'm just having a conversation with it, you know? Like I'm two people having a chat in my own mind...

Adam Morris4 said:That explains why you guys have such superhuman strength sometimes!

Personally, I feel like when I'm off my antidepressants, my dopamine spikes and I get this massive rush for my workouts, but I lose all my inner peace. I really hope I'm not heading toward schizophrenia, but my OCD feels like a constant internal dialogue—like I'm talking to myself, but it's like two different people in one head...
But I don't HEAR a voice... it's more like I'm just having a conversation with it, you know? Like I'm two people having a chat in my own mind...

We don't actually have superhuman strength; we just really believe we do. 😛
For instance, about a year and a half ago, I got into a scrap with a legit boxer at my university, and I was genuinely convinced I could take him. Then he landed a punch right in my eye with everything he had, and I ended up in the ER at the ophthalmology clinic. To make things even more interesting, I found myself in the psychiatric emergency room later that very same night. 🤣

How is your OCD doing lately? That disorder can be incredibly brutal, and honestly, I think it can be even more taxing than schizophrenia in certain situations.

Harold Anderson3 said:We don't actually have superhuman strength; we just really believe we do. 😛
For instance, about a year and a half ago, I got into a scrap with a legit boxer at my university, and I was genuinely convinced I could take him. Then he landed a punch right in my eye with everything he had, and I ended up in the ER at the ophthalmology clinic. To make things even more interesting, I found myself in the psychiatric emergency room later that very same night. 🤣

How is your OCD doing lately? That disorder can be incredibly brutal, and honestly, I think it can be even more taxing than schizophrenia in certain situations.

It’s easing up a bit thanks to the Zoloft... Though Boksac certainly knows how to throw a punch and everything else... But man, if you actually manage to get close enough to someone, that grip and raw strength they have is just like being caught by a bear... I’ve heard stories where it takes a whole squad of SWAT officers just to restrain one person because of that sheer force... Or even a girl dealing with schizophrenia who was trying to jump off a cliff, and it took several people just to hold her back...

Adam Morris4 said:It’s easing up a bit thanks to the Zoloft... Though Boksac certainly knows how to throw a punch and everything else... But man, if you actually manage to get close enough to someone, that grip and raw strength they have is just like being caught by a bear... I’ve heard stories where it takes a whole squad of SWAT officers just to restrain one person because of that sheer force... Or even a girl dealing with schizophrenia who was trying to jump off a cliff, and it took several people just to hold her back...

I struggle with bouts of heavy depression from time to time, those periods where I just don't have any drive left—not for mental work, not for physical tasks, not for sports, really nothing at all. On the flip side, when I'm in a psychotic state, I seem to have an overwhelming amount of energy and interest in everything; honestly, I can often accomplish far more during psychosis than I ever could while feeling healthy and "normal." The real issue is my connection to reality. I start coming up with these wild, irrational ideas, I feel this strange sense of superiority over everyone else, an almost non-existent level of energy, and eventually, the hallucinations start setting in.

Harold Anderson3 said:@Carol Barrett2, I don't think there's much of a distinction between schizophrenia and bipolar disorder when you look at it from a pharmacological perspective. Most of the antipsychotics that I’ve been prescribed, or that Sam used to take to manage schizophrenia, are also frequently utilized to treat bipolar disorder, essentially acting as effective mood stabilizers.

Look, I know, and honestly? I don't care anymore. I’ve decided to just follow whatever advice people have been throwing at me. I'll let them put me on whatever they want just so I can finally chase down some actual rights. Some kind of help. Life can't stay like this—being broke and having my folks struggling too.

I was at the psychiatrist yesterday. Wasn't even on my meds, so I was being a bit more talkative than usual. I mentioned the liver stuff, the vision issues, and how I suspect it might be bipolar or autism—though I didn't bring up Asperger's because my family gave me a hard time about it right before I left to deal with my mental health situation. Told him I'm mostly just on Bosaurin and half an Azirilex, and that I spend nearly the whole day sleeping. He didn't say much about the pills—nothing compared to the doses they used to pump me with back in the hospital. He just said to take the Bosaurin as needed when things get overwhelming and then come see him or head to the ER if it gets bad.

He said any of it could be happening because everything is so complicated these days. But I didn't tell him half of it. My mom and I stayed behind to talk; meanwhile, people outside were practically eating each other waiting. We probably held him up for half an hour. I told him beforehand that I needed more time to really open up, but he didn't realize I meant through psychotherapy, not just a quick chat.

He sent me to get my labs checked—liver, eyes, the works. Also referred me to Social Security to look into assistance or permanent disability benefits, though I didn't ask him anything about getting officially declared disabled or receiving any kind of disability checks.

Whatever, man. My family gave me a bit of grief, and ever since I walked into the CZMZ, everything has looked yellowish-white with these sudden floaters everywhere I look—it felt like I was losing my sight right then and there.

Everything's scheduled for next month. You can't get referrals like before; you just have to book it now.

So, I'll see about the rest of it next month.

But who's actually going to go out and chase down all these tests and paperwork? I mean, I'm barely moving as it is, and I don't know much about navigating this stuff—plus my folks aren't doing great either. But I guess we'll just try to tackle it all together somehow.

Looks like those spring allergies are finally catching up to us—or at least they’re coming for me.

As for the whole strength thing... I don't know. Back during that religious phase I went through in 2013, I got hit by a car—totally wiped out—and somehow walked away without much to show for it. Just two scars, which, honestly, is thanks to the hospital staff being too lazy to stitch me up properly. I didn't even realize I'd been hit, let alone feel it; I just kept walking right after the impact.

Religion doesn't exactly do us any favors. Faith is one thing, but organized religion? It doesn't seem to be helping anyone. Or maybe it does. Who knows.

Diego Rivera, look, maybe I do have schizophrenia. I actually mentioned that possibility to my psychiatrist—it’s on the table—but since I’m not dealing with hallucinations or paranoia, it's hard to say.

Everything feels a bit off with me, I guess. And if I am intersex, then it wouldn't be surprising if my head is a little scrambled too. Hormones can mess with you in weird ways—who knows how they work—and then there's the liver, which pumps out hormones too.

Harold Anderson3 said:I struggle with bouts of heavy depression from time to time, those periods where I just don't have any drive left—not for mental work, not for physical tasks, not for sports, really nothing at all. On the flip side, when I'm in a psychotic state, I seem to have an overwhelming amount of energy and interest in everything; honestly, I can often accomplish far more during psychosis than I ever could while feeling healthy and "normal." The real issue is my connection to reality. I start coming up with these wild, irrational ideas, I feel this strange sense of superiority over everyone else, an almost non-existent level of energy, and eventually, the hallucinations start setting in.

What kind of wild ideas are we talking about? I'm genuinely curious. 🤣 Maybe we're seeing the same things.

You left a lovely tribute for John Nash Diego...
He truly earned it.

People, please watch out for superstition; it’s just a synonym for ignorance. There is so much that can be dangerous... I find myself wondering if it's dangerous to avoid therapy. Ultimately, I’ve concluded that the only true danger is death, because that is the great unknown. Everything else? "Danger" is entirely subjective. Is it dangerous to experience psychosis? Or is it more dangerous to be dead from medications that strip away everything and destroy my potential?
Of course, everyone should seek therapy and treatment instead of pretending they have it all figured out. Let's be realistic—life is harsh, and we know how it works. But when we discuss psychiatry and the human brain... we are still dealing with a massive mystery regardless of how much research is done. There are too many question marks and assumptions. It’s too much for someone like me. Between something and nothing, I’d rather choose nothing.
I struggle with doubt, with thoughts, and with reality itself.
And, truthfully, I embrace pain to some extent. We are born in pain and we die in pain, even if that pain is internal. I realize this sad truth: I cannot live without pain. Pain is my reality; it is part of who I am. When I don't feel it, I don't feel much of anything.

Pain pushes me to push my boundaries, even if those boundaries sometimes lead toward psychosis. That specific moment when the limits shift and my horizons expand... that moment is worth it, even if it means my life is shorter.

For instance, if I had cancer, I wouldn't go through chemo. I would rather have a shorter, fuller life than fight against something that is going to kill me eventually anyway. But everyone is entitled to their own perspective and the way they choose to live. We don't all want the same things.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:You left a lovely tribute for John Nash Diego...
He truly earned it.

People, please watch out for superstition; it’s just a synonym for ignorance. There is so much that can be dangerous... I find myself wondering if it's dangerous to avoid therapy. Ultimately, I’ve concluded that the only true danger is death, because that is the great unknown. Everything else? "Danger" is entirely subjective. Is it dangerous to experience psychosis? Or is it more dangerous to be dead from medications that strip away everything and destroy my potential?
Of course, everyone should seek therapy and treatment instead of pretending they have it all figured out. Let's be realistic—life is harsh, and we know how it works. But when we discuss psychiatry and the human brain... we are still dealing with a massive mystery regardless of how much research is done. There are too many question marks and assumptions. It’s too much for someone like me. Between something and nothing, I’d rather choose nothing.
I struggle with doubt, with thoughts, and with reality itself.
And, truthfully, I embrace pain to some extent. We are born in pain and we die in pain, even if that pain is internal. I realize this sad truth: I cannot live without pain. Pain is my reality; it is part of who I am. When I don't feel it, I don't feel much of anything.

Pain pushes me to push my boundaries, even if those boundaries sometimes lead toward psychosis. That specific moment when the limits shift and my horizons expand... that moment is worth it, even if it means my life is shorter.

For instance, if I had cancer, I wouldn't go through chemo. I would rather have a shorter, fuller life than fight against something that is going to kill me eventually anyway. But everyone is entitled to their own perspective and the way they choose to live. We don't all want the same things.

Just to be clear, I am not advocating for suicide. Not at all.

Jose Ward4 said:What kind of wild ideas are we talking about? I'm genuinely curious. 🤣 Maybe we're seeing the same things.

It's probably better if I keep them to myself 😁

Even if my ideas turn out to be totally off base, they always feel so incredibly logical in the moment, and I find myself feeling completely certain that I've hit on the absolute truth. It’s only when my medication really kicks in that I realize I was completely mistaken.