People who are nice to everyone

How does someone actually manage to be nice to everyone, constantly chasing people's approval, and then just laughing off insults like they don't matter?

It sounds like the perfect way to live... but...

I honestly don't think I could ever pull that off.

Well... 😕 There are definitely people out there who try way too hard to be everyone's best friend, but honestly, there’s a limit to how much you can take. I used to be that guy—you know, the one trying to be nice to absolutely everybody... but let me tell you, it backfired on me more than a few times. People just see it as an invitation to walk all over you. Anyway, I finally figured one thing out... life is basically a mirror. You get back exactly what you put out there. 😁

P.S. Not entirely sure why I’m even rambling about this, but hey, what the hell... can't hurt to say it, right? 😁 👍

Rebecca Sharp said:how can someone be kind to everyone, constantly striving to win people over, and just laugh off any insult?

It sounds perfect on paper... but...

I don't think I could ever do that myself...

A lack of a sense of self?

Why is a lack of self supposedly the issue here? There is a massive distinction between groveling to others just to gain social acceptance and simply possessing the social intelligence to maintain polite, civil discourse with everyone you encounter. Since when did basic decorum become a character flaw?

Alex Martinez4 said:Why is that considered a lack of self? There is a massive difference between sucking up to someone just to be accepted and simply having the social grace to be polite and maintain decent relationships with everyone. Since when did being civil become a flaw?

Because I tend to act that way with everyone, and I often wonder why I don't just push back when it's necessary. Just my two cents...

There are always two sides to every argument.
Ignorance isn't exactly someone's fault, I suppose.
People who live to fight just don't have any empathy for the other perspective.
You can spot a provocateur from a mile away...
There’s an old saying that "the wiser person gives in"—mostly because they realize a debate is a dead end when everyone is just stuck in their own bubble.

In the end, we really just have a choice in how we handle it.
We can either lose our cool and start throwing fire, or just laugh it off and move on.

Alex Martinez4 said:Since when is that considered a deficiency?

I tend to agree—it’s an advantage, really—but only if you actually reach that level of zen where nobody can rattle you, insult you, or bait you into a reaction... which is easier said than done. It seems to me that people who constantly label themselves as "tolerant," "adaptable," or "flexible" aren't always quite what they claim to be. Sometimes, you just have to draw a line in the sand and make it clear exactly what bothers you. I suppose I'd love to get to a point where certain things don't get under my skin quite so deeply as they do now—to be able to express my views with a bit more clarity and courage—and perhaps to stop viewing someone else's differences as some sort of personal affront.

Rebecca Sharp said:how is it even possible for someone to be kind to absolutely everyone, constantly chasing after people's approval, and just laughing off any insults thrown their way?

Asshole, hypocrite, narcissist, suck-up, creep, yes-man... honestly, the list of labels for people like that goes on forever.

It’s all just an act—pure theater—until they finally hit whatever goal they're aiming for. Once they get what they want, they’ll start ghosting anyone they deem "useless" and suddenly become the best friend to anyone who can actually do something for them. It's a classic move.
We've seen this movie a thousand times before, yet somehow, it still happens everywhere. 🙂

Robert Stewart28 said:A lack of a sense of self?

Not necessarily. 🙂

crimsonhound80 said:Asshole, hypocrite, egoist, suck-up, creep, leech—you know, the usual list of names for people like that.

It’s all just an act until they actually hit their targets! Once they do, they’ll start ghosting anyone who isn't useful and will only play nice with the big shots they can climb over.
Been there, seen that, and honestly? It never changes. 🙂

Not necessarily, though—I know a few people like that where you can't even find a reason to be mad at them because they're genuinely wonderful, and I don't think they're faking it (plus, they don't really gain anything from talking to everyone).

Maybe they just realize nobody's going to mess with them if they're super kind to everyone—kind of like a defense mechanism, maybe? Who knows!

stormybadger9 said:Look... 😕 Some people try way too hard to be everyone's best friend, but there's a limit. I used to be the guy who was nice to everybody, but I learned the hard way that people just take advantage of that. Honestly, I've realized one thing: you get back exactly what you put in. 😁

P.S. Not sure if that made sense, but whatever. 😁 👍

👍

Honestly, people really do take advantage of that kind of kindness...

That’s why I believe it’s so important to be genuinely good to those you feel truly deserve it.

At the end of the day, knowing when to set boundaries and not let people walk over you is everything.

Rebecca Sharp said:how can someone be kind to everyone, constantly trying to stay on everyone's good side, and just laugh off insults?

Sounds perfect on paper... but...

I don't think I could ever pull that off.

Just because they act like that doesn't mean they aren't hurting inside.

I used to be the type to get into huge arguments, pick fights, and just lose my cool all the time. But then life forced me to make one really massive decision.

I remember hearing people say you can't separate your heart from your head, and I honestly thought that was impossible. Turns out, I managed to let logic win.

It's the same thing with what you wrote. I just smile back. Why? Because people expect a reaction. Those folks who are just looking for a fight? They're waiting for you to explode. But if you just give them a little grin, they end up tripping over their own feet while you're just standing there laughing... because honestly, watching them try that hard is pretty hilarious.

Rebecca Sharp said:how is it even possible for someone to be kind to everyone, constantly striving to maintain everyone's favor, while simply brushing off insults with a smile?

It sounds idyllic on paper... but...

I personally don't think I could pull that off.

Those are the types of people who communicate through pure logic rather than through emotion or ego.

But why do you assume that’s the ideal state? Imagine if every single person acted this way—there would be zero progress because there wouldn't be any friction to drive change. And without change, there is no movement. Everything would be far too pleasant if everyone were like that. These individuals are necessary to act as social shock absorbers, but I wouldn't call that "ideal." It's like claiming water is the most important requirement for life. Sure, but what good is water without heat... or minerals? H2O by itself is fine, but it isn't perfect.

Kenneth Ward8 said:these are people who don't communicate through emotion or ego, but through pure logic alone.

There isn't a shred of logic there.
Just pathology...

If you want people to treat you with respect, you have to lead by example and be decent to them first. That should be enough... once they realize they can't get a rise out of you, they'll eventually just leave you alone. It works for me, at least... though I might just be lucky to be surrounded by such a balanced group of people.

As the song goes;

it's so easy to love
it's so easy to hate
it takes strength to be gentle and kind

we should all probably be a bit nicer... but honestly? Between fighting for a spot at Starbucks, dealing with a sick kid, not having my caffeine fix yet, and this miserable weather... it takes some actual effort to push through it all.
so I don't buy the idea that being kind means losing yourself. if anything, it's the opposite.

baja said:as the song goes;

it's so easy to love
it's so easy to hate
it takes strength to be gentle and kind

We should all try to be kinder, but life happens—parking issues, a sick kid, I haven't even had my coffee yet, the weather is miserable... you have to work to push past all that.
That’s why I don't agree that being kind means losing your sense of self. Quite the opposite...

True, I did read somewhere that insecure people are often quite polite on the surface because they fear conflict and just take the path of least resistance. There's a bit of truth to that in my own experience, which is why I made the connection... But I always come back to the idea that you reap what you sow. Ultimately, it comes down to temperament. Some people live for an argument, some bottle everything up until they explode, and others just remain completely indifferent to it all...

dreaming of RL said:...it’s possible they realize nobody’s going to mess with them if they play nice with everyone else—so maybe it’s just some kind of defense mechanism, I guess.

There goes Angst again, getting worked up because things don't fit into some perfectly curated, calculated little box... though, I suppose you don't necessarily have to be a total suck-up to get by.

Look, my default setting is being perfectly pleasant toward everyone I meet. If someone stays respectful and keeps things civil, there’s absolutely no reason for me to change that...
But if they aren't? 🙂 😬

I’m really not one for unnecessary drama or picking fights. Honestly, if someone is just looking for an argument, acting arrogant, or being plain old foolish... I simply cut them out of my life entirely. However, if they decide to get personal and insult me, I’ll give it right back to them. Because frankly, I don't sit around letting people disrespect me.