shadowfox75 said:I honestly have no idea where I pull my strength from anymore. If anything, I've just realized how incredibly resilient the human body is and how much it can endure before things truly fall apart.
I wonder how long I can keep fighting this fight. I am genuinely in awe of my own perseverance.
There are days when I break down and cry like a child, wondering what I could have possibly done to deserve this struggle. The hardest part is knowing that I haven't done anything wrong; I'm not losing my mind because I am fully aware of my situation and I acknowledge my weaknesses. Since my parents passed away, I find myself thinking of them even more, wishing I could just hold them one more time. I really needed their support. I try not to lean too heavily on my sister, even though she is incredibly encouraging. Sometimes, I feel completely alone in this battle. It doesn't feel fair. I want—and I need—to get better.
I always think back to that line from Anne Hathaway: "I want to live..."
I believe that is all I truly want. Is that asking too much?
The medications, the dizziness, the blackouts, and this constant fear hanging over me... This damn anxiety is relentless. 🙂
You hit the nail on the head. I went through all of that the exact same way, questioning a thousand times why this was happening to me, what I had done wrong, just weeping uncontrollably...
It breaks my heart that you're feeling so alone and lacking real support. But if it helps at all, I don't think many of us actually have it; even when we have family or close friends who care, it's incredibly rare—very rare—to find someone who truly understands what we're going through and how it feels. People might sympathize to a point, but they can't fully grasp it, so they can't provide the level of support we actually need.
The only ones who really get it are those who have lived it or are living it right now.
I know you want to heal and be okay, and you will, I'm sure of it, but it takes time because it's a process. There was a point where I thought it would never get better, that this was it and I'd never make it out, but look—it's getting better. Even though there are still good days and bad days, overall, it's so much better than it used to be.
It'll happen for you too, just be patient. I know it's terrifying—actually, scratch that, it's more than terrifying, it's hellish! Hang in there; you have the drive and the grit to fight this, and that's what matters most. Keeping a positive mindset is what's going to pull you through, and you'll be alright again.