Sadness, or something more?

I’m curious to get your take on grief. At the end of the day, we’re all human, and we’ve all felt that sting of loss. But let’s be honest—it hits everyone differently.
We process sadness through our thoughts, our bodies, and of course, our emotions. It’s a roll of the dice depending on the situation and the individual, but the bottom line is the same: loss is universal.
The real struggle often comes down to how long the grieving process actually lasts.

Psychologists suggest:
Grief lasts exactly as long as the individual needs it to.
It always seems to drag on much longer than we’d ever want it to.

So, how much time is "normal"? What if someone is still struggling seven or ten years later?
What are your thoughts on this?

Naturally, the circumstances matter—who passed away, how it happened, and all those personal factors...

There’s also something else out there, which is a bit more complicated, and unfortunately, not many people have heard of it.
To put it simply, it’s when someone loses a loved one and just... stops. They become completely stuck, like they’re paralyzed in place.
In my view, that's a significant sign.
Do you think people in that state should seek professional help?

Whether we’re grieving the loss of someone we love or just dealing with any other kind of setback, a little bit of empathy from a friend can make all the difference. For me, grief isn't always about a specific tragedy; sometimes it's just that personal feeling of having something taken away from you. I think true healing happens when we finally come to terms with the fact that what we lost is gone for good. That's the moment where we actually start to process the pain and, honestly, I believe that's when we grow stronger.

Ugh... man, I remember those heavy grieving phases back in the day...

hmmm... now what was that book called again?
Something about health psychology, I think... yeah, that’s it!
Thank goodness my brain's internal search engine hasn't completely crashed yet!
So, basically, the stages of grief would be something like

1. The Numbness Phase—this is where you're practically a zombie, right? You don't really feel anything, you just deny everything, and it's like you can't even wrap your head around the fact that the person you lost is actually gone. This phase usually hits right after the loss, maybe lasting a few days.

2. The Yearning and Protest Phase—this is when the anger kicks in because they left you behind, and that's when the *real* sadness, as we know it, starts hitting hard. You end up hating everyone and everything, including yourself, just because you miss them so much. You might get mad at them for dying, or get pissed at some random stranger just because they have the same eye color as the person you lost. This stage lasts a bit longer, and honestly, there's no set rule for how long it takes—it's whatever the person needs. If it takes five months, fine, let it be five months. Of course, the feelings are way more intense and overwhelming at first, before eventually transitioning into...

3. The Recovery Phase—this is where you actually start moving forward with your life, handling all your responsibilities and stuff. Now, here's the thing: it'd be pretty great if those first two phases didn't drag on for ten years! But this third phase? That could easily last twenty. You can function totally normally, but that initial grief might still pop up during anniversaries or big milestones. Like, say my daughter is getting married, and my husband always used to talk about how much he wanted to see her walk down the aisle, but since he's gone, 🙂 Basically, you're just looking for new ways to find purpose and live your life without that person by your side.
( R. Schulz is the author—but this is just my take on it 😁 )

Anyway, my two cents... I actually think Schulc is a pretty smart guy. Cry as much as you need to, but there has to be a limit. I mean, look at someone with OCD who feels the need to wash their hands constantly—that's definitely not healthy. It's the same deal here. At some point, you just have to keep living.

I haven't really had the chance to go through a full grieving process myself. I lost someone very dear to me a while back, but we actually had some friction before they passed. So, when it happened, it wasn't exactly a scene of "tears streaming down my face." Instead, I just think of them every now and then when something reminds me of them. I'll get this sudden little wave of sadness and think, "Man, I wish I could show her this." But hey, people pass away, life goes on. I'm still here, they aren't. Being alive is actually pretty awesome! It would be such a waste to be alive but acting like you're already dead. If I'm ever going to feel bad about dying, I'd feel worst about spending my whole life acting like a ghost, wouldn't I? 🙂

Jamie Scott2 said:How many people does it actually take? What if someone is still grieving even after 7 or 10 years?
What are your thoughts on this?

Grieving for that long usually means something isn't quite right.
The general consensus is that a year is typically enough time to process things and start moving forward again.
If you're still stuck in that phase after a decade, it starts turning into a "poor me" mindset—that self-pity loop that becomes a habit and makes you feel like a victim. And let's be honest, victims tend to just drain the energy out of everyone around them.

I'm all for honoring your grief, but living in it for years on end? Not a good look.

Jamie Scott2 said:So, I’m curious what you guys think about grief. At the end of the day, we're all human—we've all dealt with loss in our own way. But man, it varies so much from person to person.
We deal with it through our thoughts, physically, and obviously emotionally. It all depends on the situation and who you are, but yeah, losing someone sucks regardless.
Sometimes people really struggle with how long the grieving process actually lasts.

Psychologists say:
Grief lasts exactly as long as that specific individual needs it to.
And let's be real—it always feels longer than we want it to.

How much time does a person actually need? What if someone is still grieving after 7 or 10 years?
What's your take?

Of course, the "who," the "how," and all those personal factors matter...

There's also this thing called complicated grief—something most people haven't even heard of (sadly).
To make a long story short, it's when a person just... stops. Like they're totally stuck, as they say.
I think that's enough of a hint.
Do you think those people should seek professional help?

Look, anyone who loses someone dear is going to move past it eventually... though sometimes it takes forever. There's no timer on grief, just like there's no timer on happiness. You asked about pro help? People usually get weird about seeing a psychiatrist, but honestly, they can just help you wrap your head around why things are the way they are and why those wounds take so long to heal. You don't have to be "crazy" to talk to one—if it helps you, it helps. Sometimes, without that support, it's a really uphill battle. That said, just talking to someone you truly trust can definitely make a difference too.😘 🙂

Jamie Scott2 said:So, I've been thinking a lot lately about how we all handle grief. At the end of the day, we’re all just human, right? We've all felt that sting of loss at some point, but man, does it hit everyone differently.
We experience it in so many ways—mentally, physically, and obviously emotionally. It really all boils down to what happened and who the person was, but regardless of the circumstances, losing someone is always a heavy blow.
The tricky part is that people often struggle with the timeline of it all—how long they're "supposed" to be hurting.

Psychologists often point out that:
Grief lasts exactly as long as it needs to for that specific individual.
And let's be honest, it almost always feels like it drags on much longer than we'd prefer.

But how long is "too long"? What if someone is still deeply grieving seven or even ten years later?
I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this.

Of course, the context matters so much—who passed away, how it happened, and all those personal factors that shape our reaction...

There's also this other thing called complicated grief, which, unfortunately, I feel like not enough people have heard of.
To put it simply, it’s when someone experiences a loss and then just completely freezes up—you know, like they're totally stuck and can't move forward with their life at all.
In my opinion, that's a pretty significant sign.
Do you guys think people going through that kind of thing should seek out professional help?

Personally, I do think they could benefit from professional support. The type of help would really depend on the individual, but having a compassionate circle of friends and family who truly understand and offer support is absolutely vital too...

slyranger72 said:Anyone who has lost someone dear will eventually heal... though sometimes that road feels endless. There’s no timer on grief, just like there's no timer on joy. You asked about professional help—honestly, people tend to look down on seeing a psychiatrist, but they can really help you wrap your head around why things feel this way and why healing takes so long. Seeking help doesn't mean you're "crazy"; if it helps you move forward, go for it. It might be hard to navigate this alone... and truly, just talking it out with someone you trust makes a world of difference.😘 🙂

To be blunt, I think psychiatrists are total garbage—I won't even swear.
In a situation like this, I wouldn't feel an ounce of fear or shame about seeing a psychologist; I'd honestly not care at all.
But I feel like in cases involving immediate family, there isn't much help out there... because once those memories are burned into your brain, there's no fixing that... at least not from a clinical standpoint.

Jamie Scott2 said:Honestly, I can't even bring myself to say what I really think about psychiatrists right now—let's just say my opinion isn't pretty.
In a situation like this, I wouldn't feel an ounce of fear or embarrassment about seeing a psychologist; I've been there, and frankly, I just don't care anymore.
I really feel like in these kinds of circumstances, professional help might not even be able to touch it... and I'm talking about those deep-seated memories. If something is hardwired into your brain like that, there isn't much anyone can do from the outside to undo it.

Psychiatrists, therapists, medication—none of it did a thing for me either...
Sometimes, when you're dealing with loss, all you really need from those close to you is that they *don't* hit you with those empty clichés like, "that's just life," or "illness happens to everyone," or the classic "time heals all wounds." It’s so frustrating because if those phrases actually worked, I’d probably end up feeling like it was my own fault that my mind and soul aren't following those little rules!😠
What actually helped me (well, somewhat—I'm certainly not "perfectly fine," and I doubt I'll ever truly be "the old me" again, though I'll try not to use the word 'never' too much...) was turning inward. I had to learn how to quiet that internal monologue and really dig into why this hit me so incredibly hard. And honestly? Shiatsu therapy was a huge lifesaver for helping me balance out my energy. Before I found that, I was just a walking ball of rage over all the injustice, constantly swinging between pure sadness and white-hot anger...
I have no idea how many people struggle with this, but I feel so lucky that I stumbled upon a legitimate specialist instead of some total fraud who would have just left me feeling even worse...
I haven't "cured" my grief, but at least I'm learning how to carry it, which is a massive victory considering the state I was in before.
I don't want to sound pessimistic, but I truly believe this heavy sadness never fully leaves you (shoot, there I go using a swear word 😉!), but being able to learn how to live alongside it without sinking completely? To me, that is a huge win.👍

Oh, and I almost forgot—just because some therapists or psychiatrists didn't work out for me personally doesn't mean they can't make a massive difference for someone else! I actually have several close friends who found real healing through their sessions, so I know it works.
I honestly find myself wondering just how many different ways people find to keep their heads above water and truly survive life's toughest moments.👍
At the end of the day, what really matters is that whoever is stepping up to help is actually an expert at what they do! And if they realize things aren't moving forward, I think it’s so important for them to be honest with themselves and with you—to just own their limits and tell you straight to your face.

Jamie Scott2 said:How many people does it take? What if someone is still grieving after 7 or 10 years?
What’s your take on this?

Of course, who passed away and how they died matters... plus personal circumstances.

There's also something else—complicated grief—which sadly most people haven't heard of.
To make a long story short, it's when someone just stops after a loss. They're completely stuck, as they say.
I think that's enough context.
Do you think those people need professional help?

No. I don't think there's any help for people like that...

Sad just kind of sticks with you for the rest of your life... it catches you off guard several times a day whenever those memories of people we loved drift back in... I guess you just eventually learn how to carry it with you.

crimsongull20 said:No, I honestly don't think they can be helped.

I have to disagree!

Robert Ruiz9 said:I’m not sure how many people actually experience this. Maybe I just got lucky and found a legitimate acupuncturist instead of some fraud who leaves you feeling even worse...
It didn't magically cure my grief, but at least I can manage it now. Considering how low I was before, that feels like a massive win in my book..
I don't want to be a pessimist, but honestly? I think that heavy sorrow never truly disappears—heck, I even used a swear word there 😉 —but if I can learn to live alongside it without completely drowning, then I'll call that a success!👍

The reality is that loss keeps coming at you. It’s not just about death; people grieve losing material things, moving to a different state, or relocating to a new city. It all counts as loss.
Everyone processes it differently. Someone once wrote that "it's normal to grieve most intensely for a year," but that’s just not true. The timeline for grief is totally unique to the individual.

Grief lingers. When we remember someone or think of them, it's right there. But the difference is that we don't stop living our lives because of it.

Complicated grief is a whole different animal compared to standard mourning... We all get sad when we remember someone, but for those people, it's a constant weight, and there are so many other factors involved that make it distinct from "typical" grieving.

Jamie Scott2 said:You've got it all wrong!

What I meant was... some people just aren't worth the effort. 😉

bambi said:Anyone who loses someone they love will eventually get over it...

Not really. They just get used to it.
You learn how to function again, I guess.
It’s more like this weird, half-twisted symbiosis you develop with your own grief. 🙂 😁

But getting over it? As in, the pain actually stops? Yeah, right. Give me a break.

Humans are incredibly good at "getting used to things"... I suppose that's our spectacular curse and our spectacular blessing all wrapped into one.

Too bad we aren't quite as spectacularly gifted when it comes to being wise. 🙄

I’ve always felt that whenever someone tries to lecture you about keeping it together—telling you not to cry or acting like tears are some kind of weakness—they’re missing the point entirely. It feels like
God
designed tears to be the physical manifestation of grief for a very specific reason.
Everyone needs their own season, whether that’s for laughing, being happy, or just sitting in the sadness and letting it out.
We all have our own internal clock that dictates how long those moments last.
But sometimes, life happens... and that season just doesn't seem to end. 😉In those cases, you just end up carrying that heavy weight along with you wherever you go, because there isn't really a way to just toss it aside.

crimsongull20 said:What I actually meant was this: some people just aren't worth the effort. It's like trying to fix a broken radio—you can turn the dial all day, but you're still just hearing static. 😉

It’s all there! It just goes to show that some people simply aren't staying informed—that's a whole different story entirely!

Jamie Scott2 said:It exists, it's just that some people aren't paying attention. That's the real issue.

Sure... honestly, it’s a miracle it stays afloat at all, given how many psychology textbooks exist on the subject. 😁

Patagonia said:People have this massive tendency to 'get used to things'... it’s our spectacular curse and our spectacular blessing all rolled into one.

That isn't true (at least, I don't think it is). NOBODY—and I mean absolutely nobody—can ever truly get used to pain... or that kind of deep sorrow! Not a single soul!

We might say we're "used to" bad luck hitting us, or that we cry every night, but once you have to live through that raw "process" all over again... that sting? It never gets old.

I feel like I’ve been mourning since the day I was born... what does that even mean?
What kind of disorder could this be?