OCD: General Discussion Thread

analognomad81 said:Greetings to all. I am a new member here, and I believe I would find it immensely beneficial if someone could offer some guidance regarding WHO
I have decided to initiate this specific thread because I was unaware an existing one functioned in this manner; I simply required assistance concerning my WHO and wished to detail my circumstances.
The reality of the situation is that I have been contending with this condition for many years, dating back to approximately 2011 or 2012. Over the intervening years, it has evolved quite idiosyncratically because I have consistently attempted to resist it, resulting in a manifestation that deviates slightly from textbook WHO.
Initially, I lacked any inkling that I was suffering from a psychological disorder; rather, I assumed this was merely my temperament. I have always been a perfectionist, possessing an innate desire for everything I own to be precisely in its place. However, this was not standard perfectionism—for instance, when using a notebook, I felt compelled to write on every single line, and in my school workbooks, I had to fill every allocated space to the very last millimeter to ensure total order. While that may not strictly constitute WHO, the situation has deteriorated significantly over time. I often fail to achieve that sense of order, which triggers intense anxiety. When I encounter tasks that are impossible to complete perfectly, I become overwhelmed; instead of starting, I find myself sitting paralyzed to the side, staring blankly, even when I should be studying. This academic decline has been severe. In middle school, I participated in over twenty competitions, including five or six regional ones, and passed with straight A's without issue. Now, however, I am struggling just to pass my classes. I have barely managed to finish my junior year of high school; sophomore year was slightly more manageable, but the difficulty continues to escalate.
To be clear, those early tendencies were not yet WHO, but they served as the foundation for its development. I am currently seventeen years old, and it seems I developed true WHO toward the end of my freshman year of high school. At that time, I remained oblivious to the fact that it was a clinical disorder, only becoming acquainted with the concept during a psychology lecture in my junior year about six months ago.
How did I realize I was dealing with this specific pathology? I shall endeavor to list as many of the intrusive thoughts and compulsive actions that consume my mind as possible...
1. When searching for an object, such as a specific document within a pile of papers, once I actually locate it, I find myself unable to stop. I will set the document aside and continue to sift through the entire stack regardless of the futility of the action. If I do not complete this ritualistic search, a profound sense of anxiety takes hold, and I am unable to cease the thought process until the task is finished, despite its lack of logic.
2. Alternatively, when I imagine something that evokes strong emotions, I find myself ruminating on that thought incessantly. I replay it in my head over and over, meticulously analyzing every minute detail, until I reach a state where I feel I have processed the entire scenario perfectly. I must ensure I haven't missed a single nuance or failed to visualize a specific aspect, seeking a sense of cognitive "perfection" where nothing remains unconsidered. This can persist for ten minutes or longer, rendering me incapable of performing any other task. Furthermore, if I am interrupted during this mental process, I experience such intense discomfort that I find it nearly impossible to engage in conversation.
3. Regarding my handwriting, there were periods where I wrote normally, but every five minutes or so, an impulse would arise. After writing a particular letter or word, I would feel a desperate need to achieve a sense of perfection regarding that specific character. Consequently, I would repeatedly write that same letter over and over until I felt I had rendered it flawlessly. The problem is that the result looks utterly chaotic and bears no resemblance to actual lettering. I cannot stop this cycle until the urge is satisfied. Frequently, I will finish and think I have achieved that feeling of perfection, only for a voice in my head to tell me it isn't right, forcing me to start the entire process from the beginning. This can also last for a significant duration, and if I fail to achieve that sensation, I am plagued by a persistent, agonizing sense of unease that haunts my thoughts.
3.A) This same compulsion applies to using a computer mouse. I seek that specific sensation where, upon releasing the mouse, I feel as though my final interaction with it was somehow perfect. For example, when I have finished my work on the computer, I find I cannot simply let go of the mouse until that precise internal feeling is attained.
4. Lately, I have been increasingly plagued by my most debilitating issue, which tends to manifest roughly every thirty seconds depending on my current state of tension or relaxation. For instance, if I happen to brush against an object and subsequently direct my attention toward it—realizing I have made contact—a compulsion immediately arises within my mind. This force compels me to repeat the exact same action over and over again until I can replicate that initial touch with absolute perfection, or until I achieve a specific sensation of "correctness" that allows me to feel at ease. If I fail to execute this repetition perfectly, I am overcome by intense anxiety; my mind becomes utterly disordered and confused, leaving me feeling helpless. I simply find myself driven to satisfy these compulsions, even though I cannot begin to fathom why I feel such a desperate need to perform them. To provide a few illustrations: while walking through my high school hallway, if I accidentally graze a wall, I will turn back to that precise spot and attempt to touch it repeatedly until I attain that sense of internal peace—that fleeting feeling that the contact was executed flawlessly. Once that sensation is achieved, I can finally move on. Alternatively, it could be any object or even a complex sequence of actions; I might find myself forced to repeat movements or breathe in a very specific pattern, or shift my body parts in a precise manner that I previously noted. To an outside observer, these behaviors likely appear quite peculiar.
5. My dental hygiene follows a similar pattern; I brush my teeth with such exhaustive precision that I am searching for a sense of perfection, following the exact same routine every single time, and ensuring I rinse my mouth precisely three times.
6. I also find myself hoarding items that possess absolutely no inherent value, yet I feel a profound necessity to keep them, such as discarded utility bills, breadcrumbs, scraps of metal, small bits of paper, and various other worthless trifles.
7. Furthermore, I experience an overwhelming urge to turn around frequently because I feel compelled to capture the entire visual field of my surroundings. I must see everything in front of me and behind me; when this merges with the aforementioned issues, I often find myself glancing behind me dozens of times just to ensure I have witnessed every single detail, even if I have already verified it ten times over.
These are the primary symptoms that come to mind at the moment; should I recall any others, I shall document them later, but for now, this is the extent of it.
In essence, am I actually suffering from WHO, or could these symptoms indicate something else entirely?
If anyone possesses any insight or advice that might assist me in navigating this, I would be deeply appreciative. 😁

Thanks!

I do the exact same thing. It's constant. People in shops probably think I'm trying to shoplift just because I'm always spinning around and scanning the room.

I think there’s a website out there run by N/A. This guy has really dug deep into OCD research—and look, he isn't claiming to be some ultimate authority, but I think his insights could actually help us out. He’s dealt with these "disorders" firsthand himself, and honestly, he might still be navigating them today. I’d love to drop a link or upload a document here, but I’m totally lost on how to do that while I'm juggling so much on my plate. If anyone on the forum knows the trick, would you mind doing me a huge favor and setting that up?
Also, I spotted a book in Scholastic🙄 about OCD published by Niagara Falls, but my wallet is feeling a bit light right now, so I can't grab it. Plus, I have no clue if it's actually any good—has anyone here had a chance to flip through it yet?
When I was digging through Franklin’s work—you know, the psychiatrist/psychotherapist/speech therapist who wrote "Man's Search for Meaning"—I found a ton of case studies involving OCD. It looks like most people actually moved past it spontaneously! I also think someone around here might have mentioned his methods before, specifically things like dereflection and paradoxical intention.
At the end of the day, there's no denying this disorder is "relentless" and stubborn, but it is curable. Maybe we can even wrap our heads around why it happens. Either way, it all stems from the Unconscious.🙄 👍

Donna Sullivan7 said:Hey, regarding Felis 23... You mentioned you’re working in a lab with bacteria, so you have to wash your hands constantly, even though washing wouldn't really help against most of those microbes—or maybe you wouldn't even be here if they got to you. Are you honestly being able to admit to yourself that you actually need some help? You keep pushing it away, but sometimes the truth just hits the hardest...

Hey, don't sweat it, I totally handle my hygiene, I just wait until I'm done with my lab work at the university and get back home... trust me, there are way worse cases out there where people obsess over antibacterial gels and all that nonsense just because they're paranoid... I'm studying veterinary medicine so I'm constantly around all sorts of critters, and on top of the usual household germs, we run into all kinds of zoonotic stuff and who knows what else... so honestly, I'm much more worried about people being obsessed with sanitizing clothespins or getting grossed out by other people's lack of cleanliness than I am about simple hand washing.

And you definitely wash your hands after touching a dog or a cat, right?! Not to mention when you're dealing with cows and all that... you gotta wash up, man, you gotta wash up! ;-)

Hannah Roberts said:I’ve been dealing with all of that, plus a full-blown panic disorder. It used to be that I was obsessively washing my hands with scalding hot water—to the point where my skin was actually bleeding. Back then, I saw illness lurking in every corner. I’ve moved past that specific phase, but now it’s morphed into this ritual where I constantly whisper names of various diseases, though I have to slightly alter the words so they don't technically count as the actual disease name. The worst part is when I’m trying to just live my life; say I reach for the soap, but I can't actually grab it until I’ve mumbled the right sequence of words first, leaving me just standing there like a frozen statue. Before bed, my TV sleep timer has to be set precisely to 45 minutes. I’m also plagued by these intrusive, unsettling thoughts about accidents happening, so I have to recite certain phrases just to make them dissipate. Honestly, I once unscrewed every single doorknob in the house because I had to check five times to ensure everything was locked. If the thought won't leave me alone, I end up scratching at my face or pinching myself to feel the fat under my skin enough to ground myself.

Oh, man, I guess what you're going through is pretty similar to what I deal with too. So, how are you handling it? Like, are you seeing a psychiatrist or something?

does Homosexual OCD include stuff like mixing food together?...for example, if I have some beef risotto for lunch..I'll eat all the peas first..one by one..and then move on to the rice..which can take forever and be such a drag 😁 ...plus, I get this weird feeling if, say, beet juice splashes onto my mashed potatoes or even just the plate while I'm bringing a forkful of beets to my mouth...basically, I can't stand it if my food touches or gets mixed up on the plate...😁

and also, when I'm walking between sidewalk cracks...I'll never walk right through the middle...some friend back in high school told me that if you walk through the center, you'll fail the grade, and apparently her ex failed his grade too...so even though I'm in college now, I still won't walk through the middle...

and I hate stepping on the lines between tiles...when I'm on the sidewalk, I try to land my foot right in the center of the tile...but they're so small...so I end up shuffling and walking like an idiot sometimes...but don't judge me too hard...😁

at home...I always cover myself with blankets in the exact same order...first the checkered one..then the plain brown one..and then the comforter...my bathroom rituals are identical down to the last detail...showering, taking off makeup, putting it on, etc...and I wash my hands super often...though lately, maybe not quite as much...
otherwise, I get massive stage fright when I have to go public...like when I need to make a phone call to someone I don't know (like calling the dentist, a doctor, or booking a haircut), I'll play out the whole scenario in my head before bed...how I'll phrase things, what the person might say...just running through the whole thing over and over...
locking the door twice..checking the gas, making sure the windows are shut, and yeah—I won't even go there 😁

now...to be fair...I don't really struggle with symmetry or being perfectly clean...my room is covered in dust...and it's a total mess, honestly...it doesn't bother me one bit...😁

hehe..now I've totally run out of breath...but honestly, most of this stuff actually makes me laugh...I know these are just my little quirks..and I feel like I've got them under control...the only thing I really want to get rid of is that social anxiety...

😁 wow, look how long this post is...I just wanted to see if anyone else here hates it when their food touches...and am I just imagining things when I say I've got this under control?🙂

Honestly, things are looking even bleaker on my end. I find myself repeating actions a hundred times over—everything I do becomes part of this endless loop. But the worst part is when these intrusive, obsessive thoughts just hit me out of nowhere; I’ll catch myself mentally repeating something someone said or even just a line of subtitles on the TV, and it drives me absolutely insane. It makes it impossible to find any sense of calm. I’m only 22, yet I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime already. Right now, I'm just managing with Modafinil at 2.5mg three times a day and occasionally using Prazosin to try and settle down. Sometimes, the thoughts turn darker, and I start thinking about just taking twenty 100mg pills of Prazosin and calling it a night. I haven't been able to leave the house in three months. This disorder is reaching a breaking point for me. Hang in there, everyone. Let's try not to let this thing win—though I suppose I sound a bit like Don Quixote right now.

Man, I guess the hardest part is just fighting your own head. Some days are great, you know? Like, I won't even think about that stuff all day long. But then there are those other days where I can't even finish one simple task without having to redo it like a hundred times. Even when I manage to push through, my mind still isn't totally at peace. But honestly, the absolute worst thing is just giving in to the obsessions. It’s better to just sit there feeling scared for five minutes—or maybe an hour—as long as I don't give in. You gotta show your brain who's actually in charge.

mistyscout2 said:Maybe try asking yourself why you feel the need to wash your hands in the first place? It’s probably a fear of getting sick. So, if you look at that fear, how justified is it really? I know that on a logical level, you probably realize it's irrational, but try to get even deeper into that awareness. Rationalizing things doesn't always work for most neuroses—it helps, sure, but it rarely gets to the root cause since everything stems from the subconscious—but with OCD, it feels a little more manageable than it does with panic disorders or chronic phobias. While rationalization won't ever fully cure you in most cases, it can at least shed some light on what's happening. When I say rationalization, I don't mean using ego defense mechanisms or trying to force something unknown into your belief system; I mean taking those ritualistic OCD actions and playing them out in your mind until they reach a point of absurdity. Once you see how silly the logic is, you realize you don't *want* to act that way, even though sometimes it feels like you "have" to.

So, is it a fear of diseases? Why? Well, part of it is probably because the media is constantly shoving cleanliness ideology down our throats with endless commercials. And why do they do that? For profit. Marketing experts are incredibly savvy about these unconscious psychological triggers in people, and they exploit them perfectly. But you—just like everyone else—aren't an infinite resource for them to tap into. Honestly, you just need to become aware of what's happening.
Try doing the exact opposite once in a while. Intentionally lean into the urge that's driving you and see that nothing terrible actually happens. You'll see that other people deal with this too. For example, if you're terrified of eating without washing your hands first, try to just go for it—eat something with your hands without washing them first.
Or, go out and intentionally get your hands dirty with something totally mundane, and then go eat. How do you feel afterward? Liberating? Of course it is...

Even while you're doing it, if it helps, tell yourself something like, "this is actually good for my immune system," because that isn't even far from the truth. You can't live a sterile life; you'll just end up getting sick anyway under certain circumstances—like if you went to India and ate street food that wasn't a banana or wrapped in a peel.

Nobody can mess with you quite as much as you can mess with yourself, so just take it slow and be smart about it.🙂
Best,

Thank you for reaching out and for trying to help me. Is there any possibility we could communicate via email? If so, send me a quick note at Christian Castillo60@gmail.com

Best,

So here’s my take on this whole food thing—I basically just eat whatever hits my plate first and go through it in order, like, I'll tackle the potatoes, then move on to the meat, grab some sauce... and then finally get to the salad or whatever side dishes happen to be there, no matter how much is on the table. I guess you could say I’m lucky enough that I don't get super nitpicky about keeping everything separate, like making sure one grain of rice doesn't touch anything else or anything like that.

Honestly, I feel like the real issue with being in the Democratic Party is just how much it actually bothers the individual, like how much it drags them out of their groove and how much mental energy and time it ends up draining... so personally, I’m not losing any sleep over it. ;-)

Hey everyone, hope you're all doing great!

It’s like watching a slow-motion replay where you already know how the play ends, yet you can't help but notice the subtle, predictable ways the players move toward the inevitable. As if we haven't seen this script before.
Hey everyone, I’m new to the group and would really appreciate it if anyone could share some insights or advice regarding Homosexual OCD.
I actually started this new thread because I wasn't aware there was already an existing one covering this ground; I was just looking for some guidance regarding my Homosexual OCD and wanted to lay out what I've been going through.
I’ve been wrestling with this since I was around eleven or twelve years old, and because I’ve spent so much time fighting against it, the whole thing has evolved into its own unique beast—something that doesn't quite fit the standard mold of Homosexual OCD.
For a long time, I didn't realize I was dealing with an actual disorder; I just assumed this was simply my personality. I’ve always been a perfectionist in that specific way where everything has to be exactly where it belongs—not just general tidiness, but a compulsion to fill every single line in a notebook or ensure every margin in a workbook is utilized down to the last millimeter. Everything had to be seamless. Of course, that alone isn't quite OCD, but as the years have passed, the intensity has only scaled upward. Now, when I can't achieve that level of order, a sense of anxiety takes hold of me. It reaches a point where if a task feels impossible to complete perfectly, I simply freeze; instead of studying for an exam, I'll find myself sitting off to the side, paralyzed and staring into space while my responsibilities pile up. This pattern really started to derail my performance in school, and things have hit a breaking point lately. I'm barely scraping by in my current grade, which is a massive shift from my younger years. Back in middle school, I cruised through over twenty different academic competitions and several regional meets without ever breaking a sweat, but now, just finishing my junior year felt like an uphill battle.
It isn’t exactly the Democratic Party itself, though that's where the roots lie; I'm seventeen now, and if I had to pin down when my Homosexual OCD really started taking hold, it would have been around the end of my freshman year of high school, though back then I didn't realize it was a disorder until we finally covered the topic during a psychology lecture in my junior year about six months ago.
How did I first realize that I was dealing with this specific issue? Well, I suppose I’ll start laying out the various actions and intrusive thoughts that have been weighing so heavily on my mind lately...
It’s like when I’m digging through a messy stack of files at the office looking for one specific contract; once I finally spot it, I can't just grab it and go, because instead, I feel this irrational compulsion to set it aside and sift through every single remaining page in the pile. It feels completely pointless, yet if I don't finish scanning the entire heap, this wave of anxiety hits me so hard that I can't stop thinking about it, forcing me to complete the whole process even though my brain knows there's no logical reason to do so.
It’s like when I stumble upon an idea that hits a particularly heavy emotional note; I find myself caught in this endless loop, mentally rehearsing every single nuance and micro-detail over and over again. I’ll stay trapped in that cycle until I feel I’ve mapped out every possible corner of the thought—searching for that elusive sense of perfection where I can be certain nothing was overlooked or left unexamined. It becomes a sort of mental checklist to ensure no detail was missed, and if someone interrupts that flow, it leaves me feeling completely unsettled, almost as if I've lost my footing and can barely find the words to speak.
It’s like when you're trying to drive a car and suddenly you feel this overwhelming compulsion to steer perfectly straight, but instead, you find yourself obsessively adjusting the wheel every few seconds just to chase this fleeting sense of precision. I'll be writing normally, and then out of nowhere, every five minutes or so, this urge hits me after I finish a specific letter or word—this desperate need to achieve some kind of perceived perfection. I end up repeating that same single letter over and over again until I finally feel like I've nailed it, but by the time I actually pull the pen away, the page looks like a total mess and the letter doesn't even resemble what it was supposed to be. The problem is, I can't just stop; I'm stuck in this loop until that intention is satisfied. Even when I think I've reached that "perfect" moment and I let go, a voice in my head immediately tells me it wasn't right, forcing me to start the whole ordeal all over again. It can drag on for ages, and if I can't reach that feeling, it leaves me with this deep, nagging discomfort that just sits in the back of my mind and refuses to let go.
3.A) It’s much the same with my computer mouse; I find myself chasing this specific sensation where, when I finally let go, it feels like the last movement was somehow flawless. It’s as if I can’t just pull my hand away once I’m finished until I hit that precise, perfect note.
4.Lately, I’ve been dealing with what feels like my most taxing issue, hitting me roughly every thirty seconds depending on how high my tension levels are. For instance, if I accidentally brush against an object and catch my attention, a thought triggers in my mind that forces me to repeat the exact same motion over and over. I have to redo it until the initial touch feels "right" or perfectly authentic, or until I reach that sense of completion that allows me to relax. If I don't manage to nail it, the anxiety becomes overwhelming—my head gets clouded, I feel lost, and I honestly don't know why I'm doing this to myself. It’s just a compulsion I can't escape. To give you a few examples: I’ll be walking through a high school hallway, accidentally graze a wall, and then I have to turn back to that exact spot and try to touch it again, repeating it as many times as necessary just to find some internal peace. I need that feeling of perfection so that when I move my hand away, the memory of the touch feels settled. Or it could be anything else—a sequence of actions, breathing in a certain way, or moving my limbs in the exact pattern I first used—just to satisfy the urge. From the outside, I know it probably looks quite strange to anyone watching.
5.I brush my teeth with the same level of obsessive thoroughness, aiming for that same sense of perfection every single time, and I always rinse my face exactly three times.
6.I tend to hold onto things that have absolutely no value, simply because I feel compelled to, like old utility bills, crumbs, scraps of metal, bits of paper, or other junk.
7.I also find myself constantly turning around because I have this driving need to take in the entire picture of my surroundings; I feel like I have to see everything in front of me and behind me. When that merges with the other issues, I end up looking behind me dozens of times just to make sure I haven't missed a single detail, even if I've already checked ten times.
That covers what I can think of for now; if anything else comes to mind, I'll add it later, but that's the gist of it.
The real question is, am I actually dealing with OCD, or is there something else going on here?
If anyone has any advice or insight that might help me navigate this, I would truly appreciate it! 😁

Thanks!

I deal with similar stuff regarding those repetitive loops until things feel right, though for me, it's reached a stage where it doesn't even respond to timing anymore. My best advice would be to sit down with a psychiatrist or look into psychotherapy; you might be able to find a way through it.👍

What can I say... I honestly think the cure lies within us, much like that old Latin proverb, "Know thyself."

I first struggled with compulsive handwashing and counting right after an elementary school presentation about AIDS—that’s when the washing started. It actually paused during the time we were under heavy bombardment because I didn't have regular access to water, and once that was over, the urge just didn't come back for a while.

Then there was the constant checking of doors whenever I left the house. It happened 1.2 miles where I’d turn around just to make sure I had locked up, or obsessively checking the locks before bed. That all started because I got absolutely chewed out once for actually forgetting to lock the door.

Checking the stove multiple times a day, flipping light switches on and off countless times... everything in the apartment had to be absolutely perfect. There were hundreds of other little bullshit rituals I won't even list, but one particularly intense one was while I was watching a movie about variola vera (smallpox)—I genuinely felt like I was breaking out in smallpox myself because of some teenage acne I had on my face.

I’ve only listed these specific ones because they’re easy to explain how they faded away. For instance, the oven accidentally turned itself on once, but in my case, it wasn't a big deal; I just thought, "Fine, I'll buy a new stove," and that was it—I stopped checking. I used to have to check the whole apartment before bed—TV, water, sijalica, computer—but for the last three years, I’ve been working as a software engineer, killing myself with 15-hour workdays. After work, I just want to watch a movie and crash. There have been countless times where I'm too exhausted to go through the motions, and honestly, for over a year now, I haven't checked anything before sleep. I just know I turned it off, and that's enough.

I'm 29 now, and the only issue I'm still battling is Homosexual OCD. I don't know how to break free from it; sometimes I can resist the thoughts, but other times I just can't, because there's a sense of euphoria that follows sex. When I try to fight it too hard, I spiral into depression, and eventually, I just end up surrendering to the OCD.

Anyway, this story is way too long to tell in one go, so I'll try to post it somewhere else later. But I truly believe self-help is the only way forward, and the best thing we can do for one another is to empower each other to find our own ways to heal.

So, here’s the deal: I’m talking about my sister. I don’t know if I’ve got the right "diagnosis," but the real issue is her obsession with everything being perfect! There isn't a single day that goes by where she isn't scrubbing, vacuuming, laundry-ing, tidying up, or working in the yard. She actually has these nervous outbursts whenever something isn't exactly where she left it, and she’s constantly doing these massive reorganizations of everything in the house... Basically, it all boils down to her needing total control and absolute order. Since I spend most of my time in Chicago, coming home for the weekends feels like being terrorized by her habits. The rest of the family has pretty much just gotten used to it, so they don't even notice anymore. I can try to ignore it, but is there an actual problem here? At first, I thought, "Okay, she's just a clean person." Then, when our retired neighbor moved in—someone who basically has nothing better to do than polish her house and garden until it shines—I figured maybe my sister was just trying to keep up with her. Later, I wondered if it was just a way to cope because she’s 28, single, and secretly wishes she was already married with three kids. But now, looking at it through the lens of the title... what is going on with her??

My old lady is the same way... honestly, probably some kind of disorder. She’s one of those people who can't actually enjoy life because everything is constantly "filthy" or there's always something that "needs fixing." I don't get it myself, so I can't offer any profound wisdom here, other than maybe saying you should keep her in your prayers 😁

Yeah, my mom is pretty much the same way🙂
The worst part is when she finishes cleaning the whole house and then moves on to my room... I can't even find a single sock after that...😢
If anyone knows how to deal with this...

I’m fairly certain I’m dealing with this disorder. I’ve brought it up to my mom a few times, but she doesn't take any action; I suppose she just finds the whole thing impossible to accept.
My core numbers are 3, 5, 7, and 9. Anything else feels fundamentally wrong. Occasionally, I can manage 23, 25, or 27 because they fall into that odd number pattern. When I’m walking down the street, I find myself adding up digits on license plates—if I see 278, for instance, I calculate 2+7+8 to get 17, then reduce that to 7+1 to get 8, and then I’ll arbitrarily tell myself "plus one makes nine" just to force it into a number I actually want. If I hit a zero, it’s a nightmare; I’ll treat zero as 16 by visualizing it as a rectangle and counting all the corners and diagonals, then adding something extra to reach 16, because 6+1 equals 7, which is one of my "safe" numbers. It used to be simpler—even numbers meant bad luck and odd numbers meant good luck—but now, even numbers are completely intolerable.
Beyond that, there are times when I just count internally. For example, if I see the number 5, I don't just think "five," I think F-I-V-E. Twenty-five becomes seven to me, not just through addition, but through syllable and letter counts—D-W-E-N-T-Y F-I-V-E.
I’ll flip a light switch on and off repeatedly based on whatever whim hits me, sometimes doing it 25 times before finally entering a room. Sometimes I have to open and close a door several times, following specific numerical variations. I also count my sips when drinking water because the count cannot be 13 (since the sum is 4, which isn't odd) or 6; if I lose track of the count, I have to push through to at least 25 just to ensure I haven't landed near a six or a thirteen.
I wouldn't call myself particularly tidy, but I will spend an excessive amount of time adjusting my phone on a table. For instance, it must be positioned at an identical distance from both edges.
Other times, I feel an impulse to say something specific, like a word starting with the letter 'F,' or containing an 'F,' or whatever letter strikes me in that moment. I’ll just start muttering things like "family" or "funny" under my breath. Sometimes it’s a cluster of S, R, K, M, or N sounds... it just depends.
And again, I find myself performing mental math constantly. Like, 7 times 3 is twenty-one (I felt the need to write that out in words rather than digits).
There are moments where I feel compelled to say a random word out loud, whether I'm alone or with someone else. If the urge hits me to say "chicken," I can't resist it; I just say it.
When I go for a run, I count my strides and decide I’ll stop after 55 (which is an acceptable combination sometimes). But if I reach step 54, I shift to the letter count—so I end up taking 61 steps to make the sum equal 7.
I honestly don't know why this is happening anymore. I can sense that something is broken, but how am I supposed to get help? I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want them thinking I'm crazy, and I never tell my mom the full extent of it; I only share fragments of things she couldn't possibly fathom.
Does anyone have any advice? Anything at all?
Because, looking at everything I've described, it's not just a possibility that this is that disorder—it's a million percent certain.
It is genuinely wearing me down mentally. I know I should be doing certain things to stop, and I know this isn't normal, but it feels like an internal voice is forcing my hand.
Also, it drives me insane when I decide to do something and then don't get the chance to finish it properly.
People usually just assume I'm being silly, exaggerating, or being overly sensitive. I can't explain all of this to people, because once I do, they'll have every reason (with absolute 😢 certainty) to label me as insane.
When I recall past events, I obsessively analyze them in my head to ensure I haven't missed a single detail, and only then can I feel even partially satisfied.
I also find myself constantly turning around.
If I make a mistake while typing on a computer or writing on paper, I don't just erase the error. If a ten-letter word has an error at the eighth letter, I won't just fix those last few letters; I have to rewrite the entire word from the beginning.
Thanks to everyone for the advice.😳

Yeah, Prozac is fine. Honestly, the quickest way out is through the medication. I mean, what do I know? At least that was my experience. I was taking three milligrams a day for about four and a half months, and a good portion of those daily rituals and little habits actually helped keep me grounded. I ended up stopping the Prozac pretty early because I felt like I was improving fast enough to handle it on my own, but now I’m finding that certain small things still trip me up when I'm off it. It’s nothing compared to how bad it used to be, but it's definitely there.

Do I actually need a referral from my primary doctor to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist, or should I just look for a private practice? Honestly, the hardest part isn't even the logistics—it's how I'm going to convince my parents. They think I'm just making this whole thing up in my head.

A psychiatrist. You’ll need a referral from your primary care physician if you're going through insurance. If you decide to go private, you don't need any paperwork—just give them a call and you can usually get an appointment within a week. It takes about $67 hours. If you happen to be in Washington, D.C., try seeing Susan Rice over on Fifth Avenue. Just lay everything out there—tell them exactly what’s eating at you—and please, don't sit there spiraling into thoughts like, "Oh god, what are they going to think of me? Am I crazy? They’re going to judge me, this is so embarrassing..." The doctor isn't going to think you're weird, and frankly, they won't be particularly impressed by your problems either. (I'm not saying they won't care. You have OCD, which is something you can manage through psychotherapy and Prozac. It's no big deal; half the people in this country are probably popping Prozac just to deal with stress or whatever else comes their way. In America, it's as routine as having a bowl of Corn Flakes and milk for breakfast.)

I have just returned from my trip to the coast, and I must say, the experience was utterly exhausting. I find that my compulsive behaviors and intrusive thoughts intensify significantly when I am in environments that trigger strong emotional responses or involve specific activities that stir up deep-seated feelings. Being by the ocean is quite an emotional experience for me, especially since I only make this trip once a year, which serves as a constant reminder of past years. Consequently, I am hit with an overwhelming surge of compulsions. For instance, while at the beach, I will find myself lingering for an extra five minutes under the guise of checking if I have forgotten anything. Even after meticulously inspecting everything, I will turn around, take a single step, and immediately be seized by the conviction that I have dropped something. This leads to a repetitive cycle where I re-examine everything I brought to the beach a hundred times over; I take one step forward, only to turn back and re-verify everything once more. Similarly, during a recent trip to the grocery store, I struggled immensely just to reach the entrance because I felt an uncontrollable urge to scan my entire surroundings. I spent several minutes turning around repeatedly, checking every corner, while my mind raced with memories from last year. Whenever a thought triggers an emotional response, I simply freeze; I stop walking entirely and cannot move forward until I have mentally rehearsed every detail several times until a sense of adequacy is reached. It made the simple task of walking to the store an ordeal. The situation worsened upon returning home; I stood paralyzed in front of my door, unable to enter because my thoughts were spinning so violently and I had to complete a series of mental and physical rituals. I ended up standing there for twenty minutes, unable to step inside. Furthermore, my struggles with symmetry and alignment have become increasingly severe lately; I can no longer tolerate stepping on lines or dots. There are moments when I cannot even walk straight because I find myself staring at the ground, trying to avoid stepping on a line, only to end up stopping and retreating to step on that same line repeatedly until I have struck it in the exact same manner as the first time. It is a harrowing sensation, leaving me feeling profoundly strange and anxious; these past few days have been truly debilitating. I have even reached a point where I cannot read anything at all; I cannot process a single word without spelling it out ten times, breaking it down into syllables and reading each one individually. At this juncture, I am in desperate need of a solid recommendation for a psychiatrist who might help me stabilize.

analognomad81 said:I have just returned from my trip to the coast, and I must say, the experience was utterly exhausting. I find that my compulsive behaviors and intrusive thoughts intensify significantly when I am in environments that trigger strong emotional responses or involve specific activities that stir up deep-seated feelings. Being by the ocean is quite an emotional experience for me, especially since I only make this trip once a year, which serves as a constant reminder of past years. Consequently, I am hit with an overwhelming surge of compulsions. For instance, while at the beach, I will find myself lingering for an extra five minutes under the guise of checking if I have forgotten anything. Even after meticulously inspecting everything, I will turn around, take a single step, and immediately be seized by the conviction that I have dropped something. This leads to a repetitive cycle where I re-examine everything I brought to the beach a hundred times over; I take one step forward, only to turn back and re-verify everything once more. Similarly, during a recent trip to the grocery store, I struggled immensely just to reach the entrance because I felt an uncontrollable urge to scan my entire surroundings. I spent several minutes turning around repeatedly, checking every corner, while my mind raced with memories from last year. Whenever a thought triggers an emotional response, I simply freeze; I stop walking entirely and cannot move forward until I have mentally rehearsed every detail several times until a sense of adequacy is reached. It made the simple task of walking to the store an ordeal. The situation worsened upon returning home; I stood paralyzed in front of my door, unable to enter because my thoughts were spinning so violently and I had to complete a series of mental and physical rituals. I ended up standing there for twenty minutes, unable to step inside. Furthermore, my struggles with symmetry and alignment have become increasingly severe lately; I can no longer tolerate stepping on lines or dots. There are moments when I cannot even walk straight because I find myself staring at the ground, trying to avoid stepping on a line, only to end up stopping and retreating to step on that same line repeatedly until I have struck it in the exact same manner as the first time. It is a harrowing sensation, leaving me feeling profoundly strange and anxious; these past few days have been truly debilitating. I have even reached a point where I cannot read anything at all; I cannot process a single word without spelling it out ten times, breaking it down into syllables and reading each one individually. At this juncture, I am in desperate need of a solid recommendation for a psychiatrist who might help me stabilize.

I believe this is incredibly tough for you, and I truly understand because I’ve been diagnosed with "Pure O" OCD myself. There are moments where it gets so frustrating that I completely lose myself... basically, I live in that "inner world." The goal is to make yourself less sensitive to thoughts of that nature, which eventually leads to a significantly lower sense of anxiety and restlessness. You have to realize that no matter how strange or bizarre these thoughts seem ("out of this world"), they don't reflect anything about who you actually are. They are simply a byproduct of OCD. Thoughts don't have their own "weight," unlike actions. Thinking does not mean doing. A person isn't an omnipotent being.

It’s really good that you decided to speak up about your problem and work on it. That’s step one. To start, surround yourself with people going through the same struggles and educate yourself on the nature of the disorder and different types of therapy. First off, look into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), and medication. Of course, I definitely recommend seeing a psychiatrist; it personally helped me a ton. OCD is treated quite successfully with SSRIs. For instance, I'm prescribed 1.5 tablets of Paxil daily, and I've seen actual progress. Since I'm based in Chicago, I can't give you a specific local recommendation, but I'm sure someone on this forum will chime in with some solid advice.🙂 .. man, good luck with that. let me know how it goes 🙂