Freezing cold

Andrew Hernandez said:Driving too fast, taking corners without braking...
Drinking black coffee... this is my fifth cup... ordering another one.
Smoking... on my second pack... lighting the next.
Exhausted... thinking how great it would be to sleep, but I won't lie down... turning on the PC.
Eating... knowing my blood pressure is high... eating more.
Writing, crafting sentences perfectly... writing faster... losing my train of thought... writing even faster... getting angry at myself...
Facing life-altering choices... submitted all my paperwork... just one left to turn in... days pass... waiting until the last second... sprinting to the FedEx office...
Eating fruit with unwashed hands.
Dressing light when it's freezing outside.
Insulting a friend for no reason.

These and other ("innocent") acts of self-sabotage clearly point toward self-hatred.

I assume plenty of people do some of these things.
Or have done them in the past.
🙂 I actually recognized myself in several examples.
Drinking black coffee... sometimes five cups during the day... simply because I love it and enjoy it.
Smoking... it’s a pleasure.
Tired, yet turning on the computer... being so exhausted, but something that brings us pleasure often
makes the fatigue vanish.
Dressing lightly... sometimes it happens... I wake up at the last minute
and realize too late the weather shifted, and I don't have time to change.

It's true, maybe I'm careless with myself, that I don't lead the most disciplined life.
But none of that means I hate myself.
😁 I know for certain that I don't feel that way.
More accurately, I don't think I've ever hated anyone, though that doesn't mean it couldn't happen.

Yes, much of this is harmful.
By that logic, there's very little that isn't harmful or completely healthy.
Even many food items, various types of food, etc.
And we consume them anyway, even knowing they aren't the healthiest options.
But again, that doesn't mean we hate ourselves.
By that metric, it would mean /almost/ everyone hates themselves.

Andrew Hernandez said:"...Hatred exists on its own. We were handed it as a 'gift' at birth.
It doesn't need an object to manifest.
Hatred exists first, and then it goes looking for a target. It just needs an object to act upon..."

Hatred always has a cause. There’s always a reason behind it.
Sure, not every bit of anger turns into hatred, but hatred is ultimately a byproduct
of long-term, suppressed rage or fury.
The reasons can be anything—prejudice based on religion or where someone grew up,
betrayal in a relationship, broken trust, jealousy over someone else's success,
or physical injury and financial loss.
Hatred shows itself through the desire to see someone suffer or to cause them harm.
We didn't walk into this world with hatred as some sort of "gift," and it certainly doesn't exist in a vacuum.

Andrew Hernandez said:How do we master the arsenal of hate living inside all of us?
Though in SOME people, it’s becoming pretty obvious.

With love!

Beyond what I already mentioned about disagreeing with this—and my belief that
hate doesn't just exist in a vacuum—I'd argue you overcome it
by treating it like a sickness. You have to realize that harboring hate
actually hurts YOU more than the target of your anger.
Then, you do the work to turn those negative impulses into something positive.

Alexander Hall said:Look, I already said I don't agree with this, and I still think
hatred doesn't just exist in a vacuum. But if you want my take, you can get over hatred by
treating it like an actual illness. You have to realize that holding onto that hate
hurts you way more than the person you're actually mad at.
After that, you just have to do the work to turn those negative impulses into something positive.

Fine. How?😎

So, how does it work?
How do you actually flip negative thoughts and actions into something positive?

It starts with willpower and a genuine desire to change, once you realize that
you're mostly just hurting yourself by acting that way. It's self-sabotage, plain and simple.
If someone can't see that, or can't find the strength to make the shift,
they might be too deep in the hole to fix it alone. At that point, they probably need professional help.😎

Look, I honestly have no clue... but I’ll try to dig up a few🙂
I'm just wondering—does the person who carries hate actually end up hurting themselves the most? And does seeking revenge even count as hate?
Think about it. I know people who are perfectly happy after screwing over someone they despise, and they don't feel like they've done anything to themselves. So what now?
And

Listen, love and hate—they both live inside us.

The thing is, hatred feels so repulsive that most people find it easier to just pretend it isn't there.
If I call it aggression instead, maybe it becomes a little easier to stomach.

Aggression takes many different shapes.
It’s vital to recognize its existence. Within all of us.
And how quickly it can turn inward, becoming self-aggression.

How do we make peace with that? Truthfully, it isn't easy.
But it can be mastered.

Understanding self-aggression is crucial. You might be able to dodge someone else's aggression, but what happens when you don't even recognize your own?

Just realizing that self-aggression exists is perhaps the BIGGEST blow
to the saboteur living within us.

In our subconscious—that hidden part of our psyche—different rules apply.
One of those rules is the constant presence of opposites: illogicality, love versus hate, happiness versus suffering.

But this must be conquered. Aggression, whether directed outward or inward, needs to be mastered; logic won't help you here.

Love—pure biology—is the guide.

We have to learn to love ourselves as human beings.
To embrace our ignorance, our mortality, and even our hate.

Those things can coexist peacefully alongside life, love, and wisdom.

That requires a great deal of love.
Assimilation—accepting everything we encounter on this journey—is the only way to dissolve fear.

Only then can we truly know ourselves and build a resilient personality.

Henry Barrett11 said:I honestly have no clue... though I might try to grab some.🙂
I'm just wondering if the person who hates actually ends up hurting themselves most? And does revenge count as hate?
Look. I know people who feel perfectly fine after screwing over someone they despise. They don't feel like they've harmed themselves at all. So what now?
And

So what now?
😁 Nothing.

🙂 Fine. Keep your opinion. Since
I've just laid out my thoughts, there's no obligation to agree with me.
The one harboring hate hurts themselves most because they're the ones
carrying around all that negative energy.
It's their burden to carry. Not the person they're aiming it at.

What if we started a thread to actually break down all these different emotions and where they stem from? 😉 😁

I can only speak from what I’ve personally gone through.
For me, aggression and hatred aren't even in the same ballpark. Aggression is this sudden, fiery burst—it might hit you in waves, but it’s intense and sharp.
Hatred, though? That’s a slow, suffocating burn. It’s a long, heavy weight that eventually just drains you until you realize there’s no point in carrying it anymore.

I can get pissed off at someone and be totally aggressive about it. I might let them have it, too. But that doesn't mean I’m going to hate them. There’s really no reason to keep feeding that kind of darkness inside me.

Take a game, for example. Say a referee makes a terrible, unfair call against your favorite team. Of course, you’re going to lose it. You might yell at the screen, vent your frustrations, or maybe even get into a heated argument with a rival fan in the stands.
But you aren't going to spend the rest of your life hating that ref.

(Though, admittedly, I don't always act that composed myself!) 😁

So, why do some people choose to nurture that toxic weed called hatred?

Is it because they can't process their own pain or sense of loss? Is it an inability to face a harsh reality?

Whenever the word "hatred" comes up, my mind goes straight to war and its casualties. I think about all the people living in a cycle of resentment because of the trauma and devastation left behind by conflict. 😢

P.S. I used to think fear was the true opposite of love.

manwe:
I'm just wondering—if hating someone ends up hurting you more than them, does seeking revenge count as part of that hatred?
Look, I know people who feel genuinely happy after getting back at someone they despise. They don't feel like they've done themselves any damage. So, where does that leave us?

😁 😁

Keyword: FEEL

They only *feel* that way. They haven't realized it yet; they aren't conscious of the cost.

Of course, there’s a distinction between defending yourself—like if someone hits you and you hit back—and carrying a constant, simmering grudge. As Aeneas points out, holding onto that resentment is just stockpiling negative energy, and that eventually poisons your whole system.
You can't truly live your life to the fullest if you're constantly stuck in a negative headspace.

I’ve actually written a bit about this over on my Religion blog regarding Christian values and why forgiving your enemies is so vital...

Solaris and Aeneas...

On an intuitive level, I can feel that hate is just bad news. It eats away at you, corrodes everything, etc. Still, nobody has actually done a decent job of breaking down why it works that way...
When you claim the keyword is ACTION, I assume you're implying the actual consequence is the exact opposite. Personally, I think the value of any feeling is determined by its source—meaning the person feeling it assigns the sign and the absolute value to their own emotions.
What if those stuck in the negatives actually enjoy being there? Aren't they enjoying life in their own way?
I’m not trying to be patronizing here. To prove it, here is a massive

🙂

Evil ends up eating itself alive. Honestly, it’s better to just let go of all that negativity—it mostly just destroys the person carrying it anyway. Besides, what's the point of spending your whole life fueled by hate? There are much better ways to spend your time. 😉

Alexander Hall said:"...on an intuitive level, I can feel that hatred is bad—that it corrodes and eats away at you.
Still, nobody has quite managed to break down exactly why that is..."[/B]

I'm not sure if I can give a satisfying answer myself.
I can try, though.

Ugh... why are the simplest questions always the hardest? 😁

Trying to figure out how to respond without rambling, without getting too philosophical,
without putting myself in the middle of the situation—which would make answering easier—
and without trying to invent some hypothetical example just to dissect it.

Bottom line: I think hatred is bad for the person holding it. It’s because all those negative emotions
unnecessarily, uselessly, and sometimes irreversibly drain your time, your energy, your health, your peace of mind,
and your logic (especially when you get obsessed)... stuff like that.

Zeus said:"...my take is that the value of any feeling comes from its source.
The person feeling it dictates the sign and the absolute weight of their emotions.
What if people who dwell in negativity actually enjoy being there? Aren't they
just living their lives?.."[/B]

Fine.
😁 Let's look at an example.
Zeus hates Alexander Hall. And since you claim the source defines the value,
Alexander Hall holds massive value for you.
Zeus is assigning huge weight to his own feelings (hatred)=A.

Is it really okay to be obsessed with someone?
Is obsession, generally speaking, a good thing?
Doesn't it basically prevent you from focusing on anything else?

Why would Zeus waste his energy, his time, his health, etc., on Alexander Hall
if she’s such a bad person? (Assuming she deserves hatred
because of how she acts). Does she really deserve his attention and time too?

You can't exactly enjoy life when Alexander Hall is taking up all the mental space.
Or have you stopped noticing that, too?

Anya said:I’m honestly not sure if I can give a good enough answer here.
I'll give it a shot, though.

Man... why are the simplest questions always the hardest? 😁

I'm trying to figure out how to respond without rambling, without getting too deep into the weeds,
without pretending I've actually been there—which would make it easier—
and without making up some fake scenario just to overanalyze it.

Bottom line: I think hate is bad for the person holding onto it. All those negative feelings
are just a waste of time, energy, health, and peace of mind. It eats at your logic, too.
It's an obsession. That's it.

That's all true.

But love does the exact same thing... it drains your time, your energy, your health, and your sanity. Is that "unnecessary"? "Useless"? Irreversible? And what about unrequited love? Does that even have a purpose?
Are you going to claim love is a negative emotion too?

Or should we just take the philosophical easy way out and say: they're all just emotions.

Aenea said:Fine.
😁 Let's look at an example.
Henry Barrett11 hates Aenea. But Aenea is actually important to you because the weight of
your own feelings defines the source.
Henry Barrett11 places massive value on his feelings (his hatred) = A.

Is it okay to be obsessed with someone?
Is obsession, generally speaking, a good thing?
Doesn't it just stop you from focusing on anything else?

Why is Henry Barrett11 wasting his energy, his time, his health, and everything else on Aenea
if she’s such a bad person? (Assuming she's bad enough to deserve hate
based on her actions), does she really deserve his attention and time too?

You can't enjoy life when Aenea is taking up all the mental space.
Or have you stopped noticing that, too?

Clever little parable.👍 But I'd point out that any feeling, if fueled enough, leads to the same result.

What if the situation was this:

Henry Barrett11 is in love with Aenea. He’d die for her.
Aenea doesn't love him back. Henry Barrett11 is miserable. It hurts. He can't think about anything else. His entire existence revolves around Aenea. She's the only thing on his mind.
SHE'S OBSESSED WITH HIM.

But hey... that's love. And love can't be bad...😎

Resentment is essentially the ultimate distortion—the absolute zero of our emotional spectrum:

Fear evolves into Panic, which eventually hardens into Resentment.
Sadness descends into Depression, finally calcifying into Resentment.
Love twists into Possessiveness, settling into Resentment.
Envy curdles into Jealousy, resulting in Resentment.
Anger escalates into Rage, ultimately freezing into Resentment.

That’s why resentment is such a shapeshifter; it carries traces of every single one of these emotions within it. It usually surfaces when someone finds themselves powerless to break free from chronic states like panic, depression, obsession, jealousy, or fury. In that sense, resentment becomes a reactive strike against whatever—or whoever—is keeping them trapped in those cycles. Occasionally, it can act as a sort of high-octane fuel to kickstart someone out of a rut, but relying on it is a dangerous game. If you keep using it, you risk turning yourself into a bitter old grump who spends eighteen hours a day staring out the window, rattling their cane at every passerby like a neighborhood nuisance.

manwe said:Everything stated here is true.

But love takes its toll too... it drains your time, your energy, your health, your peace of mind. Is it unnecessary? Useless? Irreversible? And what about unrequited love? Does that even serve a purpose?
Are you going to claim that love is a negative emotion then?

Or are we just being philosophically vague and saying: they're all just emotions? [/B]

Hate is an emotion, just like love.
Love can't be labeled a negative emotion. When it works,
it feels completely different.
The feelings we have in those moments make us happy;
they don't drain our energy, they provide it.

Sure, philosophically speaking, everything is just an emotion.
Except some are destructive.

Solaris said:P.S. I always thought fear was the opposite of love...

hehe. Honestly, I thought the opposite of love was just emptiness 🙂. But man, all this actually fits perfectly with the whole idea that things are multidimensional—basically, they have way more layers than we think. It’s totally different from that basic duality stuff people talk about...

Nah.

manwe said:On an intuitive level, I can totally feel that hate is bad, that it eats away at you and everything... but honestly, nobody has ever really broken down *why* that is...

Let me give you my take. It’s because your subconscious is flagging what you're doing as being against the core principle of life. Love. Toward existence, toward yourself, toward everything. That disconnect right there? That’s conscience.

But what if the people living in negativity actually enjoy being negative? Aren't they technically enjoying life?

Heh, if they didn't get some kind of satisfaction out of it, they wouldn't do it. See, hate fulfills you just like love does. But it’s cheap fulfillment. It costs way too much in the long run.

Look, let me point something out. Both love and hate feel "full." But love feeds on perfect harmony, so it actually sets you free. Hate? Hate feeds on draining others—and by extension, draining yourself. Love builds up. Hate destroys. It destroys us.

Now I got a question. Can all that fulfillment from hate actually turn into love? And if so, what's the price tag?

manwe said:Nice parable, but I’d argue that any sufficiently intense emotion can lead to the same outcome.

Consider this scenario:

manwe is in love with Alexander Hall. He’d die for her.
Alexander Hall doesn't feel the same way. manwe is crushed. It hurts. He can't think about anything else. His entire existence boils down to
Alexander Hall. She's his only thought.
HE IS OBSESSED.

Certain feelings tend to yield similar results.

Unrequited love is just one possible fallout from an emotion like love.
And even then, it isn't really a consequence of love—it's a consequence of our expectations.
Love, in its purest form, cannot be negative.
Hatred, in any form, always is.
Its consequences always follow suit.

😍 So,

manwe said:hey... that's love. and it can't be bad...