Is This Actually Worth It?

The one thing I truly need to feel is that my existence is a blessing to you.

Maybe what we crave more than affection or attention is the quiet certainty that our presence actually matters to someone else. That’s where we find our sense of worth.

Some psychologists might try to oversimplify this, claiming that the urge to be "good" for someone is just a primal, childish hunger to be wanted. But let's flip that logic: isn't the desire to be wanted really just the desire to know we bring value to another person? It changes everything. It moves the focus from a one-way street—where I'm just a recipient of your care—to an ontological truth: my very existence contributes something to yours. I have to know that. Because if I don't feel that my being is good for you, you could shower me with all the love in the world and it would still feel hollow. In fact, it might even turn me selfish. I could become someone who only knows how to take, never experiencing the pure joy of knowing that my presence nourishes you.

This goes way beyond the simple math of give and take. It’s not about some transactional exchange; it’s something much deeper and more fundamental to who we are.

I need to know that it’s *who I am* that benefits you, not just the things I do for you. I need to know that you see me and find beauty in my very essence.

When I pull away from everyone and retreat into myself, it’s usually because I’ve convinced myself that my existence is actually a burden to the people I love.

When someone I love tells me, "You're bad for me," it feels like a total erasure of my soul. Even if my brain tries to argue against it, those words become a noose. Because if I’m no good to the people I love most, then what am I even here for? It feels like I have no purpose, and therefore, no right to exist.

Perhaps when a cherry blossom tree reaches full bloom right before my eyes, it’s its way of saying, "Your presence makes me thrive... when you look at me as a friend, I flourish!"

When a part of nature or a person you love tells you that, there is no greater gift in this life.
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Share your thoughts, your stories, whether you agree or disagree, or just whatever is on your mind... feel free to speak your heart.

I'm going to step away for a second... and lose myself in thought. 👋

I still remember this one melancholy spring afternoon when I first realized that a certain tree truly appreciated my visits.🙂

I only feel alive when I’m lying flat on the grass, staring up at the sky, breathing in that scent of damp earth while listening to a woodpecker hammering away at a nearby oak.

People around me claim my presence somehow nudges them to finally bloom. I don't let it get to me.

Maybe it’s just my curse...😢

Why don't you emphasize the importance😉?

For what?🙂
You just don't get it...😉

Sometimes, I pull away from everyone and everything because I’ve convinced myself that just being around is actually hurting the people I care about most.

When someone I love looks me in the eye and says, "You're toxic for me," it feels like a final judgment—like they've handed me a death sentence. Even when my brain tries to argue that it isn't true, I can't stop myself from taking those words and using them as a noose. Because if I can't be a force for good in the lives of the people I love, then what's the point? I feel completely worthless, like I don't even deserve to exist.

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Here’s the heart of the matter...

We all know that hollow, neglected feeling you get when you aren't getting enough support or affection. But there's another side to that misery: that crushing sense of uselessness you feel when you have so much love or help to give, but the person you're trying to reach just won't let you in. It's a different kind of loneliness when your generosity is rejected.

Anyway, that's the long and short of it. 🙂

PBE, Mickey Mouse, can we move this conversation over to "Spirituality"? (maybe someone there will have some insights to share)

as you wish

There is something genuinely refreshing about hearing a kind word once in a while. It feels much like offering a glass of cold water to someone wandering through the Mojave; it gives them a moment to recover, catch their breath, and find the strength to press on through their aimless search for purpose across that scorched earth.

My, aren't I feeling poetic today... but I suppose that’s all there is to it.

S. Solaris said:[When i withdraw fra The World IT is because i believe my very existence is no good for The People i Love.

When those i Love say, ‘You are bad for me’ they have signed my death warrant - and no matter how, intellectually, I know it to be untrue, those words I use as the rope to hang myself. For, if I am no good to those I love, then I am good for nothing. I have no life and I deserve none.

I'll just take a moment......and hide into my introspectivity 👋 [/B]

I find myself unable to agree with this at all...

It is my belief that any spiritual seeker must eventually reach a level of consciousness where they can perceive the entire world and its relationships as mere fragments of an illusion or a dream; once that threshold is crossed, one naturally attains a state of Unity and a profound love for everything and everyone, which eliminates the need for external validation or acceptance, because ultimately, everyone is part of the same whole... and in that realization, the distinction between giving and receiving dissolves, leaving only the act of pure GIVING.
The quote above feels so profoundly heavy to me, and there is such a palpable absence of love within it that I feel a certain reluctance to even share it here, but here it is....

"When i withdraw fra The World IT is because i believe my very existence is no good for The People i love.

When those i Love say, ‘You are bad for me’ they have signed my death warrant—and no matter how much my intellect tries to argue otherwise, those words become the rope I use to hang myself. If I'm no good to the ones I love, then I'm useless. I have no life, and I don't deserve one."

I've felt this way more times than I can count 😢... what James Cruz6 said is true a thousand times over. But when we try to get too fancy with spirituality, we just end up making ourselves overly sensitive... and shits happens. We're stuck in this loop until we finally reach that famous state of consciousness, that level "where one can view the world and all its relationships as mere fragments of an illusion or a dream; once attained, one simultaneously reaches the state of Unity, a love for everyone and everything."... until then, there's a hell of a lot of work to do on oneself.

As for S. Solaris, I wouldn't worry 👍... she knows perfectly well that her giving is absolutely necessary. 🙂

Maybe these heavy states of mind are just a warning not to throw pearls before anyone.😉

Just wanted to clarify, I didn't actually write this text myself 😁

I’m with you, James Cruz6—what you're saying is spot on. Though, I feel like this is more about our grounded, everyday human stuff—those fleeting feelings and mental illusions we all deal with...

I remember seeing someone post this on a forum once: "Is life even worth living if I have nothing left to give?"

To me, the whole point is that life is a constant loop; every time we give, we receive, and every time we receive, we find a way to give back.

P.S. It would be really great to hear from someone else sharing their honest take on this. 😉

I find myself agreeing with all of you 🙂... though I suspect that until we truly reach that level of consciousness where we perceive everything as Unity and find our purest joy in the simple act of giving, we shouldn't perhaps strive for such spiritual sophistication too aggressively... regardless of how limited our earthly grasp of giving and receiving might seem 🙂

It really just comes down to constant, steady remembrance, over and over again...
and above all else, it is about giving, giving, and more giving. 🙂

hm, let me try to get some thoughts down while I'm feeling this exhausted...

I'm with Gen, really. Once we hit that state James Cruz6 was talking about—that's when enlightenment happens. Though I suspect James Cruz6 already knows that.
But it’s not just about the original post. The person who wrote it from the US... it felt pretty narcissistic. Hidden narcissism, too. And where else would that hide if not in how they relate to someone else?
It always goes down that way.

The whole vibe is basically "I'm no good for you," but it keeps coming up over and over.
Me, I have, I feel, me outside, me inside, me to you, my love, I, my being.
And so on, many more times.
It isn't hard to see the article is just confused. It starts with a "why don't we..." question, and builds all these assumptions on top of it.
If people are pushing you away, there's nothing you can do. Everyone is driven by their own energy. No matter how much something might be good for them, they don't have to see it that way. If it hurts you too much, you just have to step back. It’s crazy to judge your own worth based on someone who doesn't even notice your love, let alone identify with it that deeply. Once you're actually content and happy—once you love yourself—you stop having such massive expectations of others. The writer clearly has some ego blocks. Otherwise, she'd know that loving others means letting go and being flexible.
I'll just quote this part:

Once we realize it is our own provocative expression, the other person is reacting to, then we can eliminate blame. By taking personal responsibility, there is no blame or shame for having gone through the experience. When WE understand that Our higher Self creates experience in order to grow and lift US into a deeper Understanding, we are set free. Anger is only a form of resistance. Resisting creates a bigger shadow or blind spot; that causes an escalation of the very thing we are resisting. Healing takes place when we recognize the resistance, embrace it and allow it to dissolve.

In her case, the anger is blocked—it shows up as disappointment. Maybe she can't handle the guilt, or maybe it's something else. She's pretending to take "responsibility" for what she's writing, but she isn't actually taking any. It's just an expression resulting from those blocks. You have to look at the whole article through that lens. Huh... wrote too much for this. 🙂

genNorec said:I remember this one depressing spring when it first hit me—that a single tree could actually feel grateful just because I stop by to visit.🙂

My little houseplant feels the same way when I show up. 😁 Even though it’s just sitting there in my room, I'll occasionally neglect it—and then when I finally look at it, I feel like total garbage for being such a slob, so I immediately go into full "apology mode" (==> basically sucking up 😁), give it a little pat, some water, and I can practically feel it getting all happy—hehe 🙂🙂🙂 drinks up that water within an hour (I can track the speed exactly since it laps it up from the saucer, not from the top), and I just sit there enjoying the sight of this living thing just drinking, drinking, drinking 🙂
I actually panicked the other day when I saw its big leaves drooping like they’d given up on life. But once I hugged the leaves, I realized it was just shedding the old stuff—it was REBUILDING itself! 😁 Jaaaooo, I can't even tell you how much joy I felt seeing tiny new leaves sprouting from the stem. Unlike the old ones, these were bright green, almost fluorescent, just bursting with life and youthful energy! But seeing the tiniest one—looking like a little nub, kind of like a baby tooth just breaking through—just a tiny green dot on the stem? That was the absolute peak of me losing it over being its "owner." 🙂

Jaaaooo, sorry, blueharbor42 is going off on a tangent here, but that's just what this reminded me of...

🙄
I mean, honestly, it’s nothing more than weeds...
😁

S. Solaris said:What I need to know is that my being is good for you.

Maybe the single most vital thing we crave—more than just being showered with affection or looked after—is the reassurance that our very presence adds value to someone else's life. It is through that external validation that we often convince ourselves we actually matter.

Look at it.
Look over there—that's good—you should aim for that.
Look over there—that's bad—don't be like that.
Look at that kid over there, so calm and composed. Why can't you be like that?
Look at that little girl playing so nicely. Why can't you behave like that?
Look at Mark from your class. He gets straight A's. You need to be like him.

Compete.
Try to be better, stronger, faster, smarter, more responsible, or more successful than the person standing next to you.

Be Loyal.
Be loyal to your cradle, your daycare, your school, your university.
Be loyal to your friends, your partner, your parents, your family, your country, your nation, your state, your religion, and God.
And what about being true to yourself? Well, sure, be true to yourself—but only if it doesn't compromise your loyalty to everyone else.

This kind of upbringing produces people who define their own worth solely through the lens of others:

I am a good person if I am good to someone; my value is tied to how much I matter to another.
I am a good person if I outperform someone; I have value if I am more important to someone than someone else is.

It also creates people who constantly ask themselves questions that act like a heavy handbrake on their lives:

Am I good enough for them?
Will they think what I'm saying is stupid?
Are my arguments strong enough to impress them?
Do they actually like me?
Am I being original enough for them?
Will they see me as a success or a loser?

There isn't an ounce of self-confidence to be found in that. If our goal is to raise confident individuals, this method is a complete failure.

The fallout of this parenting style is that most people spend their lives drowning in insecurity, desperately searching for someone else to provide them with a sense of stability. When they finally stumble upon someone who offers that security, everything feels wonderful and rosy, and they will do almost anything to cling to that feeling. They hold on as long as they can, but once they hit their limit, their entire world collapses like a house of cards.

And then it's Joe all over again. Only this time, they build walls. Instead of building themselves up, they build barriers around themselves. And the cycle of questioning starts anew:

Should I let her through the door?
Is he the right one?
How will I know if she's the right one?
What if I fail to recognize the right person?

This continues until people finally snap like popcorn. Which, honestly, is a good thing, because that is usually the moment they begin what people colloquially call "finding oneself" or "taking charge of their own lives."

Some people strap on some TNT and walk right into a restaurant. Because they feel they aren't good for anyone, they conclude that nothing is good for them either. And if they can't find peace, why should anyone else?

Others are remarkably resilient; they look up at the sky and yell, "God, why did you put me in this position?" They endure until they eventually resign themselves to fate, deciding that this is just their luck. They lose their drive, retreat behind their walls, and settle into a quiet, empty peace in Canada.

Oh, and somewhere along the way, they have children. And they raise those children exactly the same way they were raised. The whole cycle restarts.

What kind of self-confidence is it when you have to be reliable to someone else just to feel reliable to yourself? What kind of confidence is it when you feel a constant need to prove to yourself that you are superior to someone else or that you can do something they cannot?
That isn't self-confidence; it's a profound lack of it.

What kind of self-respect is it when you require others to respect you just so you can respect yourself? What kind of self-respect is it when you feel compelled to compete with others just to earn a sense of worth through their eyes?
That isn't self-respect; it is a total absence of it.

What kind of self-love are we actually talking about if you need everyone else to validate you just to feel worthy? What kind of self-love is it when you demand loyalty from others as a prerequisite for being true to yourself?
That isn't self-love; it’s a profound lack of it.

Any concept that includes the word "self"—whether it's self-confidence, self-respect, or self-love—is, by its very definition, independent of any external factor. The moment you tether one of these qualities to something outside of your own skin, it ceases to be "self"-driven. It loses its essence.

This leads to two inescapable conclusions:

First, nobody needs anyone else to cultivate confidence, respect, or love for themselves. These are internal assets that every single person has the capacity to build entirely on their own terms.

Second, most people get it backward. All those conditions they think they need to meet—or that others need to meet—to finally feel confident or respected aren't actually requirements; they are the natural side effects of already possessing that internal strength.

All these "self" categories originate from within; they don't arrive via a delivery service from the outside world.🙂

Phew, I'm heading to bed.😁

That was beautifully put, Nancy Chase2🙂 🙂

Honestly, reading that little snippet in the intro post made me feel physically sick.😁

If you ask me, it’s just top-tier sentimental garbage.

The worst part? This kind of fake "wisdom" gets peddled to anyone who hasn't learned how to think for themselves. It's just endless—and yeah, totally narcissistic—people-pleasing that some folks try to pass off as "kindness" or "love."🙄

P.S. S. Solaris, I don't get the vibe that you actually buy into this weird take on love and being a good person. 😕

Sure... at first glance. Just pure emotional sludge viewed through cold eyes.
Then you take a second look.
Then a third...

And this emotional way we experience the world peels away like onion skin.

Until you reach the core.
Which is, if we use a scalpel as a symbol for intellect and reason, indivisible.
But that cold steel won't get you to the core.
Unless you bleed everything out first; then, maybe the scalpel helps.

By accepting others, we learn to accept ourselves.
By loving them, we learn to love ourselves.
The parts of our own being we didn't even realize existed because of some preconceived, "definitive knowledge."
Born from the crazy idea that our experience is absolute and complete.!!!
Like... I know myself and I know people, I know all their motives and reactions...
(I’d recommend checking out Essence's posts over at Witch 5... she explained so beautifully what happens when you actually "step into" another person via emotion and intuition.)

What Glam wrote definitely has a foundation... but only in the first layer.
But did he offer any real argument that there aren't more layers underneath? More ways love and kindness manifest, or more motives to push deeper?

Sentimental sludge, just like frigid coldness, stays stuck on that first layer. The sludge clings to it, while the coldness spits it right back out.

Nobody is truly confident or self-sufficient. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody!

We pretend to be strong and godlike, easily forgetting how fragile and vulnerable we actually are... how much Newton force does it take to crush us into a pulp???
How much? A lot? An astronomical number?

Nobody is truly confident or self-sufficient. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody!
How many times have I heard the silent weeping buried deep inside those rigid, confident, arrogant types...
How many puffed-up macho guys and tough girls are just one step away from tears... not even hidden ones, but tears vibrating on their faces and swallowed down in their throats...
😁 😁 😁

PS.
Today I crushed a friend's feelings... a guy who tried to act all confident, sturdy, and witty. From a safe distance, via email. (Details are none of your business). There was plenty of sarcasm and brutal honesty involved. TOO MUCH !!!!
I assume I crushed him, considering my inbox is currently flooded with emails with insulting subject lines.
I didn't even read them. Something hurt.
And I don't feel bad about it.
I knew exactly what was underneath, and I wouldn't have helped him at all if I had just said, "Hehehe... yeah, that's right, you're doing fine."
I wish him a speedy recovery... but I hope he stays far away from me.
I'm done with his games involving other people's "sentimentality."
So, it's fine that I screwed him over.
I don't feel guilty one bit.