Feeling completely empty inside

Hey everyone.

For the last few years, I’ve been dealing with this endless sadness that actually turns into physical pain and health issues.
When I finally get my head on straight, I know I *should* be happy, but this feeling just destroys me.
I grew up in a house with an aggressive father, and I definitely see the fallout from his outbursts. I moved out at 17 and worked my tail off while finishing school—cleaning toilets every morning and waitressing on weekends. I kept grinding through college just to pay my way. By 23, right after graduation, I was just chronically exhausted and totally drained. Then, things seemed to "work out"—I landed this amazing job that required moving back to my hometown. And, like, on paper everything is fine. I'm young, I'm fit, I have money, I built it all myself... but I'm sad. Just endlessly, deeply sad.
I saw a therapist who basically told me I need to figure out what I want from life and just "stop" this feeling.
I used to love pushing my body to the limit, but not anymore... I go 62 miles (literally) and there's zero rush left.
I'm just done. Done with life, people, ambition (theirs), everyone else's expectations, and this total emotional void.
I need help... what do I even do?

Amanda Wood2 said:Hey everyone.

For the last few years, I’ve been dealing with this endless sadness that actually turns into physical pain and health issues.
When I finally get my head on straight, I know I *should* be happy, but this feeling just destroys me.
I grew up in a house with an aggressive father, and I definitely see the fallout from his outbursts. I moved out at 17 and worked my tail off while finishing school—cleaning toilets every morning and waitressing on weekends. I kept grinding through college just to pay my way. By 23, right after graduation, I was just chronically exhausted and totally drained. Then, things seemed to "work out"—I landed this amazing job that required moving back to my hometown. And, like, on paper everything is fine. I'm young, I'm fit, I have money, I built it all myself... but I'm sad. Just endlessly, deeply sad.
I saw a therapist who basically told me I need to figure out what I want from life and just "stop" this feeling.
I used to love pushing my body to the limit, but not anymore... I go 62 miles (literally) and there's zero rush left.
I'm just done. Done with life, people, ambition (theirs), everyone else's expectations, and this total emotional void.
I need help... what do I even do?

Look, I’m not really big on psychology myself—I tend to lean more toward psychiatrists since they feel a bit closer to actual hard science, you know?

I need help... what should I do?

Honestly? You’re feeling empty because you’re looking for fulfillment.

The stuff that used to make you feel whole just doesn't cut it anymore because you've grown up. As you get older, you start seeing the world through a much more realistic lens, and let's face it—that perspective sucks sometimes. The goal now is to work with some pros to find something new that actually resonates with who you are now.
I don't know about you, but back when I was hitting rock bottom, leaning into spirituality and religion really helped pull me through—just throwing that out there as an example. Maybe it’s traveling, maybe it’s getting a dog, I'm just rambling here, but everyone finds their own way to fill that void.

Amanda Wood2 said:Hey everyone.

For the last few years, I’ve been dealing with this endless sadness that actually turns into physical pain and health issues.
When I finally get my head on straight, I know I *should* be happy, but this feeling just destroys me.
I grew up in a house with an aggressive father, and I definitely see the fallout from his outbursts. I moved out at 17 and worked my tail off while finishing school—cleaning toilets every morning and waitressing on weekends. I kept grinding through college just to pay my way. By 23, right after graduation, I was just chronically exhausted and totally drained. Then, things seemed to "work out"—I landed this amazing job that required moving back to my hometown. And, like, on paper everything is fine. I'm young, I'm fit, I have money, I built it all myself... but I'm sad. Just endlessly, deeply sad.
I saw a therapist who basically told me I need to figure out what I want from life and just "stop" this feeling.
I used to love pushing my body to the limit, but not anymore... I go 62 miles (literally) and there's zero rush left.
I'm just done. Done with life, people, ambition (theirs), everyone else's expectations, and this total emotional void.
I need help... what do I even do?

Are you actually happy with your job and everything you've achieved?
How's the relationship with your parents, and how much does that mess with your head?
Do you feel like you're lacking direction now? Like, maybe once you hit the goals of getting a degree and a solid career, you realized "okay, I did that, now what?"
What about romance, a partner, or even just close friends?
What specifically triggers the sadness? What goes through your mind when it hits? Are there certain thoughts or events that weigh on you, or is it just a general cloud?

Look, you grew up in a rough house. The real question is: what kind of leftover baggage are you still carrying around inside because you had to spend all your energy just surviving back then..?
We all get bored or feel like life is meaningless sometimes, but it shouldn't turn into a chronic thing. Usually, we stay busy with life, hobbies, relationships... and just keep moving...
Did you maybe expect that checking off the boxes—finishing school, landing the big job—would suddenly bring this massive wave of fulfillment?
It doesn't work like that. Satisfaction has to come from within. You've gotta learn to love yourself, including all the messy parts...

Donna White50 said:Are you actually happy with your job and everything you've achieved?
How's the relationship with your parents, and how much does that mess with your head?
Do you feel like you're lacking direction now? Like, maybe once you hit the goals of getting a degree and a solid career, you realized "okay, I did that, now what?"
What about romance, a partner, or even just close friends?
What specifically triggers the sadness? What goes through your mind when it hits? Are there certain thoughts or events that weigh on you, or is it just a general cloud?

Look, you grew up in a rough house. The real question is: what kind of leftover baggage are you still carrying around inside because you had to spend all your energy just surviving back then..?
We all get bored or feel like life is meaningless sometimes, but it shouldn't turn into a chronic thing. Usually, we stay busy with life, hobbies, relationships... and just keep moving...
Did you maybe expect that checking off the boxes—finishing school, landing the big job—would suddenly bring this massive wave of fulfillment?
It doesn't work like that. Satisfaction has to come from within. You've gotta learn to love yourself, including all the messy parts...

Thanks for the reply.
Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm satisfied anymore.
The moment I actually made it in my career—I mean, I became the youngest director at a massive corporation at 27—everything else fell apart. My friends bailed, and so did my boyfriend. I came home with champagne to celebrate, only to find him packing his bags. He's one of those guys who can't handle a woman being more successful than him. Some friends turned jealous, and others just decided we had nothing left to talk about.
As for my parents? There's nothing there. My dad thinks I'm incompetent and stupid, and he makes sure I know it. My mom is just terrified to say anything or stand up to him.
I had big dreams—running ultramarathons, getting a PhD, becoming an executive, buying a house, traveling... I hit most of those marks, or they're right on the horizon. I've even got new goals, but clearly, I haven't figured out how to navigate this world yet.
I end my days crying in a massive silk bed.

When I'm sad, what am I thinking about? Just how much I miss having someone to lean on and hold me.

David Vaughn75 said:Look, I’m not really big on psychology myself—I tend to lean more toward psychiatrists since they feel a bit closer to actual hard science, you know?

I need help... what should I do?

Honestly? You’re feeling empty because you’re looking for fulfillment.

The stuff that used to make you feel whole just doesn't cut it anymore because you've grown up. As you get older, you start seeing the world through a much more realistic lens, and let's face it—that perspective sucks sometimes. The goal now is to work with some pros to find something new that actually resonates with who you are now.
I don't know about you, but back when I was hitting rock bottom, leaning into spirituality and religion really helped pull me through—just throwing that out there as an example. Maybe it’s traveling, maybe it’s getting a dog, I'm just rambling here, but everyone finds their own way to fill that void.

Yeah. I feel hollow. No time for a pet.
Trying to get into spirituality, but... something's holding me back.

You really need to make a massive pivot. Like, a total 180. You’ve gotta find your true self, because honestly? This version of you just isn't it, clearly...

Amanda Wood2 said:Thanks for the reply.
Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm satisfied anymore.
The moment I actually made it in my career—I mean, I became the youngest director at a massive corporation at 27—everything else fell apart. My friends bailed, and so did my boyfriend. I came home with champagne to celebrate, only to find him packing his bags. He's one of those guys who can't handle a woman being more successful than him. Some friends turned jealous, and others just decided we had nothing left to talk about.
As for my parents? There's nothing there. My dad thinks I'm incompetent and stupid, and he makes sure I know it. My mom is just terrified to say anything or stand up to him.
I had big dreams—running ultramarathons, getting a PhD, becoming an executive, buying a house, traveling... I hit most of those marks, or they're right on the horizon. I've even got new goals, but clearly, I haven't figured out how to navigate this world yet.
I end my days crying in a massive silk bed.

When I'm sad, what am I thinking about? Just how much I miss having someone to lean on and hold me.

🤣 🤣 sorry, but... 🤣 🤦

Look, lady, sorry, but I don't really have much sympathy for situations like yours. People deal with actual, life-altering crises, you know? Go online, browse any major US news site, pick up a newspaper, and actually read about what people are going through. Maybe then you’ll realize that your "struggle" is mostly internal and that you're actually doing quite well for yourself.

Stop whining about your "tragic" fate and try being useful to someone else for a change instead of just dwelling on yourself. 🙄

Amanda Wood2 said:Thanks for the reply.
Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm satisfied anymore.
The moment I actually made it in my career—I mean, I became the youngest director at a massive corporation at 27—everything else fell apart. My friends bailed, and so did my boyfriend. I came home with champagne to celebrate, only to find him packing his bags. He's one of those guys who can't handle a woman being more successful than him. Some friends turned jealous, and others just decided we had nothing left to talk about.
As for my parents? There's nothing there. My dad thinks I'm incompetent and stupid, and he makes sure I know it. My mom is just terrified to say anything or stand up to him.
I had big dreams—running ultramarathons, getting a PhD, becoming an executive, buying a house, traveling... I hit most of those marks, or they're right on the horizon. I've even got new goals, but clearly, I haven't figured out how to navigate this world yet.
I end my days crying in a massive silk bed.

When I'm sad, what am I thinking about? Just how much I miss having someone to lean on and hold me.

Look, you are an incredibly successful woman, and I truly tip my hat to everything you've achieved.
The thing you really need to realize is that people just drift in and out of our lives. The ones who actually respect you will stick around, but most others—the jealous types or the users—they’ll just drop anchor and leave. Don't let your father or anyone else put you down, period. That’s his own baggage to deal with; he has absolutely zero business meddling in your life, your goals, or your career.

If a guy walked out because he was jealous—which, let's face it, some guys are just wired that way—it just means he wasn't worth your time, let alone your tears.
Try to get out there and meet people who actually value you.
You've smashed your professional goals, and you've got the luck, the brains, and the drive, but you're missing that emotional piece of the puzzle. We aren't robots, you know? Money, a nice apartment, or a fancy car might provide comfort, but they can't hold you at night or tell you something kind when you need it. Focus on building connections with high-quality people... give yourself a chance to find new friends and maybe even a new love...
Money definitely makes life easier and lets you treat yourself, but it also makes people less sympathetic toward you. In their eyes, you've got the money and the big job, so why bother complaining? They think you shouldn't be sad or struggling, which makes it hard to find common ground. That's just how it goes sometimes—you win some, you lose some. Just try to listen to your gut and figure out what's actually missing.
Keep your head up and do what makes you happy. There's no such thing as a perfect life, and the cards are never perfectly dealt... once you meet new people, a new passion or a new love will come along and give everything meaning again...😉

Anthony Perez28 said:🤣 🤣 sorry, but... 🤣 🤦

Look, lady, sorry, but I don't really have much sympathy for situations like yours. People deal with actual, life-altering crises, you know? Go online, browse any major US news site, pick up a newspaper, and actually read about what people are going through. Maybe then you’ll realize that your "struggle" is mostly internal and that you're actually doing quite well for yourself.

Stop whining about your "tragic" fate and try being useful to someone else for a change instead of just dwelling on yourself. 🙄

Nobody out there has bigger problems than everyone else does with their OWN lives.
Life is tough for everybody, whether you're some prince or just struggling to get by—everyone cries about something, we're all human...
Honestly, you should really take a second to think about what you actually have in life, and realize that most problems aren't actually that huge if they can be fixed. You just gotta put in the work.
I'm actually in a pretty similar spot to this user—married, good job, money in the bank, savings and all—but man, we all have our own stuff that makes us question things or feel down from time to time...

Donna White50 said:Nobody out there has bigger problems than everyone else does with their OWN lives.
Life is tough for everybody, whether you're some prince or just struggling to get by—everyone cries about something, we're all human...
Honestly, you should really take a second to think about what you actually have in life, and realize that most problems aren't actually that huge if they can be fixed. You just gotta put in the work.
I'm actually in a pretty similar spot to this user—married, good job, money in the bank, savings and all—but man, we all have our own stuff that makes us question things or feel down from time to time...

Yes, they do.
http://cnn.com/world/news/people-need-to-be-shamed/

http://nytimes.com/news/article/national-crisis-report/

http://foxnews.com/us/crime/tragedy-in-the-midwest/

http://washingtonpost.com/world/global-migration-trends/

http://abcnews.go.com/crime/tragic-loss-of-child/

Do you see where I'm coming from, or do I need to spell it out further?

Nope, I still don't get you people. Sorry. Now you can go back to crying in your silk-sheeted beds.🤣 Later.

Anthony Perez28 said:Yes, they do.
http://cnn.com/world/news/people-need-to-be-shamed/

http://nytimes.com/news/article/national-crisis-report/

http://foxnews.com/us/crime/tragedy-in-the-midwest/

http://washingtonpost.com/world/global-migration-trends/

http://abcnews.go.com/crime/tragic-loss-of-child/

Do you see where I'm coming from, or do I need to spell it out further?

Nope, I still don't get you people. Sorry. Now you can go back to crying in your silk-sheeted beds.🤣 Later.

Dužn owes an answer to this provocation.
Look, it’s pretty obvious that people all over the US—and honestly everywhere else too—are dealing with massive existential stuff, refugees, starvation, and things like that. Those are heavy situations that make those of us who haven't lived through them wonder a lot about life. But at the end of the day, wealthy people deal with sickness just like everyone else, and they grieve lost jobs, broken friendships, breakups, divorces, or losing family members. None of us are immune to that. It’s just life, and it hits everyone regardless of whether you're driving a luxury car or a beat-up sedan, or sleeping on cheap sheets or high-end silk. The absolute worst thing you can do is judge someone just because they've been successful or have money, and then refuse to see them as actual human beings... I really hope the author doesn't take this bait personally. There's no reason to assume she didn't work her tail off for everything she has, probably facing disappointment, exhaustion, sadness, and plenty of tough times along the way...

🙈 To be perfectly honest, I hadn't bothered reading the rules before, but I have now. So, my apologies.

That being said, I’m not going to walk back what I said. When I consider how bad my own situation is, I realize there are plenty of people out there dealing with much worse, and that should serve as a wake-up call. It’s as simple as that.
Regarding the author—given everything you've been through, you really should have mastered the art of keeping a cool head or developing a bit of a thick skin by now. You'll be fine; the biggest mistake you can make is letting yourself get swept up in emotions that aren't even grounded in reality.

So, yeah... sorry. My bad. 🙈

Amanda Wood2 said:Hey everyone.

For the last few years, I’ve been dealing with this endless sadness that actually turns into physical pain and health issues.
When I finally get my head on straight, I know I *should* be happy, but this feeling just destroys me.
I grew up in a house with an aggressive father, and I definitely see the fallout from his outbursts. I moved out at 17 and worked my tail off while finishing school—cleaning toilets every morning and waitressing on weekends. I kept grinding through college just to pay my way. By 23, right after graduation, I was just chronically exhausted and totally drained. Then, things seemed to "work out"—I landed this amazing job that required moving back to my hometown. And, like, on paper everything is fine. I'm young, I'm fit, I have money, I built it all myself... but I'm sad. Just endlessly, deeply sad.
I saw a therapist who basically told me I need to figure out what I want from life and just "stop" this feeling.
I used to love pushing my body to the limit, but not anymore... I go 62 miles (literally) and there's zero rush left.
I'm just done. Done with life, people, ambition (theirs), everyone else's expectations, and this total emotional void.
I need help... what do I even do?

Look, you have to help yourself somehow... however you manage it... it doesn't really matter. If you’re asking my opinion, the end justifies the means here—independence is everything. Anything else just leads to becoming dependent on someone else, which usually ends up with you simply swapping one "problem" for another.🥱 But then again, that's just how I see things.

As for the "how"... I honestly don't know. I feel for you, truly. I suppose I feel for myself too, because I’ve spent five years just trying to stay afloat, trying not to reach a breaking point, because, objectively speaking, I just don't have the strength left.😬 In my experience, this kind of exhaustion isn't even necessarily a bad thing; it's just heavy. I can't find joy in the things that used to satisfy me, nor in anything I've tried during these last five years that I thought might work... or even things I never intended to try. When a person loses their options, they tend to experiment with just about anything.

But I wouldn't want to depress you.

It sounds like you’ve fought some massive battles in your life, and perhaps you feel ready for some well-deserved rest and relaxation after all that. But... much like with our war veterans, it seems there are always consequences. Sometimes, celebrating a "victory" isn't actually possible, because the cost of that win involves sacrifices that can never be recovered. And based on what I've seen, you can only expect new ones to follow... oh boy, I promised I wouldn't be depressing, didn't I?😵

Just run if you can. If your circumstances won't allow that, find an escape any way you can. Personally, solitude works for me. You mentioned looking for support and comfort from another person, so good luck with that choice. Just be careful. From what I've experienced, the people I least expected to kick me while I was down were the ones who ended up breaking whatever bones I had left. So, what can I say? I'm full of negative experiences, and as a result, I've become somewhat numb to the possibility of anything good happening.🐔

I live on the memories of good intentions and kind wishes... so, I suppose I'll just wait until those memories fade.😬

🙈 To be honest, I hadn't read the rules before, but I have now. My apologies...

I could have just given a heads-up first, so here we are, clearing the air.

At the end of the day, pointing out that people are starving in Africa, or that there are abandoned children and victims of disasters out there... it doesn't fix an individual's sense of emptiness. Not in the long run. Someone else might be fighting cancer, yet my ingrown toenail still hurts so much I can't walk properly, even though I know logically that a malignancy is a far bigger deal than my minor issue. Still, feeling empty and lost isn't exactly trivial. The detail about the silk sheets doesn't really matter. Or perhaps it does, if you view it as a symbol of outward abundance clashing with inner void...

Author, it sounds to me like your psychologist was trying to suggest that you identify your actual needs and work toward meeting them, rather than chasing what you think you *should* need...

What you truly need is love
nothing else matters

You have built an impressive career
you have secured your independence
just please, don't let the sorrow consume you, because if that happens, it’s truly over

It turns out I was right all along; thanks to Lay's, you really shouldn't have messed with those boxes.
you truly didn't

Amanda Wood2 said:Hey everyone.

For the last few years, I’ve been dealing with this endless sadness that actually turns into physical pain and health issues.
When I finally get my head on straight, I know I *should* be happy, but this feeling just destroys me.
I grew up in a house with an aggressive father, and I definitely see the fallout from his outbursts. I moved out at 17 and worked my tail off while finishing school—cleaning toilets every morning and waitressing on weekends. I kept grinding through college just to pay my way. By 23, right after graduation, I was just chronically exhausted and totally drained. Then, things seemed to "work out"—I landed this amazing job that required moving back to my hometown. And, like, on paper everything is fine. I'm young, I'm fit, I have money, I built it all myself... but I'm sad. Just endlessly, deeply sad.
I saw a therapist who basically told me I need to figure out what I want from life and just "stop" this feeling.
I used to love pushing my body to the limit, but not anymore... I go 62 miles (literally) and there's zero rush left.
I'm just done. Done with life, people, ambition (theirs), everyone else's expectations, and this total emotional void.
I need help... what do I even do?

I happen to be reading Oliver Sacks' book, "Healing: Treating Stress, Anxiety, and Depression Without Meds or Psychotherapy." He’s a neuropsychiatrist and a legitimate scientist—we aren't talking about some random internet guru here; he deals strictly in scientific facts and medical databases. Honestly, I highly recommend you pick up that book.

It is blindingly obvious to me that you have lost your way somewhere in the disconnect between the cognitive and emotional sectors of your brain. You are going through the motions because your logic tells you to, but it’s completely out of sync with your emotional self. When those two spheres of our personality go to war or pull in opposite directions, a total collapse is inevitable. That kind of internal meltdown leads to further psychological issues, and more importantly, it triggers a chemical imbalance in the body. Your hormones start misfiring, and if you don't fix it, you're looking at actual physical illness.

Amanda Wood2 said:Thanks for the reply.
Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm satisfied anymore.
The moment I actually made it in my career—I mean, I became the youngest director at a massive corporation at 27—everything else fell apart. My friends bailed, and so did my boyfriend. I came home with champagne to celebrate, only to find him packing his bags. He's one of those guys who can't handle a woman being more successful than him. Some friends turned jealous, and others just decided we had nothing left to talk about.
As for my parents? There's nothing there. My dad thinks I'm incompetent and stupid, and he makes sure I know it. My mom is just terrified to say anything or stand up to him.
I had big dreams—running ultramarathons, getting a PhD, becoming an executive, buying a house, traveling... I hit most of those marks, or they're right on the horizon. I've even got new goals, but clearly, I haven't figured out how to navigate this world yet.
I end my days crying in a massive silk bed.

When I'm sad, what am I thinking about? Just how much I miss having someone to lean on and hold me.

You basically gave yourself the answer in that last line—you're missing love.

So, could you tell me what actually brings you joy? What kind of things make you smile when you hear them, or see them out in the world? Surely there’s something you’re passionate about... anything at all?