Feeling lost

I originally intended to stay quiet and not post anything—but honestly, I don't care anymore. I’m here to see if I can pull any actual, intelligent advice from this thread or maybe figure out what I can do to improve my situation.

Lately, there's been this persistent, low-level feeling dragging me down—I won't go so far as to give it a clinical label, but to put it bluntly: it's total emptiness. I'm stuck in a job I absolutely loathe, all my hobbies are effectively on indefinite hold... and I find myself constantly stuck in this mental loop, obsessively rewinding the tape and wallowing in nostalgia, thinking about how much better things used to be.

To give you some context: the career I actually enjoyed—working in the hospitality and tourism industry—has essentially vanished due to the pandemic. Even my hobbies have dried up; I used to play recreational basketball with a regular group, but that's gone too. My other passion was amateur acting—there are still some local community theater plans floating around for a revival, but for now, there is absolutely nothing happening.

The worst part is the delayed realization—I’m constantly looking back and seeing just how much better my previous life was, especially regarding the work I did. I feel this void opening up inside me, and I have no idea how to fill it, what to pursue, or how to rebuild myself. Being unemployed for a long stretch was mentally taxing enough, but being trapped in this current job—which doesn't suit my personality even one percent—is significantly worse. I am literally dreaming about work when I'm not working, which is exhausting, yet I have zero other options because finding decent employment in America right now feels nearly impossible.

To make matters worse, I completely miscalculated my timeline for traveling. I had this "we'll deal with it later" attitude, thinking it would be an easy step outside my comfort zone—even regarding looking for work abroad—and now I'm plagued by guilt, compounded by the sheer uncertainty of when this whole COVID mess will finally end (not that anyone actually knows).

I honestly feel like I'm the only one left stranded in this "hopelessness," because almost everyone I know seems to have their jobs, their social circles... everything is back to normal for them.
I'm constantly dealing with this sense of incompleteness and those "bad butterflies" in my stomach, and I have no clue how to manage it—especially since things are incredibly awkward within my own family right now (though I won't get into that).

How do I change this narrative and actually adapt to the reality of the situation?

I think a ton of people are feeling exactly the same way you are right now. I don't know if it actually helps, but there’s some kind of comfort in knowing you aren't alone in this misery. If everyone you know still has their social life intact, how can you be the one left out in the cold?

It honestly sucks being ripped away from everything that actually makes life worth living... it's a brutal situation to be in, especially when you're trying to make a living in the hospitality industry. I'm gonna throw a bunch of ideas and advice your way, though I have no clue if any of it will actually do you any good.

Feeling unfulfilled isn't weird at all, especially given how things are right now. Don't go expecting it to just vanish tomorrow or thinking you can wave a magic wand and make it disappear.

I really believe a massive amount of people can relate to that feeling that things were just better before this mess started, because let's face it, the odds of that being true are pretty high 😬. But, man, try not to beat yourself up over it too much. Everything passes, this too shall pass, and things will get better eventually. Just cut those thoughts off the second they start creeping in... that's all past tense.

Since you can't play basketball, just try to stay active somehow. Find some follow-along workout videos on YouTube, or if you can, go for a run or even just a walk. Fresh air and moving your body works wonders... it's what helped me survive the darkest stretches of my own life.

As for acting, maybe you could try filming some videos? Like monologues? It’s an indirect way to keep playing with that hobby (sort of like how people used to record themselves singing solo for choirs or something).

You can still look for work, even though, yeah, you're right—the tourism sector is in a real bad spot right now. In the meantime, maybe pick up a language from a country you'd want to move to; just do 15-20 minutes a day, but do it every single day.

Just focus on the day-to-day stuff, those little things... working out, learning, finding joy in small moments. Direct your daily routine toward your end goal, but otherwise, try to think about it as little as possible. I know, I know, sounds like a total cliché, but it's true. I just want to emphasize that I'm not telling you to force yourself to believe everything is "great," because it isn't. It's bad. But even in the middle of the bad stuff, you gotta find those tiny positive bits to keep you going through the daily grind... build those small habits that'll eventually let you climb out of this hole step by step.

Again, you aren't alone. So many people feel this way, even regardless of the pandemic. It’ll get better 🙂.

On top of everything else I just listed, there are things I’m already doing—like being constantly stuck in my own head whenever I’m not working (and honestly, even when I am sleeping... lol). Anyway, thanks for the advice <3 regarding the acting and creative side; I actually have a few ideas brewing despite how crazy things are right now—it’s just that getting started is the hardest part. My real struggle, though, is trying to wrap my head around my current reality—I don't even know how to put it into words. I'm facing so much external pressure: obviously, I have to work—that goes without saying—but because this specific job keeps being offered to me, I find it incredibly hard to accept. I’m the only one at this company with a college degree—there are over a hundred employees here—so I am massively overqualified... and it just eats at me constantly. I can't stop thinking, "What am I even doing here?" Even my coworkers pick up on it and ask me what's going on—they try to be subtle about it, but they aren't nearly as successful as they think they are.

My family is putting the most pressure on me. Ever since I got laid off, they've been making these frequent accusations that I’m mentally unstable, simply because I keep switching jobs. If I lived in any other part of the US, this kind of career pivoting would be considered totally normal. Instead, they hit me with this constant guilt-tripping, dragging up things from four years ago like, "Oh, if you had just stayed at that old job, you'd be doing fine right now." As if it isn't enough that I'm already constantly beating myself up over the past. In times like these, I don't know how to truly become independent, but I need to feel secure in my own income—because right now, I’m only half-independent, living in a rental apartment that I don't even pay for myself...

fadedrider17 said:I originally intended to stay quiet and not post anything—but honestly, I don't care anymore. I’m here to see if I can pull any actual, intelligent advice from this thread or maybe figure out what I can do to improve my situation.

Lately, there's been this persistent, low-level feeling dragging me down—I won't go so far as to give it a clinical label, but to put it bluntly: it's total emptiness. I'm stuck in a job I absolutely loathe, all my hobbies are effectively on indefinite hold... and I find myself constantly stuck in this mental loop, obsessively rewinding the tape and wallowing in nostalgia, thinking about how much better things used to be.

To give you some context: the career I actually enjoyed—working in the hospitality and tourism industry—has essentially vanished due to the pandemic. Even my hobbies have dried up; I used to play recreational basketball with a regular group, but that's gone too. My other passion was amateur acting—there are still some local community theater plans floating around for a revival, but for now, there is absolutely nothing happening.

The worst part is the delayed realization—I’m constantly looking back and seeing just how much better my previous life was, especially regarding the work I did. I feel this void opening up inside me, and I have no idea how to fill it, what to pursue, or how to rebuild myself. Being unemployed for a long stretch was mentally taxing enough, but being trapped in this current job—which doesn't suit my personality even one percent—is significantly worse. I am literally dreaming about work when I'm not working, which is exhausting, yet I have zero other options because finding decent employment in America right now feels nearly impossible.

To make matters worse, I completely miscalculated my timeline for traveling. I had this "we'll deal with it later" attitude, thinking it would be an easy step outside my comfort zone—even regarding looking for work abroad—and now I'm plagued by guilt, compounded by the sheer uncertainty of when this whole COVID mess will finally end (not that anyone actually knows).

I honestly feel like I'm the only one left stranded in this "hopelessness," because almost everyone I know seems to have their jobs, their social circles... everything is back to normal for them.
I'm constantly dealing with this sense of incompleteness and those "bad butterflies" in my stomach, and I have no clue how to manage it—especially since things are incredibly awkward within my own family right now (though I won't get into that).

How do I change this narrative and actually adapt to the reality of the situation?

Honestly? By hunting down a new gig that actually fits who you are now—and just accepting that things aren't gonna go back to how they used to be. You gotta stop mourning the old ways and just learn to roll with the punches...
Find a job that actually suits the "new" you...
Get out more, hang with friends, maybe get back into some sports...
Accepting that everything changes and life is basically just one big game of figuring it out as you go...
In any new setup, just focus on the here and now and try to grab whatever good vibes you can find in the moment...

Ugh, family... what a nightmare. It’s not like you can just cut ties easily, especially when they're breathing down your neck instead of being halfway across the country. Honestly, you're probably obsessing over the past because they basically hardwired those patterns into your brain. I learned the hard way—whenever my folks start preaching stuff I don't buy, I just nod and say "yeah, sure, whatever." I start counting in my head, trying some deep breathing exercises, or anything else just to stop myself from getting sucked into their toxic loops...

And yeah, obviously it sucks that they're footing the bill for your apartment. That is a massive lever for them to use to mess with your head, which is 😬. I mean, I get where they're coming from—maybe they're terrified they'll have to bankroll you forever, or maybe they're just worried about your future, even if their ways are totally messed up (if I'm reading this right). But you gotta look at the reality: Are you looking for a different job? Would you actually quit just like that? Can you scrape together enough cash to survive a few months on your own? Or maybe find some roommates to split the rent so you aren't so dependent?

As for how soul-crushing the job is... man, you gotta be pragmatic. You need money, and right now, this is where it's coming from. I know people around here can be weird about that kind of thing (I couldn't even get hired myself because I was overqualified 🙄), but who cares? At the very least, it's experience that teaches you exactly what kind of life you *don't* want to live 😁.

Regarding all that past trauma stuff... you eventually learn how to cut it out. There are plenty of techniques to stop the endless spiraling and regretful overthinking. It doesn't happen overnight, but you'll get there.

Like I said, just take it slow. Dedicate just a tiny sliver of every day to actually working on that idea of yours. Don't obsess over whether it's working or getting burnt out by the lack of results. Just... slowly.

First of all, you aren't alone in this, and frankly, there is little sense in looking at it through such a narrow lens... perhaps there isn't anyone in your immediate neighborhood facing these exact circumstances, or maybe you simply haven't met them yet, but even if it feels like you're isolated, 😁 everything a person goes through is happening to someone else somewhere else on the map.

I was actually discussing this quite recently with a colleague here on the forum—how we all tend to shout into our own little corners, convinced we are solitary figures struggling with business, health, or social issues, when in reality, we are only a few clicks away from a community that understands exactly what we are going through.

As someone else mentioned earlier, one really ought to take an active role in steering things toward the direction they desire... it might not be a flawless transformation overnight, but if you manage to find a job that doesn't leave you with that constant knot in your stomach, then you have already succeeded, and from there, you move on to the next step.

It is difficult, certainly, and the recent pandemic certainly added another layer of complexity to an already heavy situation, but we don't really have much choice other than to push back with a force proportional to the weight of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Physical activity is vital for maintaining both a healthy mind and body, though I find myself forcing myself to do it just as much as anyone else, so I won't dwell on the philosophy of it too long... 😁