First impressions

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#1 · Apr 18, 2006

Have you ever met someone who seems absolutely perfect at first, only to turn weird and start ghosting you out of nowhere?

Why do you think some people act like that?

thx 😘

Ethan Sullivan2 Member

23 messages
joined Apr 2006

#2 · Apr 18, 2006

I honestly can't stand people who judge others based on nothing but a first impression.😉
They pull away because they just can't fake being friendly or showing any real emotion anymore.
These people are basically social chameleons—they spend their whole lives just doing whatever the crowd expects of them, but let's be real, you can't play a character forever.😉
There could be a thousand different reasons behind it, too. Maybe it’s shame, maybe there's drama at home, issues with a partner, kids... who's really going to know?😉

restlessseal16 Member

22 messages
joined Feb 2006

#3 · Apr 18, 2006

Seriously, where would you even rank people if everything boiled down to first impressions? Just think about it—are you actually being yourself when you first meet someone?
I can tell you one thing for sure: I am definitely not.

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#4 · Apr 18, 2006

restlessseal16 said:Seriously, where would we end up if everything just boiled down to first impressions? Just think about whether you’re actually yourself when you first meet someone.
I can tell you right now, I am definitely not.

No, no, you totally missed the point here 😕

Of course we all act a bit more upbeat, cheerful, and friendly than we actually are during a first impression—most of the time, anyway...

But there are certain people who absolutely wow you at first. They seem incredibly interesting and warm over the first few coffees, but then they suddenly start withdrawing and avoiding contact altogether. Why do you think they act like that?

Jonathan Wells5 Newcomer

1 message
joined Apr 2006

#5 · Apr 18, 2006

I honestly do this every single time someone’s vibe just doesn't click with me right off the bat... if I'm hanging out with someone and I just can't get past that initial feeling, I still make sure to stay true to myself. I always try to give them the benefit of the doubt first, thinking maybe they're just having a rough day at work, or they're super anxious around new people, or something else entirely... it's really just so nobody can call me out for being judgmental or not giving people a fair shake 😁 . But then, look, if after grabbing a few coffees together they still don't show any better side of themselves, I'll just start pulling back and keep our contact to an absolute minimum
.

Dennis Torres Member

21 messages
joined Sep 2005

#6 · Apr 18, 2006

Honestly, we’re all just judging everything based on first impressions, right?
Like, you meet someone, you get this initial vibe from them, and sure, more info might nudge how you see them later on... but that gut feeling you got at the start? It pretty much sticks around for the long haul.

So, why does someone seem totally different after a while?
Ugh, there are like a million reasons for that!
Personally, my mood can swing from being super low to being a complete ray of sunshine, so if someone meets me when I'm feeling totally depressed, they’re going to have a way different opinion of me than if they catch me when I'm feeling super happy and stoked...
But I feel like once someone meets me during one of those down periods, they kind of hold onto that info—they know I *can* be like that, even if I end up being way more bubbly and fun later on. That little bit of data about me having my depressive moments just stays in the back of their mind.

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#7 · Apr 18, 2006

No, no, no 🙄

Some people just have this specific pattern of behavior, so I’m curious—what do you guys think is actually driving them to act like that??

Ethan Sullivan2 Member

23 messages
joined Apr 2006

#8 · Apr 18, 2006

So, what are you even asking? You want a specific label for that kind of behavior?😉
Look, I’m telling you—this type of person just doesn't like showing emotion. They assume you'll just "get" what they mean without them having to say it, so they stay quiet. They feel like the environment isn't right for opening up, and honestly, self-confidence plays a huge role too; they're terrified they won't articulate themselves well or that they won't be understood properly... People like that are just closed off. They're introverted—maybe even temporarily, but still.
I'm a social person myself, so I used to find myself wanting others to take the lead in conversation too, thinking that if I was doing my part to keep things moving, everyone else should step up, too... But hey, people aren't clones, and not everyone is going to click with everyone else.😉
It really just comes down to the fact that some people simply don't have those social graces.
...Plus, let's be real, life is tough for young people today, which is why we're seeing this growing trend of people staying silent in groups. You just have to get used to it.
It’s easy at first to put on a mask and pretend you're all sunshine and rainbows, acting like you're totally 😉, but once things actually get heavy, it becomes incredibly difficult to open up to someone you don't know well—or worse, to someone who thinks they know you so perfectly that they won't actually listen to what you're really feeling......
Like Dennis Torres says, there could be a million and five hundred thousand one of them, haha.

Ethan Ramos3 Newcomer

2 messages
joined Mar 2006

#9 · Apr 18, 2006

gentlelynx26 said:No, no, no... 🙄

I've noticed this seems to be a recurring pattern for some people, so I was wondering—what do you all think are the underlying reasons behind this behavior?

A pattern? Or maybe they just had a bad day? And then, after a couple of coffees, they're right back at it...

Ethan Sullivan2 Member

23 messages
joined Apr 2006

#10 · Apr 18, 2006

By the way, those stupid smiley faces are starting to get on my nerves. They’re just so childish, though I guess you have to show some kind of emotion now and then.
From here on out, I’m sticking with the Anti-vax icon :x

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#11 · Apr 19, 2006

Nobody gets me 🙂

I know for a fact—speaking from experience here 😁—that whenever I meet someone new, they always think I'm charming. But after a little while, it’s like they suddenly get spooked. They start worrying about being handled the wrong way or just feel awkward, so they pull back, avoid me, and go silent. Honestly, the only people I actually get along with today are the ones who didn't take my retreating personally and kept picking on me and pushing through it 😕

But look, this isn't just a vent session about myself 😍. I want to know what you all think. Why would someone act like that? It sounds weird, I know, but in those moments, I just don't understand my own behavior 🤣

Henry Garcia10 Member

22 messages
joined Feb 2006

#12 · Apr 20, 2006

gentlelynx26 said:nobody really gets me🙂

I know for a fact—looking at myself 😁—that whenever I meet someone new, they always think I'm charming. But after a little while, I guess I start worrying that people might take me too seriously or find me annoying, so I just start pulling back, avoiding them, and staying quiet. All the people I actually get along with today are the ones who kept teasing me and pushing through my avoidance. They just stuck by me. 😕

But I don't want this to be all about me. 😍 I'm curious what you guys think in general. Why would someone act like that? It sounds weird, but in those moments, I don't really understand why I do it. 🤣

It’s because you’re trying to protect that first good impression you made. You end up doing the exact opposite because you're terrified of "ruining" the version of yourself they liked.

I know people who, when meeting someone for the first time, act all shy and calculated just so they can manipulate the situation. They do it in the most subtle ways. They just feel like they need to be in control. And honestly, they don't have any bad intentions.
None of this is a huge deal until it scales up and starts messing with your ability to function normally... but you're the one who decides how much to let it happen.

I won't bother going into detail about how we aren't all best friends with everyone.
Just being yourself, whatever happens, usually comes with fewer headaches in the long run.

Lisa Roberts4 Newcomer

1 message
joined Apr 2006

#13 · Apr 20, 2006

gentlelynx26 said:have you ever met someone who makes an incredible first impression, only to turn weird and start pulling away later on?

why do you think some people act like that?

thx 😘

There are really two different truths at play here, or rather two ways to answer this, even though they stem from the same core issue:
1. How the other person behaves
2. How we behave following that encounter

If we’re looking specifically at what you asked—why someone might retreat after that initial hello meeting—the answer is pretty complicated... it's hard to pinpoint exactly what's going through their head... maybe they're overthinking everything, worrying they came on too strong or opened up way too fast... or perhaps they're just sensitive and something about the interaction rubbed them the wrong way in a way we didn't even notice... there are endless reasons... but these cases aren't rare... nowadays, it seems especially common with younger people who lack enough confidence, so by the second meeting they're already dodging future hangouts because they've convinced themselves they won't fit in or that the group isn't "their crowd"...
The second thing I touched on—our reaction to that person, which is what most people here tend to talk about regarding those first impressions—is that initial judgment that's unfortunately superficial, something psychology refers to as the halo effect...
The whole point of this phenomenon is that we take one single trait, whether we like it or not, and use it to build a complete profile of a human being, which is inherently shallow... Most of the time, we're judging based on physical appearance, from facial features to dental work, the tone of their voice, how they speak, how they dress, their build, and things like that... We also lean on bits of info we heard about them beforehand, and if we don't like it, we immediately "color" them as likable or unlikable in our minds... It kills our objectivity, obviously, and while you can't entirely avoid it, the only way to mitigate it is to constantly ask ourselves: how much is the halo effect clouding my judgment?...
Though, even that can be a double-edged sword... sometimes a warm voice actually does mean the person is warm... or the way someone dresses really can be a window into their character... and of course, it can all work the opposite way too... but as humans, we are incredibly prone to being superficial and jumping to conclusions via that halo effect...

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#14 · Apr 20, 2006

Henry Garcia10 said:You’re just trying too hard to protect that perfect first impression you made. You end up backfiring because you're terrified of "ruining" the image people have of you.

🤣 🤣 🤣 See? This is how it goes 😬

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#15 · Apr 20, 2006

[QUOTE
It’s become such a common thing with kids these days. They just don't have the confidence. After maybe one or two hangouts, they start ghosting everyone because they're already convinced they won't fit in or that the group isn't "their vibe." It's pure insecurity.

🤣 🤣 🤣

northernmaker2 Newcomer

7 messages
joined Jan 2006

#16 · Apr 20, 2006

naomi said:have you ever met someone who makes an amazing first impression, only to turn weird and start withdrawing later?
why do you think some people act like that?
thx 😘

Yeah. 🙂

It was September 16, 1975, at a local community parade.
Lucy was sitting next to me, laughing. You know how it is.
Her thick, wavy hair fell gracefully over her eyes, brushing lightly against her cheeks.
Even though back then we didn't really grasp the full weight of American politics, we were all still happily cheering for Marshall.
Lucy was quite a huggable little girl. Even before she hit six, you could see the faint outlines of her developing figure starting to show. Which I, naturally, wholeheartedly welcomed.

We started first grade that fall.
The end of one cycle and the beginning of another started out really well.
And it stayed that way until halfway through the first semester.
Then, everything just kind of... annoyed us, if you catch my drift, and we started yelling at that Illich woman: "get out of school!"
As punishment, we ended up in math remedial classes. To make matters worse, my overly caring father—instead of enrolling me in the much more desired youth political clubs—signed me up for ballet lessons. "Let the little guy toughen up," he used to say.

During the second semester, Lucy withdrew into herself.
Some people interpreted it as early signs of puberty, adolescent outbursts, or whatever else, but then Jim—a kid who had repeated the grade four times already—told us straight up that a six-year-old girl can't be going through puberty or, as he called it, a "second state."

I couldn't make sense of any of it, so I decided to ask Mom what this "second state" actually was.
She shut me down and sent me to my old man.
Dad was more patient. He was a soul of a man. He even found enough time, between flipping through the newspaper pages, to give me a playful smack on the ass and bark: "I don't want to know who you've been inflating, you little brat. Didn't I tell you nicely not to screw around without a condom? Well, no, you don't listen! So here you go."

If nothing made sense to me before, after that, it made even less sense.
I went looking for answers from the only person I felt could give them to me—Lucy.

Lucy was sitting on a swing, swaying gently.
Her hair was tied back in a ponytail. In a very messy sort of way.
She wasn't wearing anything under her dress. Which I interpreted as a sign that she was feeling hot.
I sat down next to her and asked why she was acting so strange and what she thought about this "second state."

She told me that her Barbie doll outfit she ordered from Seattle hadn't arrived on time, and that's why she was sad. As for the second state, she said she didn't know much, but she figured it happens after the first and before the third. Satisfied with that profoundly philosophical answer, I gave her a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek.

We watched the sunset and smiled softly.

That evening, I lost my innocence. 🙂

rapidheron Member

19 messages
joined Apr 2006

#17 · Apr 21, 2006

🤣 🤣

Watch out!

Honestly, everything was pretty brilliant until that one twist. It felt kind of forced, like a total deus ex machina that just didn't belong there.

Got any more stories? (Assuming this above is actually yours?) I'm no forum expert, so I might've missed 🙂

northernmaker2 Newcomer

7 messages
joined Jan 2006

#18 · Apr 22, 2006

It’s just like something out of a novel. 🤣

I’ll be dropping my short story collection soon.

The title is "Through thick and thin".

The first hundred lucky people at the launch get an autograph. 👍

Joshua Sanchez45 Newcomer

2 messages
joined Apr 2006

#19 · Apr 22, 2006

naomi said:Have you ever met someone who makes an incredible first impression, only to turn weird and start pulling away later?

Why do you think people act like that?

thx 😘

If someone leaves a great first impression, I guess my own psychological take is that it’s usually just highly calculated. Most of the time, these people are intentionally acting that way just to build up that specific image and keep it going. Why? Well, maybe because they’re obsessed with their own importance. They spend years feeding this ego trip where they need to be the expert on everything. It drives them to constantly move on. They’d rather find a new audience or a new follower than waste precious time trying to maintain a deep connection with one person. You can't really change that from your end; honestly, trying to do so probably just backfires. Just my two cents. P.S. They aren't actually retreating into themselves; they're just constantly pivoting toward the next shiny new person...

gentlelynx26 MemberOP

16 messages
joined Apr 2006

#20 · Apr 22, 2006

South Korea said:First impressions? If someone works hard to leave a great one, my take is they’re usually just highly educated types playing a game. They intentionally curate this image to feed their own ego. It’s a way to build a narrative about themselves. They spend years chasing this sense of being an "expert" in everything, and it drives them to constantly hunt for a new audience. They don't stay put. Instead of investing precious time in one person, they’d rather go find a new listener or fan to impress. You can't change that from the outside; trying to do so just backfires. They aren't turning inward—they're always looking for the next person to charm. Cheers everyone. ........ps. they don't retreat; they just pivot to someone new.

Finally!!! 🙏

Man, you’re the only one who actually gets what I’m going through😢...I’ve got plenty of "experts" around me, and I always shine at first. But the problem is, eventually, I end up creating that exact counter-effect they talked about. Plus, if I spend too much time focusing on just one person, I feel like I'm missing out on life. But honestly, I'm in a long-term relationship now and have a few solid friends who truly care about me, and I don't want to lose them. Those other people I felt the need to impress? They aren't even worth the effort.

Come on, give me some advice. I'll take anything.😁

First impressions

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