How do I defend myself?

So, I’ve got this "issue" that basically forced me to start looking into all those spiritual paths and whatnot... I don't know the exact technical term for it, but I just call it "feeling people."
It’s like I can pick up on their thoughts—and along with those thoughts comes all their misery and baggage. I know everyone gets a little vibe from others sometimes, but for me, it’s constant... it happens in every single everyday conversation.
Sometimes it’s just incredibly frustrating—honestly, it makes me so pissed off when I can feel someone thinking one thing while they’re saying something completely different—that I have to fight just to stay cool.
On top of that, people end up "dumping" their suffering onto me... so I just cut the conversation short, sometimes pretty bluntly, and try to dodge anyone who seems like they're having a rough time. I hate doing that because then I feel like a total jerk, but I honestly don't know how else to handle it.
A few times now, during a totally normal chat, I’ve actually felt like I’m being "drained"... kind of like someone is sucking the life out of me through a straw (yeah, yeah, stupid metaphor, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it)... and then I just get super twitchy and have to stop myself from physically "defending" myself.
I know plenty of people deal with stuff like this—maybe not as intensely as I do, but still—so how do you protect yourself without just walking away? And please, don't give me that "just ignore it" or "mentally distance yourself" crap... I've tried all that, and it works for maybe two seconds before everything goes south again.

Laughter is the best medicine 😉

Congratulations, you’ve officially become an empath😁
I know a few other folks in the spiritual community who deal with this exact same thing... honestly, you have to learn how to build some boundaries. You need to find a way to focus inward so you aren't constantly soaking up everyone else's moods and energy like a sponge🙂

And regarding that whole thing about getting irritated when someone says one thing but clearly means another... just take it easy. There are plenty of people out there like that. I'm sure there's a way to handle those situations without feeling like you're losing your mind or being pushed out of your own skin😉

This isn't progress—it's actually a step backward. There’s a massive difference between being empathetic and letting everyone else throw you completely off your game. I know people who honestly believe this hypersensitivity is some kind of spiritual achievement, but if you ask me, it's just nonsense. Spiritual practice should make you stronger, not leave you so fragile that every little thing knocks you out of balance 😉 ... personally, I think it’s just a sign of low energy levels where your tolerance threshold has basically hit zero.

If you're actually interested—my advice? Start by managing your sexual energy—maybe try living celibate for a bit until your levels stabilize—and get plenty of pranayama done in the fresh air. Also, stay solo for a while so people don't drain you dry before you've fully recovered. 😉 🧐

Maybe feeling this way is just a side effect of moving forward, and getting worked up about it is actually a sign that there's still some personal growth left to do?🙂

Well, progress is subjective. It really just depends on what you're actually aiming for. 😁

I have to disagree with Mano on this one. It reminds me of this guy I once knew—pretty weak-willed, no drive at all—who went to Vivekanandi looking for spiritual enlightenment. Vivekanandi basically told him to go play football instead (or maybe rugby, since he was in the USA... I can't quite remember which one he meant) and to come back once he’d toughened up, both physically and mentally.

I also see this happening a lot with "abstract practices"—techniques centered on witnessing or introspection but lacking any real focus or concentration. Most of these methods were essentially pulled out of caves and brought into the light relatively recently; they aren't exactly tailor-made for people living in the modern world. I've heard stories about Buddhist hermits in the Theravada tradition who found it almost impossible during advanced stages of practice to drop their consciousness down to a physical level from meditation, especially while trying to live among people and handle daily responsibilities.
If you overwork your mind while trying to manage everyday life, you'll just end up frustrated. You'll actually weaken your spiritual progress because you won't be able to commit fully to a specific practice—which requires a certain amount of sacrifice—instead, you'll just be hovering aimlessly on some abstract, diluted periphery.

For those of us grounded in the material world, things like prayer, mantras, and satsang (being around a community of practitioners, which is probably the biggest help) work best. In my experience, getting too deep into heavy esotericism usually does more harm than good.

Larry Lewis2 said:Maybe feeling this way is just a side effect of moving forward, and getting worked up about it is actually a sign that there's still some personal growth left to do?🙂

It’s possible. Maybe it just opened up spontaneously and he wasn't mentally prepared for it yet. He probably needs more time to build that foundation. I'm not even sure how old he is—is he still pretty young or what?🤔

If they’re young, it makes total sense that they feel that way. Honestly, I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to process everyone else's emotions. 🙄

Honestly, I wish I could tell you exactly what did the trick, but I really don't know.

I’m not sure who suggested pulling back from people, but if you mean distancing yourself from the ones who drain you most—rather than cutting everyone off entirely—then that’s my best advice. Honestly, that was a game-changer for me. Use that space to focus on yourself. It always pays off in the end.🙂
Look, there's no need to get all dramatic about it. It can actually be a pretty great feeling when you finally find that rhythm and everything just clicks into place.
I know, I didn't really help much.🙄

Jesse Wright24 said:Laughter is the best medicine 😉

👍

But you have to get there first.

YOU can't just do it alone—meaning, someone gives you advice and you try this or that... it doesn't work. You have to plug yourself into a system that starts building the coping mechanisms you currently lack, and then mastering them. That takes time.
THOSE are the mechanisms developed in early childhood. Yours were missed. So you struggle with boundaries, meaning you either don't have them or find it hard to set them with others. Everything and everyone around you drifts into your system along with all the clutter you don't know how to process or put away. It piles up inside you, and while you might just feel bad in a specific moment, eventually that pile can bury you... until you lose track of who you are or where you stand.
And then that feeling you're describing intensifies. You can't stand talking to people anymore. It’s not just empathy. You have a natural predisposition toward compassion, but a systemic glitch is causing you trouble.
Your perception of the world shifts. Look, when people talk, they rarely say everything; they only share a fraction of what they think. You might only hear the truly crazy ones because they're the only ones uncensoring their thoughts. Most people shape their thoughts to sound more acceptable, and even when being honest, they process it before it comes out. And of course, there are those who lie, or are insincere, or manipulate themselves—consciously or not—or manipulate others, blah blah... but once you (gradually and subconsciously) tune your antenna, because that's what you do, and you catch that tone of voice, that slight hesitation, that look... things you can't stand because they don't match what you sense is true inside... you start living in a version of reality that slowly turns black and white, becoming darker for you. You lose your way. Essentially, over time, that's all you see. You lose the big picture. Your reality testing fails. And you can't function.
Besides, almost nobody is purely suffering, and very few are complete lies.
For some reason, you chose to ask on this subforum instead of asking a psychologist how to solve this, so I can't really offer any further advice since I don't practice any specific, official spiritual techniques, but I hope someone else can suggest something that will actually help you in the long run.
Eventually, that ability inherent to your nature can become an advantage, and then a shift happens that gives you a much more beautiful approach to daily life whenever it's needed. That's what King was saying at the beginning.

Ronald Morris60 said:So, I’ve got this "issue" that basically forced me to start looking into all those spiritual paths and whatnot... I don't know the exact technical term for it, but I just call it "feeling people."
It’s like I can pick up on their thoughts—and along with those thoughts comes all their misery and baggage. I know everyone gets a little vibe from others sometimes, but for me, it’s constant... it happens in every single everyday conversation.
Sometimes it’s just incredibly frustrating—honestly, it makes me so pissed off when I can feel someone thinking one thing while they’re saying something completely different—that I have to fight just to stay cool.
On top of that, people end up "dumping" their suffering onto me... so I just cut the conversation short, sometimes pretty bluntly, and try to dodge anyone who seems like they're having a rough time. I hate doing that because then I feel like a total jerk, but I honestly don't know how else to handle it.
A few times now, during a totally normal chat, I’ve actually felt like I’m being "drained"... kind of like someone is sucking the life out of me through a straw (yeah, yeah, stupid metaphor, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it)... and then I just get super twitchy and have to stop myself from physically "defending" myself.
I know plenty of people deal with stuff like this—maybe not as intensely as I do, but still—so how do you protect yourself without just walking away? And please, don't give me that "just ignore it" or "mentally distance yourself" crap... I've tried all that, and it works for maybe two seconds before everything goes south again.

I think you're way too focused on other people. Someone clearly fed you some fairy tales about humanity. People aren't inherently good. They aren't even bad. Most people are just more or less hypocrites driven by their own selfish interests. Just focus on your own stuff and let them do whatever they're going to do.
Avoid the ones trying to manipulate you psychologically, and as for those who are suffering? Well, maybe it's an illusion. They're often just looking for your attention.
Until you learn to filter out the toxic people, you won't be able to actually sense the good ones. It's simple: the bad actors are louder, more charming, and more social. They have to be, since they lack the actual ability to create anything meaningful on their own. To fit into society, they have to pull all those stunts that bother you so much. Just accept that as reality and go find your path toward people who actually have some competence.

You can always defend yourself with some valium 😘
I’d honestly suggest finding a psychiatrist who won't sit there judging you, but will instead actually provide the kind of help you need...👍

Eric Sanders4 said:You can always defend yourself with some valium 😘
I’d honestly suggest finding a psychiatrist who won't sit there judging you, but will instead actually provide the kind of help you need...👍

A psychiatrist isn't going to do much for him, really. It's not like he's mentally ill or anything. He just... I don't know, he still has these naive illusions about how people actually work.

I’ve basically been born with this—it’s just how I am, and honestly, it feels like it’s only getting more intense as I get older... I'm 22 now.
I tried meditation for a bit, but instead of things settling down, it actually made everything feel way louder. Big mistake on my part—I didn't even mention it to my instructor. I did find some visualization exercises online, you know, the kind meant to shield you from everyone else's "vibes," and that helped a little... but I'm still nowhere near being able to snap my fingers and conjure up a literal ring of fire during a conversation or whatever. I just can't hit that level of focus yet.
It’s a relief to hear there are people out there who have actually dealt with this stuff—means I just need to hang in there and keep practicing, I guess.🙂
I don't know if there's a connection here, but my grandma on my mom's side spent her whole life making herbal remedies, those little charms and stuff, and reading Tarot cards... she actually made a decent living doing it, too😢. Whether she was actually tapping into something real or she was just an incredible actress, who knows? She passed away when I was just a kid.

At 22, I figured I had the diagnosis nailed down-- 🤣
Who even needs imaging? Just less... 🙂 and everything will turn out fine. 😬

🙂

boldsailor2 is totally hitting the nail on the head here.

If you want some advice from someone who’s actually been there... just grab some bacon, maybe an onion or two, and a shot of good bourbon... that should get you feeling steady again, right?🙂
But hey, if you're looking to really kick things into high gear and go from zero to sixty: go for a thick, bloody steak or some lamb.

One possibility might be that your aura is just too thin. It sounds more like a passive state, but you really need to be proactive if you want to defend yourself against psychological attacks. I actually know a remedy for this, but I can't exactly give it away to you just like that 🙂. My suggestion? Go online and find some yoga routines specifically designed to strengthen your aura. Try practicing them every single day for a week, and if that’s truly the issue, you’ll notice a massive difference, night and day.

If you just keep staying in this passive mode, who knows—you might even end up becoming a medium! 🙂

Ronald Morris60 said:So, I’ve got this "issue" that basically forced me to start looking into all those spiritual paths and whatnot... I don't know the exact technical term for it, but I just call it "feeling people."
It’s like I can pick up on their thoughts—and along with those thoughts comes all their misery and baggage. I know everyone gets a little vibe from others sometimes, but for me, it’s constant... it happens in every single everyday conversation.
Sometimes it’s just incredibly frustrating—honestly, it makes me so pissed off when I can feel someone thinking one thing while they’re saying something completely different—that I have to fight just to stay cool.
On top of that, people end up "dumping" their suffering onto me... so I just cut the conversation short, sometimes pretty bluntly, and try to dodge anyone who seems like they're having a rough time. I hate doing that because then I feel like a total jerk, but I honestly don't know how else to handle it.
A few times now, during a totally normal chat, I’ve actually felt like I’m being "drained"... kind of like someone is sucking the life out of me through a straw (yeah, yeah, stupid metaphor, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it)... and then I just get super twitchy and have to stop myself from physically "defending" myself.
I know plenty of people deal with stuff like this—maybe not as intensely as I do, but still—so how do you protect yourself without just walking away? And please, don't give me that "just ignore it" or "mentally distance yourself" crap... I've tried all that, and it works for maybe two seconds before everything goes south again.

>
That sounds like a classic case of projection. Most people deal with it by simply shutting down—closing themselves off from the here and now and obsessing over something else just so they don't have to face the people or things around them that irritate them. When I started practicing mindfulness exercises focused on staying centered in the present a few years back, the first thing I realized was how much people on the street, at work, or even at home were getting under my skin. It was way more than I ever imagined. Everything—the houses I walked past, my job, my daily routines—everything seemed to "resonate" with something inside me. It all felt incredibly tedious, repetitive, and just plain annoying. For a while, I had a hard time
staying in the present moment because every attempt to center myself triggered these painful, uncomfortable responses from my subconscious, all for the reasons I mentioned. But after practicing for a while, it finally clicked: all that pain and boredom was essentially meaningless. I realized I wasn't actually seeing those people or events; I was just reacting to my own concepts of reality rather than reality itself. Once that happened, those old concepts started to dissolve. Every time I slipped into a heavy mood, I’d get this sudden reminder that it’s all just a play between the observer and their ideas of reality, and that the two aren't actually connected. After those realizations, I changed. I stopped taking relationships and situations so seriously. Even if I briefly got caught up in my own head, I’d quickly remember how unreal it all was and snap right back out of it. As a result, I gained a certain understanding for others and a sense of inner peace.
As for you, I’d suggest focusing on the here and now. When you're talking to people—whether you like them or not—try to just observe the thoughts and emotions triggering those moments without any bias. Don't push back against them. Just let yourself feel everything, experience it neutrally, without judgment or pulling away, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. If you do that, you'll likely hit some major breakthroughs soon...

Ronald Morris60 said:So, I’ve got this "issue" that basically forced me to start looking into all those spiritual paths and whatnot... I don't know the exact technical term for it, but I just call it "feeling people."
It’s like I can pick up on their thoughts—and along with those thoughts comes all their misery and baggage. I know everyone gets a little vibe from others sometimes, but for me, it’s constant... it happens in every single everyday conversation.
Sometimes it’s just incredibly frustrating—honestly, it makes me so pissed off when I can feel someone thinking one thing while they’re saying something completely different—that I have to fight just to stay cool.
On top of that, people end up "dumping" their suffering onto me... so I just cut the conversation short, sometimes pretty bluntly, and try to dodge anyone who seems like they're having a rough time. I hate doing that because then I feel like a total jerk, but I honestly don't know how else to handle it.
A few times now, during a totally normal chat, I’ve actually felt like I’m being "drained"... kind of like someone is sucking the life out of me through a straw (yeah, yeah, stupid metaphor, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it)... and then I just get super twitchy and have to stop myself from physically "defending" myself.
I know plenty of people deal with stuff like this—maybe not as intensely as I do, but still—so how do you protect yourself without just walking away? And please, don't give me that "just ignore it" or "mentally distance yourself" crap... I've tried all that, and it works for maybe two seconds before everything goes south again.

Go ahead and be "that guy." Once you stop feeling guilty about setting those boundaries, you'll realize you've actually found some freedom.
Shutting people out or dodging them only masks the issue temporarily; the tension just keeps building up under the surface. Besides, you're dealing with this too—you're just as much a victim of the cycle as they are.
Try to lean into the whole process. Walk through it a few times, and you'll see it isn't as scary as it seems. Eventually, you'll build up a kind of emotional immunity.
At least then you'll actually understand the mechanics of how it works.
You can't run away from it, but you might eventually reach a point where it just slides right past you.
Anyway, don't count on that happening every single time.

Anonymous said:Go ahead and be "that guy." Once you stop feeling guilty about setting those boundaries, you'll realize you've actually found some freedom.
Shutting people out or dodging them only masks the issue temporarily; the tension just keeps building up under the surface. Besides, you're dealing with this too—you're just as much a victim of the cycle as they are.
Try to lean into the whole process. Walk through it a few times, and you'll see it isn't as scary as it seems. Eventually, you'll build up a kind of emotional immunity.
At least then you'll actually understand the mechanics of how it works.
You can't run away from it, but you might eventually reach a point where it just slides right past you.
Anyway, don't count on that happening every single time.

Q.E.D. 👍

Ronald Morris60 said:So, I’ve got this "issue" that basically forced me to start looking into all those spiritual paths and whatnot... I don't know the exact technical term for it, but I just call it "feeling people."
It’s like I can pick up on their thoughts—and along with those thoughts comes all their misery and baggage. I know everyone gets a little vibe from others sometimes, but for me, it’s constant... it happens in every single everyday conversation.
Sometimes it’s just incredibly frustrating—honestly, it makes me so pissed off when I can feel someone thinking one thing while they’re saying something completely different—that I have to fight just to stay cool.
On top of that, people end up "dumping" their suffering onto me... so I just cut the conversation short, sometimes pretty bluntly, and try to dodge anyone who seems like they're having a rough time. I hate doing that because then I feel like a total jerk, but I honestly don't know how else to handle it.
A few times now, during a totally normal chat, I’ve actually felt like I’m being "drained"... kind of like someone is sucking the life out of me through a straw (yeah, yeah, stupid metaphor, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it)... and then I just get super twitchy and have to stop myself from physically "defending" myself.
I know plenty of people deal with stuff like this—maybe not as intensely as I do, but still—so how do you protect yourself without just walking away? And please, don't give me that "just ignore it" or "mentally distance yourself" crap... I've tried all that, and it works for maybe two seconds before everything goes south again.

I’d suggest strengthening your aura and practicing emptiness meditation. On my forum, you can find energy meditation and aura cleansing; those helped me a lot with strengthening my own. You can also look into emptiness meditation to learn how to control your emotions, which will make managing empathy much easier. Since you mentioned that shields have helped you before, I recommend running shield exercises four times a day (or as often as you can manage)—that should be enough. You don't need the shield to protect you all at once; it's meant to sustain you over several hours. Personally, my telepathy has been developing ever since I started this journey (I'm talking about my frequent experiences with parallel worlds)... I've even experimented a bit with commanding others. It yielded some good results. I'm still working on it. 🙂 🙂

Ronald Morris60 said:So, I’ve got this "issue" that basically forced me to start looking into all those spiritual paths and whatnot... I don't know the exact technical term for it, but I just call it "feeling people."
It’s like I can pick up on their thoughts—and along with those thoughts comes all their misery and baggage. I know everyone gets a little vibe from others sometimes, but for me, it’s constant... it happens in every single everyday conversation.
Sometimes it’s just incredibly frustrating—honestly, it makes me so pissed off when I can feel someone thinking one thing while they’re saying something completely different—that I have to fight just to stay cool.
On top of that, people end up "dumping" their suffering onto me... so I just cut the conversation short, sometimes pretty bluntly, and try to dodge anyone who seems like they're having a rough time. I hate doing that because then I feel like a total jerk, but I honestly don't know how else to handle it.
A few times now, during a totally normal chat, I’ve actually felt like I’m being "drained"... kind of like someone is sucking the life out of me through a straw (yeah, yeah, stupid metaphor, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it)... and then I just get super twitchy and have to stop myself from physically "defending" myself.
I know plenty of people deal with stuff like this—maybe not as intensely as I do, but still—so how do you protect yourself without just walking away? And please, don't give me that "just ignore it" or "mentally distance yourself" crap... I've tried all that, and it works for maybe two seconds before everything goes south again.

It's intuition. I dealt with something very similar.
What I learned was to stop fighting it. You have a powerful energy that pierces into their circle, and that’s how you end up absorbing whatever it is they're throwing at you. 🙂
It's simple.
Surrender to it. Learn how to actually enjoy it. Sometimes the "overflow" of this power lasts for a month or two, or however long it takes to level out. After that, certain fragments of it remain, but you learn how to master it. How to bend it to your own will.

Someone might have suggested certain exercises to you; you can certainly do them, but focus on awareness. Learn to be mindful and conscious... that is your strongest defense and your ultimate form of control.

Best,
Brandon Hall88