How to build self-esteem?

Hey everyone.🙂

So, like the title says, my whole thing is low self-esteem. Honestly, I think it all stems from how much time I spend just being alone. It’s not even that I’m an introvert—I actually love hanging out—but most of my close friends live in downtown Chicago while I’m stuck out in the suburbs, so seeing them isn't easy, and texting just doesn't hit the same. On top of that, when I'm home, I feel totally isolated within my own four walls. My relationship with my family is... weird. It’s like we aren't even a real family. Everything is just rushed and chaotic. I honestly can't remember the last time I actually sat down with my mom just to talk about nothing in particular. And then there's the self-esteem stuff, which hits hardest whenever I meet a guy. I literally turn myself into such a clown just hoping things might work out and we could end up together... mostly because, if I'm being real, I'm starving for some actual affection and to feel like someone truly gives a damn about me. It’s not like I’m hunting for a boyfriend just because I’m lonely—that’s not it at all. But when it happens, I’ll literally let a guy insult me and I won't say a word, just because I'm fighting with everything I've got to make the relationship work. Like, I think if he sees how hard I'm trying, he'll eventually fall for me, but it never works that way. I don't know. I'm just typing this all out fast because I can't deal with this anymore. I seriously need some help or advice. It’s kind of ridiculous, but I’m terrified of showing people who I actually am. I'm scared to set boundaries or act like myself because I'm afraid of being alone—even though, in reality, I'm already alone all the time. Some weird paradox or whatever.

Thanks in advance for the help. I'm really hoping for some decent, helpful comments. I've been struggling with this for a long time now.🙂

I am not entirely sure—but if you allow someone to insult you, I suspect it will only further erode your self-esteem. It becomes a cycle of thought—an endless loop where one thinks, "well, they must be insulting me because I deserve it, because I am nothing..." a truly vicious circle.
If you offer something to another person, you have every right to expect something in return. If someone lacks respect for you, then they simply have no place in your life.

However, there is truth in the old adage—to receive respect from others, one must first establish respect for oneself.
Consider your positive attributes. Write them down—then read them occasionally. Reflect on everything you have accomplished thus far. Think about what you have learned, and the relationships and friendships you have built and maintained. You are half of those connections; therefore, you are responsible for their existence.
Try to remain positive—think positively. Begin by believing in yourself. Do not start with the idea of finding the perfect partner for a flawless relationship—that requires another person, after all. Instead, start with simple things you can achieve on your own. When you feel uncertain about whether you can do something or if you will succeed, say to yourself, "I can, and of course, I will." Repeat this to yourself. Remember when you conquered something else difficult. Try to cultivate a positive mindset. Positivity can work wonders.

If you maintain a positive outlook and recognize your inherent strengths and merits, you will find that your confidence and self-respect follow.

Kenneth Wells6 said:I am not entirely sure—but if you allow someone to insult you, I suspect it will only further erode your self-esteem. It becomes a cycle of thought—an endless loop where one thinks, "well, they must be insulting me because I deserve it, because I am nothing..." a truly vicious circle.
If you offer something to another person, you have every right to expect something in return. If someone lacks respect for you, then they simply have no place in your life.

However, there is truth in the old adage—to receive respect from others, one must first establish respect for oneself.
Consider your positive attributes. Write them down—then read them occasionally. Reflect on everything you have accomplished thus far. Think about what you have learned, and the relationships and friendships you have built and maintained. You are half of those connections; therefore, you are responsible for their existence.
Try to remain positive—think positively. Begin by believing in yourself. Do not start with the idea of finding the perfect partner for a flawless relationship—that requires another person, after all. Instead, start with simple things you can achieve on your own. When you feel uncertain about whether you can do something or if you will succeed, say to yourself, "I can, and of course, I will." Repeat this to yourself. Remember when you conquered something else difficult. Try to cultivate a positive mindset. Positivity can work wonders.

If you maintain a positive outlook and recognize your inherent strengths and merits, you will find that your confidence and self-respect follow.

Thanks so much for this. I'm going to try to actually do this because what I've been doing isn't working at all. Hopefully, it sticks eventually.

You really hit the nail on the head with that response.

When it comes to self-respect, honestly, the easiest way to find it is by leaning on yourself—which is basically just building up your self-confidence. They’re pretty much two sides of the same coin. To me, confidence means sticking with something long-term until you can practically do it in your sleep. To get to that level of self-respect, you have to actually believe in your own skin. You won't be a master of everything, obviously, but there’s always that one thing you’re naturally good at. If you find that sweet spot where your talent meets your passion, you've basically struck gold.

Also, when you're dealing with people, it's worth realizing that almost all human relationships are built on some kind of exchange—you know, the "I'll do this for you if you do that for me" dynamic. In today's world, it doesn't make much sense to pour yourself into something if you aren't getting anything meaningful back. It's like you need a little bit of negotiation skill, similar to how you'd handle a deal at a local flea market or even a corporate boardroom.
The strongest position you can take in any negotiation is being willing to walk away from the table. You have to show people that you truly mean it. If someone isn't treating you with respect, there's really no point in engaging with them at all.
Those negative vibes you get from hanging out with people who don't value you? That's your internal alarm system telling you something is off. You should listen to that gut feeling and steer clear of situations that leave you feeling drained. To build a healthy, positive social circle, you first have to work on yourself—and that journey of self-improvement is exactly how you build that confidence and self-respect I mentioned earlier. As you grow, you'll meet all kinds of people, and it becomes vital to figure out who is actually there for *you* and who is just using you for what you can provide. You have to be ready to walk away from anyone looking to exploit you. At the same time, you've got to accept the fact that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever; things change, and people drift.

But the big thing to remember is that if you let others disrespect you, it becomes incredibly difficult to level up in life. Most people tend to settle for mediocrity because they're willing to make these little compromises—like letting a group pick on them just because they're afraid of being alone.
Being okay on your own isn't easy, but it’s a total prerequisite if you want to grow into a better version of yourself, regardless of what society thinks.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individualism

Laura Castillo6 said:You really hit the nail on the head with that response.

When it comes to self-respect, honestly, the easiest way to find it is by leaning on yourself—which is basically just building up your self-confidence. They’re pretty much two sides of the same coin. To me, confidence means sticking with something long-term until you can practically do it in your sleep. To get to that level of self-respect, you have to actually believe in your own skin. You won't be a master of everything, obviously, but there’s always that one thing you’re naturally good at. If you find that sweet spot where your talent meets your passion, you've basically struck gold.

Also, when you're dealing with people, it's worth realizing that almost all human relationships are built on some kind of exchange—you know, the "I'll do this for you if you do that for me" dynamic. In today's world, it doesn't make much sense to pour yourself into something if you aren't getting anything meaningful back. It's like you need a little bit of negotiation skill, similar to how you'd handle a deal at a local flea market or even a corporate boardroom.
The strongest position you can take in any negotiation is being willing to walk away from the table. You have to show people that you truly mean it. If someone isn't treating you with respect, there's really no point in engaging with them at all.
Those negative vibes you get from hanging out with people who don't value you? That's your internal alarm system telling you something is off. You should listen to that gut feeling and steer clear of situations that leave you feeling drained. To build a healthy, positive social circle, you first have to work on yourself—and that journey of self-improvement is exactly how you build that confidence and self-respect I mentioned earlier. As you grow, you'll meet all kinds of people, and it becomes vital to figure out who is actually there for *you* and who is just using you for what you can provide. You have to be ready to walk away from anyone looking to exploit you. At the same time, you've got to accept the fact that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever; things change, and people drift.

But the big thing to remember is that if you let others disrespect you, it becomes incredibly difficult to level up in life. Most people tend to settle for mediocrity because they're willing to make these little compromises—like letting a group pick on them just because they're afraid of being alone.
Being okay on your own isn't easy, but it’s a total prerequisite if you want to grow into a better version of yourself, regardless of what society thinks.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individualism

Seriously, thank you so much for this... I'm definitely going to be coming back to read this over and over again.