I think I'm losing my mind... am I going to be okay?

I have this amazing guy, we've been together for about a year and a half now... and honestly, he’s pretty much perfect. I guess if I were just a little bit smarter, the relationship would be perfect too—or at least, I’d be experiencing it that way...

To make a long story short...

Before he met me, he was in a serious relationship for five years... and before him, I was with someone for two years where, well, I was basically just his mistress.
The issues really started creeping in at the beginning of this year... I've started feeling this intense, heavy sense of "grief" over his ex.
I don't even know who she is, let alone that she ever caused any drama or had any outbursts or anything... there was nothing like that. They broke up and haven't spoken since; he isn't pining for her or anything like that... none of that.
And I know that, logically. But subconsciously, I can't stop dwelling on the relationship they used to have. I get these mental images of them kissing and hugging and things like that... everything I do with him, I find myself imagining him doing the exact same thing with her... and I'm jealous.
It's not that I'm jealous of the girl herself, per se, but rather because of the fact that he had a life before me. I suppose I just want to be the only woman he's ever truly looked at, let alone... well, slept with. It feels sick.
I know it sounds unhealthy, but I just can't seem to stop obsessing over it.

And that's where my actual problems start... my self-confidence has just completely tanked. After spending a year fixating on these stupid things, I guess I finally just hit a breaking point.
But today was the peak, which is what actually prompted me to write this out.

I was out with him in town and stopped by a store to pick up an Ethernet cable—I needed a 7-meter one because I'm trying to connect my phone to the router in the other room, so it's a bit of a distance.
While we were out, we popped into a shop and I saw these incredible shoes. I hinted to him that I wanted them, tried on all five pairs, and when I realized he was actually serious about buying them for me, I started turning him down. I told him ten different times that I didn't want them after he asked me why ten different times and insisted on getting them for me.

And blah blah blah...
Long story short, I came home without the shoes.
Then I went to plug in the cable, realized it was only a 1-meter cord instead of the long one—and that’s when I just snapped.
I started crying (and I couldn't stop thinking about those shoes in my head).

I just kept crying and crying...
And I know deep down that I wasn't even crying about the shoes; I was crying because I realize I have no idea how to handle these "problems"—even though they aren't even real problems. Since I work in psychiatry, I've gone through all my patients with these kinds of diagnoses in my mind, and I can see exactly what I'll likely become if I keep going like this.

So, I went from being the coolest girl in town to being this total crybaby, insecure and completely full of myself.

Hormones, puberty, PMS, menopause... you know the drill.😉

Honestly? Just talk to him—it’ll pass.

Puberty? I mean, technically we're at the tail end of that phase...🙂PMS is creeping up, and menopause? Ugh, that's a lifetime away.
So, those first two things are definitely part of the equation, but let's just set them aside for now...
I did talk to him about it—and he actually knows what’s been weighing on me (aside from that whole shoe situation)🙂. We'll sort through all of that later tonight.
I don't know, maybe I’m just sitting here secretly hoping he'll head out, grab them, and surprise me?

Yeah, I mentioned we talked about his ex...
And he begs me every single time not to dwell on her, telling me she's just his past and that I'm his present and his future.
I know that, I really do, but honestly, damn it... I think about the past way too much. Maybe because I love him so incredibly much, or maybe I'm just being selfish and it bothers me that he was with someone else before me. I don't quite get myself... my cravings for certainty are just impossible.

But then again, if I'm being totally honest, I don't even spend that much time thinking about it anymore. Thinking about it has just worn me down so much over time that now I mostly just worry about my own future... wondering if things would actually be easier if I broke up with him, even though I don't want to do that. I wouldn't even dream of it.

Wrong thread, man. This belongs in Psychology, where you can actually get some real psychological advice.

Oh God! Turns out I’ve become quite the damsel in distress...

That sounds like you're blowing things way out of proportion. Why the meltdown? A short cable, a shoe, a guy who already had a girlfriend—it's not that deep. My advice? Go for a walk, get some fresh air, run a mile or two, or hop on a bike for a ride with me. All your problems will vanish, except for one: that cable is still going to be too short. No joke. You just need to clear your head, preferably on your own. Physical activity works wonders. I call it "productive exhaustion." If you have a bike, come ride with me—though honestly, it’s basically like riding alone since nobody can actually keep up with my pace. Once you're moving, all this stress becomes a thing of the past. Seriously.

Whenever I’m stuck in a headspace like this, I start spiraling back to my ex and our old relationship. I’ll find myself reminiscing about how incredible things actually were, replaying all those memories and videos in my head... and then I look at him and think, "Fine, you win. You hooked up with her, or whatever." But then I immediately flip the script: "Hey, I had an amazing time too, and it was beautiful!" Honestly, if he knew exactly what I was thinking right now, he’d lose his mind—he'd be just as worked up as I was two minutes ago. It’s weird, but it makes me feel so much better instantly.

It’s a bit petty, sure, but it works for me. I’m not even angry anymore. It saves us from pointless arguments and keeps me from having those jealous, hysterical outbursts. 🙂 😉

Give it a shot. It might help you too!

I suspect the issue might actually be the footwear. ☕

To put it plainly—just because you work in psychiatry doesn't mean this qualifies as a medical or psychological topic; it’s more suited for a women's interest column or something along those lines. Let's be realistic and move past the drama. There are people here dealing with actual, heavy-duty problems.