Improper thread closure

This is the thread:

A user named "mucalo" started a discussion titled "Is it actually possible to find a decent guy?". The thread focuses on the struggles a gay man faces while searching for a serious relationship, with the original poster asking for advice on where and how to meet someone compatible. This was posted in the US subforum.

Since there were a few instances of blatant homophobic outbursts, the thread was closed for that reason.
That brings us to our first issue.

This forum claims to prohibit hate speech and insults based on sexual orientation, and it does indeed enforce those rules. However, at the same time, threads are being shut down simply because they might trigger homophobic reactions—which effectively punishes the very people who want to discuss gay topics, or rather, the topics that bother aggressive homophobes in the first place. Isn't that a massive paradox and quite frankly, a bit foolish?

It seems the administration is taking the path of least resistance, acting like a protective nanny for homophobes by closing any topic that could potentially provoke them. Wouldn't it be more in the forum's best interest to actually maintain such discussions and instead focus on punishing or removing the intolerant participants? That way, they wouldn't have the opportunity to pollute other discussions either.

If the official policy is truly to close perfectly valid threads just because they might elicit an intolerant response from obnoxious members, then shouldn't the entire US subforum and half the threads in other sections be closed as well? Consistency is vital, isn't it?

The second issue is that this was the only thread of its kind in the US section. What kind of message does that send? Why is it acceptable to have discussions like "I got cheated on—he completely wrecked me," "Oh boy, what is he doing to me?!" or "How do I approach a girl on the bus?" etc., yet a specific, meaningful thread about gay life is deemed unacceptable?
I truly wanted to share my thoughts with that gentleman and others, perhaps offer some helpful advice, but apparently, that isn't allowed.

My hope is that the thread will be reopened and that the moderators of that subforum—specifically wiredharbor22—will be taught why it isn't right to shut down topics just because they might displease proponents of hate. Thank you.

-Honestly, looking at those ten replies, maybe one or two—if you're lucky—actually made sense without being just pure provocation or insults... So, I guess the moderator didn't necessarily do anything right or wrong, she just acted logically...
-Regarding the OP—to actually get some decent, meaningful feedback, he’d need to be talking to people who are going through the exact same thing or have dealt with similar issues. But let's be real, there aren't many people in the US facing this specific situation, which basically leaves the thread open to anyone who just wants to troll because they have nothing intelligent to contribute...
-And as far as the thread being locked goes, I don't think it was shut down by force; it seems more like the OP ended up asking to close it himself...

Did you even check the thread count? There were actually 37 replies before the moderator locked it down, not just 10. That brings us to a total of 39 posts, which means more than half of the responses were perfectly relevant.
Assuming that the moderator did her job correctly regarding the moderation—since only three people actually deserved a warning—we're looking at just 3 out of 39 entries. Does it really make sense to shut down an entire discussion because a mere 7.69% of the posts were off-topic?

That second point of yours doesn't hold much water either. I’m certain there are plenty of gay users in America, just like in any other subforum. Of course, those users aren't hanging around this specific section every single day, so they can't exactly snap up a thread that directly concerns them with lightning speed. The real frustration is that now I can't contribute at all because the thread was closed so pointlessly.
Besides, you don't necessarily have to be gay to offer some helpful advice on a topic like this. One could easily draw from the experiences of their gay friends and how they managed to find their soulmates, couldn't they?

Regarding your third point, I think you've got it backwards. On the contrary, he actually reopened the exact same thread that wiredharbor22 promptly locked.

*I should probably clarify that the US isn't its own isolated bubble within this forum. Therefore, gay users like myself, who might not have a specific interest in that particular subforum, might still jump in to answer if we see an interesting discussion like this one being locked away.

I believe I made it quite clear why I had to lock each of those threads. 🤷

Regarding the first one, I could see it was headed toward a disaster since the very first few posts were already filled with insults. Sure, gay users aren't hanging out on this forum every single day, but I have to wonder how many would even bother showing up given the vibe of that thread—and how many others would end up lashing out in the process. If you want to help him, you can always send a private message... 🤷

The second thread was closed because it drifted away from its original purpose and started focusing on homosexuality as a general topic, which doesn't really fit the scope of this US site. I don't see any issue with that decision.

At this point, I honestly can't tell if you people actually want to be segregated or not.

It was truly wonderful that you shared your perspective on this matter. After all, isn't it common to see people offering their justifications during a trial in the US? Just because someone provides an explanation for why they committed a crime doesn't mean they won't ultimately find themselves behind bars, does it? 🙂 If you catch my metaphor, then you understand where I'm coming from. My position is that providing an explanation like yours only to immediately shut down the conversation is counterproductive—after all, isn't that the entire reason this forum exists?

And then what? Of course things are going to be messy, given the kind of country we live in compared to somewhere like Sweden or California. In America, unfortunately, we deal with a lot of people who seem to lack any sense of emotional maturity. But what does that actually imply? Does it mean that discussions regarding gay topics don't belong on this forum, perhaps finding their place only on a site like Reddit instead?
I could certainly send him a private message, but isn't that exactly what this forum was designed for? Isn't the whole point to share our perspectives openly and perhaps even offer a bit of helpful guidance to someone else in the process? Could we perhaps dive a little deeper into this subject? Hey everyone.

The second thread was essentially just an attempt by the author to breathe some life back into that topic you previously closed out.

Starting a separate discussion thread isn't really an act of separation, is it? To me, true separation would only occur if we had a dedicated LGBTQ+ subforum where all other topics were strictly prohibited. Since such a specialized section doesn't exist here, people simply start new threads whenever there is a genuine interest or a specific need from the author—which is exactly how it works for every other topic on this board. Wouldn't anyone agree that this is just the natural way for a community to evolve? Is there anything more frustrating than when things simply refuse to go your way? It feels as though you're trying to force a square peg into a round hole, doesn't it? Sometimes, no matter how much effort we pour into a situation, it just seems like we're pushing against an immovable object. Is it worth the struggle, or should we just let go and see where the wind takes us? It seems like he managed to distance himself from absolutely everyone, didn't he?

I honestly can't say what "we" want, because, let's be real, we aren't some single organism sharing one collective brain, are we? But if you're asking me personally, I have no desire to see the specific issues facing the gay community get swallowed up by a massive sea of posts where women are just lamenting that they can't find a boyfriend.

When someone starts a thread titled "hmmmmmmmm," what else can they expect besides having it shut down immediately?
In the US, we already have a dedicated thread about finding your soulmate. If a straight guy had opened a thread asking for advice on that, I would have just told him the topic was already covered. But since he’s gay, does he need special treatment? That’s my point regarding how things get separated here. I suggested he try Reddit, where people tend to be more open and there are more moderators to keep an eye on those kinds of discussions.

And I’m done arguing with you when you insist on twisting everything to fit your own narrative.

wiredharbor22 said:When someone starts a thread titled "hmmmmmmmmm," what else can they really expect if it doesn't get closed immediately?

The very first thread that got shut down wasn't actually titled "hmmmmmmmmm," you know.

If some straight guy had opened a thread asking for advice on that topic, I probably would have just told him the discussion already exists.

But besides that one, there are a million other threads out there. Why shouldn't one be dedicated specifically to gay topics? You see, there is actually such a thing as specialization, which is quite helpful because it ensures the core message doesn't get lost in the shuffle.
That is precisely why we have so many different subforums and specific topics.

That’s what I mean when I talk about separation. I suggested he head over to Reddit because it feels a bit more open, and there are enough moderators there to keep an eye on those kinds of discussions.

We can't just dump everything onto Reddit, because not every conversation fits that vibe.

And I am done arguing with you when you just interpret things however you want them to be.

How else should I interpret them? Should I just bend things to suit your preferences? If that were the case, I wouldn't have even bothered starting this thread in the first place.
And please, let's not go there; this thread wasn't really meant for you anyway, since you've already made your stance quite clear. This space is for someone who might actually correct your misunderstanding.

Benjamin Palmer40 said:How am I supposed to interpret them? Just however you want me to? If that were the case, I wouldn't have even started this thread...
And please, this discussion wasn't meant for you anyway, since you've already made up your mind. This thread is for someone who can actually correct your mistake...

Interpret them accurately. Your whole idea about which posts are "bad" in this thread is, frankly, completely wrong...

wiredharbor22 said:They are interpreting them correctly. Your whole theory about there being "bad" posts in that thread is, let's just say, completely off base.

"Correct" according to your own personal vision?

My assessment of the bad posts is wrong? Or is it yours? 😁 Because from where I’m sitting, I only see three warnings in that entire thread, though perhaps my eyes are failing me.
Or are you actually trying to suggest that there were more bad posts, but you simply didn't carry out your moderator duties and only issued three warnings? 😉

wiredharbor22 said:If someone starts a thread with a title like "hmmmmmmmm," what else do they expect besides getting it shut down immediately?
In the US, we already have threads dedicated to finding a soulmate. If some straight guy opened a thread asking for dating advice, I’d just tell him the topic is already covered. But since he's gay, I guess he deserves special treatment? That's exactly my point regarding how things are being split up here. I suggested he move over to Reddit because people can speak more freely there, and there are enough mods to actually manage those kinds of topics.

And I am done arguing with you when you just twist everything to fit your own little narrative.

I'm with this one. 🤷

Benjamin Palmer40 said:Is that how it works in your version of reality?

Am I wrong about the low quality of the posts? Or are you? 😁 Because from where I’m sitting, I only see three bans on that thread, though maybe I missed something.
Or are you actually implying there were more bad posts, but you just didn't fulfill your moderator duties and only issued three? 😉

How many other posts in that thread belonged to banned users back then?🙂

The bigger issue was the lack of "good" posts. Even the ones that worked could have easily been directed at straight people.

But fine, my opinion doesn't seem to matter to you. Just wait for management...

Here’s a little tip...

-Just start a thread and make sure the title says that only gay people are allowed to respond. That way, you'll probably scare off all those spammers and bigoted trolls—they won't want to say a word if they think it might make them look like one of us... (And since they find that idea so repulsive, they'd probably be too embarrassed to chime in)

Olivia Moore51 said:I'm on board with this one. 🤷

But what exactly is it that you agree with? Is it just because of the upvotes? Honestly, trying to find one specific topic among countless others—ranging from discussions about a hangnail to a monkey wearing a pineapple on its head—isn't really asking for special treatment, is it?

No, being gay isn't the same thing as being straight. Looking for a gay partner carries a completely different set of dynamics than looking for a straight one. Especially here in the US, don't you think? That’s why the subject deserves its own space. Anyone who tries to lump everything into one big category clearly doesn't quite grasp the nuance of the conversation.

wiredharbor22 said:I wonder, how many other posts by those banned users were actually on that thread? 🙂

Wait, what?
Three warnings. So, from your perspective, none of the others were actually breaking the forum rules, right?

The real issue was simply that there weren't enough "good" posts. Even the ones that counted could just as easily have been directed at straight people.

Ah... so now we've shifted from talking about an excess of bad posts to discussing a lack of good ones?
I have to ask, is your impression regarding the shortage of "good" posts—and you did put that word in quotes yourself—really sufficient grounds to shut down a whole thread? It certainly is an interesting rationale for closing a discussion, isn't it?
What exactly made them "not good"? Was it trolling, going off-topic, or something else entirely? Surely, those are the things that warrant a warning.

Well, look, my opinion on the matter doesn't seem to be what you're looking for. You might as well just wait for the moderators to weigh in.

That’s true. Though, of course, I’m not expecting any specific resolution. I’m honestly not sure if the percentage of complaints on this subforum that get resolved positively is even statistically significant, if such a thing exists at all. But I suppose it’s worth speaking up; at least the gay community will know where they stand. 🙂

Benjamin Palmer40 said:Why are you agreeing with him? Just because of a "+1"? Trying to find one specific thread among countless others—ranging from a post about a hangnail to a monkey wearing a pineapple on its head—that’s not asking for special treatment.

No, being gay isn't the same thing as being straight. Looking for a gay guy isn't the same thing as looking for a straight guy. Especially not in this country. That's why the topic matters. Anyone throwing everything into the same bucket clearly has no clue what they're talking about.

Asking for "special treatment"... man, you're wrong. It's just not smart, and it immediately creates prejudices right out of the gate.

In this country, it's hard to do anything right...🤷
whether it's getting a mortgage, getting married young, living with your parents, voting, or even deciding *not* to vote...
Being gay is becoming less of an issue in America, but the people obsessing over it are the ones creating the drama...

Benjamin Palmer40 said:Right... first we were complaining about too many bad posts, now suddenly there aren't enough good ones.
Is your impression that there aren't enough "good" posts—and you did put that word in quotes—really enough reason to shut this down? It’s certainly an interesting way to close a thread...
Were they not "good" because of trolling or staying off-topic? If that's the case, those users should be banned...

If we're looking at forty posts and I'm stating there are far more bad ones than good ones, it follows that the quality content is in the minority.

I actually just re-read the whole thread...
A few people say: Just take classes, get involved in activities, look online... Same as everyone else.
A few people say: I don't have much to add, but welcome to the forum. 😕
A few people say: This isn't the place for you or people like you, you've ruined my dinner, etc.
Then we have a few spammers: Go buy a puppy and go to some local events or whatever.

Where is the actual substance here?
And on top of that, the OP doesn't even want to elaborate on what's bothering him or what kind of person he's looking for. Instead, when asked, he just says: Well, I shouldn't have to explain the difference between normal people and idiots.

This thread is garbage. I'd close it again...

Olivia Moore51 said:If you go around asking for "special treatment," you're just going to make things harder for yourself, aren't you? It isn't really smart, and honestly, it just creates prejudices right from the jump.

Oh, come on now, what kind of special treatment are we even talking about? If you take a moment to reread my previous explanation above, you'll see that this isn't about seeking favors, but rather a perfectly logical way to specialize our discussion topics.

In this country, being gay is becoming less of an issue, yet people seem determined to maintain the stigma surrounding it...

It’s quite easy for someone who isn't gay to claim that everything is easier for them, isn't it?

Benjamin Palmer40 said:It’s easy for someone who isn't gayto claim everything is just easier being gay.

😕

How the hell would you know what I am🤷

And yeah, on top of that, the OP doesn't even want to bother explaining what's actually bothering him or what kind of person he's looking for. Instead, when asked what a "normal" person is to him, he just goes: Oh, I shouldn't have to explain the difference between normal people and idiots.

Then why the hell did you even start this thread? 😁

Olivia Moore51 said:who on earth even started this thread...😁

He was probably just bored, much like everyone else here...

I find myself wondering if we might strive for a touch more grace and decorum in our interactions here? Is it not possible to engage with one another without resorting to such unkind and disparaging language? Asks:
If we are looking at a sample size of forty posts and I find myself noting that the subpar entries significantly outnumber the quality ones, doesn't that inevitably suggest that the truly good contributions have become a distinct minority?

There seems to be quite a bit of confusion surrounding this topic. First, you claim that the primary issue was simply a lack of "high-quality" posts.
So now you're suggesting they actually existed after all, even if they only represent a small minority? It makes one wonder, though—what exactly is going to happen next?

So, I just found myself scrolling back through this entire thread again...
A few posts over there are making the same point: you can take all the classes you want, join every activity available, and spend endless hours online... but isn't that exactly what straight people do too?
A few posts simply say: I don't really have anything profound to add, but welcome to the forum. 😕
A few posts have popped up claiming that this isn't the place for someone like me, even going so far as to say I’ve completely ruined their dinner. Is it really possible for a few online comments to spoil a meal?
Then we have a handful of spammers floating around, suggesting things like buying a puppy or heading out to fashion shows and whatnot.

Well, why not? It’s certainly sound advice. While it might not be the only way to approach things, I find it to be quite a valid perspective, don't you?
A warm welcome to you! It really is lovely to have you here.
Card.
A slightly more lenient Card.

What exactly is the value to be found here?

Oh, please, don't make me laugh; if we actually used usefulness as our primary metric, that entire sub-forum would have been shuttered ages ago. We see the same topics being chewed over a thousand times, spinning in circles and going absolutely nowhere, only to have everything suddenly vanish into thin air with a puff—closed!

And then there is the author of the thread itself, who seems entirely unwilling to actually open up about what’s weighing on him or the kind of partner he is looking for; instead, when asked a simple question, he just snaps back with something like, "Well, I shouldn't have to explain the difference between a sane person and an idiot, should I?"

If you had taken a moment to read a bit more closely, wouldn't you have noticed this? ladybug24 was being completely sincere when she mentioned how there are just so many niche websites out there, yet they seem to be absolutely teeming with idiots and fools. Is it just me, or does it seem like we’re living in an era dominated by people who can only focus on superficial things? It feels as though everyone is obsessed with nothing more than physical measurements, bulging muscles, and those perfectly sculpted, model-like faces staring back at us from every magazine cover. Why is it that we have become so fixated on these shallow standards of beauty?"

I believe he made his grievances quite clear, didn't he?

Honestly, this entire thread is just complete nonsense. Wouldn't it be much better if we simply closed it down once and for all?

Do you ever find yourself reflecting on the different ways people navigate life? It seems to me that there are two distinct types of individuals out there: those who possess the wisdom to learn from their missteps, and those who, quite predictably, seem destined to repeat them indefinitely.