Is death actually natural?

I’m really hoping I can find some solid advice here, maybe some coping strategies or self-help techniques to help me deal with this.

I think we all have that underlying fear of death, right? Or maybe it's just me...
I'm not sure if "phobia" is even the right word, but if it is, then my constant, overwhelming terror definitely qualifies.

Even when I was a little kid, just hearing the word "death" was enough to keep me wide awake all night long; and honestly, even though I’ve never actually witnessed anything traumatic or seen a dead body, this fear is so intense it feels like it could literally consume me.

I actually managed to find some peace for a few years there—I could even sleep in total darkness, which used to be an impossible mission for me.
But... it’s all coming back.

Basically, the other day, I had to witness someone I care about having a stroke right in front of my eyes (usually, nothing shocks me, but this was different), and seeing someone actually dying for the first time in my 25 years... I was covering my eyes, totally spiraling, and when I had to call 911, I was so out of it that I forgot my own name, let alone how to dial emergency services...

And now, it's all starting again...
Now I can't stand being in a dimly lit room, I can't be alone, I can't handle silence, and any sudden noise makes me jump and freeze up; plus, as if to spite me, the power tripped earlier and now I'm just shaking from pure terror—it's like fear is literally running through my veins.
I find myself leaving all the doors open because I can't stand being enclosed, and I'm constantly seeking out crowds, yet I can't bring myself to go near where that accident happened...
I just can't.
If I see even the tiniest shadow move, I bolt like a soldier surviving a grenade blast—it's that visceral.
Right now, I’d honestly rather be standing out in the rain than inside a closed room.
This behavior used to haunt me for a while, and it actually turned my hair gray by the time I hit 25.
Some people think it’s just genetics (though they can't point to anyone specific since I started graying at 18), and others just write off my extreme fear as part of my personality, but for me, this causes real, tangible problems.
Now that I know what's coming, I'm desperate for advice or anything at all, because I can't live like this for another second.
What am I going to do when a family member passes away one day? I know it's inevitable... what will I do? And God forbid I end up being alone with them...
Just thinking about it makes me feel sick.
Do I need to see a psychologist?

Because my brain is always overanalyzing everything, I can't help but dive into the deepest, darkest thoughts about mortality in a way most "normal" people probably wouldn't; I've tried searching for the truth about the soul, trying to prove to myself that death isn't real or scary.
While everyone else around me is grieving at funerals, I'm just paralyzed with fear; I wouldn't even touch a deceased person, nor would I sit in a chair where they once sat—my family actually threw out the couch where a man passed away, and I wouldn't dare touch a glass someone died using... I'd rather just burn everything and toss it out (one day I might have to clear out the whole house if things don't change)...
The thing is... with everything I know about the nature of death, you'd think I'd be the last person to fear it, but despite all my logic, this living phobia is stronger than I am.
I can't even walk past a place where someone died...
It’s just too much... I can't live like this...

What am I actually afraid of?
I don't know.
But it's this feeling that death itself is spreading through the room, like a black shadow hovering nearby...
Like even the objects belonging to a dead person are dying...
That sensation that the deceased are trying to reach out to me, that they're right there...
And the worst part...
Is looking at myself and realizing I'm nothing more than a collection of meat and bones... essentially dead already even though I'm still breathing... it's like I'm carrying death inside me... I feel this urge to run away from my own body, from this physical shell that I see torn apart so often on the news or on a dinner plate...
Even seeing an animal die absolutely terrifies me.

When I hug someone and hear their heartbeat and their breathing...
It feels eerie to me...
And honestly, I’ve never been much of a touchy-feely person
but when it comes to the one I truly love...
The only thing that actually gets to me is knowing that eventually, they won't be here anymore...

How do you even begin to stop being terrified of death and just accept it as part of life?
Because for me, death definitely doesn't feel natural at all....

Fear of death is this super deep, subconscious thing that we all carry inside us. Whether we realize it or not, the dread of just... ceasing to exist... drives so many of our choices. We obsess over our health, try to live as long as possible, and have kids as a way to pass on our genes—basically leaving a little piece of ourselves behind. In life, because we know everything ends, we push ourselves to reach our full potential and try to leave a legacy. It’s like how ancient Egyptian pharaohs built those massive pyramids to last forever... we're all just trying to make sure something of us stays after we're gone.

When it comes to kids, watching someone die can be incredibly traumatic. Kids tend to put themselves at the center of everything, so the idea of life ending—of losing a parent or a best friend—can trigger this massive wave of insecurity and hit their ego really hard. If death isn't framed as a natural part of things, parents sometimes tell them things like "Grandma is just an angel in heaven now," which might sound sweet, but that basic fear of death can end up totally overshadowing a child's daily life.

It sounds like you've been carrying this fear since you were little. Because of that, you started seeing life through a pretty dark lens—like it's something fleeting, unstable, or some kind of looming disaster just waiting around the corner to take its toll. Living in that kind of IRRATIONAL fear can lead to anxiety disorders (basically being afraid of the fear itself), where you try to cope by avoiding things. Over time, you might have even developed some mild OCD tendencies, where those fears about death trigger repetitive thoughts or compulsive behaviors. I see that avoidance in the way you pull away from life... you aren't embracing life as something good, but more like a sentence you have to serve. You hate how your body ages, and every single heartbeat feels like a ticking clock, fueling that anxiety. Even thinking about someone you love is wrapped in fear because you're always aware you'll eventually lose them...

Look, what you're going through is heavy. But you really need to realize that these are irrational fears that are running your life. Most of them aren't even real—anything from being scared of objects a loved one used to own to fearing the dark or enclosed spaces. Beyond that, you've got to find the beauty in living. Deep down, you have to start viewing life as something positive, because honestly, it is. Out of countless possible combinations, *you* happened—you're unique and incredible just as you are. You have this one shot to experience life, to love, to grow, and to lift others up. Every morning when you wake up, you're gifted this time to live exactly how you want. When you listen to your partner's heartbeat, try to remember it's beating for you—it's a gift to be able to love and be loved like that. Try to see life as a gift. Life is constant change from the second we're born, and even after death, life doesn't actually stop—it just changes shape. Death is just this illusion of a total stop, but that's not how it works... it's just a continuous transformation from one state to another.
What's actually scaring you isn't death itself, it's the loss of the ego. Your ego is fighting tooth and nail to survive. It's like that little kid deep inside you who's crying and screaming because they feel like they have no control over their existence, terrified of being rejected or wiped out. That inner child needs to learn that death isn't a bad thing; it's just a transition. Life is beautiful. Just look around at the richness of the world surrounding you... it's everywhere. Isn't it gorgeous? Your life is just as beautiful.🙂
You need to figure out what your triggers are—what sets off that anxious behavior—and recognize that the root is usually the fear of loss. You've got to talk yourself through it and realize that what you're afraid of isn't actually "real"—it's an illusion. You need to accept death as a natural, normal part of the cycle (it sounds like you've drifted a bit from that natural rhythm) and start seeing life as the opportunity and joy that it truly is.
Honestly, you should really look into talking to a psychiatrist. Getting some meds to help dial down those anxieties might be just what you need to actually start doing the inner work... I mean, all phobias can be treated, and they definitely should be when they start messing with your quality of life. Life is way too beautiful to let irrational fears hold you back from enjoying it...🙂

Donna White50, that is just so beautiful and comforting... though usually I’m the one playing the comforter, even if it's hard to pull off—like that time when everyone was convinced someone had passed away, but I was the only one who knew they were actually fine...
I honestly feel like sometimes I need to hear that exact kind of talk that I usually give to everyone else; I really think the best advice and empathy comes from someone who truly gets you, specifically someone who’s been through the exact same thing you are right now.

You totally hit the nail on the head regarding my soul...
I see life as being pretty rough because despite all the good stuff it throws your way (even with a little beauty sprinkled in), it mostly delivers bad experiences and hardship, and it all just ends in death anyway.
Even a perfect day soaking up the sun outside... even a dream come true... it won't erase the feeling, it just makes me more aware of how fleeting everything is...

Sometimes I feel like a kid whose body has changed into a shape I can't stand to look at in the mirror, simply because my mind is still stuck in that old dieting mindset...
I hate looking at bodies—or rather, corpses—so much that seeing myself in the mirror makes me uneasy, because looking at myself through a different lens, I just see... something that’s going to age and eventually end up underground.
Every single moment of youth feels precious to me, and I soak them all up along with my childhood memories, which I remember so vividly, because there's always this nagging realization deep down that none of this will last forever...
Maybe I love life too much, or maybe I just despise it too much...

A lot of people tell me my only real issue is that I overthink things I shouldn't be dwelling on... like, for instance... death... the meaning of life... the universe... God...
And honestly, I think they're right...
But how on earth am I supposed to shut my brain off...
and how do I convince my mind that there are some things just aren't worth thinking about...
because my brain, my very nature, just can't help but think...
It frustrates me so much that in moments when I'm scared... my brain works against me, fueling the panic even more by pulling up images and realizations that just ramp up the fear.
I find myself wanting to dive into the things that terrify me, reading and watching exactly what I dread, having this endless curiosity for those very things... almost as if I'm trying to fight the fear, but I'm actually just making it deeper...

Fear just breeds more fear...
My senses are incredibly sharp, almost like a cat's in the middle of the night...
I can sense every movement and every breath, and every single one scares me. I can practically notice a speck of dust moving, or the surge of electricity when a TV is turned on in the house... fear has such wide eyes... but sometimes I wonder if the fear causes the heightened senses, or if it's the other way around...
After the fear comes the anger... the aggression...
Because I'm just flooded with adrenaline triggered by that wild fight-or-flight response... once I hit the point where I've had enough fear and too much adrenaline, I turn aggressive and angry... I just want to fight whatever it is that's scaring me...
When I can't shake that adrenaline, after a while it just turns into anxiety and depression, then cycles back into fear, and it just goes round and round...

Unless my thoughts get occupied by something else... something grounded and tangible... like love, or work, or something that pulls me back into the HERE and NOW... that's when this phobia disappears...
But the second I slip into those deep analyses of life and everything beyond this current moment... that's when the phobic behavior kicks in...
And it's all usually triggered by some specific event, or sometimes I just take myself there, basically deciding to just say "screw it" to everything.

You already got the full breakdown above 🙂

I’ll give you one more little tip... just read. Like, read everything you can find on this topic. No matter how heavy or scary it gets. There are so many different theories out there, and honestly, they all help with understanding things. Yeah, death is natural. It's just the end of the cycle. But that shouldn't be the main thing you focus on. You should focus on what we actually have right now. Every single moment of life 🙂

shadowheron49 said:Donna White50, that is just so beautiful and comforting... though usually I’m the one playing the comforter, even if it's hard to pull off—like that time when everyone was convinced someone had passed away, but I was the only one who knew they were actually fine...
I honestly feel like sometimes I need to hear that exact kind of talk that I usually give to everyone else; I really think the best advice and empathy comes from someone who truly gets you, specifically someone who’s been through the exact same thing you are right now.

You totally hit the nail on the head regarding my soul...
I see life as being pretty rough because despite all the good stuff it throws your way (even with a little beauty sprinkled in), it mostly delivers bad experiences and hardship, and it all just ends in death anyway.
Even a perfect day soaking up the sun outside... even a dream come true... it won't erase the feeling, it just makes me more aware of how fleeting everything is...

Sometimes I feel like a kid whose body has changed into a shape I can't stand to look at in the mirror, simply because my mind is still stuck in that old dieting mindset...
I hate looking at bodies—or rather, corpses—so much that seeing myself in the mirror makes me uneasy, because looking at myself through a different lens, I just see... something that’s going to age and eventually end up underground.
Every single moment of youth feels precious to me, and I soak them all up along with my childhood memories, which I remember so vividly, because there's always this nagging realization deep down that none of this will last forever...
Maybe I love life too much, or maybe I just despise it too much...

A lot of people tell me my only real issue is that I overthink things I shouldn't be dwelling on... like, for instance... death... the meaning of life... the universe... God...
And honestly, I think they're right...
But how on earth am I supposed to shut my brain off...
and how do I convince my mind that there are some things just aren't worth thinking about...
because my brain, my very nature, just can't help but think...
It frustrates me so much that in moments when I'm scared... my brain works against me, fueling the panic even more by pulling up images and realizations that just ramp up the fear.
I find myself wanting to dive into the things that terrify me, reading and watching exactly what I dread, having this endless curiosity for those very things... almost as if I'm trying to fight the fear, but I'm actually just making it deeper...

Fear just breeds more fear...
My senses are incredibly sharp, almost like a cat's in the middle of the night...
I can sense every movement and every breath, and every single one scares me. I can practically notice a speck of dust moving, or the surge of electricity when a TV is turned on in the house... fear has such wide eyes... but sometimes I wonder if the fear causes the heightened senses, or if it's the other way around...
After the fear comes the anger... the aggression...
Because I'm just flooded with adrenaline triggered by that wild fight-or-flight response... once I hit the point where I've had enough fear and too much adrenaline, I turn aggressive and angry... I just want to fight whatever it is that's scaring me...
When I can't shake that adrenaline, after a while it just turns into anxiety and depression, then cycles back into fear, and it just goes round and round...

Unless my thoughts get occupied by something else... something grounded and tangible... like love, or work, or something that pulls me back into the HERE and NOW... that's when this phobia disappears...
But the second I slip into those deep analyses of life and everything beyond this current moment... that's when the phobic behavior kicks in...
And it's all usually triggered by some specific event, or sometimes I just take myself there, basically deciding to just say "screw it" to everything.

I totally get that train of thought you described above. It’s like these intrusive, looping thoughts take over and you can't escape them, which builds up this fear... and then the fear feeds itself because you're actually afraid of the fear itself. Eventually, it all just spirals into despair or turns into negative energy being thrown at everything. You end up feeling trapped inside your own head, and that hopelessness just keeps growing. It’s almost like you’ve built this little box around yourself that you can't break out of. But since you can't just flip a switch to turn off your brain or kill your emotions, that energy has to go somewhere... so it comes out as anxiety, despair, a dark view of the world, or even just self-sabotage. For you, maybe this kind of masochism has become a way to cope... if that makes sense. Maybe because you haven't been able to accept how fleeting life is, you've turned that desperation inward against yourself..

But hey, you actually found the answer yourself in that bolded part. You need to actually *live* life—just dive into it like everyone else does. Grab everything you want and love from it, work for yourself, and make life something beautiful to look at instead of treating it like a threat. Instead of drowning in those dark thoughts while waiting for the end, try to stay present. You're a young woman with your whole life ahead of you, but mentally, you're acting like a 90-year-old who's sick and terrified of what tomorrow brings. Don't do that to yourself. Honestly, anyone would lose their mind if they looked at life that negatively... that's why most of us just roll up our sleeves and get to work, enjoy things, celebrate, love, and try to live life to the fullest—just to give this "crappy" existence some actual meaning. Fear of death is primal; every single cell in our bodies fights to survive because of it. Life is a necessity, so try to keep yourself busy with work and spend less time alone with those racing thoughts. Just remember, it's an irrational fear. You can't fight your thoughts head-on—you can't win that fight—but you *can* redirect them. If you focus on other things, you can eventually figure out where they come from and how to soften the blow. Over time, with a shift in how you see yourself, they’ll start to fade away. Right now, the exit feels impossible, but if you do the work, things really do get better fast...

You’ve been carrying this heavy weight since you were just a kid.

It’s obvious you overheard some adults talking about someone passing away—comments about death that are way too heavy for someone your age. You saw those sad, horrified faces and probably caught that vibe of pure fear and helplessness toward something that eventually waits for all of us, even if we don't know what it actually is. People really need to be more careful about what they say around kids.

Personally, I’m not afraid of death at all. It’s the idea of being seriously ill or suffering through sickness that scares me. As for death itself? Honestly, I could close my eyes right now and never wake up, and I wouldn't mind; it's not like I have a bad life or anything, nor am I a naturally unhappy person. I just don't fear it. I think most of us are more terrified of the sickness leading up to it than the actual end, mostly because we grow up hearing horror stories about people dying in pain, so we associate death with something ugly. I’m not religious, so I have no clue what’s waiting for us on "the other side" or if it’ll be something tangible or painful. Maybe it’s actually something beautiful.

I honestly think you might need to talk to a therapist, and maybe try some meditation too, just to learn how to shut your brain off for a little while. I’m pretty sensitive myself; I pick up on so many things around me, tiny details that other people wouldn't even notice if you pointed them out directly. I often struggle to stop intrusive thoughts, whether they're good or bad. Try to stay away from reading the crime section in the news and steer clear of negativity in general. When you're talking to people, try to pivot the conversation toward something positive...
Every time you start drifting into those dark waters, try to find a distraction—something to keep your mind occupied with something upbeat.

Look, I’m just speaking layman here. Even though psychology fascinates me and I read a ton about it, I’m not claiming to be an expert or saying I can actually fix anyone. I’m just giving you my two cents, because this stuff is incredibly vast and under-researched, and we’re all such different, complex creatures. Everyone should work on their own introspection and try to help themselves first, whether that's through a psychologist or a psychiatrist, depending on how heavy things get. In your case, I really think professional help is the move. You definitely don't want to live like this, and from everything you've said, it sounds like fear is in your every pore, and I’m worried you won't be able to handle it alone.

Donna White50, you’ve seriously mastered the art of being a therapist or at least an expert forum counselor! 😁

Reading your posts honestly gives me such a rush of energy.
I’m fully aware of all this, and through my own deep dives, I've realized how much of a lifeline you are—because if I didn't have this, I probably would've ended it all a long time ago...
But...
Because of this irrational fear—which isn't actually irrational since death is staring everyone in the face—it all comes down to how you perceive time. To me, 50 years is absolutely nothing; if I had to wait 50 years for something, I wouldn't care one bit... so just try imagining what my perception of a single week, a month, or even a year feels like...
I don't mind working 12-hour shifts because time just vanishes for me...
While everyone else is wondering how I pull it off, I'm the one actively looking for those long days...
The thing is, I've truly come to terms with death. Everyone knows death exists, but very few people actually *grasp* it... and then there's the afterlife...
Not everyone has had that realization...
And that’s where my struggle begins...
Because of that... every little moment I could live to fill the void in my head... I just don't see the point...
To me, none of this makes sense... even if I were living the high life with milk and honey flowing... I still wouldn't see the purpose...
This heavy, chronic lack of ambition is just a direct result of everything I've realized...
What am I even fighting for?
Why bother?

Sometimes this hopelessness and the fear of dying collide into this weird contradiction where it feels like the thing I dread most is actually my only way out... death...

I'm alive, but I'm missing the "living" part...
It's like I died a long time ago...
My only real fear is the unknown... stepping into the dark... what happens next...
Because one thing is certain...
Every single one of you will eventually reach that moment where your eyes go blank... when you hear the people around you trying to help... you’d speak up if you weren't already gone... but you are...
What happens when you finally realize that? .
If you are truly dead...
What comes after that??

There are a thousand theories out there... from reincarnation to heaven and hell... whatever your imagination can dream up... about what happens once we pass...
Everything is written down somewhere...
But... who has actually died and come back to tell us? Nobody...
I just want to ask one thing...
What is the point of life?
By age five, most kids don't even remember anything.
Until eighteen, you're just stuck in school... you can't do anything, and 80% of them don't know the first thing about life during those years, which just fly by.
Then come the best years...
Up until thirty... they're gone in a flash...
Then we start getting old...
Getting ugly...
Between thirty and fifty, I honestly can't see what a person is even supposed to need...
You spend all those prime years grinding at work, just struggling to survive...
You live on a planet you haven't even really met... you should have traveled... made the most of your youth... but you never have the time.
And now that you hit retirement... you finally have the freedom to do it all because you have all this extra time... but you don't have your youth anymore...
You can do whatever the hell you want, but it doesn't matter...

And all of it just slips away, leaving nothing but memories...
Good memories?
I don't know... nostalgia has never felt good to me; it's always been pretty depressing.

And at the end of the day, I look at people in their 70s and beyond and wonder how some of them still have a smile on their faces...
What's the deal with that?
What are they even happy about?
All they're doing is waiting to die...
You want to go for a run... and you break a hip instead...
You're falling apart while you're still breathing...
And honestly, a huge chunk of life is just spent decaying and breaking down...
To me, life feels more like a sickness of the soul...
The soul gets sick and dies, or rather, it's born alongside the body...
I don't know if anyone understands what I'm feeling...

I'll take Donna White50's advice and go find something to keep me busy...
But... sooner or later....
It's all going to catch up to me...
I just hope that when that time comes, I won't be afraid...
That I'll be able to look at both death and life... as a gift...
Because right now, it just feels like an illness.

Man, I was terrified of death when I was a kid too. It makes sense, right? We’re always told death is this scary, painful, mysterious thing, so why wouldn't kids be spooked... I remember being maybe 6 or 7 and watching this true crime documentary—one of those forensic shows—about some murder victim who was dumped in a pit and wasn't found for years. That was the moment it finally clicked for me—that people actually die and all that's left are bones. As a little kid, that was just impossible to wrap my head around. It actually sent me down a rabbit hole looking into religion, the afterlife, and what life is even all about. The fear was pretty intense, honestly... lasted for a few years. Most of our deepest phobias really do stem from those early childhood years.

Nowadays, though, death doesn't scare me at all. I'm pretty happy with my life. If anything, I'm afraid of getting sick or losing my independence—I just couldn't handle being seriously ill and having to rely on someone else for everything. To me, that feels totally undignified.

Donna White50 said:Man, I was terrified of death when I was a kid too. It makes sense, right? We’re always told death is this scary, painful, mysterious thing, so why wouldn't kids be spooked... I remember being maybe 6 or 7 and watching this true crime documentary—one of those forensic shows—about some murder victim who was dumped in a pit and wasn't found for years. That was the moment it finally clicked for me—that people actually die and all that's left are bones. As a little kid, that was just impossible to wrap my head around. It actually sent me down a rabbit hole looking into religion, the afterlife, and what life is even all about. The fear was pretty intense, honestly... lasted for a few years. Most of our deepest phobias really do stem from those early childhood years.

Nowadays, though, death doesn't scare me at all. I'm pretty happy with my life. If anything, I'm afraid of getting sick or losing my independence—I just couldn't handle being seriously ill and having to rely on someone else for everything. To me, that feels totally undignified.

It's probably something from childhood...
Maybe it was when I was four and saw a cat get hit by a train... I just stared at that mangled body... there wasn't even a head left to look at... it was so haunting that crying didn't even feel like it made sense, because it felt like the cat had just ceased to exist... ever since then, I've been scared of trains, but I also have these dreams where death itself is under a train... I used to have this recurring nightmare where a train ran over my mom... I was just a little girl, maybe 6 or 7...
I could handle it better today, even though that image is still pretty brutal, but back then I couldn't sleep for nights on end...

And don't even get me started on the days we went fishing; I’d just stare in horror watching the fish thrashing and fighting for its life, wishing someone would just toss it back into the water... I’d get so angry, feeling like I wanted to take the head off whoever caught it because they were hurting that poor thing so much with a cruel little hook...
Those kinds of thoughts just run through my mind...
It's horrifying...

shadowheron49 said:Donna White50, you’ve seriously mastered the art of being a therapist or at least an expert forum counselor! 😁

Reading your posts honestly gives me such a rush of energy.
I’m fully aware of all this, and through my own deep dives, I've realized how much of a lifeline you are—because if I didn't have this, I probably would've ended it all a long time ago...
But...
Because of this irrational fear—which isn't actually irrational since death is staring everyone in the face—it all comes down to how you perceive time. To me, 50 years is absolutely nothing; if I had to wait 50 years for something, I wouldn't care one bit... so just try imagining what my perception of a single week, a month, or even a year feels like...
I don't mind working 12-hour shifts because time just vanishes for me...
While everyone else is wondering how I pull it off, I'm the one actively looking for those long days...
The thing is, I've truly come to terms with death. Everyone knows death exists, but very few people actually *grasp* it... and then there's the afterlife...
Not everyone has had that realization...
And that’s where my struggle begins...
Because of that... every little moment I could live to fill the void in my head... I just don't see the point...
To me, none of this makes sense... even if I were living the high life with milk and honey flowing... I still wouldn't see the purpose...
This heavy, chronic lack of ambition is just a direct result of everything I've realized...
What am I even fighting for?
Why bother?

Sometimes this hopelessness and the fear of dying collide into this weird contradiction where it feels like the thing I dread most is actually my only way out... death...

I'm alive, but I'm missing the "living" part...
It's like I died a long time ago...
My only real fear is the unknown... stepping into the dark... what happens next...
Because one thing is certain...
Every single one of you will eventually reach that moment where your eyes go blank... when you hear the people around you trying to help... you’d speak up if you weren't already gone... but you are...
What happens when you finally realize that? .
If you are truly dead...
What comes after that??

There are a thousand theories out there... from reincarnation to heaven and hell... whatever your imagination can dream up... about what happens once we pass...
Everything is written down somewhere...
But... who has actually died and come back to tell us? Nobody...
I just want to ask one thing...
What is the point of life?
By age five, most kids don't even remember anything.
Until eighteen, you're just stuck in school... you can't do anything, and 80% of them don't know the first thing about life during those years, which just fly by.
Then come the best years...
Up until thirty... they're gone in a flash...
Then we start getting old...
Getting ugly...
Between thirty and fifty, I honestly can't see what a person is even supposed to need...
You spend all those prime years grinding at work, just struggling to survive...
You live on a planet you haven't even really met... you should have traveled... made the most of your youth... but you never have the time.
And now that you hit retirement... you finally have the freedom to do it all because you have all this extra time... but you don't have your youth anymore...
You can do whatever the hell you want, but it doesn't matter...

And all of it just slips away, leaving nothing but memories...
Good memories?
I don't know... nostalgia has never felt good to me; it's always been pretty depressing.

And at the end of the day, I look at people in their 70s and beyond and wonder how some of them still have a smile on their faces...
What's the deal with that?
What are they even happy about?
All they're doing is waiting to die...
You want to go for a run... and you break a hip instead...
You're falling apart while you're still breathing...
And honestly, a huge chunk of life is just spent decaying and breaking down...
To me, life feels more like a sickness of the soul...
The soul gets sick and dies, or rather, it's born alongside the body...
I don't know if anyone understands what I'm feeling...

I'll take Donna White50's advice and go find something to keep me busy...
But... sooner or later....
It's all going to catch up to me...
I just hope that when that time comes, I won't be afraid...
That I'll be able to look at both death and life... as a gift...
Because right now, it just feels like an illness.

Sounds like you're dealing with some serious depression, huh? Usually, when people look at everything through this lens—feeling aimless, lacking drive, seeing zero joy or purpose in anything—that’s classic depression. A little bit of help from antidepressants, maybe three months down the road, and you'll actually find yourself smiling because the sun came out this morning. I've been there myself... went from being a total gloom-and-doom guy to who I am today, a positive person, because honestly, we all want to live. And once you finally fall in love? Man, it's endless...😁
Look, all those questions you asked... they make sense. What's the point of it all? We're getting older, our bodies are breaking down, what happens next? What if there's nothing after we die since nobody ever came back to tell us? They're all valid questions, and everyone asks them sooner or later... But you're forgetting the fact that you're feeling pretty depressed right now, so you aren't seeing the good stuff, even though there's just as much beauty as there is ugliness out there. Why choose death when you have the chance to experience life? Okay, you won't live forever, but you might get 70 or 80 years out of this, and that's a lot of time to experience things. You won't travel the whole world, but you'll see plenty of it, you'll fall in love, and you won't end up growing old alone... It gets way easier once you accept that you can't fight certain natural processes. You have to learn to accept life as it is—well, not life itself, but *yourself*. You gotta accept who you are first before you can try to change for the better. Life feels bad because you're looking at it through a bad lens; your glass is half empty, and that's really the heart of the matter. You need to shift that perception, because that's why you're stuck where you are. You're expecting the glass to be overflowing, but life gave you a half-full glass, so just take it. Don't stress over the things you can't change, focus on the stuff you can. With that mindset, it's no wonder you're dealing with so many fears—you might honestly need some meds. You've gotta try thinking positively, dammit, you've gotta get moving...🙂
I know plenty of people who, after losing someone close, just spiraled into depression and felt like life had no direction. That feeling of being a walking ghost is awful, especially when you have so much potential to actually achieve things. Fight for yourself... keep your head up...🙂

shadowheron49 said:It's probably something from childhood...
Maybe it was when I was four and saw a cat get hit by a train... I just stared at that mangled body... there wasn't even a head left to look at... it was so haunting that crying didn't even feel like it made sense, because it felt like the cat had just ceased to exist... ever since then, I've been scared of trains, but I also have these dreams where death itself is under a train... I used to have this recurring nightmare where a train ran over my mom... I was just a little girl, maybe 6 or 7...
I could handle it better today, even though that image is still pretty brutal, but back then I couldn't sleep for nights on end...

And don't even get me started on the days we went fishing; I’d just stare in horror watching the fish thrashing and fighting for its life, wishing someone would just toss it back into the water... I’d get so angry, feeling like I wanted to take the head off whoever caught it because they were hurting that poor thing so much with a cruel little hook...
Those kinds of thoughts just run through my mind...
It's horrifying...

So, yeah, that sounds like the core trauma that everything else was built on. That's heavy stuff for a kid—watching a pet you love just vanish right in front of you like that. If you didn't have a good way to process that back then, it’s no wonder it left such a mark.
Kids are so sensitive to things like that. For me, certain childhood stuff actually ended up affecting how I view sexuality later on... You really have to try to stay positive. Have you thought about talking to a therapist or something..?

unknown

Donna White50 said:So, yeah, that sounds like the core trauma that everything else was built on. That's heavy stuff for a kid—watching a pet you love just vanish right in front of you like that. If you didn't have a good way to process that back then, it’s no wonder it left such a mark.
Kids are so sensitive to things like that. For me, certain childhood stuff actually ended up affecting how I view sexuality later on... You really have to try to stay positive. Have you thought about talking to a therapist or something..?

I have...
I really have, because the sheer stress I go through during those "attacks" isn't healthy at all, and I'm genuinely worried it'll wreck my heart and my nerves...
But honestly, I'm not a fan of taking meds even when it's necessary...
I actually had to get anesthesia for the first time just a few months ago because I'm terrified of needles...
It's not like I'm crazy...
The thing is, I'm actually super aware of what's happening to me when it hits; I manage to keep everything under control except for those physical reflexes, and that involuntary fear response is just brutal on the heart—it's bad for my overall health since all that adrenaline spikes and I can't even use it, which leads to heart arrhythmias and, eventually, massive long-term stress damage.
Because deep down, I'm actually a pretty laid-back and chill person until these episodes start happening...
The only reason I'd seek help is because staying like this isn't healthy, but if a psychiatrist is going to help, they should be able to shift my mindset through insight rather than just drugging me...
But most of the time, it feels like my answers and questions end up changing everyone else's perspective instead of my own...
I would love to meet someone who could actually help me do that...
If I could just rewire my consciousness at the root, then these physical reflexes wouldn't be so intense or dangerous...
Because look... I am not depression itself... I'm just someone who is acutely aware of how senseless everything feels...
More than anything, I am desperately trying to shake this fear...
I would give anything just to finally be free from this reflexive terror..

shadowheron49 said:unknown

I have...
I really have, because the sheer stress I go through during those "attacks" isn't healthy at all, and I'm genuinely worried it'll wreck my heart and my nerves...
But honestly, I'm not a fan of taking meds even when it's necessary...
I actually had to get anesthesia for the first time just a few months ago because I'm terrified of needles...
It's not like I'm crazy...
The thing is, I'm actually super aware of what's happening to me when it hits; I manage to keep everything under control except for those physical reflexes, and that involuntary fear response is just brutal on the heart—it's bad for my overall health since all that adrenaline spikes and I can't even use it, which leads to heart arrhythmias and, eventually, massive long-term stress damage.
Because deep down, I'm actually a pretty laid-back and chill person until these episodes start happening...
The only reason I'd seek help is because staying like this isn't healthy, but if a psychiatrist is going to help, they should be able to shift my mindset through insight rather than just drugging me...
But most of the time, it feels like my answers and questions end up changing everyone else's perspective instead of my own...
I would love to meet someone who could actually help me do that...
If I could just rewire my consciousness at the root, then these physical reflexes wouldn't be so intense or dangerous...
Because look... I am not depression itself... I'm just someone who is acutely aware of how senseless everything feels...
More than anything, I am desperately trying to shake this fear...
I would give anything just to finally be free from this reflexive terror..

Well, if you've been trying for years and nothing works, I think you really should talk to a psychiatrist if it's hitting your daily life this hard. Have you tried meditation? It's great for relaxing... maybe some herbal teas and stuff like that?
Look, it's not just about the fear of dying. You basically have a really, really rough outlook on life, and you've gotta shift that—which means doing some actual self-work. Antidepressants would kick in after a few weeks and help dial back the symptoms. This anxiety is absolutely trashed your system. For me, fear triggers stomach cramps, diarrhea, headaches, head pressure, zero motivation, no energy, mental blocks, bad moods, depressive thoughts, low self-esteem, even masochism... it's a terrible cocktail of feelings... nobody needs that in their life...

Donna White50 said:Well, if you've been trying for years and nothing works, I think you really should talk to a psychiatrist if it's hitting your daily life this hard. Have you tried meditation? It's great for relaxing... maybe some herbal teas and stuff like that?
Look, it's not just about the fear of dying. You basically have a really, really rough outlook on life, and you've gotta shift that—which means doing some actual self-work. Antidepressants would kick in after a few weeks and help dial back the symptoms. This anxiety is absolutely trashed your system. For me, fear triggers stomach cramps, diarrhea, headaches, head pressure, zero motivation, no energy, mental blocks, bad moods, depressive thoughts, low self-esteem, even masochism... it's a terrible cocktail of feelings... nobody needs that in their life...

It's true that my perspective is pretty damn negative...
When I see massive crowds of people on TV, like in China, all I see is a swarm of bacteria and sickness spreading across the planet...
Walking through huge cities, all those buildings just remind me of some kind of fungal infection growing on the Earth's crust...
I know deep down it's not actually like that, but I can't shake the feeling that it's all just kind of pathological.
Even childbirth—having a baby pulled out of your gut with all that blood and horror, nine months of carrying a human inside you... to me, it looks unnatural and terrifying...
I'm attached to the people I love, so I see them differently...
But when I look at the big picture, stepping back to view the Earth from space... everything looks so ridiculous and meaningless...
And every single one of those little bacteria thinks they're so important... when they aren't important to anyone...
They're all rushing around for work... they can't see past their own noses... fighting, warring, killing, stealing, cheating, reproducing, and dying just like nothing...
When I look at the whole picture...

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I were just a little high so instead of fearing all this meaninglessness, I could just laugh at it all.

shadowheron49 said:It's true that my perspective is pretty damn negative...
When I see massive crowds of people on TV, like in China, all I see is a swarm of bacteria and sickness spreading across the planet...
Walking through huge cities, all those buildings just remind me of some kind of fungal infection growing on the Earth's crust...
I know deep down it's not actually like that, but I can't shake the feeling that it's all just kind of pathological.
Even childbirth—having a baby pulled out of your gut with all that blood and horror, nine months of carrying a human inside you... to me, it looks unnatural and terrifying...
I'm attached to the people I love, so I see them differently...
But when I look at the big picture, stepping back to view the Earth from space... everything looks so ridiculous and meaningless...
And every single one of those little bacteria thinks they're so important... when they aren't important to anyone...
They're all rushing around for work... they can't see past their own noses... fighting, warring, killing, stealing, cheating, reproducing, and dying just like nothing...
When I look at the whole picture...

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I were just a little high so instead of fearing all this meaninglessness, I could just laugh at it all.

Well, I'm with you there—when you look at it from that angle, the whole thing does seem twisted. Like, if you look at it from Hitler's perspective, his attempt to exterminate the Jew was totally "logical" to him, whereas to everyone else, it's an absolutely revolting crime. So, it's all about perspective. I don't want to force another conclusion on you, but let's get philosophical for a sec... the world isn't inherently good or bad, life isn't good or bad, death isn't either... honestly, to the universe, none of it matters, even though we humans experience it so deeply. Maybe the real choice lies in our awareness—knowing what drives us forward versus what drags us down. A person should aim for the positive and stop stressing over stuff they can't control. Why worry about everyone else? Just build your own little corner of the universe with the people who make you feel good, and then the rest won't matter as much... plus, you'll end up giving more to others and they'll give back to you... in that kind of synergy, you actually make the world better. You aren't going to change the things you can't influence, so it's probably best to just accept things as they are...
You're being incredibly negative about everything, and it's honestly doing you a world of harm... you're just so weighed down by negative energy, and that's not a good way to live...😢

We’re on the same page here.🙂
When I start spiraling into my own deep dive of life, meaning, and total pointlessness... man, it’s exhausting. Just this heavy, gross sense of futility. I don't get it. What’s even the point of any of this?
You grind hard, you enjoy yourself for a bit😁 and then you die and that's it. Like—thanks for nothing, next...
A million questions asked just to find a tiny shred of purpose, and it still feels like zero.
It’s not even depression, honestly. It’s more like pure apathy and lethargy.
The only way I deal is by force-switching my mindset. I just refuse to think about it.
I try to accept it. Yeah, right—as if anyone actually asks me what I want to accept.
So I finally realized it’s just how things are and fighting it is useless.😁
Now I just tell myself: fake it till you make it.🙂
Realized that the one thing I can actually control is my own head.😁

darkcanyon10 said:We’re on the same page here.🙂
When I start spiraling into my own deep dive of life, meaning, and total pointlessness... man, it’s exhausting. Just this heavy, gross sense of futility. I don't get it. What’s even the point of any of this?
You grind hard, you enjoy yourself for a bit😁 and then you die and that's it. Like—thanks for nothing, next...
A million questions asked just to find a tiny shred of purpose, and it still feels like zero.
It’s not even depression, honestly. It’s more like pure apathy and lethargy.
The only way I deal is by force-switching my mindset. I just refuse to think about it.
I try to accept it. Yeah, right—as if anyone actually asks me what I want to accept.
So I finally realized it’s just how things are and fighting it is useless.😁
Now I just tell myself: fake it till you make it.🙂
Realized that the one thing I can actually control is my own head.😁

That is exactly what I'm doing too!
I hate looking worried, so I immediately try to cheer up anyone around me who's feeling down.
I don't see the sense in suffering or crying over spilled milk, and people probably think I have zero problems because I still view the world with such a kid-like wonder...
I don't see a reason to fight, and fighting usually just brings more misery and pain to everyone involved...
If you can't change it... just let it go...
But then these days hit, the ones I spend most of my time running away from...
they just swamp me with fear and hopelessness...
If I were still a little kid, I'd just run straight into my mom's arms...
but I'm not anymore... and that's when I start sinking deeper...
And every single time, it gets deeper...
I just sink...
Paralyzed by the fear...
Then I take a breath, pull myself together, and keep moving...
and I know there are plenty more of these crashes waiting for me in the future...
and that my whole life will be spent dodging them...
and that each time, I'll feel a little weaker...
I wish I could just face the fear head-on...
maybe one day I'll end up standing over a grave... 90% chance I'd lose my mind 😂
But that would be a real confrontation with death...

Because honestly... as long as you're terrified of dying, you aren't really living.

I'm digging this. 😁

Death is just a natural part of life.

The only thing we can be certain of is that death comes eventually.

Everything that has a beginning also has an end, and life is no exception.

😲

There's really no reason to fear it, right?

Living things—plants included—they don't just die, do they? If they didn't, we wouldn't even be here right now. We’d still be stuck in the era of the "first humans," or perhaps those first people would have already wiped themselves out entirely due to the sheer scarcity of food and an overcrowded planet.

Man will eventually master the art of creating drugs that slow down the aging process, I suppose. But do I truly believe we'll ever see lifespans exceeding 150 or 200 years? Not a chance. Because every extra year gained simply introduces a fresh batch of new diseases, which then requires yet another cure, and so on, ad infinitum...