Is having five kids actually worth it?

I know it’s not exactly trendy to advocate for large families these days, unless you’re coming from the Catholic Church—but it’s easy for them to talk when they don't even recognize their own kids.

To be clear, my stance on needing at least five kids has nothing to do with some nonsense about "procreation" or any kind of moral crusade.

The truth is, you have children for your own sake.

When our time finally runs out, most people—especially people today—will find it pretty hard to sing My Way while looking back at their lives as a selfless sacrifice for others. There's no way. Most of us are just focused on how to cut corners, how to get the most out of life while spending the least, how to hustle, how to score a weekend trip to a beach house, then head to work, maybe join a committee, and so on. In short, we'd rather people didn't judge us by our actions.

And given the kind of shallow people society has turned us into, we can barely manage to bring one child into this world; having two would already feel like an incredible sacrifice.

Because we are so spiritually numb and, let's be honest, lazy and immature, we’ll probably end up ruining the kid too. We’ll pass all our neuroses down to them, instill hypochondria and cynicism, blast them with antibiotics the second they cough, and then complain at the office about how "fragile" our child is. Besides, if you spend your time talking about your kid at work, only the worst kind of boss would actually trust you with a serious project. So, that one child becomes the perfect excuse to stay lazy and avoid doing any real work.

But again, after fifty or sixty years of dodging actual life, retirement rolls around with its tiny pension, and you realize that your one precious child doesn't really love you. They’re busy living their own selfish little lives with an equally rotten spouse and an only child of their own—an obnoxious, spoiled brat who won't even bother to visit Grandma. That's when you realize you have nobody.

That wouldn't happen if you had managed to have five kids. Granted, one would probably be an idiot. One might get hit by a bus, but that still leaves you with three healthy individuals. Healthy because, by necessity, they had to learn how to share, and because you didn't have enough time to focus all your dysfunction on just one person, they didn't develop those stupid neuroses. Plus, a big family naturally builds a competitive spirit, starting from when they're toddlers fighting over fries at McDonald's during a Happy Meal you take them to on Sundays because you're too lazy to cook a Sunday roast.

And those three healthy ones will actually love you. They’ll remember how warm and happy the home felt, conveniently forgetting the fact that it was only warm because you could only afford to give them one bedroom. They’ll turn all the flaws of their upbringing into beautiful memories. And they’ll take care of you in your old age because they grew up to be decent people. When you die, someone will actually cry for you. And honestly, there’s nothing more a person can wish for than that.

It feels like more and more parents these days were basically only children themselves, or maybe they just had one sibling, whatever. And honestly? It’s made them way more selfish than previous generations. Like, they never actually learned how to share. Not even with their own kids.
I mean, obviously, this is all happening on a subconscious level.
Now, they go out and have one kid, maybe two if they're feeling generous. Just enough to satisfy some social requirement. Or, you know, just so they can complain at work or when they're out with friends about how "exhausting" parenthood is.
I'm talking about the average here, not saying it's a rule for everyone.

I don't know... I actually know someone who is incredibly close to his mom (and his dad, too). He’s married with two kids now, and his mother is always around with them, yet he doesn't seem bothered by it at all. He’s 46.
A friend of mine—just one of those people who views her mother more as a best friend because they grew up as a little two-person team—always listened to her, though. Her mom was pretty strict, you know?

As for having five kids, honestly, I don't think that's a great move if you're trying to climb the corporate ladder. Raising that many children takes an insane amount of energy and sheer willpower, and since kids always come first, it could easily drain a parent—or at least the mom—of any drive left for their career.

On the other hand, if one parent stays home and you can actually afford it, then I think having five kids is beautiful. I know a family like that; it’s incredible how tight-knit they are. It’s just genuinely lovely to listen to them talk about one another...

But then again, a large family with zero money is usually just a recipe for misery. Relationships get strained, and the kids often struggle in school. A BAD idea.

And here's another one who thinks money equals happiness.

Just a quick heads-up so this discussion doesn't devolve into mediocre excuses. career and money aren't valid justifications for small children.

You can save those clichés for your equally pointless coffee dates with friends.

This is an anonymous forum, for God's sake; there’s no need to pretend here. Just write clearly—"we're too busy/successful, God bless you."

I truly believe that having more children is a win-win for everyone involved; it benefits the parents, the kids themselves, and ultimately, the entire country. It’s such a shame how all the modern incentives seem to push us toward focusing on just one child—or even none at all.

I was just thinking back to my grandmother... she grew up with nine siblings, ten kids in total, and honestly? They weren't struggling at all. Every single one of them went out into the world, built their own careers, and started beautiful families of their own.

As for me, I’m aiming for at least five.😍

You can harp on about it all you want, but honestly? It always comes back down to work, money, and career moves...🙄.
If my husband pulls in enough at his job, if I don't have to sacrifice my career just because of the kids, and if we actually have family nearby to help out—then, maybe, I'll even consider having another baby...
Unfortunately, that’s just how the world works.

briskpuma23 said:I know it’s not exactly trendy to advocate for large families these days, unless you’re coming from the Catholic Church—but it’s easy for them to talk when they don't even recognize their own kids.

To be clear, my stance on needing at least five kids has nothing to do with some nonsense about "procreation" or any kind of moral crusade.

The truth is, you have children for your own sake.

When our time finally runs out, most people—especially people today—will find it pretty hard to sing My Way while looking back at their lives as a selfless sacrifice for others. There's no way. Most of us are just focused on how to cut corners, how to get the most out of life while spending the least, how to hustle, how to score a weekend trip to a beach house, then head to work, maybe join a committee, and so on. In short, we'd rather people didn't judge us by our actions.

And given the kind of shallow people society has turned us into, we can barely manage to bring one child into this world; having two would already feel like an incredible sacrifice.

Because we are so spiritually numb and, let's be honest, lazy and immature, we’ll probably end up ruining the kid too. We’ll pass all our neuroses down to them, instill hypochondria and cynicism, blast them with antibiotics the second they cough, and then complain at the office about how "fragile" our child is. Besides, if you spend your time talking about your kid at work, only the worst kind of boss would actually trust you with a serious project. So, that one child becomes the perfect excuse to stay lazy and avoid doing any real work.

But again, after fifty or sixty years of dodging actual life, retirement rolls around with its tiny pension, and you realize that your one precious child doesn't really love you. They’re busy living their own selfish little lives with an equally rotten spouse and an only child of their own—an obnoxious, spoiled brat who won't even bother to visit Grandma. That's when you realize you have nobody.

That wouldn't happen if you had managed to have five kids. Granted, one would probably be an idiot. One might get hit by a bus, but that still leaves you with three healthy individuals. Healthy because, by necessity, they had to learn how to share, and because you didn't have enough time to focus all your dysfunction on just one person, they didn't develop those stupid neuroses. Plus, a big family naturally builds a competitive spirit, starting from when they're toddlers fighting over fries at McDonald's during a Happy Meal you take them to on Sundays because you're too lazy to cook a Sunday roast.

And those three healthy ones will actually love you. They’ll remember how warm and happy the home felt, conveniently forgetting the fact that it was only warm because you could only afford to give them one bedroom. They’ll turn all the flaws of their upbringing into beautiful memories. And they’ll take care of you in your old age because they grew up to be decent people. When you die, someone will actually cry for you. And honestly, there’s nothing more a person can wish for than that.

Look, I’ve got a few points to throw out there:

Look, just to be clear, it’s not like I don't want kids because I don't like them or anything. I mean, I actually totally adore them. It's just... I don't know, maybe I just don't want that life for myself right now? I guess it's more complicated than people think. 🙂I mean, I don't know, maybe I just wouldn't be able to raise them right, which honestly feels like a much bigger deal than just having the love or the desire to have kids in the first place. You’ve gotta be a whole, functional person yourself if you want to raise a whole, functional human being. And let's be real—and I'm including myself here, just to stay fair—a huge chunk of people out there just aren't that.

It’s honestly pathetic how some people build their entire sense of self-worth around nothing more than raising kids. You know the type—they spend years acting like they’re saints, only to turn around later and weaponize that same upbringing against their own children. They start piling on the guilt trips, making everyone feel like an absolute monster because their parents had to "sacrifice" everything for them. Look, I get it, parenting is a massive sacrifice. Believe me, I'm a bit of a mess myself, so I totally get the grind. But it shouldn't be *only* about the sacrifice. It’s not like some twisted martyr complex you see in those old religious stories where people try to act like suffering is their whole personality. It's just not right. 🙂 I mean, look, you really need to actually live a little first. You’ve gotta go through high school, maybe hit up some community college or a university, get out there into the workforce, whatever... you just need to mature mentally before any of this becomes a thing. I guess the criteria shouldn't just be about whether someone has healthy reproductive organs or something. It's deeper than that.🤷

Look, let's be real for a second—money matters. It’s huge. Honestly, it might even be the most important thing on the whole list. I mean, anyone can have five kids, right? That part is easy. But actually raising them? How are you supposed to do that without them feeling every single bit of the struggle? If you don't have the funds, their quality of life is just going to tank, and that's a heavy thing to deal with. I guess it's just... complicated.

I don't know, I feel like you're kind of romanticizing the whole thing. Like, sure, it sounds pretty on paper, but maybe it’s all just a little too unrealistic? I guess it's just a bit unserious if you ask me. 🙂

Wait, hold up... so you’re saying you didn't sacrifice anything for anyone else just because you don't have kids? I mean, whatever. You sacrificed for yourself, and honestly, that counts for just as much, I guess. 😉 Unless you actually think you're somehow less important than everyone else? 😁 Look, I’m gonna start rambling again, but here's my two cents on this... I honestly think this whole obsession with cranking out kids comes from a deep-seated lack of self-love. I'm not saying you hate yourself or anything—it's not like you're advocating for having kids because you despise your own existence—but I guess that massive urge to create a literal clone of yourself suggests some kind of insecurity. Like, maybe you feel inadequate on your own? For me, personally, it kind of hurts to even think about—from that perspective, anyway—whether anyone will actually love me or if I'll leave any kind of mark on this planet. Maybe that's why I don't really feel that social pressure to procreate. And even if I did feel it, there are plenty of other ways to find purpose... I don't know, maybe through work, learning stuff, or just being creative...

Look, it’s not like I’m some shallow materialist obsessed with self-actualization or whatever blah blah blah (I mean, if you actually saw my life, you'd get what I mean 🤣), it's just that I honestly think how someone is raised matters way more than the society they grow up in (Lady Gaga and all those pop star types totally mess with kids' heads, for sure 🤣). Because of that, I feel like people should be a little more... thoughtful about the whole idea of having kids and raising them.

Ugh. I need coffee. Like, right now. 😳

And no, I'm not saying I'm 100% right here. I'm just throwing some counterpoints at your arguments.

I just realized who actually started this thread. briskpuma23, are you seriously messing with us again? 🤣

Someone please tell me to just delete this before I end up being the total party pooper here 🤣

briskpuma23 said:And here's another one who thinks money equals happiness.

???

Money isn't happiness, because those are two entirely different concepts. But if you're asking whether they're connected? Absolutely.
It’s honestly naive to claim money has nothing to do with being happy. Go ahead, ask someone struggling to make ends meet or someone living paycheck to paycheck if they feel "blessed"... (I mean, sure, maybe they have a family, but if they can't even put food on the table, where's the joy in that?)
Money provides the foundation upon which you actually build a happy life. Once you have enough to stop worrying about basic survival, then—and only then—can you actually relax and focus on your family, hanging out with friends, hobbies, or whatever else matters...

None of you have actually mentioned how many siblings he has.
There were five of us kids, and honestly, we’re doing alright now; we've become our own support system, gathering for Sunday dinners and showing up for one another whenever life gets heavy...

But my mother—who carried the lion's share of the weight when it came to raising us—didn't exactly have a life of her own. She learned how to do everything just for our sake, subordinating every single desire to the needs of the household; she had to cook for seven, handle the laundry, work, and more... she never even had five minutes to herself. Nowadays, she feels somewhat lost because she spent her entire existence learning how to be needed by others, always placing herself at the very bottom of her own priority list.

Now, some people might argue about what we lacked. We didn't have the latest designer gear or endless piles of books, sure... but they made sure we had music lessons, language classes... we had family scattered across the country that we actually got to visit... all of us ended up graduating college and becoming completely independent.

The truth is, we lived in a different era. Materialism wasn't the driving force it is now; apartments and mortgages weren't the insurmountable obstacles they are today, and it was entirely possible to live on a single income and still build a house. Kids didn't need a closet full of Nike sneakers back then because we didn't even know they existed... though, don't get me wrong, if we wanted something, we wanted it; it just wasn't treated like the end of the world if we didn't have it immediately.🙂
As it stands, I'm living in a small apartment, and even with two average salaries, we can barely make it through the month. Don't even get me started on saving for a larger home; we can't afford to travel, maybe a week at the beach if we plan months in advance... I would love nothing more than to have a whole brood of children, but under these current conditions, I'll be lucky if I can manage two.🤷

So, before anyone starts philosophizing about having five children who will supposedly mourn you at your funeral—which, frankly, is a rather selfish motivation for bringing life into this world—just consider that nowadays, you have to invest more than ever into your children, their health, and their education... and that kind of money doesn't just fall from the sky.

brightbear said:???

Money isn't happiness, because those are two entirely different concepts. But if you're asking whether they're connected? Absolutely.
It’s honestly naive to claim money has nothing to do with being happy. Go ahead, ask someone struggling to make ends meet or someone living paycheck to paycheck if they feel "blessed"... (I mean, sure, maybe they have a family, but if they can't even put food on the table, where's the joy in that?)
Money provides the foundation upon which you actually build a happy life. Once you have enough to stop worrying about basic survival, then—and only then—can you actually relax and focus on your family, hanging out with friends, hobbies, or whatever else matters...

I don't know, I'm not sure it's quite that simple. To actually exist, you really don't need much at all. I guess the thing is, people chase after this hyped-up social status that forces them to value things they probably shouldn't be putting on a pedestal. If someone is just happy with their daily life and how they live—which usually comes down to having solid relationships with people—they end up being way more productive in the long run. In the scenario described here, everything feels a bit upside down to me. It kind of puts society in a losing position because material status starts being treated like the highest Bog. Even if we're just talking about typical middle-class aspirations, it still feels off.☕

Richard Fowler13 said:None of you have actually mentioned how many siblings he has.
There were five of us kids, and honestly, we’re doing alright now; we've become our own support system, gathering for Sunday dinners and showing up for one another whenever life gets heavy...

But my mother—who carried the lion's share of the weight when it came to raising us—didn't exactly have a life of her own. She learned how to do everything just for our sake, subordinating every single desire to the needs of the household; she had to cook for seven, handle the laundry, work, and more... she never even had five minutes to herself. Nowadays, she feels somewhat lost because she spent her entire existence learning how to be needed by others, always placing herself at the very bottom of her own priority list.

Now, some people might argue about what we lacked. We didn't have the latest designer gear or endless piles of books, sure... but they made sure we had music lessons, language classes... we had family scattered across the country that we actually got to visit... all of us ended up graduating college and becoming completely independent.

The truth is, we lived in a different era. Materialism wasn't the driving force it is now; apartments and mortgages weren't the insurmountable obstacles they are today, and it was entirely possible to live on a single income and still build a house. Kids didn't need a closet full of Nike sneakers back then because we didn't even know they existed... though, don't get me wrong, if we wanted something, we wanted it; it just wasn't treated like the end of the world if we didn't have it immediately.🙂
As it stands, I'm living in a small apartment, and even with two average salaries, we can barely make it through the month. Don't even get me started on saving for a larger home; we can't afford to travel, maybe a week at the beach if we plan months in advance... I would love nothing more than to have a whole brood of children, but under these current conditions, I'll be lucky if I can manage two.🤷

So, before anyone starts philosophizing about having five children who will supposedly mourn you at your funeral—which, frankly, is a rather selfish motivation for bringing life into this world—just consider that nowadays, you have to invest more than ever into your children, their health, and their education... and that kind of money doesn't just fall from the sky.

Well, you certainly laid it all out there so clearly...👍>

So, you’re sitting here lecturing me about the cost of a Happy Meal? Fine. Go ahead, take your five kids out to McDonald's, buy five of those meals, and tell me that isn't a massive chunk of change right there, $50isn't it?
And don't even get me started on a decent sit-down restaurant...

Or take them to see a movie—just five tickets alone will run you $50, and then you’ve got popcorn, drinks, the whole nine yards...
If you're vacationing at the beach, try buying everyone ice cream every single day, even just one scoop per kid...

Then there's paying for five different language tutors, maybe some sports leagues, music lessons, or heaven knows what else...
What exactly is your plan here? Are you working until 5:00 PM just to be back home by 6:00? When are you actually going to raise them? If you can only manage to give each child half an hour of undivided attention after work—and anyone who actually has kids knows that's a gross understatement—how much time will you truly have for them, specifically for each individual soul?

And where does that leave any time for the parents themselves, or for having a hobby of their own?
It is incredibly easy to make children, but raising them is an entirely different beast; you can't just let them fend for themselves, letting them wander off, doing everything solo, or leaving them out on the street to play just so Dad can catch his breath...
So, before you start philosophizing about the "ideal" number of children, perhaps you should actually consider the sheer amount of effort and time required—not to mention the money (and yes, I mean real money, because nothing is free unless your ultimate goal is living off government subsidies)—to successfully raise five well-adjusted kids who will actually miss you when you're gone...

I never really gave much thought to how many kids I wanted until my mom got seriously ill. Suddenly, the entire physical and emotional weight of it all landed squarely on me and my sister.

Every single day, I felt so grateful to God that I had at least one sibling by my side. If it had just been me, I don't think I could have handled fighting for her alone.

We actually had the luxury of "tag-teaming" everything. We took turns stepping up so Mom always had someone strong there with her—someone who was actually capable of handling things. If I were an only child, I wouldn't have had that luxury.

It might sound selfish to want more children just so there are more hands on deck when you get old, but honestly, it makes life easier for the kids too, since they can share the burden together.

Oh, I completely neglected to mention the day-to-day living expenses🙄

We were going through about two or three loaves of bread and roughly four liters of milk every single day🙂
And the deli meat—the cheap stuff, obviously—would only last us maybe two or three days before it was gone...
I won't even get started on all the other necessities for kids... sure, you can inherit some clothes, but not everything, and footwear absolutely has to be bought new... then there's books, notebooks, transportation, backpacks... the list goes on and on
If you're looking at a home for a family of seven, you’re going to need significantly more square footage (unless your ultimate life goal is to cram everyone into a tiny 400-square-foot apartment and call it bliss)

So, my advice to anyone thinking about having a massive family is that there is a whole lot of logistical reality to weigh before you decide to go out and have five kids☕

I honestly don't know a single family with five or more kids that actually managed to take them all to, I don't know, McDonald's or a movie theater. Or even just giving every single one of them thirty minutes of undivided attention every day? Yeah, right. It just doesn't happen.
Why? Seriously, why?
It’s all just empty buzzwords, honestly. Just made-up excuses from people who only have one or two kids—and look, I’ve "only" got two myself, so don't even get me started.
Why? Seriously, why?
I mean, let's be real—in most cases, that's just theoretically impossible. It's basically a non-starter.
Look, if you’re actually going to drag a kid to McDonald's, they should be at least two or three years old to make any sense. I mean, think about it—for most families out there with like five kids or more, that means the oldest one would have to be at least fifteen. And honestly? By then, they probably just want to go to McDonald's on their own or hang out with their friends anyway.
I don't know, maybe it’s just my second or third kid, but they just straight up refuse to eat anything from McDonald's. Like, at all. It's honestly such a hassle.
It’s the same deal when you’re trying to hit up the movie theater. Our little group of "seven" is heading out to see... what, exactly?
I mean... all five of the kids are doing English classes now. Honestly, that two-year-old is probably picking it up faster than anyone else, I guess. 🙄.

I just can't stand kids standing there in line, waiting for you to give them half an hour of undivided attention while they spend the rest of the time just staring blankly out the window. It’s exhausting, I guess.

There’s an exact gap of six and a half years between the five of us,😉

And let's be honest, investing in a second language starts way back in preschool if you actually want them to master it through college.😲

As for your logic regarding buying a sandwich for one kid but not the other—I genuinely don't even know how to respond to that... I mean, even if you happen to be doing both at the exact same moment, at the end of the month, it all just rolls up into one single bill anyway.

And regarding the whole "time" issue, if you just took a moment to actually engage—asking the kid how their day at school went, what they worked on, if their homework is finished, or just playing with them for a bit... would that really take five times longer?

Even though I already posted this in the thread (it would’ve been such a pain to go back and delete 🤣), I honestly think the author is just being sarcastic and making fun of the whole thing with those five kids.

It totally went over my head at first. 🤣 🙈

I don't think I could handle more than two kids. Honestly, they'd probably eat me alive. Plus, if you have just one or two, you can actually pour everything into them. Though, let's be real—with how busy everyone is working these days, most parents barely get any quality time with even a single child.