Let's talk about healthcare worker bedside manner

Ahem.

I’ve just made it back home from the hospital after getting my stitches removed. It was painful. Truly, quite painful. It still hurts, actually.

Naturally, I waited for the initial check-in to be cleared before being seen, but that isn't even the core of the issue.
The real problem is this.

There was this young woman—a doctor in her prime, I suppose, and quite attractive, honestly, even without any makeup on—who managed to send my blood pressure skyrocketing. Now, I’m not a man, so I don't mean 😢 in that way, but my pressure is usually quite low, and she sent it soaring.

I didn't have my referral on hand because, well, first, I hadn't had a chance to grab it since my current residence is on the complete opposite side of town from where my primary doctor is located, and second, my medical records only indicated that a referral would be needed for a follow-up appointment, which isn't until the 28th.

So, this lovely young lady gave me such a piercing, unpleasant look that it actually turned her face quite red. 😢 Then, in this incredibly stern, sharp tone, she pointed out that I didn't have a referral. I responded quite politely (because that’s just how I am 😍), trying to explain why I didn't have it when I arrived, but it felt like she wasn't really listening to me at all.

Then, out of nowhere, she flashed this sort of smirk 😕 and went right back to typing away diligently on her keyboard.
While the nurse was removing the sutures—which, as I mentioned, was very painful—the doctor chimed in again. "You didn't bring your medical history."

"I didn't; I forgot," I replied.

"How could you possibly forget?" she asked, her tone practically cutting through the air.

"Bleh."

"It seems to me that you are being rather irresponsible."

"And it seems to me that you are being rather harsh," I countered.

"Bleh."

At that exact moment, she ducked away behind a partition (it turns out later she had just gone to grab a coffee, which she clearly should have done earlier). The nurse finished her work—and I must say, she was incredibly kind, truly a gem 🙏—and told me I’d need to come back tomorrow because the wound doesn't look quite right. I wasn't thrilled to hear that, because, let's be honest, I really don't feel like paying for another $50 Uber ride, and I certainly don't want to head back to the hospital just to have those women ruin my morning again.

The doctor remained tucked away behind that wall, and stayed there. I was actually the one who stepped up to ask if she needed me to drop off the referral for today's visit later on.

In the meantime, I took a peek at my medical records. She had typed: "PLEASE BRING REFERRAL AND DISCHARGE PAPERS AT FOLLOW-UP." In all caps, no less.

As I was leaving, she smiled at me again, though her eyes certainly weren't smiling.

So, now I'm curious. Primarily, I'm wondering if anyone here in the medical profession can weigh in. What kind of behavior is this? 😕

Where is the human element? 😕
Okay, fine, I didn't have the referral. I forgot the discharge papers.
But I am the type of person who, on my very first day in the hospital, was busy texting, ended up on the wrong floor because the elevator was acting up and I didn't notice, and accidentally wandered right into the surgical suite without even realizing it.
I am also the person who, just today, walked toward the wrong department, despite the fact that the medical records explicitly stated which one to go to—and I did read them.

I am the kind of person who manages to drop food on freshly washed clothes.
Yes, that is truly who I am. 😢

She cannot possibly know what kind of person I am. She can't know what kind of people any of the folks coming through those doors are.
Her job, among many other things, is to be kind.

People don't come to the hospital by choice. They come for all sorts of reasons and in all sorts of situations. I don't think anyone actually wants to be there. Believe me, I certainly don't want to be there.
You know how it goes in life—sometimes when one thing starts sliding downhill, everything else just follows suit. That’s exactly what happened to me once I broke that damn bone. Honestly, I am just completely over it all. I’m exhausted, I’m frustrated, and frankly, I’m just feeling pretty miserable. And if I’m being honest, I find myself really craving some kindness from my medical team. I truly, deeply want to encounter doctors and nurses who are actually pleasant to be around.

Out of everyone I encountered there, it seemed like every single person who was acting hostile or irritable was a woman. One particular individual gave off a bit of a bipolar vibe, constantly shifting between this forced smiling and then snapping at people.

I’m not usually the type of person to jump into arguments or seek out conflict, but it genuinely upsets me—and honestly, it makes me quite sad—that people whose entire profession involves caring for individuals in vulnerable physical and mental states can be so incredibly oblivious to their impact.

Someone recently mentioned to me that there's absolutely no need to bring anything for kind doctors or nurses, since being polite is literally part of their job description. Is that actually true?
I even felt a sudden impulse to pick up a box of chocolates for my nurse. Why did I feel that way? 🙂

This is just a relatively mild instance that got under my skin today, though I know there are certainly worse stories out there. I decided to start this thread primarily to hear from healthcare professionals: why is the atmosphere sometimes like this, and do you find yourselves behaving this way toward your patients?
Of course, I would also love to hear from the "patients" out there about their own experiences. 😬

Honestly, the way the doctor treated me seemed incredibly kind—actually, more than I probably deserved. I’ve never really had a bad run-in with medical staff, to be truthful. My primary care physician has been wonderful, my OB-GYN through the public health system was great, even my dentist under the local clinic was solid. I even actually enjoyed my week-long stay at the hospital during my last surgery, though, mind you, getting those stitches pulled out was a real pain. At the end of the day, if you just treat these people like human beings, there’s really no reason for them to give you anything less than respect in return.

You're exaggerating a bit here!

although

brightridge59 said:"I feel like you guys are being pretty irresponsible"

This just isn't right, seriously.

brightridge59 said:That seemed a little bipolar to me.

🙄

Why on earth should a healthcare worker care about your personality? 😕

Look, as a patient, you really only have two jobs: show up with a referral and bring your medical history. You didn't do either one.

They still did their jobs perfectly fine regardless—so now you’re sitting here complaining that they weren't "nice" enough?

Honestly, if it were me, I’d probably just toss you out the door and tell you to come back when you actually have a referral and your records in hand. But, well, I'm not exactly known for being polite... they are. They stay professional and they do the work.

Shame on you...

jadesailor14 said:you're exaggerating

Actually, I don't think I am being dramatic at all.
I just find that kind of attitude completely unacceptable. It’s such a stark contrast to people who are genuinely grateful just to have been given a referral in the first place.
I remember talking to a woman at the hospital once, and she was expressing how truly thankful she was that someone would even bother to perform her surgery. 😕

Forgive me, but I'm not one to just follow the herd, and I don't plan on starting now.

this just isn't right, period

You see, that specific point didn't actually bother me the most, because no matter how you look at it, it's simply true. What really rubbed me the wrong way was the overall attitude, the behavior, and the general impression she left behind. 🙂

🙄

What seems to be the problem?
Is humor suddenly not welcome on this subforum? 😕

@ Elizabeth Patel67
I wasn't being rude; quite the opposite, actually. 😉

Rachel Brooks63 said:Look, if it were me, I’d probably just kick you out on the street and tell you to come back when you actually have a referral and your medical history ready. But hey, I’m not exactly known for being polite. Those people over at the Agency? They're the ones who are actually nice and professional.

Later.

Rachel Brooks63 said:I’ve often found myself reflecting on this particular question during my quiet morning coffee, wondering why a healthcare professional should truly care about the nuances of a patient's personality. To me, it seems that medicine is so much more than just a series of biological puzzles to be solved or symptoms to be managed. If we view our patients merely as a collection of clinical data points or physiological malfunctions, we miss the very essence of what makes healing possible. In my own experience working alongside various specialists, I've noticed that when you take a moment to understand who a person actually is—their temperament, their sense of humor, or even their specific anxieties—it changes the entire dynamic of the care you provide. It isn't just about being polite; it's about building a bridge of trust. When a patient feels seen as a human being rather than just "the case in Room 4," they are far more likely to engage with their treatment plan and share those small, vital details that can make all the difference in a diagnosis. Think of it like this: if you were treating someone for a chronic condition, wouldn't you want a provider who understands how that illness fits into the context of your actual life? Knowing whether someone is naturally resilient or prone to worry allows us to tailor our communication style effectively. It turns a standard medical interaction into a genuine partnership. At the end of the day, we aren't just treating bodies; we are caring for people, and understanding the soul behind the symptoms is perhaps the most important tool we have in our kit. 😕

Are you actually reading what I’m saying? I feel like we might be having a bit of a breakdown in communication here. 😕
That is precisely why they should be treated with a bit more grace by default; since they have absolutely no way of knowing what kind of personal circumstances someone might be navigating at any given moment, a little extra leniency goes a long way.I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how much we tend to overcomplicate things when the answer is staring us right in the face. It reminds me of a little situation I ran into last summer while I was driving through the Midwest; I spent nearly twenty minutes searching for my sunglasses, tearing apart the passenger seat and checking every nook and cranny of the center console, only to realize they were perched right on top of my head the entire time! We all do it, don't we? We get so caught up in the complexity of a problem that we overlook the most obvious, straightforward solution. Sometimes, you just have to take a breath, step back, and look at the big picture without all the unnecessary noise..
Goodness gracious, honey, there are actually entire seminars out there specifically designed to teach medical professionals how to communicate effectively with their patients.
It wasn't all that long ago that I remember walking into the waiting rooms at some of our local healthcare clinics and seeing these little flyers posted on the walls. They had messages like, "Healing begins with kindness," or something along those lines. It was such a gentle, thoughtful sentiment to encounter while you were sitting there, just waiting for your appointment.

If I were in charge, I might be tempted to just toss you out on the sidewalk and tell you to come back once you’ve actually bothered to bring your referral and medical history with you. But, well, I don't exactly have a reputation for being particularly sweet. Fortunately for you, the staff over at the clinic are a different story entirely; they are incredibly kind and maintain such a high level of professionalism.

If they had simply turned me down, I think I could have handled that with grace. But this kind of behavior? It’s just completely unacceptable.
The sisters were absolutely wonderful—truly lovely people. Unfortunately, she was quite the opposite.

I honestly find that sentiment a bit disheartening to hear. It’s always a shame when things take such a negative turn, isn't it? I truly believe that if we approach these situations with a bit more grace and understanding, we might find a much smoother path forward. Let's try to keep things constructive.

🙂

Honestly, what really gets to me isn't just the lack of answers—it's the sheer ignorance disguised as expertise.

We’ve been stuck in this endless loop for three years now, trying to figure out why my son's wounds just won't heal properly...

And I mean, I actually had the nerve to ask the doctor if his coagulation profile was linked to a potassium deficiency (since he's not healing), and he just stared at me with this blank, pale expression. He just kept circling back to the exact same blood tests over and over again—total broken record. And when it comes to his hormone levels? They were clearly off, but he wouldn't say a single word about them or even point me toward a specialist who actually knows what they're doing.🙄

I guess these days you basically have to know more than the MDs just to get through an appointment.
Thank god I finally found an amazing OB-GYN and a great primary care doctor who actually listen.

Right now, though, the constant crowds and those endless waiting lists are driving me nuts, especially since I’m juggling a mountain of referrals.😉

brightridge59 said:She gave me this smile right as she was leaving, but her eyes didn't match.

🤣

I’m just now seeing this. Are you kidding me right now? Seriously. Her eyes weren't smiling? What, should she have done a little happy dance for you too? Look, I get what you're trying to do—you want to point out that her smile wasn't "genuine"—but it's not her job to be your best friend or radiate pure joy. It's all just professional courtesy. She's at work. Get it? Work. She doesn't owe you some soul-searching, heartfelt grin when you can't even handle being responsible enough to bring two basic things she actually needs. Maybe if you had actually brought them, she would've been real with you. 🤷

brightridge59 said:No, I really don't think I'm overreacting!

They really shouldn't have let you in!
They really should have told you to wait until you had all your paperwork in hand before heading over! I learned that the hard way when I was dealing with the DMV last summer—total headache. 🙂

I honestly don't think the doctor should have called you irresponsible, even if that comment was pretty much spot on!
On the flip side, she actually took you in even though she really didn't have to!
She did you a huge favor, so don't be so salty in your response!

brightridge59 said:What's on your mind?
Is humor not allowed on this subforum? I was just sharing a quick joke about my morning coffee mishap, but maybe I misread the room! 😕

That’s just not funny!

I suppose I added a little extra drama there just to really drive home the impression that woman left on me. 😬

Look, I fully realize that the oversight regarding my medical history was MY mistake, and I’ve already explained the situation with the referral.
I had my appointment this past Friday afternoon, and they gave me specific instructions for the follow-up—namely, to be back for an exam today at 8:00 AM sharp.
So, how exactly was I supposed to have the referral ready? Should I have just conjured one out of thin air? 😕

And honestly, I think she would have been much more understanding if they hadn't turned me away. If things had gone differently, I simply would have returned the following day. 🤷

But her behavior was truly unpleasant.

I mean, maybe she’s just dealing with some other stuff on her end that she's juggling at the same time—like, I don't know, some massive project at work that she finally wrapped up?
Look, I’m definitely not trying to defend healthcare workers here. I think we all tend to react more strongly to them because, well, we’re coming at them from a vulnerable position—we're sick, we're sensitive, and we really need that attention. But at the end of the day, they're just people too. Honestly, what you described doesn't strike me as a huge example of arrogance or being unprofessional, sorry if you disagree.
It feels much worse when someone shows up at an ER and gets left waiting outside the doors for four hours.

brightridge59 said:Honestly, she was being pretty unpleasant.

Wasn't she smiling at you with her eyes?
I mean, seriously, if you bring your ID and medical history next time, maybe she'll brew you a coffee, give you a shoulder massage, and... smile with her eyes too! 😬

jadesailor14 said:Honestly, I really feel like they shouldn't have let you in.
Honestly, I really wish someone had just given you a heads-up that you should wait until you have every single document in hand before heading down there. It would have saved you so much trouble! 🙂

They really should have. 🙂

I can't help but feel that the doctor shouldn't have gone as far as calling you irresponsible, even if her observation was clearly spot on. It’s one of those tricky situations where the truth is undeniable, yet hearing it delivered so bluntly still feels a bit harsh, don't you think?
On the other hand, she went ahead and accepted you, even though she really had no reason to.
She did you a massive favor, so the least you could do is put some actual thought into your response.

I suppose I should hold myself accountable here, but only because I completely blanked on my own medical history. It wasn't because I missed a referral or anything like that—I just truly lost track of the details.

Honestly, I feel like my boss did me a massive favor when she hired me, because now I’m already looking at having to head back into the office again tomorrow!

I wouldn't exactly call that a joke.

What could it possibly be? 🙂

Jamie Davis17 said:It’s entirely possible that she’s just juggling an extra weight we don't see—perhaps there's another issue she's managing on the side, like a tricky situation at work or some lingering task she's already successfully navigated.

If her conduct was truly as professional as Rachel Brooks63 claims, then there simply wouldn't be any room for that kind of rudeness. But let's be honest—she wasn't being professional at all. She was being downright disrespectful.
She wasn't being charmingly arrogant or just throwing out a bit of playful sarcasm—it wasn't even that kind of "cute" attitude. Honestly, she was just being downright rude.

It’s entirely possible that she’s going through a rough patch right now. I can certainly empathize with that; honestly, I’ve been dealing with my own share of headaches lately, and if I'm being completely candid, I am just absolutely fed up with everything.
And look, I didn't show up there looking for a fight; I actually waited my turn quite patiently, explained exactly what was going on, and made sure to be damn polite about the whole thing.
If she’s already made up her mind to bring me on board, I can't help but feel that anyone else could have stepped into my shoes just as easily.

I’m certainly not trying to play devil's advocate for healthcare workers here, but I think the reason we all react so strongly to them is simply because there is such a massive power imbalance at play. When you're the patient, you're often feeling vulnerable, sensitive, and in desperate need of a little extra care, which naturally puts us in a subordinate position to the providers. That being said, at the end of the day, they are just people too. To be perfectly honest, I don't see what you wrote as a clear-cut case of arrogance or unprofessionalism, sorry if you disagree.

It honestly breaks my heart whenever I hear about someone being left waiting outside an ER entrance for four hours after arriving with an emergency. It’s just such a heavy, unsettling feeling to think about that kind of struggle.

I really meant it when I said this was a relatively mild case. I decided to use her as an example because, quite honestly, it’s exactly the kind of situation I found myself navigating just earlier this morning.
I honestly could have met her rudeness with something even more biting, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. What would have been the point?

Oh, come on, you aren't seriously going to let this get to you... I mean, you went through something that you felt was just plain ugly. Honestly, forget about it.
You’ve still got almost perfectly healthy legs. Isn't that what actually matters?

brightridge59 said:...

I feel you.

I’ve dealt with plenty of rude medical staff myself, though it was usually just some grumpy nurse...

What else can I say?

Just try not to let their attitude get under your skin too much.

I’d say maybe just take your original post, polish it up a bit, and send it straight to the Department. From there, I guess some bureaucrat will pass it along to the head of the Agency, then to that doctor's boss, and finally she'll be forced to give an official response.
Once you get that, you could probably turn it into the formal statement we need to figure out why she wasn't exactly "looking him in the eye."

Honestly... I don't know what people think they're entitled to lately, or what kind of nonsense politicians have been feeding them regarding what they're "owed" from our healthcare system. 🙄

P.S. It’s actually pretty sad because if the person who started this thread actually filed a complaint with the Department, it would probably trigger that whole chain of events I mentioned.

So, what, you’re planning on heading to the grocery store without any money too?
You’re failing at the two most basic requirements for seeing a patient—1. you don't have a referral, and 2. you haven't brought your medical records—yet you still have the nerve to complain. Honestly, it's just pathetic.

Casey Cook10 said:I honestly find myself wondering... what exactly are people telling themselves lately? It feels like politicians have spent so much time filling everyone's heads with these grand ideas about what they are "entitled" to within our healthcare system, and it’s getting a bit out of hand. 🙄

It really is such a shame when you find yourself expecting even the most basic levels of courtesy and common decency, only to be let down. It shouldn't be a tall order, honestly.

It’s honestly a bit heartbreaking when you think about it—the way everything is set up means that if the original poster actually decided to take matters into their own hands and file a formal complaint with the Department, they would likely end up triggering that entire disastrous chain of events all over again.

Perhaps in some other country.

Maria Jones40 said:It’s honestly just pathetic and quite frankly, a disgrace.

It honestly feels a bit disheartening, if I'm being perfectly candid, to see how some people continue to skim right over the details even after the initial post has laid everything out so clearly. It’s a shame, really, because it makes it so much harder for us all to have a productive conversation when people aren't actually taking the time to process what's being said. 🙂

Alright, look, we all caught on pretty quick that you showed up to your appointment without any paperwork and that the doctor didn't exactly give you a warm welcome because of it... Honestly, this thread isn't going anywhere except toward a massive blowout fight, so I'm locking it down. If you actually feel like there's something legitimate to complain about, you should probably take those specific concerns straight to the Agency at the facility you visited. Just making broad generalizations like this doesn't solve anything; it just starts arguments, which is exactly what we're trying to avoid here.