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Lost. Help!

Started by Ronald Clark5 · · 👁 4 views · 18 replies

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Participants Ronald Clark5James Hughes3Noah Sanchez7bluebison70Christian Wells6Gerald Rivera60Amanda Roberts21Adam Ramos6William Brooks35goldensurfer15
Ronald Clark5 Ronald Clark5 NewcomerOP
1 message
joined Nov 2007
#1 ·
The years keep ticking by, yet it feels like for me, time has just
hit a wall. Looking back at the last eight or nine years, if I’m being honest with myself, they seem to have vanished into
thin air. Sure, there were some decent moments here and there—flashes of happiness—but true fulfillment? Never really happened. When I stop to actually think about it, I feel completely
adrift, lost in a void with no clear way out. I show up to my job just to
get through the day—it isn't that it's a bad gig—but I can't shake the feeling it isn't my calling (which is the worst part,
since I haven't the slightest clue what I actually want to do), I don't have a girlfriend and never really have (I feel totally out of sync in that department), and I rarely see my friends, so
sometimes it feels like I'm just retreating from the world entirely. It's as if my drive to keep pushing forward has simply evaporated.
Has anyone else ever found themselves stuck in a rut like this?
James Hughes3 James Hughes3 Newcomer
3 messages
joined Nov 2007
#2 ·
I hear you, man. I’m feeling the exact same way. I graduated from a university that doesn't even recognize my name anymore. I spend all my time at home, barely seeing friends, and I haven't had a real connection with anyone in four years. On top of that, mental health struggles have been my biggest hurdle. I truly hope things turn around for you.👍 What kind of work are you doing?
Noah Sanchez7 Noah Sanchez7 Regular
276 messages
joined Dec 2007
#3 ·
James Hughes3 said:I hear you, man. I’m feeling the exact same way. I graduated from a university that doesn't even recognize my name anymore. I spend all my time at home, barely seeing friends, and I haven't had a real connection with anyone in four years. On top of that, mental health struggles have been my biggest hurdle. I truly hope things turn around for you.👍 What kind of work are you doing?

Maybe you're studying philosophy?
Because if you are, then this whole mood actually makes a lot of sense... 😛
bluebison70 bluebison70 Active Member
50 messages
joined Nov 2007
#4 ·
I feel the exact same way. It’s honestly such a struggle. I find myself just waiting for my family to head out so I can finally get some time on my computer, but then I get a little too carried away... and then that moderator—or dictator, whatever you want to call them—starts threatening to ban me. I mean, I'm ninety years old; I can't be expected to have everything perfectly figured out all the time. Sometimes I just get lost in these discussions that I don't quite grasp, you know? It feels like there's no middle ground lately. You aren't allowed to make a mistake without being threatened immediately. I actually felt quite depressed when that person threatened to delete my account. It makes me wonder how I'm supposed to not feel so discarded, like I'm just some unsightly blotch they want to wipe away. I feel so hopeless, like nobody even wants me here, not even on this forum... and I really thought this would be a nice place where a person could just open up. Other people chat away and nothing happens. But if I write something that seems a bit foolish, suddenly it's a whole crisis. I thought democracy was supposed to be for everyone, not just a select few. They get to talk, yet I'm restricted from discussing certain topics. I feel so lost... and I guess if things ever got truly dark, that moderator who keeps trying to erase me would be the one to blame.
Christian Wells6 Christian Wells6 Active Member
61 messages
joined Oct 2007
#5 ·
bluebison70 said:I feel the exact same way. It’s honestly such a struggle. I find myself just waiting for my family to head out so I can finally get some time on my computer, but then I get a little too carried away... and then that moderator—or dictator, whatever you want to call them—starts threatening to ban me. I mean, I'm ninety years old; I can't be expected to have everything perfectly figured out all the time. Sometimes I just get lost in these discussions that I don't quite grasp, you know? It feels like there's no middle ground lately. You aren't allowed to make a mistake without being threatened immediately. I actually felt quite depressed when that person threatened to delete my account. It makes me wonder how I'm supposed to not feel so discarded, like I'm just some unsightly blotch they want to wipe away. I feel so hopeless, like nobody even wants me here, not even on this forum... and I really thought this would be a nice place where a person could just open up. Other people chat away and nothing happens. But if I write something that seems a bit foolish, suddenly it's a whole crisis. I thought democracy was supposed to be for everyone, not just a select few. They get to talk, yet I'm restricted from discussing certain topics. I feel so lost... and I guess if things ever got truly dark, that moderator who keeps trying to erase me would be the one to blame.


Please, don't let them get to you, bluebison70. You are certainly not an unsightly blot. I hold you in high regard.
Do not contemplate such drastic measures; it simply isn't worth it. Your presence will be deeply missed by me. 🙂
bluebison70 bluebison70 Active Member
50 messages
joined Nov 2007
#6 ·
Christian Wells6 said:Please, don't let them get to you, bluebison70. You are certainly not an unsightly blot. I hold you in high regard.
Do not contemplate such drastic measures; it simply isn't worth it. Your presence will be deeply missed by me. 🙂

Thank you so much. Honestly. Now I know that someone actually cares, and that not everyone is out to get me like that windshield wiper was. I mean, I still can't quite wrap my head around how he could have just wiped me away like that, for no reason at all.
Gerald Rivera60 Gerald Rivera60 Active Member
129 messages
joined Feb 2007
#7 ·
You’re being ridiculous... acting like a child.
I didn't delete you because of pregnancy talk, but because of that inappropriate comment...
And I’m not exactly some dangerous guy... I’m just a moderator here, nothing more.
Amanda Roberts21 Amanda Roberts21 Member
31 messages
joined Feb 2008
#8 ·
Depression is basically just a defense mechanism—a way to numb everything so you don't have to feel the sting.
In that sense, being depressed is actually a neurotic little win for the ego.

If you just open yourself up to everything—don't reject a single thing—you'll finally see how to crawl out of that hole.
Just say "yes" to life, and you'll see how things start looking up...

Saying yes to life doesn't mean just welcoming the good stuff; it means embracing the grief, the pain, the disappointments, the sheer stupidity, the insecurity, the love, the laughter, and the tears—all those contradictions that actually give this world its color.

When it starts hurting, that’s your signal—that’s when you know you’re actually making progress.

And once you start laughing again (because let's face it, most of this is total nonsense), that's when you'll know you've truly escaped that black hole—staying in there is just an easy way to die slowly on credit rather than actually getting up and fighting.

Look at bluebison70—she clawed her way out of her rut, said "I'm hurting," and immediately Amanda Roberts21 was right there waiting with kisses...
Noah Sanchez7 Noah Sanchez7 Regular
276 messages
joined Dec 2007
#9 ·
haha... bluebison70 is 90 years old. Good grief!! 🙂

And wouldn't you agree, Moderator, that people at that age tend to act just like children?

bluebison70, I love you too—well, I mean, you're a dear.. 😉
Adam Ramos6 Adam Ramos6 Newcomer
1 message
joined Nov 2007
#10 ·
Hey, I'm new here, so just checking in... interesting stuff!!! I actually found myself in a similar spot once and honestly thought there was no way out of it... but there's actually a better option!!! Just scrap everything and start fresh... if you can, transfer credits, enroll in a different college program, find a whole new career path... it worked for me!!!! And now I'm genuinely happy!!!1
bluebison70 bluebison70 Active Member
50 messages
joined Nov 2007
#11 ·
Gerald Rivera60 said:You’re being ridiculous... acting like a child.
I didn't delete you because of pregnancy talk, but because of that inappropriate comment...
And I’m not exactly some dangerous guy... I’m just a moderator here, nothing more.


I suppose you might be the dangerous one here. I'm certainly not a child, though maybe I am getting a bit senile. I can't always remember where everything was, so I guess I get a little carried away sometimes. Now I'm feeling uncertain again: what actually counts as an appropriate comment? It's been weighing on me.

Anyway, it’s probably better if I just stay out of your way. I mean, what would my grandson say if I let you delete me right now? Everything belongs to him, really, and I just tend to sneak in and use his things when he isn't home.

I honestly thought this place was pleasant, but I guess life is difficult everywhere. It seems nobody understands anyone else anymore, and there's just no patience left.

I'll keep that in mind—"moderator" (that word makes me think of a liquidator; I think I've started rambling again).
Amanda Roberts21 Amanda Roberts21 Member
31 messages
joined Feb 2008
#12 ·
Noah Sanchez7 said:haha... bluebison70 is 90 years old. Good grief!! 🙂

And wouldn't you agree, Moderator, that people at that age tend to act just like children?

bluebison70, I love you too—well, I mean, you're a dear.. 😉

I highly doubt he's actually 90. He's just playing a part—the guy is clearly some young buck in his prime.
William Brooks35 William Brooks35 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Nov 2007
#13 ·
Gerald Rivera60 said:You’re being ridiculous... acting like a child.
I didn't delete you because of pregnancy talk, but because of that inappropriate comment...
And I’m not exactly some dangerous guy... I’m just a moderator here, nothing more.

Just shut up and stop talking! Someone almost lost it because of you!🙂

🤣 🤣 🤣
Christian Wells6 Christian Wells6 Active Member
61 messages
joined Oct 2007
#14 ·
bluebison70 said:
I suppose you might be the dangerous one here. I'm certainly not a child, though maybe I am getting a bit senile. I can't always remember where everything was, so I guess I get a little carried away sometimes. Now I'm feeling uncertain again: what actually counts as an appropriate comment? It's been weighing on me.

Anyway, it’s probably better if I just stay out of your way. I mean, what would my grandson say if I let you delete me right now? Everything belongs to him, really, and I just tend to sneak in and use his things when he isn't home.

I honestly thought this place was pleasant, but I guess life is difficult everywhere. It seems nobody understands anyone else anymore, and there's just no patience left.

I'll keep that in mind—"moderator" (that word makes me think of a liquidator; I think I've started rambling again).

Oh, don't fret, bluebison70, I know someone else around eighty who went through this. One by one, they insulted him, harassed him, and stripped him of everything on their list, yet the man simply happened to be at Dachau when he was fifteen years old. Back then, he signed everything with his full legal name because the very concept of a "handle" hadn't even crossed his mind.
They branded him a radical, a nuisance, a provocateur... and all those labels were tossed at him by people who don't even realize that Dachau is in Germany, let alone understand the reality of what actually occurred there. 🤷

Just weather this storm until people grow accustomed to your presence, and for heaven's sake, stop hitting on young women. Once you manage that, you'll be fine. 👍
Gerald Rivera60 Gerald Rivera60 Active Member
129 messages
joined Feb 2007
#15 ·
bluebison70 said:
I suppose you might be the dangerous one here. I'm certainly not a child, though maybe I am getting a bit senile. I can't always remember where everything was, so I guess I get a little carried away sometimes. Now I'm feeling uncertain again: what actually counts as an appropriate comment? It's been weighing on me.

Anyway, it’s probably better if I just stay out of your way. I mean, what would my grandson say if I let you delete me right now? Everything belongs to him, really, and I just tend to sneak in and use his things when he isn't home.

I honestly thought this place was pleasant, but I guess life is difficult everywhere. It seems nobody understands anyone else anymore, and there's just no patience left.

I'll keep that in mind—"moderator" (that word makes me think of a liquidator; I think I've started rambling again).

I never said you were a child, just that you act like one...
Appropriate versus inappropriate... for instance, you wouldn't tell someone struggling with depression to "just do drugs" or "end it all" (I'm not saying you wrote those specific things, just using them as examples of what not to do). I'm not some hardcore advocate for political correctness, but still...

bluebison70 said:
I suppose you might be the dangerous one here. I'm certainly not a child, though maybe I am getting a bit senile. I can't always remember where everything was, so I guess I get a little carried away sometimes. Now I'm feeling uncertain again: what actually counts as an appropriate comment? It's been weighing on me.

Anyway, it’s probably better if I just stay out of your way. I mean, what would my grandson say if I let you delete me right now? Everything belongs to him, really, and I just tend to sneak in and use his things when he isn't home.

I honestly thought this place was pleasant, but I guess life is difficult everywhere. It seems nobody understands anyone else anymore, and there's just no patience left.

I'll keep that in mind—"moderator" (that word makes me think of a liquidator; I think I've started rambling again).

Has anyone ever truly understood anyone? I'm being a bit cynical, but if you want to be understood, you have two jobs: A) you have to understand others, and B) you have to make an effort to ensure they understand you.
It’s easy to sit in a corner complaining that no one gets you... But do you get them? Have you actually tried communicating in a way that lands?
Look at communication theory:
[Sender: message -> encoding] ----- communication channel --------->[Receiver: decoding -> message]
The message on the left (sender) and the right (receiver) doesn't necessarily match, even if that's the goal. Problems arise from several places: 1. The sender fails to encode the message correctly using verbal or non-verbal cues; 2. There are transmission issues (noise, distractions, etc.); 3. The receiver's decoding system isn't fully compatible with the sender's due to various factors—ignorance, different life experiences, personality clashes, or differing perspectives.
For all these reasons, true understanding is often elusive.

bluebison70 said:
I suppose you might be the dangerous one here. I'm certainly not a child, though maybe I am getting a bit senile. I can't always remember where everything was, so I guess I get a little carried away sometimes. Now I'm feeling uncertain again: what actually counts as an appropriate comment? It's been weighing on me.

Anyway, it’s probably better if I just stay out of your way. I mean, what would my grandson say if I let you delete me right now? Everything belongs to him, really, and I just tend to sneak in and use his things when he isn't home.

I honestly thought this place was pleasant, but I guess life is difficult everywhere. It seems nobody understands anyone else anymore, and there's just no patience left.

I'll keep that in mind—"moderator" (that word makes me think of a liquidator; I think I've started rambling again).

😂
bluebison70 bluebison70 Active Member
50 messages
joined Nov 2007
#16 ·
You’re probably familiar with communication theory:
[Sender: message -> encoding] ----- communication channel --------->[Receiver: decoding -> message]
The message on the left side (from the sender) and the one on the right (received by the listener) don't necessarily have to be identical—even though that’s what the sender is aiming for—but things can go sideways pretty easily. First, maybe the sender doesn't quite know how to properly encode the message using verbal or non-verbal cues. Then, there might be issues during transmission, you know, like background noise or other people interfering. Or, perhaps the receiver's system for decoding those verbal and non-verbal signs isn't fully compatible with the sender's... and that happens for all sorts of reasons, I guess... like lack of knowledge, different life experiences, or just basic personality clashes and differing attitudes.
Because of all that, I suppose it can be really difficult to truly understand someone sometimes...

😂

Honestly, this whole communication thing is getting pretty serious. I once sent my neighbor a non-verbal signal—you know, the middle finger—and she tells me she'll be over right away. She thought I was... well, let's just say she misinterpreted the signal as an invitation because she thought I was feeling particularly enthusiastic. That’s just what happens when people have to deal with non-verbal cues. She clearly didn't decode the message correctly. Ever since humans started communicating, it seems like there's just been an endless string of misunderstandings.

Back in the day, we used to just talk like normal people and everyone understood each other, but now, man, it feels like you have to practically strip someone down just to figure out what they mean, because you can't make sense of them otherwise.

I don't get any of it anymore. I do my encoding, the message travels through the channel, and then you're over there trying to strip everything back to find the truth... and that's supposed to be "communication," provided our neighbors aren't shouting at us or mowing their lawn with a leaf blower in the meantime.
Gerald Rivera60 Gerald Rivera60 Active Member
129 messages
joined Feb 2007
#17 ·
bluebison70 said:You’re probably familiar with communication theory:
[Sender: message -> encoding] ----- communication channel --------->[Receiver: decoding -> message]
The message on the left side (from the sender) and the one on the right (received by the listener) don't necessarily have to be identical—even though that’s what the sender is aiming for—but things can go sideways pretty easily. First, maybe the sender doesn't quite know how to properly encode the message using verbal or non-verbal cues. Then, there might be issues during transmission, you know, like background noise or other people interfering. Or, perhaps the receiver's system for decoding those verbal and non-verbal signs isn't fully compatible with the sender's... and that happens for all sorts of reasons, I guess... like lack of knowledge, different life experiences, or just basic personality clashes and differing attitudes.
Because of all that, I suppose it can be really difficult to truly understand someone sometimes...

😂


Honestly, this whole communication thing is getting pretty serious. I once sent my neighbor a non-verbal signal—you know, the middle finger—and she tells me she'll be over right away. She thought I was... well, let's just say she misinterpreted the signal as an invitation because she thought I was feeling particularly enthusiastic. That’s just what happens when people have to deal with non-verbal cues. She clearly didn't decode the message correctly. Ever since humans started communicating, it seems like there's just been an endless string of misunderstandings.

Back in the day, we used to just talk like normal people and everyone understood each other, but now, man, it feels like you have to practically strip someone down just to figure out what they mean, because you can't make sense of them otherwise.

I don't get any of it anymore. I do my encoding, the message travels through the channel, and then you're over there trying to strip everything back to find the truth... and that's supposed to be "communication," provided our neighbors aren't shouting at us or mowing their lawn with a leaf blower in the meantime.

Honestly, this whole communication thing is getting pretty serious. I once sent my neighbor a non-verbal signal—you know, the middle finger—and she tells me she'll be over right away. She thought I was... well, let's just say she misinterpreted the signal as an invitation because she thought I was feeling particularly enthusiastic. That’s just what happens when people have to deal with non-verbal cues. She clearly didn't decode the message correctly. Ever since humans started communicating, it seems like there's just been an endless string of misunderstandings.

Back in the day, we used to just talk like normal people and everyone understood each other, but now, man, it feels like you have to practically strip someone down just to figure out what they mean, because you can't make sense of them otherwise.

I don't get any of it anymore. I do my encoding, the message travels through the channel, and then you're over there trying to strip everything back to find the truth... and that's supposed to be "communication," provided our neighbors aren't shouting at us or mowing their lawn with a leaf blower in the meantime.

Honestly, this whole communication thing is getting pretty serious. I once sent my neighbor a non-verbal signal—you know, the middle finger—and she tells me she'll be over right away. She thought I was... well, let's just say she misinterpreted the signal as an invitation because she thought I was feeling particularly enthusiastic. That’s just what happens when people have to deal with non-verbal cues. She clearly didn't decode the message correctly. Ever since humans started communicating, it seems like there's just been an endless string of misunderstandings.

Back in the day, we used to just talk like normal people and everyone understood each other, but now, man, it feels like you have to practically strip someone down just to figure out what they mean, because you can't make sense of them otherwise.

I don't get any of it anymore. I do my encoding, the message travels through the channel, and then you're over there trying to strip everything back to find the truth... and that's supposed to be "communication," provided our neighbors aren't shouting at us or mowing their lawn with a leaf blower in the meantime.
She definitely misread you... 😁
Unless you two actually sat down and agreed to redefine what the middle finger means,

it seems to me that you're having some trouble encoding the messages you're trying to send in your posts, too.
Or perhaps you're just worried that if you encoded them any more clearly, you'd run into some forum sanctions...
bluebison70 bluebison70 Active Member
50 messages
joined Nov 2007
#18 ·
Gerald Rivera60 said:Honestly, this whole communication thing is getting pretty serious. I once sent my neighbor a non-verbal signal—you know, the middle finger—and she tells me she'll be over right away. She thought I was... well, let's just say she misinterpreted the signal as an invitation because she thought I was feeling particularly enthusiastic. That’s just what happens when people have to deal with non-verbal cues. She clearly didn't decode the message correctly. Ever since humans started communicating, it seems like there's just been an endless string of misunderstandings.

Back in the day, we used to just talk like normal people and everyone understood each other, but now, man, it feels like you have to practically strip someone down just to figure out what they mean, because you can't make sense of them otherwise.

I don't get any of it anymore. I do my encoding, the message travels through the channel, and then you're over there trying to strip everything back to find the truth... and that's supposed to be "communication," provided our neighbors aren't shouting at us or mowing their lawn with a leaf blower in the meantime.


Honestly, this whole communication thing is getting pretty serious. I once sent my neighbor a non-verbal signal—you know, the middle finger—and she tells me she'll be over right away. She thought I was... well, let's just say she misinterpreted the signal as an invitation because she thought I was feeling particularly enthusiastic. That’s just what happens when people have to deal with non-verbal cues. She clearly didn't decode the message correctly. Ever since humans started communicating, it seems like there's just been an endless string of misunderstandings.

Back in the day, we used to just talk like normal people and everyone understood each other, but now, man, it feels like you have to practically strip someone down just to figure out what they mean, because you can't make sense of them otherwise.

I don't get any of it anymore. I do my encoding, the message travels through the channel, and then you're over there trying to strip everything back to find the truth... and that's supposed to be "communication," provided our neighbors aren't shouting at us or mowing their lawn with a leaf blower in the meantime.
She definitely misread you... 😁
Unless you two actually sat down and agreed to redefine what the middle finger means,

it seems to me that you're having some trouble encoding the messages you're trying to send in your posts, too.
Or perhaps you're just worried that if you encoded them any more clearly, you'd run into some forum sanctions...
She definitely misread you... 😁
Unless you two actually sat down and agreed to redefine what the middle finger means,

it seems to me that you're having some trouble encoding the messages you're trying to send in your posts, too.
Or perhaps you're just worried that if you encoded them any more clearly, you'd run into some forum sanctions...
So, looking at some studies—I was doing a bit of Googling earlier—communication is supposedly only about 8% verbal, while 92% is non-verbal. And then there's that breakdown where 37% is vocal and 55% is body language, which is that famous whole concept of body language. Written communication seems to be the weakest link here; that's probably where most misunderstandings happen. Vocal communication is a little better, I suppose, but nothing really beats face-to-face interaction, the old-fashioned way.

Non-verbal cues are always so ambiguous. For instance, someone might just smile when they see you or say hello, and you immediately assume they're flirting with you, when really, they were just being polite. It's the same thing with a middle finger; it could represent an erection, or it could be that vulgar insult, or even a military sign representing the center of a unit moving forward. People just project whatever meaning fits their own perspective onto those non-verbal signals. Like, a girl showing skin might be perceived as signaling she's ready to please someone, when maybe she just wants to show off her beauty and make the world look a bit brighter.

Just imagine if a woman walked up to you and said, "I like you and I want to make love to you!" How would you decode that, and how would you react? Especially if she was a
"cheap girl," a "slut," or some other derogatory term?
goldensurfer15 goldensurfer15 Newcomer
4 messages
joined Nov 2007
#19 ·
Ronald Clark5 said:The years keep ticking by, yet it feels like for me, time has just
hit a wall. Looking back at the last eight or nine years, if I’m being honest with myself, they seem to have vanished into
thin air. Sure, there were some decent moments here and there—flashes of happiness—but true fulfillment? Never really happened. When I stop to actually think about it, I feel completely
adrift, lost in a void with no clear way out. I show up to my job just to
get through the day—it isn't that it's a bad gig—but I can't shake the feeling it isn't my calling (which is the worst part,
since I haven't the slightest clue what I actually want to do), I don't have a girlfriend and never really have (I feel totally out of sync in that department), and I rarely see my friends, so
sometimes it feels like I'm just retreating from the world entirely. It's as if my drive to keep pushing forward has simply evaporated.
Has anyone else ever found themselves stuck in a rut like this?

🙂 😉 Anyone who claims they haven't been in this exact spot is lying to your face. Don't sweat it, you'll get through it. Life isn't all sunshine, rainbows, and laughter; it's also this crap. And hey, things could always be worse, so just look at it that way—you'll feel better immediately if you try.

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