My Soul

~This space is dedicated to anyone who finds themselves unable to join the usual threads for soul-cleansing; it’s for those who simply want to chat with others about their wildest, most untamed emotions, listen to what others have to say, and ponder potential paths forward—all without any mention of a diagnosis or whether such a thing even exists.~

I truly adore my soul ☕

And I am absolutely furious at anything that dares to threaten it. I find myself bristling at all those people who claim to be "perfectly normal," who recoil in terror from madness because they view it as something lurking on the dark side of death... whereas this "madness" is actually just a soul ☕ set free

Bill Gates

Bill Gates

I couldn't start a thread over in the Spirituality section, nor do I particularly want to..............but whatever, let's just call this a little extra breathing room for those of us feeling a bit squeezed by the world

Welcome to the Slack

The folks living in "reality" with their "Real Problems" 🤮 versus my own ethereal ones... ☕

Dan Quayle, it HURTS

I'm currently resolving father issues, and apparently, that manifests as pain on the right side of my body.

When the pain hits the left side, that's when it's mother issues.

My hand, my eye, my temple... everything is throbbing. It hurts like hell to witness everyone else's fear of losing their minds—that collective anxiety is exhausting. Meanwhile, I’m just here living with my beautiful, dark little soul as it pulses right through my brain.

There you have it.

That’s not really something you see every day... hang in there!

Matthew Cruz44 said:~This space is dedicated to anyone who finds themselves unable to join the usual threads for soul-cleansing; it’s for those who simply want to chat with others about their wildest, most untamed emotions, listen to what others have to say, and ponder potential paths forward—all without any mention of a diagnosis or whether such a thing even exists.~

I truly adore my soul ☕

And I am absolutely furious at anything that dares to threaten it. I find myself bristling at all those people who claim to be "perfectly normal," who recoil in terror from madness because they view it as something lurking on the dark side of death... whereas this "madness" is actually just a soul ☕ set free

Bill Gates

Bill Gates

I couldn't start a thread over in the Spirituality section, nor do I particularly want to..............but whatever, let's just call this a little extra breathing room for those of us feeling a bit squeezed by the world

Welcome to the Slack

The folks living in "reality" with their "Real Problems" 🤮 versus my own ethereal ones... ☕

Dan Quayle, it HURTS

I'm currently resolving father issues, and apparently, that manifests as pain on the right side of my body.

When the pain hits the left side, that's when it's mother issues.

My hand, my eye, my temple... everything is throbbing. It hurts like hell to witness everyone else's fear of losing their minds—that collective anxiety is exhausting. Meanwhile, I’m just here living with my beautiful, dark little soul as it pulses right through my brain.

There you have it.

I had no idea.

Is that the same thing as when people talk about upper chakras, lower chakras, and all that other stuff...?

I could try to act all wise... but I really don't want to 🙂

Ali, look—if you're this fired up about stuff that's messing with your soul, why aren't you just as pissed at actual insanity? If you're gonna be angry, fine. But don't get mad at "their" version of things. Get mad at your own. "They" will label anything they can't control as "not normal." So, what's actually not normal to you? Or better yet—what's your version of normal?

Just be like everyone else 😬 (as if you even have a choice) and go ahead—pick your own specific blend of "weirdly normal" 🎉

That whole thing about being on the edge of death? It’s way heavier than actual dying. Instinctively, we all feel that echo collectively, and people don't actually change it—they just reshape it to fit themselves. Just like you, just like me. Honestly? Just listen to them, listen to yourself, listen to how they react to themselves... it's a lot more peaceful than fighting it.

For me, madness is just endless frustration and hate. Everything else is up for debate, ali, I'm not gonna go around calling everything "insane."

It's interesting, though I know you don't care right now because it hurts too much. But it seems like the right side of my brain takes the hit way harder than the left. It's weird to me—it feels totally unexpected, yet somehow completely logical at the same time.

Just more desperate attention seeking... another snowflake meltdown over nothing..

Matthew Cruz44 said:~This space is dedicated to anyone who finds themselves unable to join the usual threads for soul-cleansing; it’s for those who simply want to chat with others about their wildest, most untamed emotions, listen to what others have to say, and ponder potential paths forward—all without any mention of a diagnosis or whether such a thing even exists.~

I truly adore my soul ☕

And I am absolutely furious at anything that dares to threaten it. I find myself bristling at all those people who claim to be "perfectly normal," who recoil in terror from madness because they view it as something lurking on the dark side of death... whereas this "madness" is actually just a soul ☕ set free

Bill Gates

Bill Gates

I couldn't start a thread over in the Spirituality section, nor do I particularly want to..............but whatever, let's just call this a little extra breathing room for those of us feeling a bit squeezed by the world

Welcome to the Slack

The folks living in "reality" with their "Real Problems" 🤮 versus my own ethereal ones... ☕

Dan Quayle, it HURTS

I'm currently resolving father issues, and apparently, that manifests as pain on the right side of my body.

When the pain hits the left side, that's when it's mother issues.

My hand, my eye, my temple... everything is throbbing. It hurts like hell to witness everyone else's fear of losing their minds—that collective anxiety is exhausting. Meanwhile, I’m just here living with my beautiful, dark little soul as it pulses right through my brain.

There you have it.

My left hip is dropped and my right shoulder is hiked up. It's not enough to look totally wonky, but just enough to feel slightly out of alignment. What kind of issues am I looking at here? 🤔

ironrider11 said:Just more desperate attention seeking... another snowflake meltdown over nothing..

👍

Now, that right there is what we call constructive criticism.

It isn't necessarily a constant thing, but rather, things have just been piling up lately, much like how a heavy snowstorm in Chicago can suddenly bury everything under several feet of white if you aren't prepared.

I am quite aware of my own personal baggage—I'm very conscious of my flaws—and honestly, I actually welcome feedback. It’s just that when someone presents criticism wrapped up in some sort of dense theological debate, it becomes a bit harder to digest, whereas direct, hitting-the-nail-on-the-head feedback is much more manageable. I suppose I don't know how everyone else operates, but personally, I find it quite stinging when I feel like someone is implying I'm being foolish, though I suspect that might be a universal human reaction.

My goal these days is to actually roll up my sleeves and work on fixing those internal cracks; I've moved past the stage where I just want to make grand statements about who I am... I truly want to do the heavy lifting.

If I'm being completely candid, I've come to realize that loneliness carries its own specific kind of ache. And that feeling is perfectly "normal," regardless of whether the person experiencing it is dealing with their own mental turbulence or not. Sometimes, you just find yourself longing for a simple message, just a little sign from someone to brighten your mood. 😵

During those stretches of time when help isn't arriving, you really ought to spend your energy addressing those personal gaps and working through your own shortcomings.

The madness is very real, I think—referring to my issues, anyway. Madness, whatever you want to call it. If I didn't possess a strong spirit and a drive to reach my absolute peak performance, I'd probably just be drifting aimlessly through life. But this gives me a real sense of purpose.

It's funny, like how certain patterns emerge; I was reading about how the left side of the body can represent maternal struggles while the right side relates to paternal ones—it's something a spiritual counselor once mentioned to me, suggesting that when you start deep cleaning your psyche, you might inadvertently lean toward one side or the other... and lately, I feel like I've shifted toward the right.

And besides, if you don't take the time to do that inner work, life has a way of throwing unexpected storms your way from all directions, and you won't even see them coming.

P.S.:

P.S. (Pay attention)

Are you hitting up a late-night diner or just out on the town?

Oh, goodness no, nothing quite like that—just the usual domestic bits and pieces, you know? Preparing dinners, hosting little tea gatherings...

Maybe you just need to chill out for a bit... maybe an hour or two? You don't even really need anyone else to hang out with. Honestly, going solo isn't even considered weird anymore. It’s totally fine to just do your own thing once in a while.

Thank you so much for those lovely wishes... I actually just received an invitation to head over to the local mall for a bit of retail therapy 🙂

"As long as I'm checking all the boxes they expect from me, I can be whoever I want to be—or something like that." E.W.—honestly, pretty spot on.

Matthew Cruz44 said:👍

Now, that right there is what we call constructive criticism.

It isn't necessarily a constant thing, but rather, things have just been piling up lately, much like how a heavy snowstorm in Chicago can suddenly bury everything under several feet of white if you aren't prepared.

I am quite aware of my own personal baggage—I'm very conscious of my flaws—and honestly, I actually welcome feedback. It’s just that when someone presents criticism wrapped up in some sort of dense theological debate, it becomes a bit harder to digest, whereas direct, hitting-the-nail-on-the-head feedback is much more manageable. I suppose I don't know how everyone else operates, but personally, I find it quite stinging when I feel like someone is implying I'm being foolish, though I suspect that might be a universal human reaction.

My goal these days is to actually roll up my sleeves and work on fixing those internal cracks; I've moved past the stage where I just want to make grand statements about who I am... I truly want to do the heavy lifting.

If I'm being completely candid, I've come to realize that loneliness carries its own specific kind of ache. And that feeling is perfectly "normal," regardless of whether the person experiencing it is dealing with their own mental turbulence or not. Sometimes, you just find yourself longing for a simple message, just a little sign from someone to brighten your mood. 😵

During those stretches of time when help isn't arriving, you really ought to spend your energy addressing those personal gaps and working through your own shortcomings.

The madness is very real, I think—referring to my issues, anyway. Madness, whatever you want to call it. If I didn't possess a strong spirit and a drive to reach my absolute peak performance, I'd probably just be drifting aimlessly through life. But this gives me a real sense of purpose.

It's funny, like how certain patterns emerge; I was reading about how the left side of the body can represent maternal struggles while the right side relates to paternal ones—it's something a spiritual counselor once mentioned to me, suggesting that when you start deep cleaning your psyche, you might inadvertently lean toward one side or the other... and lately, I feel like I've shifted toward the right.

And besides, if you don't take the time to do that inner work, life has a way of throwing unexpected storms your way from all directions, and you won't even see them coming.

P.S.:

P.S. (Pay attention)

Nah, not criticism. Just asking about addiction levels. Back in the day, being high was the vibe. Pure self-destruction. Diving headfirst into a dry canyon... whoever survives gets to tell the story. Nowadays, it's all "measured" madness. Times change. Addiction—no matter how much you try to romanticize the "suffering"—is still just addiction. Angst is an endless well for inspiration, though...

So how does the cleanup actually work? For me, it’s mother-related issues causing sharp edges and jagged bits up top, then father-related stuff leaving me with a wild, clawed mess down below. I spend every damn day filing and sanding myself down just to avoid a total disaster, but honestly... this whole "self-help" thing is starting to feel pretty pointless. A spiritual retreat isn't gonna fix a face that looks this raw...

It’s funny how we have this knack for manufacturing our own extra layers of stress out of thin air...

I’ve been wondering lately, how do you all manage your own sensitivity without letting it turn into yet another thing to worry about? It’s like a bit of a psychological loop, isn't it? You end up worrying about the fact that you're worrying, or stressing over the very fact that you're feeling so sensitive in the first place. How do you break that cycle?

At the end of the day, you just can't let ego get in the way of everything.

What I’m really getting at here is that idea of numbing one's own sensitivity just so you can power through the daily grind without letting everything get under your skin... essentially learning how to carry that weight with a bit more composure...

I think about that employee I saw the other day, just sitting there breaking down in tears, yet somehow she's expected to just wipe her eyes and keep grinding away; or that girl I heard screaming in the street last night, who will likely wake up today as if nothing happened at all. It seems like people just swallow their grief and stumble forward, refusing to let themselves completely fall apart like a house of cards.

The only kind of "support" I ever seem to encounter is that old cliché—you know the one—where people tell you that life is just an uphill battle and hardship is part of the deal. Honestly, that does absolutely nothing for me. It isn't exactly comforting to be told that everyone else is suffering too; knowing that others are struggling doesn't exactly give me a brighter lens through which to view the messiness of the world, nor does it grant me any actual strength to face it.

Matthew Cruz44 said:What I’m really getting at here is that idea of numbing one's own sensitivity just so you can power through the daily grind without letting everything get under your skin... essentially learning how to carry that weight with a bit more composure...

I think about that employee I saw the other day, just sitting there breaking down in tears, yet somehow she's expected to just wipe her eyes and keep grinding away; or that girl I heard screaming in the street last night, who will likely wake up today as if nothing happened at all. It seems like people just swallow their grief and stumble forward, refusing to let themselves completely fall apart like a house of cards.

The only kind of "support" I ever seem to encounter is that old cliché—you know the one—where people tell you that life is just an uphill battle and hardship is part of the deal. Honestly, that does absolutely nothing for me. It isn't exactly comforting to be told that everyone else is suffering too; knowing that others are struggling doesn't exactly give me a brighter lens through which to view the messiness of the world, nor does it grant me any actual strength to face it.

Maybe try some "reverse psychology"? Just one, two, three simple steps. One: Stop looking for fixes from outside sources. Two: Watch the world around you, pick the most disgusting, unbearable version of reality you can imagine, and decide that this is your inevitable future—just a slow, painful slide into total decay. Three: Visualize that dystopian nightmare so clearly every single day that you actually start to notice how much better every moment feels while it hasn't happened yet. If the illusion breaks or you stop believing it, just go back to step one and pick a different model. Eventually, whether you practice this or not, something like that will manifest anyway. So why not use that negativity to your own advantage in the meantime?...

So, if I’m looking at this through a certain lens, perhaps I don't actually need to be intimidated by the fact that everyone in my immediate circle seems so deeply anxious or visibly dejected... And honestly, I shouldn't even let the fact that their mood absolutely terrifies me get under my skin. Is it possible that this process of deterioration is actually the mechanism that will eventually smooth everything out? It makes me wonder if that gut feeling of dread is actually a signpost indicating I'm headed in the right direction—that instead of desperately trying to force them to change from the outside, I should simply be sitting still and waiting for my own internal shift to take hold.

Matthew Cruz44 said:So, if I’m looking at this through a certain lens, perhaps I don't actually need to be intimidated by the fact that everyone in my immediate circle seems so deeply anxious or visibly dejected... And honestly, I shouldn't even let the fact that their mood absolutely terrifies me get under my skin. Is it possible that this process of deterioration is actually the mechanism that will eventually smooth everything out? It makes me wonder if that gut feeling of dread is actually a signpost indicating I'm headed in the right direction—that instead of desperately trying to force them to change from the outside, I should simply be sitting still and waiting for my own internal shift to take hold.

Deterioration is gonna solve everything for everyone—sooner or later. The whole point of having a target focus beforehand isn't about her ability to fix things (regardless of gender or whatever), it’s about your own contemplation of "what happens when," right up until that brutal inevitability hits. With the current "woe is me" cognitive models dominating everything, it acts as an auto-kickstarter for those trying to push back with even a tiny conceptual contrast. Basically, acting as a brain-dead minority for the rest of the group to provide some spectrum of perception for the moment. Like, "hell yeah!" there are still some of us left. Different from the status quo. It's like worshipping a dead god, or worshipping because the god is dead. Just forms...

Deterioration—whether it's a slow burn or suddenly kicks in aggressively and relentlessly—isn't just a possibility or an expectation. It's more like an absolute certainty... an order. A following. For some, it might mean finding joy in small things (mmm, this peach is great...) and the freedom to do whatever. For others, it's just a model of draining out the filth (mmm... such a good, explosive little bit of rot...) until they hit literal unconsciousness. The "end of continuity." Not that there isn't a choice. There always is.

In the middle of all this current conformity, it might sound like a total "screw you," but a moment later... maybe... it'll be awesome. Not saying the choice doesn't exist. Whatever. Everyone gets what they want (I am a law... only for my kind. I am no law... for all.).

Personally, me... I don't think too much when I lie down on a pile of snow and start making angel shapes in the frost with all these dramatic moves. Without worrying if the snow might actually hurt me while I'm busy performing my little "thank god" angel routine.

Of course, "personally" only matters to me. Obviously.

I feel like the decline is going to catch up with me sooner rather than later😵

I honestly think there is much more value in engaging with our surroundings, though perhaps in a somewhat detached way—almost like preparing for an incoming storm. It’s about getting ready. There is a certain peace in that kind of preparation, a way to expand one's perspective before things shift.

👍

There are just so many things in my life right now that seem to be cascading toward my fragile self, almost like an avalanche, bouncing off me and rushing through me all at once; if I were to simply accept this inevitable decay, I don't think I would last very long. But if the world outside starts becoming increasingly chaotic, then I want to ensure there is a sense of cohesion and stillness within myself.

Give it a shot, it really is better that way!