now what?!!!

now what?!!!
When you find yourself facing an unplanned pregnancy, the very last thing you feel capable of doing is... think.
So... I need some help here...
I don't need a lecture or anyone telling me how I could have let this happen or why I wasn't more careful (I'm sure there will be plenty of those comments)... but...
Here is the situation...
My boyfriend is 25; he’s got eight exams left plus his thesis, and he isn't working right now.
I'm 24; I still have four exams and my thesis to go, and I'm not working either.
We've been together for three months; we never fight, and we’ve already talked about our future. We are certain we want to spend our lives together because it feels like what we've been waiting for our whole lives.
The reality of our current situation: both of us are unemployed, we have nowhere of our own to live, and I am pregnant.
My thoughts:
1. Getting an abortion. (I'm curious, but I'd really appreciate hearing from people who actually have experience with this or are qualified to speak on it: what are the chances that everything will be fine later on? Will I be able to get pregnant normally and carry a baby to term? From what I've seen, all the girls I know who had abortions are struggling to conceive now, or they barely manage to make it to seven months with a pregnancy.)
2. Telling our parents. (Man... talk about a shock...) But I truly believe they will stand by me. They have never turned their backs on us, so I don't think they'll start now. If we can find a way for both him and me to get jobs as soon as possible, we could rent an apartment, move out of our parents' houses, and start our new life. We would focus entirely on this and give up the partying, the traveling, and the going out...
I always imagined I’d have my life figured out by now—finish college, land a career, travel, and just enjoy ourselves for a year or two... but instead...

What is it you actually want? And I mean, give it to me straight. What’s the first thing that pops into your head once you finally strip away all those fears? When you picture that moment, do you see yourself as a mother?

Don't let fear run the show—having a baby isn't some kind of catastrophe. You can still knock out your exams or even finish up a thesis during those nine months... things can always wait a little while. Having parental support helps, too. They'll adjust, and honestly, a child doesn't cost nearly as much as people make it out to be at first glance.

As for traveling, you can always do that later. Sure, it won't feel quite the same, but having a kid shouldn't be used as an excuse to just shut down your entire life.

Three months is a bit short, if you ask me...

HANG IN THERE..

goldensurfer3 said:1. getting an abortion (now what?!!!—but honestly, I want people who actually know what they're talking about to answer this: how likely is it that everything will be fine later on? Like, can I still get pregnant normally and actually carry a baby to term? From what I've seen, all the girls I know who had abortions are either struggling to conceive or barely make it past seven months.)

I know a woman with two kids
she got pregnant about three and a half years after her second child, then had an abortion
then about seven years after that, she got pregnant again and had another abortion

I guess it's hard to say how that second pregnancy would have gone if she hadn't ended it.

it depends on what kind of vibe you're bringing to the table
I mean, parents should probably be told the truth if they know they’re just there to offer support rather than actually trying to run your life.

You really ought to make up your mind before you even sit down to talk with your parents.

Kyle Nelson2 said:It really depends on what kind of idiot you are.

🙏 🙏 🙏

I don't know, those three months of you guys being together just feels a little thin to me. And yeah, I know that’s separate from the whole kid situation—maybe I’m just being selfish—but honestly? At the end of the day, what *you* want is the only thing that actually matters to me.👋

You should definitely talk to your parents about this...

Regarding the abortion, just take a moment to think about whether you'll regret making that choice down the road...
I know a woman who went through the same thing, and she lives with the regret every single day.

Look, you’re the one who has to make this call, period. The reality is that women who have never been pregnant before might actually deal with more emotional fallout later on compared to those who’ve gone through childbirth and then chose an abortion. I haven't walked that path myself, but a close friend of mine ended a pregnancy when she got pregnant for the third time. Back then, they were renting a tiny apartment with two kids already and there was just zero way they could afford another one. Since we’re best friends, I see firsthand how much that still eats at her today. At the time, she didn't second-guess herself because the reasons against keeping the baby were so overwhelming, but now the guilt is definitely hitting her. I'm telling you, this is incredibly heavy stuff for any woman and it's totally different for everyone. Personally, I wouldn't do it—but hey, that's just me. And again, speaking strictly from my own life, my kids are my absolute greatest joy. Even when they stop being cute little things and start developing their own stubborn personalities😁, they remain the most precious thing I have. That doesn't mean it works that way for everyone else, though. I think ruggedfalcon is spot on when she says that once you clear away all the noise and the fears, you just need to look deep down and figure out what you actually want. Do you see yourself as a mother or not? Obviously, there are going to be massive hurdles, but anything worth having requires some struggle—whether that's grinding through college or raising kids or building a career.
Whatever you decide, I'm rooting for you and sending you tons of strength and sretno🙂

Just bring that sweet little baby into this world and you'll find that all those overwhelming problems just sort themselves out along the way... honestly—I know quite a few couples who became parents during their senior year of college... they finished up their degrees, and their parents were there to help them get through those early months... down the road, you'll look back and be so incredibly happy that you had that child!

sretno and just listen to your heart—because from everything I can see here, it seems like you truly want this baby...👍

First off, thank you all so much for everything you’ve shared...
Before this whole thing actually happened, I used to tell myself I’d only consider an abortion if my child was sick. And honestly? Today... I feel exactly the same way...
I want to have this baby...
My boyfriend has calmed down a little bit too, though we were both 100% certain I wasn't pregnant at first...
Then today, he asked me how I could still love him when he's the one who got me pregnant... I was just stunned. We made this baby together...
Anyway, whatever happens, I'll be sure to check back in with you all...
And you know what?
That day I missed my period, I actually felt like I was pregnant, but I just kept pushing that feeling down...
It's just... there is nothing quite like that feeling when you realize a tiny life is growing inside you...
I think I always let silly, selfish fears get in the way of pregnancy because, after such a long and exhausting struggle, I had finally worked my way down to 110 pounds and a size 2 in clothes. But now... oh boy, once things start changing...
Let it happen...
I am happy...
👋

Good luck and enjoy motherhood! 👍 👋

thanks 🙂
👋

Don't sweat it. I went through something almost identical. Back then, he was just a few exams away from finishing, and I was starting an internship at a firm where pregnancy was treated like some kind of contagious disease. Fast forward to today, and here we are—thankfully with a kid heading off to school, happy, content, and doing pretty well for ourselves.
A child is a blessing.
Personally, I think if things hadn't gone down this way, we wouldn't have pushed nearly as hard to build our lives. We might still be only halfway to where we are now.

That said, you’re going to need your parents' support in the beginning, along with a massive amount of patience for one another—unless you’re already living together. Try talking things through with your parents before making any final calls. I'm rooting for you.👍

And can we apply this logic to parents and their kids?

We’ve made the final decision to go through with the pregnancy. Our OB-GYN basically told us this could be our one and only shot at having a baby, and since he can't make any guarantees about future fertility... we have to take this chance.
But now there's this massive weight hanging over me.
HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS?
PLEASE, if anyone has advice or even just some perspective, let me hear it...
;(
It’s funny—when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend, everything feels totally fine. I feel steady, like I can handle it. But the second I'm by myself? It's game over. All these fears just crash down on me at once—despair, anger, pure panic... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
👋

Do you have any brothers or sisters, and how old are they?
It’d probably help if you mentioned them first...

I mean, one way to handle this—if you want my two cents—is to sit your parents down for a real, serious talk. Just tell them straight up that you've found someone you want to build a life with, and that you guys have already mapped out your future together. As for the baby... well, that was just part of the journey, you know?😁

I have this twin brother who is my absolute rock... honestly, I think I’d be losing my mind without him. But lately, I feel like Mom is starting to pick up on my moods because I end up bursting into tears at basically everything she says. It’s like I just can't help myself, so I'm planning on finally sitting her down and talking to her about it, maybe tonight or tomorrow...
I don't think she'll ever buy the story that the baby was just some unexpected surprise... but I know things will turn out fine because they weren't even nine years old when they had me and my brother. So... yeah... I'm a twin, my boyfriend has a twin brother, and on my dad's side, it feels like everyone is a twin or something. It's just everywhere in the family.
😉
Talk soon!

Who knows, maybe you're expecting twins too?
😘

Best of luck with the little one....

goldensurfer3 said:but there's one more thing hanging over me right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY PARENTS?
GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTIONS...
;(

In situations like this, parents usually take the news with surprising grace 😉 ... sure, they might be a bit shocked at first, but once they realize there's a grandchild in the picture, they'll melt.
I'm speaking from experience here; I went through all of this ages ago.

I suspect your parents will react the same way... especially if they've been waiting on you and your brother for so long.

sretno 😘
Don't sweat it, you made the right call.👍